CHAPTER 34
Graham
I was as nervous as a teenager on my first date.
And holy hell, it wasn’t a comfortable state of mind for me.
I was a twenty-five-year-old guy who didn’t do dating.
Hell, even my time with Hope had been an appointment.
I went to parties, and I got laid. I had no fucking idea how to really impress a woman. Maybe because I hadn’t given a shit enough to try.
Until now.
I took one last look at my reflection. I wasn’t dressed in a suit, not because I didn’t think Lauren was worth dressing up for, but I wasn’t a tie kind of guy. If I thought it would make her look at me like I was hers, I’d wear a tux and a million different ties of every color. But she’d hate it if she thought I wasn’t enjoying dinner because I was being strangled by a shitload of accessories.
So I’d just decided to be the best me I could be.
My black jeans were brand-new, and the cream-colored sweater was appropriate because it was still a little cold in the evening in Colorado.
When I’d stopped at the mall earlier in the day, the clerk had helped me pick out the sweater I was wearing. Apparently, it looked good with my darker hair and complexion, at least that’s what the woman had told me.
Honestly, all I wanted was for Lauren to think I was attractive. Maybe I’d screwed up by listening to a clerk who was old enough to be my grandmother.
Disgusted with myself, I turned away from the mirror and made my way to the kitchen as fast as my new pair of black oxfords could take me there.
I tugged on my black leather jacket, and grabbed my keys.
I hated being this uptight.
Lauren was my best friend, but it had somehow become critical that she thought I was dating material, too. The friend and the fucking thing had been messing with my mind again, but in my heart, I knew what I wanted.
As I got into my Range Rover, I admitted to myself that I wanted more than a friend and a fuck from Lauren.
I wanted it all, which was a problem since I didn’t really do dates. And I definitely didn’t know jack-shit about romance.
I grinned as I sat the gifts that I’d bought for Lauren down on the freshly vacuumed seat. My Range Rover was as clean as the day I bought it since I’d gotten off my ass and cleaned it earlier in the day.
As I did the drive to Lauren’s house, I grimaced as I thought about the day before. I’d been so fucking proud of my Peanut and her fearless approach to my teammates. But then, I’d already known she was brilliant. The biggest eye-opener was the way I felt seeing her talking to any guy she wasn’t related to, except me.
I didn’t want any other male even touching her or being the recipient of one of her beautiful smiles. It pissed me off, especially considering I couldn’t really claim her as my woman.
That ends now. Tonight.
A few years ago, my upward mobility had meant everything to me, and I’d mapped out the perfect plan while I was getting my bipolar condition stabilized. I’d thought Hope would be a great addition to those plans. In some ways, I really needed to thank Jack for ending that engagement. If he hadn’t, I’d be looking at walking down the aisle in another month with the wrong woman.
Now, I wanted more.
Lauren had always been the woman I needed, but I never imagined I could actually have her by my side.
Sure, I was still concerned about my worthiness, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. I’d come to a concrete decision, and I knew it was right.
Nobody was ever going to care as much about Lauren as I did, and there was no way in hell I was going to let her go because I didn’t try. I wasn’t a quitter, and I refused to let myself be defined by my mental illness.
There would always be fears associated with my bipolar disorder. My future of having kids someday was uncertain since the illness was hereditary, and yeah, I could end up in a hospital bed babbling about things that made no sense if I slipped out of my stable state, but wasn’t it better to just live my life if or until that happened, knowing I’d have somebody around who genuinely cared about me to help me get through the experience?
Hell, I’d be there for Lauren no matter what happened to her. She could have delusions about being the Queen of England and start dancing around on tables naked, but I’d know who was really inside her mind and her body. It wouldn’t change the way I felt about her. However, I would have to cover her body and drag her off the table. Nobody was going to see her naked except me.
So if I felt that way about her, was it such a long shot that she could have those same emotions?
I couldn’t really remember a time in my life where Lauren wasn’t part of my history and my future. Okay. Yeah. Our relationship was changing. My dick adored her now that she was an adult, and I wanted carnal knowledge of every inch of her curvy body. The possessive, caveman stuff had surprised me, but maybe it shouldn’t have. I’d always seen myself as Lauren’s protector, but she didn’t need that anymore. She was brilliant, and she could handle herself against any reasonable adversary. So those feelings had turned into a need to claim her as mine.
A fucking unrelenting instinct that was killing me.
Maybe it was a relationship that made no sense on the surface. The jock and the genius?
Problem was, I saw so much more when I looked at Lauren than her intelligence. I always had. I saw her. The whole person.
The little girl who had always felt different, but had an endless compassion for other people around her.
The teenager who had made me laugh because she had a sense of the ridiculous, and could make jokes about it.
And now, the adult beautiful woman who I craved like an addictive drug.
Oh hell, I’m fucked.
I should have known I was screwed from the moment Lauren’s foot had brushed over my erection at the cabin in Aspen. I wish I had stopped to think about what was happening then, but I hadn’t. First, I’d let my dick brain take control. Then, I’d freaked, afraid that I’d do something to hurt Lauren, so I’d run away like a coward to protect her from me. I hadn’t consciously recognized that I was doing something that would completely erode a trust we’d built for well over a decade of friendship.
I’d already beaten myself up a million times for losing her trust.
I was ready to prove to her that I could be there for her when she needed me.
Showing her how I felt was so damn necessary that I was nervous. I could dwell on what would happen if I couldn’t. Or not.
I’d decided not to accept defeat because that was pretty much my nature, and I needed Lauren too badly to take anything less than her surrender.
I wanted us all wrapped up in each other, entwined, preferably naked, until we didn’t know where one of us started and the other began.
I groaned in the dark interior of my vehicle as I turned off the freeway, cursing myself as I imagined getting Lauren naked.
“Don’t go there right now,” I rumbled aloud.
Yeah, I planned on getting her in bed before the night was over, but I wanted her to know I was going to be there when she woke up in the morning.
I killed the engine as I pulled into Lauren’s driveway.
Before I could think too much, I snatched the gifts on the seat beside me and hopped out of my vehicle.
I could make Lauren trust me again.
I could spoil her like she deserved to be spoiled.
I rang the doorbell, and Lauren’s dad opened the door seconds later, as though he’d been waiting for me to get there.
He stepped aside and let me in with a wary expression on his face. I wasn’t used to that.
I’d always liked Lauren and Jack’s father, Ben. He’d treated me like a second son when I was younger, something I’d never experienced in my many foster homes. I realized now that I’d pushed him away somewhat, just like I’d kept everybody else at a distance when I was a kid. But I didn’t need that protective defense anymore.
I shook his hand and he slapped me on the back. I hadn’t seen him in a while, and I recognized the fact that I’d missed him.
“Good to see you again, sir,” I said as I let go of his hand.
“Lauren is upstairs,” Ben said. “But she’ll be down shortly. Call me Ben. I feel old when you call me ‘sir.’”
I stood in a kitchen that hadn’t changed much over the years as I agreed readily, “Ben.”
“You clean up good,” he told me. “Where are you two off to?”
I hated the edginess I was feeling when Ben looked at me. But then, he seemed to be looking at me as a prospective boyfriend instead of a friend of Jack’s.
I told him where we were going for dinner.
He whistled. “Nice place. I wanted to take Lauren there for her birthday, but it was a little too rich for my blood.”
I shrugged. “I can afford it, and Lauren deserves the best I can give her.”
I made a mental note to take Ben and Lauren out to some places that had been previously out of reach. What was the point of having money if I couldn’t use a little of it to have fun with the people I cared about?
“You’ve done good, kid,” Ben said. “You got condoms?”
I squirmed, feeling just a little bit guilty that I saw Ben’s girl as the woman who haunted every sexual fantasy I had. “I think we’re good,” I said quickly.
I’d kind of forgotten how direct Lauren’s dad could be. But we hadn’t exactly talked about sex when I was younger.
He motioned to the kitchen table and I sat down in a chair.
As he took a seat across from me, he said, “Don’t mess with her head, Graham. She’s too good for that.”
I started feeling like we were speaking the same language now. “I know,” I confessed. “All I want to do is make her happy.”
“You love her?” Ben asked directly.
I nodded my head immediately. “I do. But I messed up once.”
His solemn face lit up in a smile. “If your heart is in the right place, everything will work out. You and Lauren always seemed to fit.”
“Don’t you think that’s strange?” I asked curiously. “We’re so different in so many ways.”
“Doesn’t matter,” he denied. “The important thing is that you always saw her.”
“I’ll take care of her the way she deserves,” I vowed.
“Dad? Are you grilling Graham?” Lauren’s voice spoke from the entrance to the kitchen.
Ben and I both stood up like we were being caught in the act of doing something wrong.
“Just catching up,” Ben denied as he winked at me.
Lauren rolled her eyes in exasperation, but she looked fondly at her only parent as she said, “It’s just dinner. And it’s Graham.”
My heart started to accelerate like I was doing a training run as I looked at her.
Jesus! She was gorgeous.
She made me grateful that I’d made the effort to clean up. But my attempts were put to shame by her black cocktail dress. It was deceptively simple, but the silky material seemed to hug her every curve. I was mesmerized by the view from the back as she went to drop a brief kiss on her father’s cheek.
“I won’t be out late,” she informed him.
“You will,” I contradicted. “Don’t plan on seeing her until tomorrow,” I informed her father.
Ben looked at me with a resigned expression.
Lauren glanced at me with surprise, but she didn’t speak.
“You’ll need a jacket,” I told her. “It’s not cold, but it’s not exactly warm, either.”
She picked up a light coat that was on the back of the chair in the kitchen.
I took it from her and held it out for her as she slipped her arms into it.
“What’s this?” she asked as she picked up the gifts I’d left on the table.
The blueberry muffins were self-explanatory. It was her favorite, and I’d gotten them fresh-baked at a shop in the mall.
But I did smile as I saw her looking at them like they were golden.
She finally set the muffins down and picked up the other package.
“It’s no big deal. Something you can open later.”
I knew that wrapping paper wasn’t going to last more than thirty seconds. Lauren wasn’t a woman who could ignore something mysterious, even if it wasn’t all that exciting.
She tore off the paper, and then flipped open the box.
The sweatshirt was Wildcats blue, and I watched her face as she saw what was written on the front.
The Quarterback is Mine.
I shrugged as I mumbled, “Just something you can wear to the games. I’ll get you an official jersey when they come out.” Of course, she’d be sporting my name and number on that beautiful body of hers.
She hugged it to her for a moment as she said, “I love it.”
“That thing is bound to keep other women away,” Ben warned.
“That’s the idea,” I told him honestly. “I don’t want any other woman.”
I wasn’t about to hide the fact that I was determined to make Lauren mine, not even to her dad.
He nodded like he approved as he said, “You two kids have fun. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Dad,” Lauren said in an admonishing voice.
I nodded back, knowing Ben and I had reached an understanding. If I took care of his little girl, I had his approval.
If not, he was going to take me on, no matter how much younger and stronger I might be. I respected that.
I planned to cherish Lauren forever, so I had no problem with the agreement.
Lauren took my hand and tugged me toward the door. “See you later, Dad.”
“The convenience store right down the street sells condoms,” he mentioned.
I grinned as Lauren’s face flushed with embarrassment. I couldn’t help it.
We got as far as the Range Rover before we both lost it and started to laugh.