CHAPTER FIVE
James was working at the computer of their shared studio that they used as an office, since their work was typically done at the place their customers lived or worked. He sipped his coffee and looked up as Deacon walked into the room to take a seat at his own computer. “How was it?” His brother’s voice was light and curious as Deacon looked over at him.
“Nice. She’s a great girl. We had dinner at this Cajun place.” Deacon replied casually, logging on. “How was your night?”
“I went out with a new girl. Paula.” James told him, making Deacon shoot a look across the room quickly. “It was impulsive. We were talking on Match and it just happened.”
“It’s okay to just be on your own for a while.” Deacon told him, seeing the sadness in his brother’s eyes.
“That’s just it. I don’t have kids and when she left, I was alone. I am just trying to get a feel for things out there, D. It’s been seven years.” James had wanted kids while Susan had always pushed it aside, telling him the following year she’d be ready.
She never had been.
“I know. Just be careful.” Deacon told him softly, feeling his brother’s eyes on him.
“Should I be warning you about that?” James asked him, making Deacon shrug.
“I’m not sure yet.”
They spoke with customers, old and new, scheduling appointments throughout the day as they grinned at each other. Business was really picking up, hopefully for James and not the benefit of Susan.
They grabbed lunch at a place nearby, ordering roast beef sandwiches and sodas to eat outside. James dug right in and Deacon knew that he didn’t cook too much now that he was alone. Their mother had been an amazing cook and spoiled the boys, though they’d both tried their hand at a few dishes. They were quiet as they ate, comfortable enough with each other that they didn’t always need to talk. They had covered a lot in their few words at work.
“I heard that Sue’s pregnant.” James dropped the bomb after he’d finished his lunch, eyes filled with pain as Deacon stared at him. “He’s not just a coworker…he’s a partner.”
“Shit. I’m sorry, J.” There was a lot that he could say, like telling him that he had plenty of time to have kids or that he was better off without her. While they were both true, it wasn’t what James needed to hear right now.
“It hurts, a lot. I just need to get past it and try to rebuild my life.” James told him, sighing as he took a sip from his cup.
“You’ll do it. Day by day.” That was what James had told him when he returned to D.C. to stay after losing everything. “I’m here for you.”
“I know.” They ended the hour lunch and headed back to work, spending the afternoon planning installs and equipment. They always gave an estimate based on what the customer needed and finalized it just prior to the job being done.
The guys headed out at five, with Deacon knowing that James was going to take some time alone to work through everything. He’d let her keep their house for now, moving out to a condo near Deacon so he wouldn’t be reminded of her every day. Deacon watched him drive away, heading to his own house as he considered calling Rowan. She’d been on his mind all day and he wanted to hear her voice, wanted to see her.
He wanted to taste her lips again.
He ended up calling her an hour after he arrived home, spending some time outside with the dog before he dialed her number. She picked up after four rings and he heard some music in the background as he strained to hear her voice. “Rowan?”
“Deacon…hello. Let me turn this down.” He heard the music get louder and then softer before she returned. “I was just in the studio working something out.”
“Are you okay?” He asked her carefully, listening closely to her tone.
“Yes. For the most part, I am. I was just in the mood to paint. Sometimes that happens after I teach all day.” Rowan replied slowly, making him lean forward in his chair. “How are you tonight?”
“I want to see you.” He admitted, sounding possessive and demanding as he closed his eyes.
“I want to see you as well. I’m covered in paint though. Want to do some take out and stay here?”
Deacon agreed, changing into some better jeans and a deep green tea with his Docs. He crated Tasha with a pat to her head and a few treats, thinking to himself that he should get her a friend sometime soon. Slipping on a dark gray flannel, he left the house and went to pick up the Italian they’d agreed on and head to her house.
She opened the door, dressed in some baggier yoga pants and a gray tank top streaked with paint and pulled over a camisole that teased pink lace straps under the cotton. Rowan’s hair was pulled up and back and she smiled out at him warmly. “Come in.”
Deacon walked inside and followed her to her kitchen, small and cozy with a bistro table in front of a large window. It was also very colorful and decorated in a wine theme, making him wonder if she liked it having said that she didn’t drink at the restaurant. She looked apologetically at him from the fridge. “I just have some water and juices. Is that okay?”
“Water is perfect.” He responded, watching her get two bottles and bring them to the table before going to get some plates and silverware. They plated their food before digging in as he watched her wrap her mouth around the food. She was very natural today and still beautiful, looking every bit the artist that she was. He asked her how teaching went and she spoke admiringly about one of her students that was showing so much potential as an artist and learning everything that she could. It turned out that Rowan also gave lessons at a local studio for a little extra income and many of her students took the class for the hands on experience.
She glowed when she talked about it, nearly making him forget about the times when her face looked sad as he watched her.
She gave him a tour of the house, showing him the studio and her current work in progress. While beautiful, it showed despair and he looked closely at her as she avoided his gaze. Rowan looked forward and led the way out of the room and further down the hall, turning right into a doorway as he followed her slowly. “This is my room. It was Gram’s but I chose to take it when I moved in.”
It was small but beautiful with a big four poster bed and vivid yellow walls. The little furniture that she had was simple and he looked around to see some pictures on the wall. Stepping forward, Deacon saw images from when she was a child as well as a teen, surrounded by family that clearly loved her. There was a look in her eyes that she seemed to be missing sometimes and he smiled at one of the photos before turning to her. “Your family looks very loving.”
“They are. Mom lives in Georgia with her husband of five years now, so I don’t see as much of her as I’d like. Holidays and that kind of thing now. My sister lives over in Maryland and is going to college.” Rowan smiled fiercely as she looked at a picture of her and her sibling as children. “I adore that girl with everything that I have, much like you do with your brother.” She looked into his eyes. “I saw it that night. You are protective of the ones you love, Deacon. Aren’t you?”
“Very.” He stepped towards her, his eyes darkening as he slowly cupped her face and stared into her eyes. “Can I kiss you?”
She answered him with a press of her mouth, pulling him closer as their lips collided with the deepening of their kiss. Deacon held onto her as he stumbled across the room, both of them falling on the bad as she pushed him down onto the mattress.
He tore her hair out of her ponytail as she leaned over him, grasping it in handfuls as they kissed each other hungrily. He slipped one hand down to her hip and tried to pull her closer, noticing that she kept her distance as he wondered why. Her tongue was moving with his and he could hear by her sounds that she was turned on, making Deacon frustrated for a moment before her realized this was their second date. Was it even a date? He didn’t come here to have sex with her, but her body over his was making him want to.
Deacon moved them so he was on top of her, draping himself lightly over her body as he looked into her eyes. They were hazy with desire and something else that held him back for a moment, panting as he felt his lust come in waves. “Rowan?”
“I want you so much but I can’t tonight.” Her voice was low and tormented as she spoke, taking gasps of air as he looked down her body slowly.
“It’s fast. I don’t want it to happen like this.” Deacon assured her, watching her close her eyes slowly. “Want me to stop completely?”
“No. I want to kiss you.” Rowan spoke up as her eyes popped back open, watching as he leaned down to kiss her jaw slowly. “Don’t stop.”
They stayed back there kissing and touching for a while, making it to the point where her tank top was off and he was kissing her over the straps of the thin camisole that left little to the imagination. Deacon looked at her in between open mouth kisses, seeing all of her in the thin material and wanting her even more. She was beautiful and he ran his hands down her body to brush against the sides of her full breasts as she shivered under him, opening her eyes to look down at him. She ran her hands fiercely through his hair as he groaned, thumbing her nipples gently. He moved down her body to slide the top down and take one of her deep pink nipples into his mouth as she cried out loudly and arched her back. He could smell her sweet perfume as he tasted her skin, making him harder as she held on tightly to his head. Deacon sucked harder, drawing the skin between his teeth as she jumped under him. “Are you okay?” He asked her instantly, looking up to see her staring at him.
“So sensitive. I’m sorry.” She apologized, watching Deacon as something crossed his face. He moved away from her momentarily, resting against the pile of pillows as he drew her into his arms, half-naked and shivering. Her face was relaxed with need and her eyes shone brightly against the dim light of the amber lamp in the corner as she regarded him quietly. “There’s something that I need to tell you.” Deacon remained quiet, stroking her soft skin as he gazed at her with gentle eyes. “For one, I’ve never wanted someone the way I want you after such a short time.”
“Nor have I.” He replied, watching her eyes fill with emotion as he found her hair to stroke it slowly.
“Oh, Deacon. I wish we’d have met just a few months before this. It would be so much easier.” Rowan told him, her eyes filling with tears.
“What’s wrong, Rowan? Why were you in the hospital?” He questioned her, wiping one that slid down her cheek.
“That’s a story.” She admitted in a trembling voice, shaking her head slowly. “I found out that night that I was pregnant, Deacon. Just over three months.” His eyes widened as she watched him take it in as his hand stilled briefly.
“Do you have someone in your life? A husband or a boyfriend?” Rowan couldn’t tell if he was angry with her or the situation in general, but his sexy eyes were flashing as she reached up to stroke his cheek.
“I'm alone in this, Deacon. There’s so much more that I need to say.”
Rowan began, snuggling against his warmth as she silently wished for him to stay with her. “About four months ago, I was at a bar with some teacher friends just blowing off some steam. I had ordered a drink, running to the bathroom before I stepped outside to the small patio for some fresh air. It was hot and crowded, something that can get on my nerves really fast.” Rowan swallowed as she watched his face harden, feeling his arms hold her tighter. “I remember feeling dizzy out there and stumbling towards the door to find my friends before I fainted, something that was getting stronger by the moment. Everything went black until I came to in the cold air somewhere dark. It was so quiet and scary.” She trembled again as he held her tighter. “I was in the alley behind the club, alone and scared, but I managed to get myself together enough to get back inside. Even if my clothes weren’t ripped, I could feel that something had happened to me.” Tears slipped down her cheeks freely as she spoke, her pain from the memory still fresh in her mind. “I still felt so sick and so violated, but the staff that was cleaning up for the night called the police for me. An ambulance came to take me to the hospital and…it was awful. They determined that I was raped but there wasn’t enough DNA to find the person or group that did it.”
“Fuck.” Deacon said slowly, still as all of his protective mode started to take over.
“They helped me recover from whatever was in my drink…some date rape drug. I forgot the name of it as soon as I could. Physically I was fine and I went home the next morning, since I was too much of a mess to be alone that night. The nurses were so good to be, comforting me and trying to make me laugh. It worked sometimes.” Rowan looked at him. “I’m a strong girl. I talked to someone about it and worked through my feelings so I wouldn’t shut down. I knew that I had to go on.” She shook her head and pressed her lips together. “I knew that I’d been feeling…off, but I assumed that it was just the physical effect of the recovery. I kept trying to exercise more, breathe more. I did everything that I’ve ever been taught to do but I just kept feeling worse. The night at the restaurant, I’d done a long Hot Yoga class and was grabbing dinner before I went home.” She let her eyes widen as she let the memory flood her. “They told me that I was pregnant. I don’t sleep around a lot to begin with, so I knew that the baby was a result of the rape. It was so much to take in but I knew that I couldn’t abort. No matter how this came to be, this baby was mine and deserved love. I was talking to Lisa and I looked up and saw you…it was like being hit by a train. It was everything that I’d read about or seen in movies but it was at the worst fucking time possible.” She started to cry. “I couldn’t believe it when I ran into you at the gym the next day. You looked even better and I knew that what I’d felt was real. Your smile made me weaken and say yes to dinner and I knew that I was going to fall. I couldn’t stop myself but I couldn’t lie to you about any of this either.” She stopped, closing her eyes as she waited for the goodbye. The part where he tells her that he can’t handle all of this. The part where she lost the person that she was certain she was meant to meet when she had a possibility with him.
“I want to kill the mother fuckers that did this to you, Rowan. I want to rip their throats out.” His voice was low and serious enough to make her shiver. “I admire you for going through with this. I know why you are because it’s who you are. It’s your heart.” She heard him sigh and stroke her shoulder. “I can’t just walk away from you, Rowan. It’s going to be hard at moments but I need to see this through.”
“You’re staying with me?” Rowan asked, opening her eyes to look at him.
“I’m a disciplined man, Rowan. My family was in the military…I was a Seal until my world changed three years ago. I have struggled so much with what I was supposed to do since that time.” Deacon stared into her eyes. “The only constants that I have in my life is my brother and my best friend. I haven’t dated anyone seriously since I went into the Navy and that’s what I’m used to. Seeing you at the restaurant and then at the hospital shook my world.” He reached out to stroke her hair again. “I don’t want to lose that feeling. It gives me hope and the way you’re giving this baby life…inspires me. I want to try to bend here and see what I can take.”
“Oh. Good.” She spoke slowly, nodding at him. “That’s good. My hormones have been driving me crazy and I want to come so bad. I want you to take me every way that you can, Deacon.” Her eyes were hooded as he felt himself respond to her words, hard and ready to go. “I clearly can’t get pregnant but I’ll understand if you want to use a condom. I’m free of everything so far but still testing regularly.”
Deacon kissed her hard as she gasped, pressing her thighs apart with his knee as he moved over her. “I have one.” He kissed her neck and she cried out as she arched against him, needy to the point of begging him.
“This is so embarrassing.” Rowan told him, making him look at her with stormy eyes. “I’m so horny.”
Deacon moved off of her, stripping her free of her pants as he looked at her legs hungrily. “Let’s take care of that.” There was no reason to slow down now that everything was out in the open. He needed to do this to either connect with her or be done, but Deacon needed to be inside of her.
He watched as she shed her camisole, freeing her heavy breasts. Deacon parted her legs and watched her stare greedily at him as he stroked up her skin, seeing how ready she was for him. He found her inner thighs that were soft and damp, watching her drop her head to the pillow as he ran his fingers over her teasingly. “Please.” Rowan begged, closing her eyes as she felt his finger enter her.
The therapy had been to move on and accept this as a regular part of her life, while dealing with her feelings. She wanted Deacon more than anything, though thinking too much beyond this night scared her so much that she pushed it away.
The first orgasm was hard and strong as he sucked on her swollen clit and curled his fingers inside of her tight walls. She cried out through it, opening her eyes enough to see Deacon watching her in awe before they closed again.
The second orgasm was longer but just as intense as she wrapped her legs around him and felt his thick cock take her again and again. Rowan felt tears slide down her cheeks as the waves hit her over and over, feeling him tense and thicken as he stilled inside of her. Deacon came with a low grunt, crying out her name as he kept moving slowly with his orgasm.
They collapsed together, naked and sweating as Deacon realized that he was all in with this girl. He was willing to let go of the past that had hurt him so much and allow something new in his future, even if it was something that he wanted to handle differently. “I’m going to stay.”