CHAPTER 18
On his way back to the hospital from the scene of the fire, Blake found himself stumped. Something there had spooked Jessie like he’d never seen before. By the time he got back to the scene, the fire was out, and all that remained was a foundation covered in smoldering coals. The building was old, brittle, and the perfect fuel for a fire – it went up fast.
It had been too hot, still, to walk through and look for clues, but something was there…or had been. Whatever it was would remain her secret. Still, or was it again?
Seeing the structure fall around her, not knowing if she was hurt or worse, had literally taken his breath away. All he could think to do was run to her, grab her, pull her out. When he saw her rise from the floor as he stood at her feet, he had been equal parts relieved and angry.
Why would she risk her life like that – or the lives of others for that matter? She genuinely cared about those people and would never do anything to put them in harm’s way, but she had today. Though she came off cocky and even selfish or self-absorbed, depending on the day, she wasn’t. She was one of the most selfless people he knew, so her behavior had been completely out of character. That’s how he knew she hadn’t behaved that way by choice.
He recognized the signs – he lived them himself – it was PTSD. She stood shell-shocked for one reason or another, lost somewhere in her mind. When they finally got to her, the anger she exuded was over the top, even for Jessie. There was no reason for it and no getting through to her in that moment. Then, she was quiet and maybe even remorseful, but he couldn’t tell.
She was triggered. Something sent her off the deep end, and she was reacting. The tougher Jessie acted, the more she was hurting it seemed, the more she had been frightened. Blake didn’t know what had frightened her, but he’d bet money, he didn’t have, that it had something to do with Jason Bolton. He left something for her. It wasn’t the fire because she battled fires all the time and never had a reaction. If you asked him, it was what Jason Bolton did to her that drove her to becoming a firefighter to begin with. It was therapy for her.
The building was old, and there was plenty there to feed a fire of that magnitude, especially given the time of year. But again, if he were a betting man, Blake would say there was an accelerant used – something in the fire’s fury and a subtle smell he detected in the smoke. It was definitely a manmade fire – it went up too fast and burned too hot to be anything natural.
A church. It had been part of the factor; Blake was sure of it. Jessie’s estranged father had been a preacher, from what he recalled, and the arsonist had picked the church, of all things, during Jessie’s shift. Coincidence? Possibly, but Blake’s gut, which never steered him wrong, said the idea of both fire and a church stood out to him – if only he knew what the missing piece was. The part Jessie wasn’t sharing. It probably didn’t matter because her reaction said all he needed to know – Jason Bolton was in McKenzie, and he was coming for her.
Blake was fuming again. Jason Bolton was on his radar, and Blake would
find him before he could hurt Jessie again. This guy needed to be dealt with, one way or another, once and for all, by whatever means. This shit didn’t happen in Blake’s town and especially not to his people.
What he witnessed today, seeing Jessie in such a state and that brief moment where he thought he’d lost her, did a number on him. It was as if his world shifted on its axis once again – the thought of losing her made him feel physically ill. When the feelings that led to his hostile and pained reaction settled in, he didn’t know. He would have to revisit that another time, though. He needed to pick up Jessie – he had been away from her long enough.
Blake made his way through the ER and went straight to Jessie’s room, expecting her to be just as angry as he had left her. Doc Charles had called him over an hour earlier, letting him know she was fine and ready for discharge, but Blake took his time. He still needed to cool off, himself, but also because he knew she would be antsy and aggravated, having to wait. But, it served her right as far as he was concerned. After what she put him and everyone else through, she deserved to be a little inconvenienced, he thought.
Oddly, she seemed calm, too calm. She didn’t even notice that he had walked in. Lost in thought, or perhaps worry, he found her doodling on a piece of paper. It was the same thing, a symbol, drawn all over the page. It wasn’t until he stood beside her, watching her trace the circle and star over and over, that his voice startled her from her thoughts.
“What is that?” he questioned calmly.
Tossing her pen across the room, she jumped at the sound of his voice. “Jesus! You friggin’ scared me, Blake.”
Her voice was noticeably raspy, and she began a coughing fit that took several sips of water to dull. “You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that. It’s rude.”
Sitting in the chair next to her bedside, satisfied that he got such a reaction, he said, “I wasn’t sneaking. I just walked right in.”
“I didn’t hear you, so…”
“That’s on you – I wasn’t exactly quiet. What are you drawing?”
Jumping again, she remembered her paper and quickly crumpled it up. “Nothing.”
“If it’s nothing, then why are you so lost in it that you didn’t hear me or see me walk in?”
It took Jessie a moment to come up with a reply. She couldn’t tell him what was on the paper, but she didn’t have to lie either. “I’m not…I’m just…tired.”
Blake waited, hoping there was more, based on how she answered him. He could tell she wanted to tell him, and he wished she would so he could at least help her carry the burden, if not fight the battle for her entirely.
“Okay then. Let’s get out of here,” he said, taking to his feet.
“I don’t have to sign anything?” she questioned.
“Nope, I signed it. I’m responsible for you for the next 48 hours – you’re not to be left alone and are to be watched…closely.”
“Lucky you – back to babysitting,” she snarked.
He shrugged. “Not exactly what I was thinking.”
Slowly climbing out of the bed, it was obvious that her fall was more than just nothing
as she previously stated. Her movement was slow, and her face winced as she turned her body. Doc mentioned she would be sore and perhaps experience minor bruising – it seemed that it was all setting in.
As her feet hit the floor, she misjudged the step and stumbled when her quick movement to catch herself also ended in a sharp pain. Losing her footing, she fell into Blake’s embrace where his strong frame held her. What was at first an awkward moment suddenly became an intimate one as they each were locked in the other’s stare, the space between them so narrow they could hear each other’s pulse race, and the heat intensified with each passing moment.
It was one of those moments where more emotion, sentiment, and even appreciation for one another was passed between them than any verbal exchange ever had. Without a single word, questions were answered and feelings shared. It was a moment that could only be felt – and that feeling was all either one of them needed.
Angst between them came easy – it was their way to fight the undeniable attraction and bond they shared but didn’t want to talk about. It was driven by broken hearts and shattered dreams and the desire to protect their own hearts from any more pain and sorrow. Each knew that pain all too well, and the need to hide from it was much greater than the desire to fulfill whatever intimate daydream either could conjure up.
It wasn’t entirely selfish, however; each was protecting the other from inevitable demise as much as they were themselves. They cared for each other so richly – so deeply. They would fight to remain anything but lovers, and at best, friends. Despite their need to push each other away, neither could imagine a life completely absent of the other.
Commotion from the ER broke their moment, each realizing how close they came to breaking their unspoken rule.
Blake spoke first, interrupting the awkward silence, “You okay? Dizzy? Anything…hurt?”
She wanted to reply that she had an ache alright, but not the kind a doc could fix – only Blake Cooper could take care of that.
“Yeah, just misjudged…the ground,” she said.
A playful smirk crossed Blake’s expression. “Misjudged the ground?”
“I’m…short, bed’s tall. Wasn’t paying attention, and the ground was…further away than I thought.”
“Not paying attention, huh?” Still clearly within the boundaries of her personal space, he dropped his head ever so slightly, his voice shifting to a sultry timbre as his hands slid down her back. “What had you so…distracted
that you didn’t know where the ground was?”
“Oh, my God!” she said with disgust and pushed him away. “You are so full of yourself. Let’s go.”
She turned to walk away but forgot about her increasingly achy body and hissed in pain. Blake was quickly at her side, hands on her waist to steady her, causing her to let out a low moan at the feel of his body behind hers. It was a gut reaction, instinctive, but she played it and the goosebumps he gave her as just pain by adding another hiss.
“Wheelchair,” he said.
“I am not
leaving this place in a wheelchair. I’m walking out of here,” Jessie insisted.
“Then, put a hand on my arm – we’ll go slow,” he said, offering her an arm. “Doc prescribed some sort of pain killer or muscle relaxer. I’ll have Logan pick those up.”
“NO!” she shouted unintentionally. “I mean, I don’t take that stuff. I…uh…don’t like how it makes me feel.”
“But if you’re in this much pain…”
“I’ll take a hot bath. If that doesn’t help, I’ll take a shot of that whisky Lou gifted everyone three Christmases ago, claiming it was medicinal.”
“You still have some of that? That should do the trick – hell, I’ll take a shot with you,” Blake teased.
As soon as he mentioned the meds, he knew why she protested and kicked himself for even mentioning them. Jessie didn’t take aspirin, much less anything as strong as what Doc had offered for pain. She’d been drugged before, and it nearly cost Jessie her life. Given what he knew about her case, he could only imagine how that contributed to the emotional scars left by what the drugging was used for. What she was used for.
Fury quickly overcame him as he recalled the details of her living nightmare. Quick to replace those feelings, he found an odd sense of calm that came with his silent vow to not only protect Jessie with everything he had, but to also take out the one man who had terrorized her for nearly ten years, even if it was only through memories and nightmares. He may not be able to erase those memories or nightmares, but he certainly could erase the man – the animal – responsible for them.