My palms were sweating profusely. I could probably fill a swimming pool with the amount of sweat. Gross? Yes. A huge exaggeration? Definitely. But I was beyond nervous. I didn’t want to lose Dylan and though I knew our love was stronger than that, it didn’t stop the fear from creeping in and spreading like wildfire.
I walked into our home with a newfound determination. Until I saw who was sitting on the other side of my soon-to-be husband at our dining room table.
I cleared my throat and narrowed my eyes, mentally preparing for a scuffle.
Dylan turned around, his eyes lighting up when he saw me standing there. He put down the papers he was holding and stood up, making his way toward me.
“Hi, gorgeous,” he said with a smile, his fingers reaching out to graze the outside of my cheek. “How was your day today?”
“It was fine,” I said softly, my cheek leaning into his touch. “I didn’t realize we had company.”
There was a bite in my tone, and I cursed myself for it.
“Hey, Jade, long time no see,” Erin greeted from behind Dylan, her voice as sugary sweet and fake as her smile.
I gave her a tight smile. “Yeah, it has been.”
And that wasn’t by accident on either of our parts, believe me.
Now might be a good time to mention that Erin and Dylan worked for the same company and on this particular project they happened to be partners.
It made my skin crawl, but what was I supposed to do? As far as anyone knew—anyone being Dylan—we were on good terms.
But that was false. Since graduation day she had been trying to sink her claws into him and bless his soul, he didn’t see it that way at all.
No. To him, she was just being her nice, cheery self.
Maybe I was just reading too much into it, but I swear ever since he and I got serious our first year of college, my friendship with my roommate turned sour. It didn’t help that on more than one occasion, one of our floor mates would tell me to watch my back because she apparently felt like her night with Dylan had been one of the best of her life.
Which, if you ask me, is hilarious because she was all apologetic or whatever when it had initially happened. But that was just part of her game plan, as I would learn later on.
Anyway, they worked together, and when they did, I bit my tongue and smiled because I trusted Dylan. No matter how hard she flirted or batted her lashes, he was loyal to me.
Guilt scratched at my heart, reminding me that he wouldn’t have let her do what Tian had done the other night. I had pulled away, sure, but had I done it fast enough? I was shocked and frozen in place, but as I mentioned before, I would have been lying had I said a small part of me didn’t light up when his lips touched mine. It was something I had done so much in the past that having it happen again ten plus years later didn’t ignite anything other than routine.
“Jade?” Dylan asked, his concerned tone breaking through my thoughts.
“Yeah?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine,” I replied, swallowing back the dryness in my throat. “I’m just caught off guard is all.”
“I’m sorry,” he apologized, sounding sincere as always. “I should have given you a heads up but things have been crazy busy at work. We could have stayed at the office, but you know how stuffy it gets after being there all day. That place is creepy and cold.”
“It’s fine.” I smiled up at him and lowered my voice, making sure Erin couldn’t catch a word even if she tried. “I understand. There’s just something I really needed to talk to you about, but it can wait.”
“Yeah? Are you sure?” His features shifted from light to tight, and his worry lines showed. “I can ask her to leave if you need me. Work is work, but you’re home, Jade. At the end of the day, you’re the most important thing in my life, the only thing that matters.”
Tears burned from behind my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away.
“I love you, Dylan Conrad,” I sighed, in awe of his ability to make everything else fade away. “But don’t worry. We can talk about this later. You get back to work, and I’ll fix something to eat. Did you get a chance to eat?”
“I haven’t, but I’m starved, babe,” he said, leaning down to press a soft, quick kiss against the side of my neck.
“Good, then I’ll put something together,” I said, slightly tilting my head to the side.
“You’re too good to me,” he said softly, his lifts brushing against my skin. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”
The guilt returned, and I loathed myself. I needed to tell him what had happened. It might not have seemed super significant, but I knew he would want to know. I would if I were in his position.
“Get back to work.” I put on a smile, shooing him away. And because I was trying to be a nice human being and not a jealous, insecure one, I directed at Erin, “I’ll make enough for you too Erin. We can catch up, if you’d like?”
Her smile looked just as tight as mine felt. “Sure, that sounds great.”
So, I made dinner and chatted with my fiancé and someone who I used to consider a close friend. It was awkward and forced, but they worked together, so I’d continue to play nice. Besides, she hadn’t made an out-right play at him, just some harmless flirting and random touches. It made me shoot laser-sharp glares her way, but again, it was harmless. I’d worry if I didn’t get possessive or jealous about it.
It wasn’t too bad, aside from that, but I was anxious for it to be over. The guilt was shredding apart any security I had felt even a few days before. Security I needed to get back if I wanted my relationship with Dylan to continue. Which I did. One thousand and ten percent times infinity.
Tian was my past, but he was also someone I never thought I’d ever see again. I needed to push him back where he belonged. My future with Dylan depended on it.
* * *
I stayed in the living room while he walked Erin out. My legs are crossed and my knee kept bouncing, anxiously waiting to get the long-overdue conversation over with.
Dylan walked in and sat beside me, all smiles and deep blue eyes. His light never dimmed, and I loved him so much for that. So. Freaking. Much.
I didn’t want to watch it dim, but there was no other option. Tian had texted me a few times within the last few days, and though they were innocent and went ignored, it still didn’t sit well with me.
“I know you two aren’t as close as you used to be, but thank you for being so cool about her being here,” he said softly, his hands pulling my own into his lap. “I still should have given you somewhat of a heads up. We’ve just been really busy at work and it slipped my mind.”
“It’s fine, Dylan. It really is.” I smiled over at him, but it felt instinctual and fake.
If I noticed it, I knew he’d notice it too.
“What’s wrong, Jade?” He asked, his voice laced with worry and concern. “Did something happen?”
“There’s something I need to tell you,” I admitted, trying to pull my hands from his, but he wouldn’t let up. Instead, he gently tightened his grip, shaking his head at me.
“Don’t pull away from me, babe,” he said softly. “We’ve never been that couple, and we aren’t going to start now. Whatever you have to say, I promise it’s okay.”
“You can’t promise that.” I swallowed over a lump in my throat. “It’s going to change where we’re at and I’m scared.”
“Listen to me,” he said sternly and gently. “Nothing, and I mean nothing, can ever change where we’re at. I’m in love with you Jade. You have every part of me, and even though I sound like some corny lead actor in a romantic comedy sometimes, I’m okay with that.”
I laughed, rolling my eyes at his ridiculousness.
“I’m serious, Jade.” His eyes held mine. “You know I am. So, tell me what’s wrong and we’ll get through it together, just like we always do. No doubt about it. Cross my heart and hope to love you even more.”
I laughed again as tears fell from my eyes, creating wet trails along my cheeks as they made their way down.
I took a deep breath. “Tian contacted me a few days ago. The day I went in for my dress fitting, actually.”
His jaw ticked, but other than that there was no other reaction from him. He nodded his head, silently encouraging me to go on.
“I met up with him when I told you I was going to comfort Becca,” I confessed sadly. “There was no boy who hurt her and there was no comforting. I just needed to tell you something that you’d believe and not question.”
“And you thought lying to me would be the best way to do that?” He asked tightly, his brows drawing together. “What happened?”
“I met with him at the park where we first met and hung out and we talked,” I said, finally prying my hands from his. Not that he was putting up much of a fight, but still. “He told me not to marry you and that he had been following my life via social media, even though I was unaware he even had one. He was never one for stuff like that, but anyway, he apologized for how he treated me and I told him we could be friends, nothing more.”
“Is that all that happened?” He looked relieved and I wanted to crawl into a dark hole at what I was about to tell him.
“No, that isn’t all that happened.” I shook my head, playing nervously with my engagement ring. “He kissed me.”
“He kissed you?” He asked, anger, shock, confusion all fluttering across his features.
“Yes,” I barely managed.
“Did you kiss him back?” He asked slowly, looking pained as the question left his mouth.
“Not intentionally,” I told him honestly. “I was frozen, rooted in place and taken back to the girl at fourteen. When I snapped out of it, I pushed him away and slapped him. But I never should have let it happen at all. I’m sorry, Dylan.”
I was full on sobbing, hiccupping as I tried to gauge his reaction, or non-reaction, rather. He looked cool as a cucumber.
“Why aren’t you saying anything?” I asked between breaths. “Please say something.”
“I’m trying to process, Jade, that’s all,” he said slowly, his eyes looking everywhere else but mine.
“Are you mad at me?”
“No, Jade, I’m not mad,” he said with the shake of his head. “I’m hurt and disappointed, but not mad. Never mad, Jade.”
“Then why won’t you look at me?”
“Because I can’t,” he said simply. “I need some space to myself for a few minutes, okay? I don’t want to say anything I’m going to regret later.”
With that, he stood up and left the room. I jolted when I heard the front door close. It didn’t rattle or slam, it just shut like it always did. His calmness worried me most.
I should have followed him, I wanted to, but he needed his space, like he said. So, I gave it to him. I stayed on the couch and wallowed in my own self-pity, praying to whoever would listen that he’d walk back in and comfort me.
I waited two hours. He never came.