TEN YEARS EARLIER
“Why are you forcing me to do this? I could be sleeping or reading or doing anything other than this.” I groaned, wiping my hands over my tired face.
My mom laughed from beside me. “You offered, remember?”
“I must have not been thinking clearly, or maybe you failed to mention that I’d have to be here before the sun is even up. On a Saturday morning. Are you trying to punish me or something?”
Another laugh from her side of the car. “Of course not, Jade. Now, you should probably get out before they make you stay later for not being on time.”
My eyes widened. “They’d torture me like that? I’m the one volunteering to help them. Ughhh. Fine. Fine. I’m going.”
“Have a good day, sweetie. I’ll be here to pick you up later,” she yelled after me as I got out of the car.
I gave her a tired smile before making my way over to the snack bar where I’d be spending most of my day. I volunteered to help after my mom’s friend mentioned they were shorthanded this season. So, for the next however many Saturdays, this is where I’d be. Bright, early, and exhausted. Woo.
“Jade, I’m so glad you could make it,” Mrs. Carter, my mom’s friend, welcomed with a smile.
“I’m happy to help,” I said honestly.
I might have complained but as soon as I woke up a bit more, I wouldn’t mind it so much. I was a freshman in high school, so really, I had nowhere else to be.
“You can work with the candy and drinks; how does that sound?”
“It sounds great, I’ll go ahead and get started.”
It wasn’t the most fun I had ever had but it wasn’t all that bad either. I had started a system, and by hour two I was the candy and drink pro.
Fans cheered around us while children twelve and under played baseball. It was an exciting thing to see, especially because they played their little hearts out as if their whole futures depended on it. It was cute.
I felt someone step up to the makeshift window and moved my attention from the tiny humans to whoever it was that needed assistance.
“Hi, what can I get for you?” I asked with a smile, looking up at the person who had stepped forward.
I blinked a few times, slightly taken aback. He was smiling, and it was the kind that if I were ten years older probably would have swept me off my feet.
I twisted my hands together and blinked myself back to reality. Boys were trouble, they were a distraction. I was young, but even I knew that. Except none had ever looked at me the way that he was now—full of interest and curiosity.
He chuckled. “Do you need me to say it again?”
“I’m sorry?” I asked, embarrassed and confused.
“My order?” He looked amused. “I asked for a red sports drink.”
“Sorry.” I smiled shyly and went to grab his drink.
I took his dollar and placed it in the money enveloped, fully expecting him to walk away when he just stood there, staring me down with those curious chocolate brown eyes.
I cleared my throat. “Is there something you needed?”
“I’ve never seen you around before.”
“I’m not usually here. This is my first Saturday actually.” I admitted. “Do you come here a lot?”
“Sometimes.” He nodded his head. “My friends and I play basketball on Saturday mornings and this park has our favorite court, so.”
“So, you utilize the snack bar? Makes sense.”
Conversation wasn’t really my thing. It wasn’t that I was shy, I just wasn’t good at saying things. So, silence filled the space between us and when I was sure he would finally walk away, he just continued to stare at me. I silently hoped that someone else would need my assistance so that he would walk away. He was too attractive for someone like me, and I knew he was older, he had to be, he didn’t look like any of the other boys in my class.
“What’s your name?” He asked out of nowhere, leaning his hip against the side of the table.
“Jade.” I told him, swallowing back my unwarranted nerves. “Yours?”
“Sebastian. But my friends just call me Tian.”
“Tian?” I tested his name on my tongue. “I like it. It’s different.”
“Yeah? Well, you can thank my parents for that.”
I smiled, studying him a bit more. He really was handsome. Muscular with sun-kissed skin and buzzed dark-colored hair. And when he smiled, like he was now, the smallest of dimples appeared on either side of his face.
I sighed. He was handsome. And older. And far more than I knew I’d ever be able to handle.
He was more than a boy, and I was only a girl, but standing there in that moment, I felt like an older version of myself I hadn’t met yet.
“Jade?” He asked amused, interrupting my thoughts.
I shook my head and laughed, shaking away the slight blush that warmed my cheeks.
“Sorry, I was stuck in daydream land for a second,” I said apologetically.
He nodded his head, still amused. His smile widened and his dimples sank further in. “I’ve gotta get back to my friends but I’ll see you around.”
“Why do you sound so sure of that?” I asked before he could fully turn away.
He shrugged his shoulders. “You said you’ll be here every Saturday, right? Well, so will I.”
My stomach flipped.
He was trouble with dimples and caramel skin, and I was doomed from the start.
That day was only the beginning. And had I known then what I do now, I would still do it all over again and not change a thing.
He was my knight in shining something, and in a lot of ways, I was his.
But that isn’t always a good thing.
* * *
That week flew by and every day I waited, hoping for Saturday to come. I went to school, to cheer practice, and hung out with my best friend, Becca, but time slowed with the anticipation of what I hoped would come.
When Saturday finally rolled around, I rushed to get ready, my body buzzing at the thought of seeing him again. He was too good to be true, but he was the most exciting thing I had ever encountered in my fourteen years of living.
He was older and kind and cute, and I wanted to know him.
“Jade, why are you in such a rush?” My mother asked. “At this rate, you’re going to be early.”
“I just want to make sure everything is set up correctly, that’s all.”
It was a half-truth, but a truth nevertheless. Besides, I knew they wouldn’t understand. I was a girl with a crush and my mom, as sweet as she was, would only have questions. And I didn’t have any answers. I had only met him for a few minutes, but that had been enough. Enough to set my teenage heart on a journey that would change me.
“Okay, whatever you say,” she said, sounding unconvinced.
“Let’s just go, I really don’t want to be late.”
Fifteen minutes later and I was standing in the same spot as before, organizing drinks and glancing up every few seconds toward the basketball courts to see if he had shown.
There were two groups playing but from where I stood I couldn’t make out if he was part of either of them.
I sighed, silently beating myself up for getting so hopeful about someone I knew nothing about and had only just met. Silly girl.
You liked the way he made you feel. That isn’t a crime, it’s just instant connection.
I went back to my duties and forced myself to look away from the courts the rest of the day.
Two hours later, a throat cleared from above me.
Hopeful, I slowly trailed my eyes toward the source of the voice.
“Jade,” he said in a low tone.
My heart did that weird skipping thing, where it basically tripped over itself, and I breathed a sigh of relief. He had shown up.
“Tian, you showed,” I said, trying to veil my excitement at seeing him, but based on his chuckle, I was sure I failed.
His dimples deepened and he ran a hand over his head. “Yeah, I did.”
“I was afraid you weren’t,” I told him honestly.
Again, I cursed myself for being so open. Everyone I had ever met commented on how I wore my heart on my sleeve, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but in situations like these where most girls I knew would have been cool, calm, and collected, I was anything but.
His smile widened. “It was a busy morning, I had to help out a friend.”
It was then I noticed he was in a pair of jeans instead of basketball shorts. No wonder I hadn’t seen him when I tried to spot him. He hadn’t been there.
“I’m really glad you’re here.” I bit nervously on my bottom lip.
“I am too, Jade,” he said, his chocolate brown eyes never leaving mine. “I am, too.”
“How old are you?” I asked, curious.
“I just turned seventeen.” His head tilted. “How old are you?”
“Fourteen.”
If he was disappointed at that, he didn’t show it. I knew he was older, I just didn’t think it was by three years. At least he was under eighteen, that made me feel better. I was a rule follower and I had seen enough crime shows to know that when girls under the age of sixteen fell for boys eighteen and older, it didn’t end well. In this case, it wouldn’t have mattered. It wasn’t going to end well either way. Fate didn’t have us in the cards. But during that second meeting, we were clueless, clueless and infatuated. Falling in love was strange.
Tian nodded once. “Do you get a break?”
“I do.” I glanced at the time. “Right around now, actually.”
“Come with me?” He held his hand out.
I walked around the snack bar setup and took it, without hesitation, cupping my hand in his.
He led me to one of the few empty spots beneath a tree and we sat together, hands still connected.
“You said you were fourteen, does that mean you’re a freshman?”
“I sure am, and it isn’t as exciting as the movies make it out to be.”
His mouth lifted. “Nothing ever really is though, right?”
“I expected to feel different somehow, I guess? I don’t know. My life has never been very extraordinary.” My eyes widened and I backtracked. “Not that it’s terrible, I’m just not great at much, especially when it involves people. I either word vomit and go completely silent because I never have any idea what to say or do. It’s too much pressure sometimes, trying to be that person you think everyone else wants you to be.”
His hand gently squeezed mine. “Then be who you want to be, everyone else be damned.”
“Easier said than done though.”
“Yeah, I get that.” He shook his head. “Man, do I get it.”
“What about you? Are you a senior then?”
“Yeah, and my life isn’t all that exciting either.”
“What makes you say that?” I asked.
“Like you said, there’s too much pressure trying to be who others want you to be.”
“Then just be who you want to be, isn’t that what you just said?” I nudged his shoulder.
He laughed, leaning his head toward mine. “Hey Jade?”
“Hey Tian?” I breathed out nervously.
“Let’s be who we want to be with each other.” He suggested. “We can be each other’s escape from the not-so-exciting lives we live, what do you say?”
I should have denied him, called him out on how weird the idea was. I should have done what any other sane person would have done and laughed him off, changing the subject. But I didn’t. I nodded, eager for the small reprieve he was offering me and the parts of himself he was willing to give that no one else had. I was naive. I believed that he was really genuine, but I would learn eventually that he needed someone to lean on and use. I became that person, and by the end of it, my heart would be battered and bruised and broken beyond repair. I just didn’t know it then. How could I?
“Yes,” was all I said.
“I was really hoping you’d say that. You won’t regret this.”
He was wrong. It was going to be the biggest regret of my life. He would be the one memory I’d hope to someday forget.
But when his lips locked onto mine and his hands held my face, I could only sink into him, sink and pray to whoever was listening that he wouldn’t let me drown.
Wishful thinking is what that was.
But I was in, so deeply in that while my head was screaming its warnings, my heart silenced it with its hope and optimism.
That kiss was only the beginning and that girl who so willingly handed her heart to a stranger? She’d just be someone I used to know, a distant, unobtainable memory.