CHAPTER 19
It wasn’t until Jessie asked if he was alright that Blake realized he had made it all the way to her house, and they were parked in her driveway. Her expression turned to one of concern, and she began to look around frantically as her fear quickly escalated. The look of fury he wore in his expression had frightened her – alerted her that something was wrong – terribly wrong. The only thing wrong was that Blake hadn’t caught Jason Bolton, yet, and brought Jessie the justice she deserved.
“No. Nothing’s wrong. Just…long day. Let’s get you inside,” he said with a rare, albeit forced, smile.
“O-okay,” Jessie said, confused by his behavior.
When he walked her inside, she noticed he was holding her closer and tighter. That only contributed to her unease. He didn’t like letting her go when they passed through the doorway, and he turned to lock the door behind them. Leaving her at the door while he searched the house, making sure it was clear and safe, also bothered him. What bothered him most, however, was that she affected him like that.
If ever there were a sign that Jason was in town, the fire at the church was it. Blake didn’t have all of the details or proof, other than her reaction, but his gut said it was Jason Bolton. His gut also told him that the little drawing Jessie was lost in when he got to the hospital had something to do with Bolton, too. How did it all fit together though? The bigger message, however, was that Bolton was there, and you can never be too careful when it comes to a psychotic maniac with a decade old, jagged chip on his shoulder.
When Blake didn’t immediately return, she followed the sound coming from her bedroom, the last place Blake looked.
Blake was walking out of her bathroom when they nearly collided, the sight of her provoking another one of those rare smiles as they stood in close proximity, once again, invading each other’s personal space.
“I ran you a bath. You might want to get in there before it…overflows.”
She walked closer, narrowing the already slim gap between them. His nurturing behavior and protective nature made her heart race and body hum – especially while he stood in her bedroom – remembering what it was like having him in her bed, imagining it hadn’t been as innocent as it was.
She moved in front of him, her body touching his, remembering the feel of his large strong hands on her as he hoisted her over his strong brawny shoulder and again when he caught her from falling in the hospital. As much as he infuriated her, he ignited her, and at this very moment, she didn’t feel like fighting it. She could barely remember why they fought it in the first place.
Blake grabbed her by the hips and pulled her against him, dissolving any question as to where he stood and what he was feeling in that moment. Given the stiff ridge firmly pressed against her belly, it was safe to assume he felt the same damn way she did. Hot and hungry.
As tough as Jessie appeared to be on the outside, she was anything but when it came to intimacy – another scar from her past. With Blake, though, she felt safe, comfortable, and unreserved. It may have been his gentle way with her despite his larger than life, all alpha persona, or it might simply be because he was Blake. Either way, he awakened something in her that she hadn’t felt, didn’t fear, and desperately craved.
With one hand snaking around her waist to the small of her back, he pulled her body against his. Fisting her hair with his free hand, Blake tilted her head back before lowering his mouth to hers. Soft and sweet at first, he was cautious with her and wanted to know her boundaries. There was no telling what kind of scars remained in this part of her life, and he wanted her to trust him, especially with this. He let her lead; she could show him what she wanted as much as what she desired. It was all up to her. She got to be in control so whatever they had together would grow organically, naturally.
When she deepened the kiss, he followed suit. She desired him as much as he did her. It was clear when her hands slowly slid their way up his body and around his neck, and she pulled him down harder so she could take his mouth in a bolder move. Jessie was trying to prove something – more to herself than him.
Breaking their kiss, he stepped back, searching her eyes for answers he needed before they could go any further. Was she trying too
hard?
“Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked.
She nodded in response, insecurity dancing in her eyes, just as he suspected. A sign she wasn’t as ready
for this as she may have wanted. Despite the overwhelming desire and the now too tight jeans she inspired, he knew acting on impulse was a two-fold bad idea.
One, she was haunted, even in the bedroom, with him, with…intimacy. Two, once they went there, there would be no going back to just
friendship. No going back to the way things were. No going back to any other woman because Jessie Clarke was the kind of woman who could break a man and ruin him for all other women.
Dangling between a risk he was willing to take and an inkling to run like hell, he was torn. It would be so much easier for him if she didn’t have hooded lids and swollen lips from the brief moment of passion they exchanged, but when was anything ever easy with Jessie Clarke?
“You know this changes…everything,” he said in a near whisper.
In a soft voice that may have even been a little anxious, she agreed, “I know.”
“And you still want…this
?”
She nodded once again. He noticed the contention in her response; she was at battle with herself. He didn’t doubt that she wanted this, wanted him
, but he also saw the fear that she so desperately wanted to overcome. She had a rough day, felt defeated by her past, and this was her way of trying to win a round. That wasn’t how he wanted their relationship, at this level, to progress. He didn’t want to be a victory above what Jason Bolton had done to her. He wanted to be the man she desired, craved so desperately, because needing him was like needing air.
“Show me,” he said.
“Sh-show you?”
“Show me, Jessica. Show me what you want – what you need,
” he said, hopeful that she could overcome whatever demon she was battling, and they could be what they were meant to be all along.
His low sultry timbre added a smoldering heat to her hungry desire. His words taunting her, igniting a feeling she didn’t understand but wanted to explore.
“I…I want…”
He cut her off, intentionally taking a more commanding tone to test her, “I said…show me
.”
Jessie stood there, doe eyed and blushed cheeks. It was evident she liked that he was telling her what he wanted, and doing so as he did thrilled her. But, there was a shift in her stance, from one foot to the other, that told a story of a nervous girl who wasn’t sure if she could follow through. A glimmer in her eye and the raspy ohhh
that her perfectly round mouth did made him twitch in places he probably shouldn’t – she wanted this; she just might not be ready yet.
“I said, show
…me…” he gave her a push and said, “Start…with your shirt.”
It dawned on her, at that moment, how he expected her to show him, and that made her feel insecure as much as it made her feel sexy – something she hadn’t been able to feel. The lights were on, they were both sober, and her battle scars wouldn’t be hidden – this was new territory for her. She would also remember it when they were done, and that frightened her most – if she could go through with it.
Her sexual encounters had been few and far between and only manageable after a bottle of booze, in the dark, with a near stranger. It wasn’t pleasurable for her, but more a way to condition herself – it was the part of her that had been taken from her and she’d yet to recover. Something about Blake and this moment, though, gave her hope. Desire filled her, and that was an entirely new feeling – so was the desperate craving his body against her left, especially that swell in his jeans.
It was easy to start with her top. It wasn’t until she got to her pants that a sense of panic threatened. She shielded her body as she stood in only her bra and panties. She tried to be bold and brazen, but her body betrayed her, and her arms crossed over her most intimate parts.
Blake reached out, the back of his hand landing on her shoulder before sliding down the front of her arm, grazing the side of her breast – a trail of goosebumps left in its wake. Her eyes closed at his touch, and a low breathy sigh escaped – she liked the feel of him. Her eyes flew open at the absence of his touch. She wanted more.
“And the rest, Jessica – all of it
. I want to see all
of you,” he commanded.
Her back arched at his words, as if they were as tantalizing as his touch – the effect he had on her was one she couldn’t explain but wanted to feel more of. If his words provoked the swollen desire that ached for him, what would her body do at his touch?
Confidence – that’s what his words gave her. She hoped it was enough because when she reached behind her and unhooked her bra, her knees shook with as much trepidation as they did stimulation. When she brushed the straps from her shoulders, and the garment fell to the floor, she stood boldly, trying to convince herself that she was as desirable as he was, that what she offered generated the same hunger she had for him.
Blake nodded, his eyes never really leaving hers. He wasn’t staring at her soft, plentiful breasts or her tight rosy buds – he was staring at her
.
When she slid her panties to her ankles and stepped out of them, her eyes went everywhere but to Blake. An intermittent glance, once then twice, was all she could do. His demanding requests should have humiliated her, but his eyes now pouring over every inch of her turned her on. When his breathing became shallow and his eyes darkened, she nearly came undone. Something else she’d never once felt. She affected him, turned him on, and she liked how that felt.
As quickly as his sultry stare, full of desire, came, it left as did he. Blake turned around and left the room, leaving her alone, naked, and feeling like a fool. Anger filled her. What an asshole! Who does that?
She wondered. She picked up a nearby sneaker and threw it down the hall, striking him in the back. He stopped and turned but didn’t say a word as he looked over her body once more.
Jessie licked her finger and pulled it slowly down her body while her other hand caressed her own breast. Blake watched her intently, giving nothing away in his expression. But, she knew he had a raging hard-on watching her. Just as her wet finger came to the lowest part of her abdomen, she parted her legs, earning a deep guttural groan, right before she pulled her finger away from her body and flipped Blake off. Then, she slammed her door.
Blake stood in front of the refrigerator with the freezer open for good measure, but it didn’t help. He needed a cold shower. Watching her take off her clothes was the most erotic thing he had ever seen. She was so seductive and beautiful, the effect was nearly explosive. All he wanted in that moment was to wrap her around his waist and take her hard against the nearest wall.
That little number at the end, dragging her finger straight to where he wanted to be, was it for him. He wanted her, wanted her bad
, but he couldn’t have her. She wasn’t ready. Sure, she wanted him…he could see it in her every move, but he also saw how frightened she was of the new feelings he was provoking in her.
He couldn’t have her. She was too broken still, and he didn’t want to contribute to her pain when he couldn’t be more than a night of hot sex – and H-O-T it would be. Making love to her would be heaven in hell. More than either could imagine and not something to leave behind. She was a drug to him – the more he got of her, the more he wanted, needed even. Going there, to the bedroom with her, it wouldn’t be easy to leave alone.
There was nothing sweet or gentle about Jessie – she was wild, unbridled, and feisty. A night with her would turn to two, then three, no end in sight. A problem most men would welcome, but Blake wasn’t most men. He was broken, too, and couldn’t offer any more than those wild nights of passion, and he wouldn’t use her like that – she deserved better. Especially given the hand she’d already been dealt.
Loss, again, of any kind, was something he couldn’t afford. To lose Jessie, he’d first have to have her, and he planned to keep that pillow between them at all times.
Jessie was trying to overcome a demon, and he wouldn’t be the vice to do so. If she failed, they failed, and he couldn’t live with that. He wanted to be a part of her healing, not her heartache.
He didn’t want to hurt her, much less humiliate her, but he had to. Blake needed her to be angry with him – dislike him even – because if she was all in – he wouldn’t be able to say no. Eventually, he would give in and have her in his bed…and anywhere else he could have her. Blake wasn’t strong enough to stay away – he needed her to do that for him.