I could do this.
No, I couldn’t.
I shouldn’t.
Deep breaths, Jade, deep breaths.
Gosh, what was I even doing? My heart pounded a mile a minute and my hands shook, fear taking root in every nook and cranny of my being. Every part of me screamed that it was a bad idea. Yet, there I was, walking to the spot at the park that used to be ours, the same spot at the same park that I had avoided since the day we said goodbye.
This was possibly the worst thing I had ever done. I hadn’t even mentioned it to Dylan, who is so sweet that he believed my lame excuse of having to comfort Becca over a boy. I was going to get struck by lightning for this. I was seconds away from striking myself, honestly.
It had been years. I had no reason to put myself in this position, but I needed answers. One being how the hell he had gotten my number when I had blocked him and had it changed at some point over the years.
Another? Why was he at the pizza slash makeshift bar and dance club when I was in college? How did he even know that’s where I’d be?
I shouldn’t have cared. I knew that. But the parts of me that he had kept when he left, when we parted, hadn’t stopped hoping that he’d someday return. And now that he had, the teenage girl who had fallen hopelessly in love with him? She was resurfacing. Well, her memories were, anyway. Every fight, every lie, every insecurity played out in my mind like a record on repeat. I willed them away, but they wouldn’t budge. I was revisiting the past and all I could do was let it happen. But I was doing it to myself. I only hoped it was worth it, that whatever closure I had been searching for was here. Because if it wasn’t, then what was the point?
I shook off my nerves and ignored the twisting feeling in my stomach. I rounded a corner, and within a minute I was standing in front of Tian. I avoided looking up for a moment, my chest heaving up and down and my eyes watering with tears I refused to shed.
“Jade,” he said, his voice cracking. “You came.”
“You knew I would,” I whispered, my voice so quiet I wasn’t sure he’d heard.
“No, but I hoped you would. It’s been so long,” he breathed out, and I could sense him running a hand over his face. “You look beautiful.”
I fought back an eye roll. “Let’s not do this, okay?”
“Do what?” He asked, playing innocent. He knew damn well what I was referring to. “You won’t even look at me.”
I released a long, deep breath and closed my eyes.
One, two, three, just look up Jade. It’s fine. He’s just a boy.
I opened my eyes, my gaze slowly sliding up his body before meeting his eyes. They were just as deep as I’d remembered, his chocolate irises blinking a few times as they locked onto mine.
“What do you want, Sebastian?” I bit, ignoring the shake in my tone. “Why did you want to meet?”
“Don’t marry him.”
“Excuse me?” I asked, taking a step back.
“Don’t marry him,” he repeated, his voice strong and steady.
“You’re a jerk,” I said, disgusted. “It’s nice to know some things really don’t change.”
“Jade,” he said, visibly frustrated. His hands reached for mine, but I pulled them out of reach, shooting him a glare.
“If the reason you wanted to meet was to tell me not to marry Dylan then this was a waste of time.”
“I love you, Jade. I always have,” he said softly, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed back an emotion I couldn’t quite name. An emotion I didn’t want to identify.
“You’re a few years too late with that one, buddy,” I said, ignoring the small flip my stomach did at his words. “Maybe try again in another lifetime? Or, ya know, don’t.”
“You’re just as feisty as I remember,” he said, having the nerve to actually smile sweetly at me. “It’s one of the things I lo—”
I cut him off. “So help me, if you use the elle, oh, vee, e, word again I am going to walk away without a second thought.”
“I’m sorry, I am.” He sighed. “I’ve missed you, Jade. I mean that.”
“It’s hard to miss what you never really had,” I said, lying through my teeth. At some point, I had wholeheartedly belonged to him, and he knew that, but that was another time, another me. It didn’t matter anymore. “Are you going to tell me what you want?”
“I wanted to apologize for the little shit I was back when we dated,” he said, actually sounding sincere. “I didn’t deserve you, and I’ve regretted my actions since the day I lost you.”
“Okay, well, I appreciate that, but you broke my heart, Tian, and coming back from that wasn’t easy. It hurt like hell,” I said slowly, looking around the empty, poorly lit park. “But is that all? Because if it is, then I really should be heading home.”
“To Dylan?” His voice leaked disdain.
“Yes, to Dylan.” I narrowed my eyes, suspicious. “Are you seriously salty about this? How do you even know his name, anyway?”
“Social media,” he mumbled.
“Sebastian Hayes, have you been cyber stalking me?” I asked, my brows rising in curiosity.
“Maybe.”
“Is that how you found me a few years back?”
“It wasn’t too difficult,” he said with a shrug. “Becca posted everything and anything. Things were really crappy for a while, and I missed you—a lot. So, I drove to your university and went to the place you were most tagged in, hoping you’d be there.”
“And if I hadn’t been?” The question fell out before I could think it through.
His lips lifted, revealing his dimples. I narrowed my eyes even more.
“Then I would have taken that as a sign and left you alone.”
“You did leave me alone,” I said, confused.
“That night, but I would have let you be.” He shook his head, brown eyes closing for a brief moment before connecting with mine again. “I would have left you alone, even after I saw the proposal plastered all over the internet. But I couldn’t—I wouldn’t. Which is why I’m here now. I need you to know that my heart has always belonged to you, Jade. That never changed.”
“It’s been years, Tian.” I shook my head, disgusted and touched and angry and emotional and everything I should and shouldn’t have been. “You don’t even know me anymore, and honestly, I’m not sure I ever knew you. Why couldn’t you just leave it alone?”
“Because I never would have forgiven myself if I didn’t at least try.”
“Try what, exactly?”
“To win your heart back,” he said simply.
I barked out a laugh while my heart’s hopelessness battled with my head’s rationality. This didn’t feel real. This whole predicament, me standing in front of the first boy I ever loved, the same boy who lied and hurt me, listening to him profess his … whatever it was he was professing. It was all ridiculous.
So I said so. “You’re ridiculous. Seriously. What, you found my info online and decided it was a good idea to reach out? That makes zero sense, Tian. Like none at all.”
It was times like that I was grateful for living in a big city because avoiding confrontations and run-ins like this were usually easy. Usually. Except I had thought it was a good idea to meet up with my ex.
Rookie move, Jade. When are you going to learn?
“I hurt you, I know that, and I’ve hated myself for it since, but I won’t lose you. Not again.”
“Okay, Mr. Delusional, let me say this again,” I paused for dramatics. Naturally. “You can’t lose what you don’t have, and you haven’t had me in years. My heart belongs to someone else now. It has for a long time. Dylan is … incredible, and he deserves better than me secretly meeting my ex at night in a park. So, if you’re done, I really should get home.”
I turned to leave, but Sebastian stopped me, his hands gripping either side of my face. His chocolate eyes gazed into mine before he leaned down, his lips locking onto mine. I froze, physically unable to move as his lips moved against mine. My body reacted, returning his caresses. It was automatic, instinctual, and routine-like, I didn’t even realize I was participating until it was too late. It was like I was back to the fourteen-year-old girl I had been when I had first fallen in love with him.
Snap out of it, Jade.
Dylan’s honest smile and midnight-blue eyes flashed in front of my mind, breaking me from whatever shock had kept me semi-frozen in place.
My heart thumped hard in my chest, and I shoved against his chest, pushing him away. He reached for me again, confusion shaping his features. I slapped him, my palm connecting with his cheek so fast that before I realized what I was doing, it was too late to stop. Like the kiss. The kiss that should have never happened.
“You have some nerve,” I seethed. “You don’t have the right.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
His cheek turned a light shade of red from my slap, and I cringed, quickly apologizing.
“I am too. For the slap, at least.”
“Do you love him?” He asked slowly.
“I do,” I said, my voice strong and steady. “I once told him that although you might have been the love of my life, he was my soulmate. I genuinely believe that.”
“The love of your life, huh?” He smirked.
“You taught me how love shouldn’t be, and he showed me how love should always be,” I stated, not holding anything back. “I needed to get through you to get to him. I’m happy, Tian, and I’m getting married in a month. What did you really think this would accomplish?”
“I guess a part of me always hoped that if I ever met up with you again you’d take me back with open arms,” he answered, his head shaking. “Wishful thinking, huh?”
“Yeah, it was a lot more than just wishful thinking, but I get it, I think.”
If I didn’t have Dylan in my life and Tian showed up, begging to take me back, I’d probably let him. But Dylan made me stronger. He helped me discover my strength, and I was stronger than what Tian had put me through. I was just too young to realize it.
Heartbreak took my strength away, but love built it back up again. Love truly did conquer all, and I wasn’t going to let Tian take that away from me. Not again.
Guilt settled in my chest, reminding me that I had lied to Dylan about where I was. He deserved better than that, especially from me.
So, why was the answer to Tian’s next question a positive one? Well, because that fourteen-year-old girl who had popped back in when he attacked me with an unwanted kiss took control for a moment, and once it was out, it was too late to take back.
“Can we be friends, Jade?” Tian asked, eyes sad and lips turned down in a frown. “Please?”
“As long as you keep your hands and lips to yourself, sure.”
If there was any doubt before, that was gone now, because Becca was definitely, one thousand and ten percent, going to castrate him.
Maybe she’ll let me watch?