Chapter Seven – Arabella
After the disaster at the hospital, Arabella was grateful that other things quickly filled up the space between her and Grayson, stopping him from asking further questions. Henry's display with the children convinced the doctors that he was fit to be discharged – so long as he had supervision and careful observation. With that in mind, he was moved into a rather large and luxurious RV at the base of Grayson's tree, and a nurse was hired to come stay with him.
As much as she was glad that Henry was there – since he kept Grayson occupied enough, it was easy to avoid him – she didn't like having another person around. It was going to be hard enough to follow through on the mission without this extra worry.
And then, of course, there was the kiss. It was the last thing she should have done – kissing Grayson. Especially when the conversation was getting so . . . intimate. She didn't need to be reminded of how she was going to betray them all. It was already unforgivable. This path she was falling down wasn't just a slippery slope. It was a rabbit hole and she was certain it was going to end with her losing her head.
She knew now that he was going to press harder than he ever had before to find out exactly why she was kissing him and what she was afraid of. Their conversation had been so up and down that there was really no other way for him to react. The kiss simply clinched the deal. At the time, it had seemed like the best way to stop the conversation, but it was a bad idea. Especially because of how much she still wanted him.
I'm projecting, she told herself. I see this perfect little family he has and I'm projecting myself into it. It's not him that I want – it's this feeling of trust and safety. All an illusion. Doesn't help that the sex was amazing.
The mission had to come first.
But did it have to happen the way she had been planning? Did it have to be the children? She could tell Kennedy and their superiors that it was too much of a danger to take the children because of Grayson's inevitable reaction. They could take Henry instead. He was enough to stop Grayson from continuing his political path.
Maybe there was a way to do things so that Grayson never found out that she was a part of it. Maybe she could fake her own kidnapping, demand the ransom for herself and, when he withdrew from politics, she would quit her job and move far away with her payment from the organization. Grayson would never know what sort of person she actually was and the heartbreak wouldn't be so bad, would it?
Grayson knocked at her bedroom door, making her jump. "The kids are sleeping and Henry's watching TV. Want to go for a walk?"
She didn't but nodded anyway. She had had plenty of time to come up with a reason for why they couldn't do what they were doing and she was certain she would be forceful enough to make him leave it alone. She had to cut off the emotional ties she was building. No matter what happened, the ransom had to happen and she had to stay far, far away from him.
The paths on the forest floor in this tree-top Dragon suburbia were all nature trails. There wasn't any pavement among the redwoods, except for the few roads for the cars. Even the main town was far away from the trees, a single grocery store and the hospital the only buildings inside. Probably to help preserve the trees.
"It's been a crazy few days, hasn't it?" Grayson asked as they headed through the lush, thick ferns.
She took a deep breath, preparing to tell him that she had made a mistake by kissing him, but he continued speaking before she could.
"When I married Christine, I thought that was it. She was my life-mate and I was never going to have anybody else. She and I were perfect complements for each other. I never imagined that I would lose her." His chin fell to his chest. "And afterward, I never thought I was going to feel that way ever again."
"Grayson—"
"I thought about what you said," he interrupted. "About how you're the first woman I've spent any real time with since her."
"That's not exactly what I said."
He shrugged. "I get what you said, though. And it really made me think. About what I feel. About Christine."
"You really loved her," Arabella said softly. If she could remind him enough about his dead wife, then maybe he would pull away and she wouldn't have to deal with these confusing emotions any longer. Not his and not her own. "She was a special woman in your life, wasn't she?"
"She was, yes. She had so much love in her heart."
Arabella swallowed hard. "I'm not like that."
Grayson gave her a shrewd look. "Maybe not. But you are still full of compassion."
He wouldn't say that if he knew about all the lives she had ruined – all the people she had killed. A lump rose in her throat, her eyes flooding with tears. She didn't want to feel like this, but she was crumbling inside. All her life she wanted to have love. Maybe this really was just an illusion, but she wanted this so badly it hurt.
"But I'm not her and I think you're trying to see me like she was," she said, trying to make her voice harder. "Grayson, I can't deny that there is an attraction between us, but it could never work. You're a dragon and I don't think we'd be compatible. I love the twins; I don't want them to get hurt. And they will get hurt if we try this."
Grayson grasped her hand, stopping her. "I think you're more afraid that you will get hurt."
Arabella yanked herself away from him. She took a deep breath and forced herself to channel the hurt in her chest into anger. "Oh, so you know everything about me now, do you?"
If she had hoped for Grayson to turn it all into an argument so she could put the necessary distance between the two of them, she was disappointed. The dragon stayed still, watching her with knowing eyes. The lump in her throat grew bigger, choking her. Her eyes burned.
"Don't look at me like that," she whispered.
"You can't stop me." His voice was soft, gentle. "Arabella, I know that you're scared. I can see it in your eyes. But if you just give me a chance—"
"I said no!" She clenched her fists. "Don't you understand what that means? What happened to thinking about your kids first, anyway? Did you just decide that they weren't important after all? Why can't you just leave this alone?"
She started to walk away again. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.
"I'm trying to talk to you! There is too much between us to ignore and you know it."
"Let me go."
Grayson pulled her into his arms. "Listen to me. I'm scared, too. I haven't dated since Christine passed. I haven't even looked at women that way. I never thought I would again and, if I'm honest, I didn't want to."
Arabella yanked hard against his grip, fighting the urge to either cry or kiss him again. "I don't want you to, either."
"But I feel it all over again. And you are worth risking my heart for. Please, Arabella. Give me a chance. I know that your life was not the best—"
"You don't know my life!" She jabbed her fingers into a knot of nerves at the top of his arm. He released her with a yelp. She knew from experience that his arm would feel numb and tingly for two hours after that. But that was exactly what she needed. "You don't know the first thing about my life."
"Then tell me."
"No."
Grayson stepped back, pulling in a deep breath. He studied her for a moment, then released it. "I'm sorry."
"You’d better be."
She had three days left before she was supposed to deliver the twins to the organization. Three days to harden her heart and sever these stupid emotional ties. It wasn't the first time she had gone undercover to get close to a mark and not the first time she had developed feelings.
But those were never this intense – always easily washed away. Why couldn’t she let Grayson go just the same?
Arabella stuffed her hands into her pockets and headed back toward the house. Grayson followed silently. In the elevator, the tension between them fell like a bass guitar's string, thick and tense. She stared outside, keeping her arms tight around her middle.
"You can tell me, you know. When you want to."
I'm part of a shady organization that kills for hire, kidnaps people, and manipulates the market for profit. Arabella couldn't suppress a snort. I was sent to kidnap your children.
"You need to find a new nanny," she said abruptly. She would go with the children when she kidnapped them. She couldn’t trust Kennedy with their safety. But this was the end of it all. She had to get her head out of the fantasy of what could never happen. "I'll stay for however long you need me to in order to find my replacement and then I'm gone."
And I'll never be happy again.