CHAPTER 5
They dozed off after the sex and he woke up with a jolt as he felt skin against his. “Mal?” Declan whispered as he looked around the room. It wasn’t his house and it wasn’t her scent. He sat up slowly as he saw the dark hair against the pink sheets and frowned. Brittany. She looked spent and he could feel that he’d gone at her pretty hard. He stood up weakly as he glanced down to see the condom half on him and pulled it off as he walked quietly to the bathroom.
Declan didn’t want to wake her up. He needed time to process all of this. He tied off the latex and dropped it into the trash like he had in the old days before Mallory with a pained look in his eyes. Deep down, he knew that he had done nothing wrong but he felt torn inside. He made his way to the living room so he could make sense of his clothes and pull them back on. Declan looked around slowly before he made sure he had everything and left the apartment alone. He locked the door from the inside and made sure that it was secure before he walked down to the street and pulled up his Uber app for a ride home.
Declan slept for a few hours before he went to practice tired and a bit hungover. Rory met him on the field and looked his best friend over closely. “So how was it?”
“I banged her so hard and it scratched the itch, but it wasn’t Mallory. I don’t know.” Declan spoke low, not proud of what he did and willing to brag about it. He never was that type but rumors go around and he felt like some guys looked up to him in some odd way. He glanced around to see if anyone had heard as he pulled his hair back with a sigh.
“What if she wants a repeat performance?” Rory asked as Declan frowned.
“I can’t wait forever…can I? Maybe it will help me move on once I adjust again. I didn’t want to be single like this, Rory.” Declan told him as his best friend nodded. They heard the coach call out to start and headed over with the team.
Declan went home and took a nap before he just settled in to watch TV for the night. He wasn’t in the best of moods and when his phone chimed with a text, he glanced over to see Brittany’s name. Declan sighed. She’d stopped calling when they ended before but now he had really piqued her interest all over again. Would it be so wrong to see her again? He would always want Mallory and miss her but he couldn’t force her to be back with him. He decided to text Brittany back and see what happened with it.
There was a game the next day and Declan felt really amped up from the emotions running through his body. He took full advantage of his size and position to tackle as much as he could and Rory shot him a look when they took a break together. “Settle down. What’s with you?” Rory asked as Declan took a swig of water and watched the game continue.
“I talked to Britt last night. We’re going out tonight.” Declan told him as Rory raised his eyebrows. “I can’t wait forever so I am going to date around a bit. Nothing serious for a really long time, though.”
He glanced up into the seats to see the pretty brunette watching the game as she waved at him. Declan smiled back at her before he ducked into the locker room to shower and change to head back home. They were going to dinner in a few hours and he figured that he’d put some effort in.
The guys parted at their cars as Declan took a quick look around to see if Brittany was waiting for him anywhere. She must have gone home to spend what he figured was a few hours getting ready based on what he knew about her, as well as how good she looked at work. Declan said goodbye to the guys after they talked to some fans. He got into his car and drove home slowly to park in the driveway. He hadn’t replaced the SUV and the check was sitting in the bank until he was ready to face things. Declan got out and walked up to his door lost in thought as he started to unlock his door. Someone cleared their throat and he jumped as he glanced over to the left to see someone sitting in the chairs that surrounded his fire pit. “Deck?” Her voice broke through his thoughts as he dropped his bag to the ground and stepped forward.
“Mallory?” Her hair was longer and in loose curls as he peered through the shadows to see her face. “What are you doing here?”
“I…I needed some time. Everything hit me so hard and I felt like I lost our baby and I felt so guilty. I couldn’t face that.” He moved to sit down in front of her and stared into her beautiful face. “I didn’t want to be reminded of what happened and I didn’t want to be a burden to you.”
“A burden? You are my fiancée and you were having my baby.” Declan said in a broken voice as he moved his hands forward to touch her face. He stroked her cheek and felt the dampness on her skin as he blinked. “I wanted nothing more than to take care of you. I’ve been so fucking lost without you.”
“I was lost without you. I wanted to be with Mary and Rayna and just find myself again. It’s a habit since they’ve been there for a while now and I couldn’t imagine that you would still want me. I knew they’d push me into getting help and wouldn’t let me slip away…somewhere deep down. You know how scared I was about us and after the accident and losing Lindsay, I thought we’d lost everything that we had.” Tears were sliding down her cheeks in rapid succession now and he scooted closer to pull her into his arms. “I went to therapy. I talked to this great woman about all of these feelings and I cried so much. I got so much out dating way back to my parents and all of that. It was so painful but it felt good to just let it go.” She slipped her arms around his neck and her hand found the band that was holding his hair up as she tugged it down. “You feel so good. I missed your arms, your lips. I missed all of you.”
“Are you here to…be with me again?” Any thoughts about his date faded from his mind as he pulled away to look at her in the light of the front porch as it turned on automatically. “Mallory?”
“I need you. I don’t know where we’re going to start or even finish but I need you so much.” Mallory told him tearfully as she leaned closer. “I want to try again.”
“Yes. I do as well.” Declan saw the night with Brittany flash through his mind as he moved closer to her and the guilt washed over him in waves. “I love you, Mal.”
Their lips met eagerly and he parted her lips as he enjoyed the sweet taste of her mouth. “Oh, Deck. I missed you.” Mallory murmured between kisses and she moved closer to him and gripped his body. “I love you so much.”
He pulled her over him securely as she wrapped her body around his eagerly and Declan asked silently why this was happening now. He would have never gone home with Brittany and the date passed through his mind as he told himself to be decent enough to cancel it. “I want you so bad…can you be with me?” Declan asked as she took a deep breath and stared at him. “I know that you were supposed to take a break. I don’t have to but I have thought about you constantly.”
“It’s fine physically. I am still scared that I’m not good enough for you…that I failed you. I know that’s wrong but I can’t hide from that anymore.” Mallory replied as she pressed her forehead against his. “Yes. I want it all.”
They kissed for several moments before they made their way towards the door. Declan unlocked it and brought all of his things in as she watched with a nervous smile inside the living room. Declan closed the door and moved over to kiss her again hard as she moaned. “I need to tell you something before we do this. I have to handle something.” Declan pulled away and then kissed her again before he slipped his phone from his pocket. “I actually had a date tonight but I didn’t want it. I was forcing myself to move on and I can’t be an asshole and just stand her up.”
“A date.” Mallory paled and he dialed Brittany’s number slowly as he watched the pain cross her face. She answered in a cheerful voice and he took a deep breath before he told her that he had to cancel tonight. Declan was honest enough to tell her that there was no chance of anything happening again between them and he hung up as he stared at Mallory. “Who was that?”
“The waitress from the restaurant that night.” Declan told her as she thought for a moment and frowned. “It was nothing other than my trying to forget you. I know that I never could but I had been waiting for months and it was looking so hopeless. I didn’t know what else to do.”
“You slept with her?” Mallory asked as he moved forward to kiss her gently.
“Very recently but it wasn’t anything close to what we have. I was just lonely and drunk, to be honest.” Declan told her as tears filled her eyes. “I love you. I am here with you and there’s nowhere that I’d rather be. Please forgive me…I felt terrible afterward.”
“I pushed you away, Deck. I am hurt by that but it’s on me. I can forget about it soon.” Mallory told him as a smile crossed his face. They kissed as they slipped into each other’s arms and towards the bedroom in a silent agreement. They fell onto the bed and moved around each other and over each other as they slowly stripped off their clothes. Declan discovered that she still wore her ring with the hope that they could continue on their path and he made love to her wearing only the diamond as he professed his love to her.
They got to know each other again over the next few months. They cried over the loss of their baby and what their life was to become. Sometimes she screamed at him for sleeping with someone else when her insecurities hit her hard. Other times he lashed out at her for pushing him away to begin with.
They moved on into a stronger relationship than before and three months later Declan asked her to become his wife all over again over dinner.
EPILOGUE
One year later, Mallory stood with her father in her heart as well as Rayna’s in blood amid looked down the aisle to see Declan waiting for her. They were at a beach that they’d both come to love over the last few months and just a few family and friends were gathered together to watch them finally start their life together. The time back together had been hard and even painful at moments but they loved each other deeply and knew that they couldn’t live without each other.
They hadn’t announced it to anyone yet but they were also expecting again. She was just three months along and the couple was quietly rejoicing about it before they told anyone. Besides, they wanted today to be about the wedding.
She smiled happily as the music started and watched Rayna walk down the sand before her, over the pale pink petals that were sprinkled over the soft surface. They’d been through hell but now she was going to have everything with De clan again. She stepped forward and met his eyes as she walked, steady and easily.
The End