Chapter Fourteen – Heavy Hangs the Head
By the time he got to Maria's bedside, Benjamin's anger had melted away into something else. Despair. It wasn't bad enough that the other kingdoms were rising against him, but now the woman he had been falling in love with revealed that she was not the person he thought she was. Everything between them was a lie. It hurt far more than he cared to admit and even though he wanted to still be angry with her, all he could feel was a pain.
His mother was sleeping when he sat beside her. She was still hooked to a ventilator most of the time. Allergies didn't hit Dragons the same way as humans, and in her condition, the effects were lingering. A burst of anger towards Natalie filled him, but it was quickly overshadowed by guilt. If he had stepped up to his responsibilities, then she wouldn't have thought she had to take action. In her own twisted way, she thought she was being a patriot.
"I wish I could get your guidance, Mother," Benjamin whispered. "These days have been all wrong without you here to help me through. I don't know if what I'm doing is helping or making things worse. But I'm going to do the best I can."
He sighed, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. She didn't stir and he didn't expect her to. The drugs that she'd been given to counteract her allergies were immensely powerful and put her to sleep as soon as they were administered. There were signs of improvement, though, and perhaps there was hope.
"Julia told me everything," he whispered. "It hurts. It really hurts. But hearing it, I've realized there is only one way to ensure that this doesn't end in total war. I'm not angry at her anymore, just . . . just sad. I'm going to marry Caitlyn."
There was no point in dawdling around. His mother used to tell him that when you knew what you had to do, you went ahead and did it. Well, he knew what he had to do. He pressed a kiss to his mother's forehead and left the room with a heavy heart. It felt like going to the gallows, but if it would protect his kingdom, what choice did he have?
He returned to the palace quickly and called Nicolas. His PA blinked blearily when he arrived a few minutes later, yawning. He'd forgotten his time, but being called this late at night would do that. His eyes were questioning as he entered Benjamin's study. Where he and Julia had first been together. The prince allowed himself to indulge in the memory for a moment before shaking it off.
"Send a message to Caitlyn," he said. "If she wants to marry me, then we will have to negotiate the terms of our relationship."
Nicolas's jaw dropped. "You can't be serious!"
"I am. Now draft and send the message. This is getting out of hand, there needs to be an end to it."
His PA hesitated only a moment longer before nodding. Benjamin hunched over his desk, resting his elbows on the smooth, polished wood. Would it work? Did Caitlyn still want the power and glory that would come from being the queen of two kingdoms? With any luck, she would. Although how Benjamin felt at the moment was far from lucky. He had no prospects for a mate now that he knew that Julia never loved him.
Caitlyn had plotted it right. She hadn't engaged in any overt hostilities herself, but the stage was set in her favor. Now he was coming back to her begging and she could do what she wanted. It made Benjamin feel sick, but he had to protect his kingdom. Even if it meant sacrificing himself.
***
No word from Caitlyn. It had been two days and although she had sent back a message saying she would consider his offer, she was leaving him in suspense. Probably to make him even more desperate when she came back with outrageous demands. But that didn't matter. Benjamin didn't really care what demands she had as long as it wasn't one of her children who ended up ruling his kingdom.
Benjamin stepped out of the shower, unhappy to see that the cold water and thinking of Caitlyn hadn't shocked away the effects of the dream he'd had the previous night. Of Julia, her arms and legs around him, a smile on her face and I love you on her lips. He'd woken to find the blankets tented over his lower region and it hadn't yet gone away. Snarling under his breath, he dressed, trying to put Julia from his mind.
His son would be the king after him. Henry.
He needed to start the court proceedings to claim custody of his boy soon. But Julia clearly loved the baby. Benjamin could see it every time she looked at him. He could see utter devotion in her eyes like she'd give up her whole world for him. And she had, in a sense, when she had entered such a massive debt fighting Cynthia's family for him. What right did anybody, even Henry's father, have to take him from such a loving, caring home? Julia gave Henry everything he needed and more.
And what sort of father would he be? More to the point – what sort of step-mother would Caitlyn be? Could he really subject his son to grow up with that harpy as the woman he called mother?
The prince shook his head as he dressed, then went in search of Julia. Like usual, she was in the room he had provided for her, holding Henry close. She shrank back from him when he entered, eyes going wide. Looking at her made his heart clench.
"I've decided something," he started roughly. "You will remain Henry's primary guardian. But he is going to be named my son and heir and I will have partial custody. We won't live under the same roof, but you'll be close by and attend public events as though we are friends."
She was silent.
"That's the best you're going to get. I don't want to take Henry from his mother, but if you plan to fight me on this—"
"I'm not. Thank you. I wasn't planning on keeping Henry out of your life anyway, but thank you for letting me keep him."
Her voice, soft and cowed, so unlike her normal confidence, made Benjamin wince. He ran a hand through his hair, trying not to think about his dream last night. It wasn't happening. She didn't love him and he needed to get over her if worst came to worst. "I sent a marriage offer to Caitlyn."
"I heard. I had hoped it wasn't true."
Why? Was she hoping . . . He shut down that line of thinking. "It's true. She's the one who instigated all of this, so she's the one I have to placate. Besides which, I need a queen. She's got the proper training and everything, so . . . "
Julia brushed her hair behind her ear and shrugged. "You're not afraid she'll stab you in the back on your wedding night?"
Wedding night. The thought of being physically intimate with Caitlyn left him cold, but he brushed away the feeling. "No. It would just put her back in the same position, looking for a new mate and the rumors surrounding my death would be enough to cool the heels of prospective mates. But I have to protect my kingdom by any means necessary."
"I know."
Benjamin twitched. There was nothing else to say here. He should leave . . . but he didn't want to. He swallowed hard. "Julia . . . I'm sorry that I reacted as badly as I did when you told me the truth. That doesn't mean that I've forgiven you, but I do wish I hadn't been as explosive."
"I understand. I wish . . . I wish I had told you earlier. Actually, I wish I'd never come up with that stupid plan to begin with. You're nothing like what I told myself you were. And I am sorry for hurting you."
"That doesn't make it hurt less."
"I know."
Benjamin held out his arms and after a moment Julia passed Henry to him. The baby snuggled into the crook of his arm, utterly relaxed. The prince smiled softly. If he hadn't met Julia, would he have ever met his little boy?
"Cynthia . . . I wish I could remember her. Why didn't she tell me?"
"I don't know. But she had a terrible life. The people she cared about most were always hurting her or putting her down. Her parents . . . they didn't deserve to be called parents. I think she was just afraid that the pattern would hold and you'd end up hurting her more. And then she died before she could tell you." Benjamin looked up. Tears glimmered in Julia's eyes. "I'm sorry that I hurt you."
"You could have never told me. So why did you?"
Julia shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself. "It's because I . . . I've fallen in love with you."
Benjamin's jaw dropped. The air left his lungs in a whoosh. "What?"
"I love you."