CHAPTER 2
Making his presence known, Blake stepped into view. The scene was anything but what he expected to walk in on – it was chaos…it was troubling…it was pure pandemonium. He’d never seen such a mess in his life.
Holstering his weapon, he traipsed further into the room, trying not to trip over the debris he encountered.
“Jesus, it took you long enough!” Jessie said from the toddler rocking chair she was sitting in.
All attention was quickly averted from Jessie to Blake at his mention. “Uncle Blake!”
Taking a knee, he crouched to the level of the 4 feet and under club, accepting their welcome.
“What the hell is going on here?” he asked.
“I can’t wait to say bad words like you when I grow up, Uncle Blake!” Ellie said. Ellie was the precocious daughter of Sam and Dawson, a real handful but in a good way.
“Bad words aren’t for pretty girls – I shouldn’t say them either,” he replied, fully aware that she would rat him out to her parents later.
“But, Aunt Jessie says them all the time. Isn’t she a pretty girl?” Ellie asked, to which Jessie raised her brow, awaiting his response.
“Pretty difficult – I’ll give you that,” Blake chided while taking to his feet.
“Suck it, you diiii-arn nice guy!” Jessie was scolded often enough for foul language around the kids that it seemed she was finally starting to get it. She also wasn’t fond of using nice
words; saying them pained her, hence the death glare she tossed Blake’s way was evidence of that.
“Suck what?” Ellie asked, looking around. “Oooh, did you bring suckers?”
“Not this time, kid. Aunt Jessie
didn’t tell me she needed anything to…suck.”
Two could play at this game, he thought.
“That’s because I knew Uncle Blake
needed one more than I did. He likes to suck…really, really hard
.” Jessie was determined to get the last word, especially with Blake because that’s just what they did.
“These guys? This is what you called me over for – who you were hiding from?”
“Ooh! Hide and seek!” Ellie shouted, clapping her hands while jumping up and down in sugar induced excitement.
“No, El. We’re done with that game after losing your brother,” Jessie said under her breath.
Blake’s jaw dropped in disbelief, certain he had to have heard her wrong because Gavin
was Dawson and Sam’s toddler son. “Lost
? You lost
Gavin? How the he-hecky does that even happen”
Clearly enjoying how aggravated she was making him, she awkwardly attempted to cross her arms and tossed on her famous smartass smirk. “Hecky? Really?”
Ellie Lou leaned in and whispered, “I think he meant the bad word but didn’t wanna get in trouble.”
“Can we get back on topic? How did you lose a thirty something pound…human
?” With his weapon holstered, he crossed his arms, waiting for her response – there really wasn’t an answer that would justify losing a toddler while playing hide and seek, but he couldn’t wait to hear her try.
“He’s smart! He hid in the drier! I didn’t think to look there because…well, he’s thirty pounds
!
“The drier
? Are you kidding me?” Blake ran his hands through his raven black hair, looking around the space, taking in the scattered toys, pillows, and multiple blanket forts surrounding him – troubling, chaos, pandemonium.
“Did they do this?” he questioned, to which she nodded, scanning the space herself with raised brows and an overwhelmed expression. “I don’t get it. They’re normally really good kids. Like really
good.”
“Me, neither. They’re a bunch of hooligans. That cute and sweet crap is just a façade,” she said, eyeing the blue eyed and pigtails ring leader, Ellie.
Right on cue, Gavin stood in front of her and tossed her some of that cute and sweet she had mentioned. With his hands on her face, he planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek and said, “I love you, Yessi.”
“See what I mean?” Jessie sent a see what I mean
look to Blake, catching him in a rare smile before turning her attention back to Gavin. “Yeah, well, I love you, too…especially when your parents are here, rug rat.”
“I see what you mean…hooligans
.”
An exaggerated eye roll later with a matching disconcerting sigh, she replied, “Don’t be fooled by all that slobbery cuteness – they’re like mini assassins in the making. And I think you’re involved in that somehow with all your…G.I. Joe
crap that you do.”
Because karma was real, and Jessie had it coming, the kids went crazy in that very moment, Jessie their target. When one of the little ones put a lampshade on her head, they began to run circles around her as she still sat in that damn toddler sized rocking chair. She didn’t budge, not even a little. Funny as it was, Blake – being Blake – had to pull together a semblance of order because he knew it wouldn’t be long before their friends returned home, and this mess wouldn’t make them happy. That’s when he noticed it.
“Uh, why are you just sitting there, and what’s with the lamp?” he questioned.
“I took it apart, trying to get...free.”
“Free?”
Jessie shook her wrist, generating a clanging sound that alerted Blake to exactly what
she had been trying to free herself from. A tall chrome floor lamp that she was currently handcuffed to.
“You’re kidding me.”
“Do I look like I’m kidding?! I’m sitting in a pink kid chair, hugging a fuuu-dging lamp.” It didn’t matter that she caught herself before dropping an F-bomb because the kids had heard it enough to know what she really meant, and it wasn’t fudging
.
“Aunt Jessie wants to say a bad word! Cover your ears!” Ellie shouted, to which the other littles complied.
Safe from little ears, she got it out of her system, “A fucking
lamp, Blake. I’m hugging a fucking lamp that has this odd thing around it, so the cuffs only go so high. I have to sit low to the ground or put this big ass lamp on the couch so as not to break my delicate little wrist.”
“Hate to break it to you, but there isn’t anything delicate about you.”
Jessie’s head spun so fast, he wasn’t sure how she managed it without injury. “Cover your eyes, kids.”
Destructive hooligans, maybe, but they listened when it mattered, and right at that moment it really mattered. As soon as their little eyes were closed and covered, Jessie tossed Blake a gesture to let him know just how delicate
she wasn’t.
Though completely amused, seeing Jessie cuffed led to all sorts of thoughts he’d rather not have at the moment – especially in front of the children. Quick to change the subject, he addressed other lingering questions, of which he was equally quick to answer himself. “Where did they get handcuffs, anyway? Sam and Dawson are in the medical field… Ohhh.”
“Yeah, you catching up there, big guy?” she laughed, enjoying his embarrassment.
“Wait, is that cheetah print?” he questioned, not even sure why he asked because he really didn’t want to know about their friends’ bedroom habits.
A little voice interrupted yet another awkward moment for Blake, but it was only the beginning, “Bang, Bang!”
“Hey, what’s the rule, buddy? Don’t aim your gun at someone, even playing. It’s not…. Oh, my God.” Blake’s eyes went wide with surprise, and he was rendered speechless when he realized just what he was being shot at
with.
Much to Jessie’s amusement, she couldn’t help but laugh – hysterically. Especially when Gavin took his weapon to Blake’s leg, slapping him with it repeatedly in some odd form of toddler hand-to-hand combat move.
“Oh, my God! No, no, no, no, buddy. That’s…that’s a…not
a gun!”
Trying to regain her own composure, Jessie added insult to injury by saying, “Actually, I think he’s using it as a sword
…a little more fitting, considering. Don’t you think?”
Blake was frantically looking around, with his hands in the air, as if trying to keep from touching anything Gavin was. Handcuffs were one thing, but this
…he just couldn’t go there bare handed. While Jessie tried to catch her breath between bouts of laughter, Blake used a handful of nearby baby wipes to handle the vibrator he was wrestling away from Gavin.
“Don’t
touch anything, Gav. Not a thing. That’s a disgusting…no, no
. Stand right there, bud. Don’t move,” Blake scolded, holding the pink rabbit vibrator straight out in front of him.
With tears staining her now red face and hugging her stomach with her free arm, Jessie struggled to get the words out, “It’s…it’s…a vibrator
! He just slapped
you wi-with a vibrator
! That rabbit…the rabbit isn’t a trigger it’s a…”
“Stop
! I know what the rabbit
is. How the hell did they get you handcuffed and find their parents’…toy box
?” Embarrassed, something that didn’t happen often, he whispered the last part, not sure what else to call it.
“Uncle Blake said a bad word. Don’t forget to fill the swear jar,” Ellie hollered from across the room where she had poured out an entire tub of building blocks.
“I’ll fill the whole damn
jar…no problem!” he said under his breath, waiting for Jessie’s reply.
He pulled out his own handcuff key, hoping it was just as universal
on the cuffs from the sexy shop as they were for his standard issue cuffs he used on criminals. Before he tried to unlock Jessie, he took to one knee and carefully laid Gavin’s weapon on a heap of baby wipes. One thing at a time
, he thought.
“Don’t judge me. I put these guys to bed like I was told to. I came back out here to clean up and must’ve dozed off. I woke up with Gav’s gun
to my forehead, cuffed to the lamp,” Jessie said with a shrug as if it wasn’t odd at all.
“Your forehead.” He scanned the room, shaking his head, taking in the chaos still in progress while he went to work on the cuffed lamp. “It doesn’t make sense – I’ve never seen this. Not even on their worst day. What did they eat for dinner?”
“Oh, we had a picnic and watched movies. They were totally fine then.”
“Picnic?” he questioned while getting back on his feet.
“Yeah. With sundaes, cookies, and I brought cupcakes…” Finally free, she rubbed her wrists and let out a sigh of relief.
“But what
for dinner
?” he repeated.
Tossing him a dirty look that said what don’t you understand
, she spoke slowly and repeated herself, “Sundaes, cookies, cupcakes…I think there were juice pouches, too.”
“That’s not
dinner; that’s a sugar high. Probably more sugar than they’ve ever had their whole lives…combined
,” Blake judged.
Taking to her feet, her hands went to her hips, offended by the scolding she was receiving. “That’s not my fault. That’s bad parenting if they can’t handle their sugar!”
“They aren’t alcoholics learning to hold their liquor – they’re kids – they need real food.”
“Well, I’m cool
Aunt Jessie. Cool Aunt Jessie brings cookies, not carrots.”
Her reasoning had him shaking his head in disbelief. “Maybe cool
Aunt Jessie can just spring for pizza next time.”
She shrugged her shoulders, no longer interested in his two-cents. “That sounds like something boring
Uncle Blake would do.”
Gavin had been patiently waiting for Blake, standing at his side with both little hands up, fingers spread, not touching a thing, just as he was told. Blake reached down and carefully picked up the R-rated gadget with baby wipes in one hand while scooping Gavin up under his other arm.
Because life was just unfair sometimes, Logan appeared from around the same corner Blake had, gun drawn.