Chapter Six - Luke
As soon as she sits down, I can feel my pulse skyrocketing. But I keep my gaze on the screen where some goofy giraffes are running hilariously. As I laugh, I catch a sight of her delighted gaze.
“Isn’t it just the best show?”
I nod. “It’s my guilty pleasure.”
Now she’s nodding too. She looks so interested in what I have to say that I find more words spilling out. “Don’t tell anyone, but this show – this silly show – has brought me through my darkest days. The naive simplicity of animals – the innate, I don’t know, goodness of them, it gives me hope for people in general. And, after what I’ve seen out there in Afghanistan, that’s not always easy to have.”
Emma’s kind eyes are scanning my face. They’re so intent, so in tune with my sadness that I almost want to say more. Or at least have my body say it – give in to that kind, understanding look.
I stand up. “Want some more Caramilk?”
Emma giggles. “Only if it’s the washing machine variety.”
“That’s the only kind I have,” I say before heading for the laundry room. I grab three bars out of the washing machine then come back, flopping on the couch a bit closer to Emma. After all, it is a big couch and it felt weird to be crowded all the way over to the edge.
“So, Parker’s really something,” Emma’s saying as I hand her a chocolate bar.
I unwrap and bite into mine, hoping she’ll drop it. But even as I bite into the gooey Caramilk goodness, I can feel her eyes on me, expecting an answer.
“Yeah,” I say. “He’s alright.”
Emma shoves me.
“Oh, please. I saw the way you hugged him. You adore the kid.”
I still don’t look at her, taking another bite of my chocolate. “He’s the best thing I’ve ever done.”
Silence. Then, “He’s lucky to have a dad like you who really cares about him.”
I take a huge bite, four squares at once, then cast her a derisive look. “Yeah. You’re probably surprised, right? That I’m not a complete tool in every area of my life?”
Emma laughs, then admits as much. “Well, yeah. We didn’t exactly get off to a good start.”
I nod, then shrug.
“I’m kind of a dick in general, but I think a lot of it has to do with the war. I think it’s made me . . . more callous somehow.”
Quietly, Emma says, “My dad mentioned that you served in Afghanistan last year.”
I nod. “And I never want to go back there. I . . . You see shit there. Dirty-faced civilians yelling for you and at you, dying men begging for mercy. Your own friends blown to pieces beside you. It changes you. I never want to go back there.”
Now, Emma’s closer to me on the couch. Maybe to hear what I’m saying since I’ve been talking in such a low voice. “But you won’t have to, right? They won’t send you back there?”
I rip another bite of chocolate and smile an ironic, sad half-smile. “Not unless I piss off one of the higher-ups.”
Emma nods, her own smile sad.
I look at her. “You know, I never forgot about what happened between us behind the school, even if it was a bunch of years ago.” I don’t know what makes me say it. I immediately regret it.
She stares at me with this strange look in her eyes. “I’m not sorry for stopping you, but I am sorry for how I acted afterwards. Ignoring you was juvenile and mean.”
I nod because she just told me what I knew already, basically. “I don’t know. I really liked you and then you just . . . went cold on me until the end of school for no reason. It broke me up inside.”
Now her eyes look sad too. “I really liked you, too. It was the hardest thing I ever did. It’s just . . . Luke, you scared me. I saw how you were with the other girls. And I know how I am. I’m sensitive. I couldn’t just do really intense things with you, have you go be with other girls, and be ok with it.”
I turn to face her.
“Yeah, I flirted with other girls, but that’s all it ever was – flirting. You were the girl I liked. You were the girl I wanted to be with. There’s a difference – or at least there was.”
Now her eyes look sadder than I can ever remember them being. She still hasn’t touched her chocolate. I lift it to her lips. “Here.”
She takes a tentative bite, her eyes not leaving mine.
“Anyway,” I say, “You’ve probably had a wild old time in the meantime. Why don’t you tell me about it?”
To her blank, uncomprehending look, I continue, “Your college adventures? How you slept with Donny to get back at me? The men you probably have on the go now? Why don’t you tell me about it?”
Frowning, Emma turns away. She’s wearing a gauzy teal top. I can see the black rhinestones on her bra through the fabric. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I slide so I’m right next to her, so I can say the words into her neck. “Oh yeah?”
Now she’s whirling around, her eyes fiery as she spits out her words. “I never slept with Donny. We went on a few dates and then I decided what I’ve decided for every other guy since – that he wasn’t right for me. Ok? So, don’t you sit there with your superior, probing smile and act like you know me. You don’t know a damn thing.”
As I gape at her, she turns away once more.
“Wait - what you just said didn’t mean what I think it meant,” I say in a low voice.
“What do you think it meant?” she says in a low voice of her own.
“You’re not a . . . virgin,” I say.
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I feel ridiculous. But then she turns back to look at me, her face infuriated yet pink.
“That’s none of your business.”
I put my hand on her shoulder. She tenses up but doesn’t turn away.
“Jesus, you really are,” I say, and she doesn’t move.
“Just leave me alone, please.”
“Emma―”
“I mean it, Luke! I don’t want any more jokes at my expense, ok? I know I made a mistake back then and I know you’re as good-looking as ever now, but please, please don’t pretend that you actually care about me. Please, just spare me that.”
She’s inhaling and exhaling deeply, her huge breasts rising and falling with each heave. There’s the glisten of tears on her cheeks, her pink lower lip is drooped in a pout. She smells delicious, like apples and cinnamon. I could kiss her – right here, right now. She is so fucking beautiful. Except I can’t – it would ruin me and it would ruin her. It’s not right, really, no matter how much we want it.
So, I take her face and turn it toward my own to tell her that I want her but I won’t kiss her – I won’t even tease her anymore. But as soon as she’s face to face with me, her gaze flicking to my lips, all thoughts disappear and my body takes over. My lips advance on their own accord, pressing against hers. And it feels so good, so good – her lips cushy and soft, just like the rest of her. My hands are delighting in the soft folds of her flesh, the huge swell of her breasts. I have to stop, but can’t – won’t.
My phone rings, but I ignore it. My body’s locked in motion. Both of ours are. There’s no resisting this: my hands kneading her tits, her hands sweeping under my t-shirt and over my muscles, both our tongues dancing in time.
But the phone rings and rings and rings and suddenly, something snaps in me. It won’t stop ringing because it’s the commander. He knows and he’s going to kill me if I don’t stop.
I rip myself back, answer the phone. “Hello?”
“I can come over now, right?”
It’s Octavia. Shit. I should’ve expected this. She has an internal 2-week ‘get-fucked’ clock, for god’s sake. Anyway, why had I been kissing Emma when I was specifically ordered not to?
“Hey babe. I―” My gaze flicks to Emma, who’s looking at me like she knows. Our eyes meet and she jumps up.
“Don’t let me interfere with your plans,” she says sarcastically before storming off.
“Luke?” Octavia says.
The slam of the attic door upstairs confirms that Emma’s not going to be coming back down anytime soon. I sigh.
“Yeah, come on over.”