Chapter Six – Grayson
Grayson knew that Arabella knew he was there, but she didn't turn as he followed her to the free coffee served in the waiting room. She kept her back to him as she poured herself a cup, adding more sugar and cream than he had ever seen her consume before. Her hands shook and she seemed to hunch in on herself. It surprised him to see her so vulnerable and he couldn't help but think that it was his fault.
He was the one who told her it was inappropriate to have a relationship and then he had kissed her. He was the one that initiated the sex before that. It had almost been a full week, but it still felt fresh to him. Was it the same for her?
"Arabella?"
She turned, stirring her coffee, though she still refused to look directly at him. Grayson put his hands over hers, making her stop. She closed her eyes briefly and looked up at him. Her expression was more or less blank but there was still a glimmer of uncertainty in her eyes.
Grayson lowered his voice to make sure that the others around them couldn't hear but he wasn't going to back down. "What's wrong? Is it because we made love?"
She tried to pull away but he tightened his grip just enough so that she couldn’t. "It's not that."
Relief poured over Grayson to hear that. He knew that she wanted that kiss, could taste her passion when their lips met but that didn't mean that she didn't regret it. She didn't maintain eye contact for long, instead just looking back down at her coffee.
"So what is it?"
She shook her head.
"Arabella, if I did something—"
"It's not you. It's me. It's all me. I . . . I don't know if I can . . . " She sighed. "Seeing the way you are with the twins and the way they get along. Even Henry. It's difficult for me. I was never really part of a real family. It was always just me, you know? My parents weren't really there. I don't even remember them all that much. I can't help but wonder what I would have turned out like if they had actually cared about me."
The raw pain in her eyes made his fires flare. He wanted to track down her parents and demand that they see the agony that they caused their daughter. Nobody should have to feel like they were unloved. It made him furious that someone as kind as Arabella was made to feel that way.
"What about your sister?"
Arabella shook her head. "She's not really my sister. She . . . "
She trailed off, clearly not wanting to say any more than that. Grayson moved forward again. He brushed his fingers against her cheek. Her skin was so soft and warm, it made him want to wrap her in his arms and never let her go.
"You can trust me," he promised.
"That's not the issue. My past is my past, and I don't . . . Nobody can change what I've done."
"What you've done? You’re a wonderful person." He moved his hands down her arms, stepping closer. The steam of the coffee rose between them and Grayson gently moved it aside. "Arabella, you are a beautiful, intelligent, compassionate—"
"Grayson, please."
He shook his head. "Let me finish."
She sucked her lower lip between her teeth and nodded. Her eyes glimmered with tears and he wiped a stray one away as it rolled down her cheek. Even with the antiseptic smell of the hospital and the hum of activity, he only focused on her. He was too focused on her and letting her know how he felt. Maybe it was silly to have such strong emotions after knowing her for such a short amount of time, but it had worked the same way with Christine. He had known he wanted to marry her after only a week.
"I appreciate what you do for me," he started. "And for the twins. They love you."
She jerked away from him as though he had slapped her. "Grayson, no."
"They do. I've never met anybody who is quite like you – with your patience and the way you always seem to know exactly what to do."
"Stop!" Her voice was a hiss. "Stop it. Look, I know that losing your wife was hard on you, but I'm just the first woman who has been in your life full-time since her. So whatever you think you are feeling, it's not real. You're just learning how to test the waters again. That kiss? It was a mistake."
"I don’t think so."
"It was. And we didn't make love. We had sex. That's all it was. We need to keep our minds on what is important."
Grayson frowned at the distress emanating from her but backed away. As much as he'd like to throw her over his shoulder and fly away to where they could talk until her distress turned to something else, he knew he had to keep himself under control. Yes, he was becoming more and more certain of his feelings for her, but that didn't mean that she felt the same. Humans were tricky that way.
She pushed past him, then stopped. Her shoulders sagged and she turned back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. It's just that . . . I learned long ago that emotion was a dangerous thing and I didn't want now, of all times . . . " She shook her head, shrinking into herself again. "It's putting everything in jeopardy."
Grayson moved closer again. "I'm not going to hurt you."
"No. I'm going to hurt you. I've come to really care about Olivia and Hudson. More than I thought I could. And thinking that anything might happen to them . . . " Her lip trembled and she sucked in a deep breath. "Haven't you ever thought about giving up on politics? For their sake?"
Grayson frowned. "I'm not sure what you mean."
"People are mad. What you are doing threatens their way of life and that can have consequences. Don't you think that you're putting your children in danger over this?"
"There have been threats," he admitted. "There are always threats. Even before I started getting involved. But when I think about what their futures are . . . I can't put this on their shoulders. I won't." His eyes grew steely. "My children are never going to have to see the world this way. I am going to change it for their sake."
"What is the point of doing all of this if they don't end up having a future, though?" she pressed, her own eyes narrowing. "You say there have been threats. What if they come true and something happens to the twins because of your politics?"
Grayson's brow furrowed. Why was she so insistent about this? He moved closer, reaching for her hand. "Did somebody threaten you?"
She shook her head.
"Then why is this worrying you so much? The children are safe. They are always with people I trust and I would never let something happen to them. I'd kill anybody who tried."
"You're not always there," Arabella whispered. "And maybe your trust is misplaced."
Grayson frowned. "Arabella—"
She threw her coffee in the trash and then threw her arms around his neck. Even as he tried to ask her what she was doing, she swallowed his words with a kiss. Instantly, his internal fires went wild. The dragon inside of him roared with approval. Every cell in his body ignited; it drew him toward her and he cupped her ass in his hands, pulling her tighter. Even the knowledge that they were being watched by the nursing staff couldn't stop him. He thought of everywhere they could do it. The bathroom. Unoccupied rooms. Even the rooftop crossed his mind.
But there was one thing he couldn't ignore. Or rather, two things.
With a reluctant groan, Grayson broke the kiss. As much as he would have liked to recklessly throw himself into her, there was more at stake than just him. Back when he first pursued Christine, the worst that could possibly happen was getting his heart broken. Now he had two little children who relied on him for everything. He couldn't fling himself headfirst into the void and hope that they didn't get hurt if this didn't work out. They loved Arabella and he wasn't going to drive her away by being impatient.
"What's wrong?" Arabella asked, her eyes wide, her chest heaving.
With a regretful smile, Grayson shook his head. "I can't rush into this. I'm sorry. I was pushing and now I have to pull away. I need to make sure that whatever this is doesn't hurt my children if we can't make it work."
Arabella blinked a couple of times before she pulled away. "You have to put your children first – even above your own wants."
He nodded. "Sorry."
"Don't be." Her voice cracked. "I'm the one giving you mixed messages, if you'll remember. Telling you I can't . . . and then kissing you."
"It can be confusing, I know," Grayson said. "Especially when a shifter and a non-shifter have . . . intense feelings for each other. Dragons don't approach marriage and mating the same way. Among Shifters, when we make love—"
"Where are the kids, anyway?" Arabella interrupted. Her voice had smoothed again, as though nothing in the last half hour had happened and she had merely gone for coffee and happened to bump into him. "If Henry is doing poorly, he shouldn’t have to deal with their energy. They can be quite exhausting."
Grayson was silent for a moment. He wasn't sure how to take Arabella's abrupt switch. Mixed messages indeed. He thought for a moment, then shook his head. Pushing her on the matter wasn't a good idea. He'd talk to her more about it that night after the kids were in bed. If she wanted him to back off, he would, but he wasn't going to let himself get jerked around.
"Henry's doing a lot better today," he told her. "They want to keep him for observation, but he insists that he's fine."
Her gaze shifted over his shoulder and a look of weariness came over her face. "I see. It's going to be impossible to calm them down after this."
Before he could ask her what she meant, a delighted shriek from down the hall made him turn. Henry barreled down the corridor in his wheelchair, Hudson clinging to one shoulder, Olivia to the next. Smoke and sparks showered from their mouths as they hollered. Hudson's face was red as he spun the wheels faster and faster. The nurses shrieked, sounding much less amused than the twins and chased after them.
Arabella gave Grayson a look before she hurried to rescue the poor nurses. Grayson could have sworn that he saw guilt on her face.