CHAPTER 9
It was an unusually rainy day for August. Everyone was off today, and the weather had them all in doors. They were scattered around the hospital room; Granny was reading one of her dirty books that she claimed were just ‘love stories,’ Evie was watching something on her iPad, and Ellie planted herself in Dawson’s lap while he read her a book over and over again.
The tension was thick. They were all frustrated, and patience was running thin. It had been over a month since the accident. The doctors were confident Sam would come back to them, but she hadn’t, and they needed her to wake up. The sterile confines of the tiny room were racking nerves at epic levels.
“Lord, I’d rather be wrestlin’ a rabid bear naked in the woods about now!” Granny dropped out of nowhere, surprising everyone but Ellie, who laughed herself silly.
“Pfffft! What?!? I just got soda up my nose and all over my shirt. How about a little warning next time, Granny?” Everly said, holding her iPad and drink in separate hands, away from her body, while the rest of the rogue soda ran down the front of her, again gaining some giggles from the four and under club.
“Well, ‘tis the truth! This is just, it’s just, well it’s too much,” Lou replied, turning her attention to a still sleeping Sam. “It’s time to wake up little lady! C’mon now, I know ya can hear me!”
“She will Lou. The doctors say any day now, she will when…” Dawson chimed in, amused by Granny’s surly mood, but trying to calm her all the same.
“Well, I have as much faith in those doctors as I do a broke hooker in…”
“Whoa, Granny, little ears, little ears!” Evie interrupted, managing not to spit soda all over herself this time. The last thing they needed was Ellie telling her mama about broke hookers when she woke up.
“What’s a hooker?” Ellie asked, eyes wide, anxious to learn a new word that was obviously a naughty one.
“It’s someone who crochet’s, honey, like that scarf I made you!” Lou replied, quick to right her wrong.
“Oh! I want to be a hooker too, Granny!” Ellie shot back, clapping her hands in excitement.
“We’re all frustrated and anxious,” Dawson interrupted, playing peacemaker, understanding full well where all of this was coming from. They needed fresh air, new scenery, and time to decompress. “Maybe we should all go out for a bite to eat, get some fresh air, blow off some steam, and have a drink, Lou. My treat.”
“Mama is waking up today,” Ellie deadpanned, before anyone could chime in about Dawson’s offer.
All eyes were on Ellie, full of concern and regret for having this conversation in front of her, while she sat focused on her coloring sheet. What were they thinking? The guilt was plastered on each of their faces as they looked at one another, searching for the right thing to say. They didn’t want her to lose hope, but they certainly didn’t want her to be disappointed when her mother didn’t wake.
“Oh child, we all hope it will be today, but if it isn’t, that’s okay too,” Granny responded first, feeling the most responsible for Ellie’s disposition, given her rabid bear and hooker outbursts. With a look full of guilt, she tried to fix what she thought she had done. “We want her to wake up, but only if she is ready and she is feeling better, remember?”
“No, it’s today,” Ellie continued, confident in her claims, never once looking up from the coloring sheet she had been working so hard on.
Sadness washed across their faces. This little girl was about to be disappointed when today became tomorrow and the next day, and Sam was still in a coma. What on earth would they do then? It had taken everything they had to keep that little lady happy and patient, and they just blew it.
She was right there with them, frustrated and impatient to the point that she just refused to think anything other than her mama was just going to wake up. As if the universe had that power, and Ellie was the all-knowing with an inside tip that today was the day.
“Ellie, what Gran is trying to say is that it still could be tomorrow, or even a couple tomorrows…” Everly tried, before being interrupted by a very certain Elliot Louise, who was apparently a hungry little Ellie Lou too.
“It’s today! Why do you all have silly faces! Let’s go. Dawson, can we have cheeseburgers? That’s my other favorite-ist food, but only with pickles, ’cause pickles are…”
“Let me guess, your favorite?” Dawson was quite familiar with all of Ellie’s favorites, a list that consisted of absolutely everything and anything she had ever done or eaten. With Ellie’s hand in his, he held the door for them. “Let’s go feed our bellies, squirt! Ladies?”
“Let’s hurry ’cause mama’s waking up. Can we bring her a smashed mellow milk shake for when she wakes up? It’s her very favorite! It’s my favorite too.”
Holding the door for the three ladies before him, he turned and looked at Sam with a smile and head shake at Ellie’s confidence and unhampered joy. That little girl is all you, Sam, completely you.
“Let’s go find a marshmallow
shake.”
Ugh, cotton mouth and foggy head. Why do I feel so heavy? Either I drank too much beer or it’s the middle of the night, and I’m still sleeping. It’s so dark; something must have woken me up. Makes sense. God, my muscles; I need to get in better shape if a night of dancing and wild sex next to a creek feels like that! The creek—oh my God, I can’t believe we did that…how will we ever top that?
I never knew I could feel the way Dawson made me feel, so content, happy, and safe. Last night was amazing, and not just the dirty parts; he truly is a good man in every way. Maybe there is a little room for more in my life. We can go slow, make sure this isn’t just some hormone generated infatuation. As much as I miss his touch, I miss him, all of him. Oh for God’s sake, Sam, what are you getting yourself into? Be careful.
What is all that noise, beeping and humming? It sounds like a construction site, and all the voices? Who is that? Ellie? What is she doing up this late? Oh, that girl. Dawson? Ellie and Dawson? Together? What? Dreaming, that’s right. Rest up buttercup; you’re seeing him again tomorrow. I need to tell him; he needs to know about her…
Having dinner out was a nice change. They typically ate at the hospital when they were all together. Dawson enjoyed his time with Sam’s family more and more; when he wasn’t at work, he was with them. He liked belonging
. It had been so long he’d forgotten how it felt and just how complete it made him feel.
Sure, he had the gang down at the House, and they were like family, but this was different. He wanted to be with Sam and her family for entirely different reasons. He liked helping them and liked that they welcomed his help, and with them, it was a true sense of belonging. He was free to be himself. It was redemptive. He had missed having every part of this, and he felt they wanted him as much as he wanted them.
He was accepting this journey full of unknowns; he just hoped that the journey didn’t change when Sam woke up. Their time together was startling in the most mind blowing and incredible way. Their compatibility in carnal nature was knee weakening and earth moving, but that was a very small part of something bigger that they shared. He wanted her long before their last night together. She was the one thing in his life that he didn’t know was missing.
Finally admitting his feelings was a substantial consummation that pleased him. With this realization came new insecurities that revealed just how delicate that wall he’d erected over a decade ago had been and how easily it can go back up. Sam hadn’t had the time to mull over these emotions, nor did he know if there were any for her to reconcile. There may be nothing for her to bring to terms. With the progress they had made and their last night together, he couldn’t imagine that being the case. But there was still that little issue, Ellie, and why Sam hadn’t told him about her, that haunted him and left him a bit insecure about where Sam’s heart and mind was when it came to them.
There was no guarantee that she would even remember their time together, as stellar as it had been, especially that night by the creek. He felt like such an ass. Who falls for a girl in a coma? He’d been dating someone who wasn’t dating him back. Oh, the insecurities. He would have to push those aside and let things fall into place; as Everly had said weeks ago, it would work out the way it was intended. He was hopeful that it wouldn’t mean losing family…again.
“See, she squeezed my hand again! Told you! She’s going to wake up!” Ellie shouted with zeal, followed by a silly giggle, as if her mama was playing a game with her.
“Ellie, honey, what do you mean, squeezed your hand? Your mama?”
All eyes were on Ellie with her pleased grin and confident look, waiting for her to answer Everly’s frantic questions. Cautious optimism, excitement, and even a sense of fear filled the room. Could she be waking up? Did she squeeze Ellie’s hand, and what did she mean, again
?
Ellie said today was the day, and they all had assumed it was just a girl missing her mom, lost between fantasy and reality. Sam squeezing Ellie’s hand could mean nothing, if it even happened, and it could mean everything. If she was waking up, it could still take days or weeks even, and there was no guarantee the woman waking up would be the same Sam they were all waiting and praying on.
She could wake up and not know who any of them were, including Ellie, or even who she herself is. This panic and sign of awakening stirred emotions, questions, and scenarios, none of them had considered or prepared for. Looking around the room, the notion was mutual. Their frenzied ideas were laced with angst; too many what ifs.
Movement in the bed stirred them from their thoughts and gained their attention. Everyone moved bedside, Ellie grabbing Dawson’s hand while casting a bold smile at each of them.
“She moved. She just
moved! Oh, my God! I am going to get the doctor. Stay calm; if she opens her eyes, don’t overwhelm her!”
As Everly rushed from the room anything but calm, Dawson held one of Sam’s hands and Granny Lou the other while Ellie laid her little hand over Dawson’s and smiled wide. Sam’s arms began to twitch, and she squeezed her hands as the doctor and Everly darted into the room. The doctor stood at attention, chart in hand, observing the activity as well as her vitals while Evie remained near the foot of the bed, seated, resting her hands on Sam’s legs.
Her subtle activity turned to restlessness, her eyes started to flutter, and she let out a quiet moan as if she were in the midst of a nightmare. Eyes finally open, her body settled, returning to its relaxed state. She scanned the room, her confusion evident, finally landing on Ellie.
Fighting to keep her eyes open, she gave a slight grin as she struggled to speak in a labored, raspy, whisper. “Baby,” was all she delivered as she looked at Ellie, but that grin fell, her brows furrowed, and concern filled her eyes as she looked to Dawson. Mouth open, grasping for words, a slight panic washed over her as she looked at Granny Lou and Evie, searching for help before she looked back to Dawson with Ellie in his lap. Their smiles faded to concern as she spoke again, “Oh no,” and she drifted back to a restless sleep.
He needed air. Finding his way to the hospital memorial garden to collect his thoughts, he stood, leaning over the rail of the small foot bridge that crossed the tranquil creek that encircled the peaceful grounds, ending in a small waterfall. After all these weeks with his heart on the line, committed to seeing what, if anything, was there for him and Sam, his answer was loud and clear. Oh no?
He put his heart on the line, something he hadn’t done since it was ripped to shreds when he lost everyone he loved a decade ago. What the hell had he been thinking? How could he be so stupid? This relationship thing wasn’t him. It never was; he was better off on his own, heart protected, and emotions and feelings at arm’s length at all times.
Jesus, what the hell was wrong with him? Was he so desperate that he let a little girl, an old lady, and friend suck him into this fantasy that was anything but his to take part in? They were Sam’s family, not his, and two little words quickly put him back in his place, on the outside.
He had let his need to take care of people, help the wounded, overcome common sense, a mistake he wouldn’t make again. She didn’t want him. She woke up, happy to see everyone but him. He shouldn’t have been there all these weeks…he shouldn’t have been there. What a fool.
“There ya are! You didn’t make it easy ta find ya! What are you doin’ out here, besides givin’ those skeeters a real handsome meal?”
“Hey, Lou. Just thinking. Needed some fresh air. Thought I would give you all some time together.”
“You ain’t gonna jump are ya? Might give an old woman a heart attack if you do; not much of a swimmer!”
“Nah, not jumping; funny though. I’m pretty sure you can handle a few inches of water.”
“Oh, I don’t know. A big handsome fella like you might need savin’ by the look on your face alone.”
“I’m good. Just…just not sure what to make of all that back there.”
“Ah ha, I thought you might’ve read that wrong. You are a man after all.”
“I read that pretty loud and clear. What does being a man have to do with it?”
“Oh, really? Mind explainin’ what it is you think you heard so loud and clear?”
“Look, Lou, I don’t want to make a big deal out of this. We had a good time; I’ve enjoyed getting to know your family, but she wasn’t happy to see me, and I’ll respect that. I might have gotten a little too invested, too fast, here.”
“No, you have been right where ya belong. You are just quick on the trigger. If she was completely there, had her wits about her, she would appreciate you being there, honey.”
“But...”
“And a fine butt indeed, but it’s not ladylike to talk about that with ya. You are acting like you lost your darn monkey, boy!”
“Lost my what
?”
“Exactly. We don’t know what she was thinking, how she’s thinking, can she think? There might have been a lot more going on in there than she could say. Be patient. The monkey always comes back, son.”
Lou left him with that to think about. He was clearly vulnerable and had to consider what she said, find balance in what just happened. There was a good chance that Sam just couldn’t say what she really wanted as much as she could have said exactly what she meant. There was no telling yet, and Dawson needed to decide if he could ride the storm and find out or abandon ship before it wrecked.
What struck him more, however, was not so much that there was something about a monkey that he needed to decipher; perhaps it not making sense was the point, but that feeling that rushed over him when Lou called him son.