CHAPTER 30
Graham
THE PRESENT…
“Oh, my God. This is amazing,” Lauren moaned, sounding like she was having one of the best orgasms she’d ever experienced.
I was almost jealous, even though I’d been the one to drag her off to one of the better restaurants in the Denver area.
After picking her up at the airport, I’d decided to persuade her to try one of the less dressier places that was still on the top list of restaurants in the city.
Judging by the expression on her face, she wasn’t regretting it.
She’d opted for carbonara, and I’d decided on one of the signature steaks with sides.
The food was great, but I couldn’t help but be fascinated by Lauren’s ecstatic expression.
We both loved good food, but she’d been reluctant about the prices.
I hoped she got used to eating in places like this one. “I want to take you out to a nicer place Friday,” I told her.
“Where?” she said as her eyes popped open after she’d closed them to taste her meal.
I mentioned a place a lot more expensive than our current eatery.
“Graham, that restaurant is so pricy,” she scolded.
“I’m more than capable of paying,” I said calmly.
Yeah, I had to remind myself that I was now a millionaire, even though I still couldn’t get used to looking at my bank balance. And I hadn’t even gotten my football salary yet. Most of my riches were portions of my endorsements.
Turned out, endorsing boxer shorts and other products earned a hell of a lot of money. Way more money than I’d ever seen at one time, and more on the way.
She rolled her eyes at me. “I know that. I just don’t want you to spend it on me.”
“There’s nobody else I want to spoil,” I pointed out. “You know how hard things were for me. I want to share the spoils of my labor. Come on, Lauren. It’s not going to break me. Besides, I need good food.”
“I don’t need it,” she argued. “I’ll probably gain weight.”
Lauren had always been self-conscious about her curvy body, and the way she filled out a pair of jeans. Hell, I’d never complain about having that soft, beautiful body against mine. Any guy who didn’t adore every inch of her was crazy.
I shook my head, not willing to think about Lauren with any other guy but me.
“So you gain a couple of pounds,” I answered. “It’s not a big deal.”
She put another bite into her mouth and closed her eyes again.
My dick got hard just from looking at her, but I couldn’t seem to make myself look away. Lauren was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. Every reaction was genuine, and I wished I would have just taken her out instead of leaving her at the cabin after the best sex I’d ever had. What in the fuck had I been thinking?
In truth, I’d been fucking terrified. My night with Lauren had been like a hard slug in the face the morning after, and I’d bolted instead of being there for her.
“My ass is a big deal,” she said when she’d recovered from her tasting climax. “I need to drop some pounds.”
I hated the vulnerability in her tone. “You don’t need to do a damn thing,” I rumbled. “You’re fucking perfect.”
She raised a brow. “My butt is too big, my hips are carrying way too much padding, and my belly could use some toning, too. Or maybe I’m just too short for my weight.”
She was mocking herself, and I hated it. “Perfect,” I said grumpily. Fuck knew I wanted her body enough to know that she was everything I needed right now.
I fucking craved having her surrounding my cock again. I needed that wet heat more than I needed to breathe, so her self-deprecation was unacceptable.
“If you keep saying that I’m perfect, I might start believing it,” she teased, and then licked the carbonara sauce off her fork.
That brief flick of her tongue made me bite back a groan. My mind was running rampant, and I’d never known what a sexual tease fine dining could be.
Or maybe it was only this way with her.
With Lauren, everything was becoming a cock tease.
That was why I’d needed to get the hell out of Florida with her. The pain of not having my dick buried deep inside her was downright agonizing.
“Believe it,” I told her huskily, my cock hard enough to cut diamonds underneath the table.
I tore my eyes away from her face and focused on my steak.
“How was the physical?” she asked.
“I’m a stallion,” I said in a cocky tone as I grinned at her. “A very healthy one.”
She nodded and swallowed hard. “I already know that.”
Lauren wanted me just as much as I wanted her. I knew the combination was dangerous, but I was getting sick of playing it safe.
I was in a really fucked-up situation.
I needed to fuck her.
And I didn’t want to lose her friendship.
They were pretty much two emotions that I just couldn’t seem to make come together in my head.
The emotions Lauren stirred up in me were in direct conflict with each other, but I had no idea how to fix it.
She’d always been my Peanut, and I adored her.
But my cock desperately wanted her, too.
“I’m sorry I left you at the cabin,” I blurted out. “I think you deserve a real apology. I was scared.”
My heart was nearly pounding out of my chest, but I was going to have to face those fears and be truthful with Lauren from now on if I wanted to fix things.
Her expression softened as she gazed at me. “I know you didn’t mean it, but it hurt.”
“I know. It was a shitty thing to do. But I wasn’t prepared for what happened between us. Hell, I’d just been dumped by Hope.”
She chewed and swallowed before she answered. “Is it wrong if I say that I was glad you didn’t marry her?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Not if it’s true. We’re always honest with each other. Well, most of the time, anyway.”
Even though my emotions were messed up, Lauren had always known me as well as Jack had, and I was pretty sure she sensed that I wasn’t in love with Hope.
Eventually, my thing with Hope wouldn’t have been enough. I could recognize the stark difference between what I had with Lauren and what I had with Hope after what happened with Lauren at the cabin. “I’m glad we didn’t get married, too,” I confessed. “I talked to my counselor about her, and I get that my relationship with her wasn’t healthy. We would have ended up resenting each other eventually.”
“That’s insightful,” she said carefully. “You don’t talk much about your counseling.”
I winced. “I haven’t mentioned it because it’s not something I exactly enjoy. No sense in torturing myself more than once.”
“But it will help you heal,” she observed.
“I guess I’m not there yet,” I complained. “Bringing up old memories hurts like hell.”
“I’m proud of you,” she said quietly. “It takes a lot of courage to go and face all of those things in your past. I’m not surprised that it’s painful.”
My heart swelled at her approval, just like it always did. “I want to live strong,” I explained. “And counseling is part of that plan, even though I feel like I’m being drawn and quartered most of the time.”
She laughed, and the musical sound cut through me like a knife. I liked it when she was happy.
She paused her orgasmic meal to reach for her glass of wine. “I know. I’ve been there. It’s never easy to pour your guts out to a stranger, but it helped me grow. If Kelley hadn’t been there for me, things would have been a lot more difficult. She’s been a good friend.”
I hadn’t met Kelley personally, but I was hoping I would one day. She’d helped Lauren through some difficult times, and she’d picked her up after I’d quit on Lauren by leaving the cabin without a word.
Even though Lauren still had her vulnerabilities, she had changed over the years. “The things you did on our list took a lot of courage,” I praised her, still not quite used to the fact that she’d become a risk-taker.
She’d showed me all her pictures of doing those things, but I still had a hard time imagining Peanut jumping out of a plane or scuba diving, not to mention some of the other crazy things she’d done.
Lauren was cautious by nature, and analytical, so she’d had to go against her learned behavior to make those leaps. But she’d done it.
“I calculated the risks, and every item was less dangerous than driving a car.”
I smiled. Maybe she hadn’t exactly gone against her nature. She’d just found a way to justify doing them. But she’d still been so damn brave.
“Maybe,” I answered as I devoured the food on my plate. “But they’re a lot scarier than driving.”
Most women wouldn’t even have attempted most of the things on our list, much less doing them alone. Except, I hadn’t planned on her going alone, and I hadn’t meant for her to do everything on the list.
It was probably good that I hadn’t known. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t have been able to let her do those things alone.
“I’m sorry you had to do it by yourself.” I reached for my water, wishing to hell I hadn’t been such a jackass.
I was learning to control my temper through counseling, and how to appropriately deal with the things I’d done wrong. Apologizing to Lauren had been the first step, but I planned on making several leaps to gain her trust again.
She needed me to be consistent, and I vowed that I’d be there for her, no matter how damn hard it might be. No more taking the coward’s way out for me.
Lauren sipped her wine for a moment, and then put her glass down as she said, “I’m not sorry,” she told me. “I think I needed to do those things on my own just to prove to myself that I could. I actually want to do several of them again.”
I didn’t need to ask what things she wanted to continue. I’d do any of them with her. “Can I keep you company when you do?”
“I’ll think about it,” she teased.
I grinned at her. “You do that.”
Since I was still ironing out my final contract, I’d need to make sure I wasn’t excluded from doing the things I wanted to do with Lauren. I’d have to agree to some stuff. But my agent could negotiate.
The conversation moved to lighter topics, and I didn’t stop smiling until we’d finished the meal.
I ordered dessert after Lauren had refused. But she ate most of the decadent torte when I’d offered to share, just like I knew she would.