CHAPTER 35
Graham
The restaurant had been everything I’d hoped it would be, and I’d thoroughly enjoyed watching the looks of ecstasy on Lauren’s face throughout each course.
However, my patience was starting to wear pretty thin.
I had a love/hate relationship with the way Lauren enjoyed her food.
I loved seeing her happy.
But I hated watching the aroused look on her face when she tasted everything on the table.
It made for a painfully hard meal, even though the food and service had been outstanding.
“I’m done,” Lauren said sadly as she placed her linen napkin on her plate carefully. “This is the most decadent thing I’ve ever done.”
I watched her as she reached for her wineglass, silently swearing to myself that Lauren and I would share every wicked thing we could find in the future. “It was good,” I answered.
Her brows drew together in the Lauren way I fucking adored. “Good?” she questioned. “Graham, it was extraordinary. The food, the wine, the table linens, the service. This whole restaurant is fantastic. And I doubt I would have experienced it if not for you. Thank you.”
We both loved good food, so I grinned at her. “There are a lot more places I want to go.”
She looked around the elegant interior of the restaurant. “I’ll run out of dresses. It’s not like I own a whole closet full of nice outfits.”
“Does it matter?” I asked. “Denver has a lot of great places that are casual, or I could give you my credit card to buy more dresses and clothes.” Fuck! That sounded like a good idea. I liked the idea of taking care of her, and now I had the money to buy her anything her heart desired without it even making a dent in my new net worth.
Most good eateries had always been out of my reach when we were younger.
“It doesn’t really matter where we go as long as I’m with you,” she answered in a sincere tone.
It didn’t escape me that she totally ignored my offer of new clothes. Peanut was stubborn, but I wouldn’t have her be any other way. I had a lot of faith in my persuasive abilities, and I’d learned how to get around her stubbornness most of the time.
“But good food doesn’t hurt,” I teased.
Lauren sighed. “You aren’t going to be good for my diet.”
“I’ll be available to help you work off the calories,” I offered huskily.
Her beautiful eyes locked with mine, and I saw the same damn longing I knew I was showing to her when I looked at her. The gnawing sensation in my gut grew agonizing the longer she stared at me.
“Did you mean it?” she asked in a breathless tone. “What’s on the shirt you gave me, and what you said to Dad?”
I reached across the table and grasped her hand. “I did. I do. Maybe you won’t believe me quite yet, but I’m not going anywhere, Lauren.”
Her slightly haunted expression gutted me. But I’d given her enough mixed signals in the past to justify it. I wasn’t going to lie to her ever again.
“I want you to be mine,” she said hesitantly.
“I am yours,” I said immediately, trying to tear down the last of the wall I’d built up between us with my stupidity.
We’d made fun conversation over dinner, just enjoying each other’s company. But I was more than happy to spill my guts to her. I was ready.
My engorged cock twitched, and I admitted that my dick was more than eager to talk to her, too.
She scrunched her nose adorably as her thumb toyed with the top of my hand. “Is it weird that we feel this way after being friends for so long?”
“My dick realized that it wasn’t strange long before my brain did,” I confessed. “But this is right, Peanut. I think we both know that.”
“I feel like I’ve been waiting forever for you to notice me, but then you got together with Hope…”
I could hear the anguish in her tone, and it nearly killed me that I’d been so damn stupid.
I stroked a thumb over her wrist. “I’m a work in progress, Peanut,” I admitted. “It’s not easy to be with somebody who is bipolar. There’s always that fear of the disorder taking control. Hope didn’t want kids, and neither one of us expected much from each other. But I did expect her not to screw other guys. I guess I thought Hope and I were perfect for each other because we were both ambivalent.”
“You deserve so much more than that, Graham,” she replied softly.
I raised an eyebrow. “So what do I do now that I know the only one who can give me what I want is you?”
“Sex?” she questioned.
I shook my head slowly. “If that’s what you think, then I’m not doing a very good job of expressing myself. I want everything, Peanut. I admit, I’d like nothing more than to tease you until you’re half-crazy with desire, and then bury myself inside you until we’re both satisfied. But that’s not going to be enough for me. I need us. Maybe it’s too soon to want that, but I can’t watch you be with anybody else but me.”
“It killed me to see you with Hope,” she answered. “I never admitted that to myself consciously because I knew it would hurt too much.”
Our waiter left the bill on the table quietly, and I let go of Lauren’s hand to take care of it.
“I would have felt the same way if you were with somebody else,” I confessed. “But you and me…I just couldn’t conceive it because I didn’t want anybody I cared about having to live with my disorder. It’s not for the faint of heart,” I joked.
“But bipolar doesn’t define who you are as a person. That’s completely unique.”
I grinned at her as I fished for my wallet. “I think I just had that conversation with myself.”
“Do you believe it?”
“Yeah. I think maybe I finally do. I just need a woman who can accept the risk.” There was only one woman I needed to take me on, and I was looking at her.
“I can,” she said firmly. “I know you.”
The tension I hadn’t realized existed released from my body. “You’re probably the only person who really does,” I replied hoarsely, fumbling in my wallet until I found my credit card and tossed it on the check.
I lost a few other items in the process.
“What’s this?” Lauren asked as she helped me pick up the items that had fallen from my wallet.
“That’s priceless,” I said, snatching the object from her hand.
“It’s a four-leafed clover,” she observed. “It looks like it’s preserved in resin.”
“It’s your four-leafed clover,” I explained. “The same one you gave me before I left for college. I haven’t been separated from it since you found it for me.”
I smoothed a hand over the plastic cover, trying to make sure it was intact. I’d gotten it preserved right after Lauren had given it to me. It was preserved and mounted on a heavy piece of white cardboard, and covered in a sturdy plastic. I’d been thinking about a more permanent place to put it because it was starting to look a little tattered.
Lauren took it back into her hand and ran a finger down the clear cover. “You saved it?”
“You sound surprised,” I answered. “What’s the probability of finding one of those?”
“One in ten thousand,” she recited immediately.
“I knew you hunted hard for that. It meant a lot to me. I kind of clung to it while I was in the hospital in college. That four-leafed clover and you helped me hang on to my sanity. Every time I wanted to give up, all I had to think about was your tenacity when you were looking for one special clover among thousands of them. It made me stronger.”
“If I would have known what you were going through, I would have searched for more,” she said.
I snatched the good luck charm back, making sure it went into my wallet. “I didn’t need more. I had this one. It was more than enough.”
Lauren gazed at me, but she didn’t say anything. I had no idea what was going on in her head. She looked like she was thinking about something, and I didn’t like the melancholy look on her face.
The waiter who had quietly dropped my check had taken it from the table, and was on his way back to return my card, so I stood up. “Thanks for the great service,” I said, putting my card back in my wallet.
We exchanged a few niceties, and he departed with a smile.
When I walked to Lauren’s side, I could tell she was still thinking about something, and she didn’t look happy. “Hey, no frowning tonight,” I said sternly as I grasped her hand and pulled her to her feet.
“I wasn’t sad,” she said as she grabbed her coat. “I just don’t know what to say.”
“That would be a first,” I teased.
I’d stepped outside and was holding the door open for her before I could see the tears in her eyes with the help of the illuminated exterior of the restaurant.
“Are you okay?” I walked her to the parking lot and was opening the door when she flung her soft, gorgeous body into my arms.
I had to choke back a groan when I tightened my arms around her.
She felt so damn good.
And holding her felt so damn right.
“I hate what happened to you, Graham. You had so many obstacles already that it just isn’t fair that you were alone when you needed somebody the most,” Lauren said in a muffled voice against my shoulder.
I smiled against her silky hair. I loved the female in my arms so damn much that when she hurt, I hurt with her, but I didn’t want her to be unhappy about the past. “If I’ve learned anything…it’s that life often isn’t fair, sweetheart.”
“Life sucks,” she murmured.
“Not right now,” I told her as I rubbed a hand up and down her back. “In fact, other than the fact that you’re crying, I think it’s pretty damn perfect.”
I had a boner the size of New York City, but I wouldn’t trade the past for my present. If every minute of my shitty past had led me to Lauren, I’d do it all over again.
“Do you mean that?” she said with a sniffle.
I stepped back so I could see her face, and answer her eye-to-eye. “I’m happy where I am right now, Lauren. I’m in a good place, and I have the career I’ve always wanted. All I need now is you.”
Her face looked tormented as she said, “I love you, Graham. Maybe I always have.”
“Mine!” I growled. A fierce possessiveness I’d never experienced before Lauren made my chest ache like I was having a heart attack.
Her words conjured up every damn fantasy I’d had since I’d been with her in Aspen. “I love you, too, baby,” I said, forcing the words past the huge lump in my throat.
She cried harder. “You’ve never said that to me before.”
For me, it was a monumental moment. “I’ve never said those words to anybody. I should have said them to you a long time ago. I’ve always loved you back, Peanut, even though it was in a different way when we were kids.”
“And now?” she asked hesitantly.
“Now I love you like the woman I can’t live without. I love you with all my heart.”
It didn’t matter that we were in a public parking lot. I fucking needed to be inside her.
I pushed her back against the Range Rover, trapped her with my body, and I kissed her, not caring if I ever stopped.
She responded, her arms wrapping around my neck as I did what I’d wanted to do the whole damn night.