Chapter Seven – A Turn in the Wind
"Thank goodness you haven't left yet!"
Julia bit back a groan. Henry was fastened in his car seat, ready to head home, and Natalie chose that moment to come get her. She tried to keep her expression polite as she turned to face her supervisor. The whole day, she had been stressed about seeing Benjamin but had been lucky. She wasn't sure she could face him after the day before . . . The guilt ate up her insides and she wasn't sure what she was going to do now. Things had gone way too far.
She really didn't want to have to try to pretend everything was good around Natalie.
"I need you," the blonde blurted when she got closer. "There was a . . . well, there's a huge mess upstairs, and I don't have anybody to go clean it up except you. I've got a ton of paperwork to do and I really, really need you to help me out."
Julia hefted up the car seat, making sure Natalie could see the baby inside. "Daycare is closed. I need to get Henry home."
"Please."
Natalie's face shone with distress. Julia sighed. Why was she letting herself get roped into this? "What kind of mess are we talking about?"
"Just some tidying in the queen's room."
"The Queen—" Julia laughed. "I don't have clearance!"
Natalie pressed her card into Julia's hand. "Just use this. You just have to make sure that the garbage is empty and stuff. Thank you so much. I owe you a million."
With a sigh, Julia headed for the elevators. Carrying Henry around in the heavy car seat wasn't her idea of fun. There were custodial closets up on the top floor that she would be able to get supplies from. She shivered as she headed up. There had been rumors flying around the palace that the queen had been rushed to the hospital late the previous night, but she had kept her head down and did her best to do her job.
When she got to the royal floor, Henry started to cry. Julia took him out of the car seat and cradled him close, shushing him as she looked through the supplies for some fresh garbage bags for the queen's room. Her distraction cost her and she bumped into a pile of toilet paper rolls, which showered down over her. Though she reacted instantly to hunch over Henry and shield him from the fluffy white rolls, his screaming got even louder.
"Henry, I'm sorry." Julia lifted him to her shoulder, patting his back. "Honey, honey, I'm sorry."
She wasn't even aware that the door had opened behind her until she smelled Benjamin's smoky scent. Her heart jumped to her throat as she whirled to face him. His eyes were red and puffy like he'd been crying. Without a word he took Henry and cradled him into the crook of his arm, rocking gently. Amazingly, the baby quieted right away.
"You're tense," he said. "Babies can pick up on that."
"Oh."
Her heart hammered in her throat as she watched the prince unknowingly cradle his son. Benjamin looked tired, exhausted even. There was something so vulnerable about him that Julia wanted to blurt out everything she had been planning and apologize a million times. She wanted to confess everything, including that Henry was his son.
"What are you doing up here, anyway?" he asked.
"Natalie sent me to clean up the queen's room."
Benjamin frowned. "You've only been here for a few weeks. You don't have clearance."
"She gave me her card. I guess she thought it was okay because . . . well . . . you and I . . . "
"Even still. She should know better." Benjamin hesitated a moment. "I've been wanting to apologize for what I did yesterday. It wasn't . . . it wasn't me."
"It's fine," she said, a little too quickly. "Really. It's fine."
Benjamin eased Henry back into her arms. The baby whimpered but relaxed quickly enough. "He's a beautiful baby. Will you come to my room for a bit? Not to . . . you know. I just want to talk."
"I—" I shouldn't. "—of course."
He picked up the car seat and led her down the hall. Julia chewed her lip, readjusting Henry on her hip. There was no way she was going to sleep with him again. She wasn't going to make that mistake a second time. No way. But it was clear that he was in a bad spot emotionally, so just talking wouldn't hurt.
It would give her a better idea of why Cynthia felt like she couldn’t tell him about Henry, after all.
Benjamin's room was different from what she expected. It was almost completely bare, except for a bed – king sized – a writing desk, a bookshelf, and an armchair near the window. Benjamin gestured at the armchair for Julia to sit on and took the chair at his desk.
"I assume you heard what happened?"
"Only rumors."
The prince sighed. "My mother is in a coma. We don't know what happened . . . I never thought I'd become a king like this. I'm not ready. Just yesterday I messed up again . . . First with Caitlyn and then you. I'm sorry, Julia. I was using you as a distraction from my emotions and it's not fair to you."
Julia tensed briefly. His tone, his expression . . . she'd heard and seen both of these before.
"Are you breaking up with me?" The shrillness of her voice shocked her and startled Henry. She rocked him, shaking her head. "No, of course not. We weren't together. Not for real, anyway. So we can't break up. This is such a mess. I need to go."
"Wait. Please." Benjamin put a hand on her knee, then withdrew it. "I'm not looking for anything. I just . . . I just don't want to be alone. And you have a baby right there. It's not like we're going to do anything. I just feel like I need to be strong all the time. Always in control. And when it comes to you . . . "
"I'm . . . different?" she could hear the sarcasm in her own voice. "Not like other girls?"
"Well . . . "
"There is nothing wrong with being like other girls," Julia said flatly. "The Dreamers. The girls obsessed with makeup and romance. My best friend was like that and she was the sweetest, most loving girl ever. She didn't . . . "
Benjamin watched her as though he wasn't sure what to do. "Your baby . . . who is his father?"
Hell no. She wasn't answering that. "Henry was my best friend's baby. I adopted him after she passed. It's been six months but sometimes it feels like yesterday." Too much information. Her eyes burned. "I think . . . I think it was my fault."
"I can't believe that." Benjamin looked so sweet. "It can't be your fault."
"For so long, I was angry at Henry's father. I thought that it had to be something he did. She didn't want to tell him about the baby. She never told me why. I thought that he must have done something. She moved out of the city to this little trailer park in the middle of nowhere. I was driving her to the hospital and it was raining. I crashed and . . . and she died."
Tears flowed down her face. Julia bent over, repressing the sobs as the truth ripped through her. It wasn't Benjamin's fault that Cynthia had died. It was hers. They had turned a corner to find a semi-truck in their lane. She served. The truck kept going, just left them there. She had only targeted Benjamin for revenge because she was so angry at herself and didn't know what else to do. Sobs tore up her throat, the sound making Henry whimper.
Benjamin wrapped his arms around her. He took Henry with one arm, then shifted Julia so he could sit on the chair with her. His tenderness made the guilt well even deeper. This was the man she had vowed to emotionally destroy. This man who was worried about his kingdom and mother and who was comforting this near-stranger while his own mother was in a coma.
"I'm sorry," Julia sobbed, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry."
Benjamin rocked her, his hand moving up and down her back in calming motions. Julia continued to sob, tears pouring down her face. Every emotion twisted inside her and she didn't know what to do. Her stomach rumbled and churned, making her feel sick. Her head pounded with her tears and she clung to the prince as though he was a life vest in the middle of a churning sea.
Eventually, Julia pulled herself back together. This was it. She needed to just break away from Benjamin. He wasn't the monster she had thought he was and she needed to make a clean break before her heart got more twisted up. They agreed that there would be no emotions, no relationship.
But she had cried with him, and that felt more intimate than when they had sex.
"I have to go home," she blurted, reaching for Henry – her son. Her boy. "I have to . . . I don't think I can work here any—"
"No." Benjamin's arms tightened around her. "Julia. Please. Don't. I know that there can't be anything between us, but I just don't . . . I can have a bassinet sent up. Just don't leave me."
Julia sank back down, her arms tightening around him. It was a mistake, she knew. But she couldn’t leave him. She just couldn't.