Prologue
Boys were cruel.
Scratch that.
I wasn’t one to discriminate. People were cruel. In general. Always, constantly hurting others for their own twisted pleasure and gain. I hated it. I never understood it. Mostly because I was on the receiving end of that hurt but also because it made no sense to me. We were all created equal, with no choice but to live the lives we were given. I was a firm believer in that. It’s why I chose kindness over anything else. But that kindness was tested whenever someone made fun of me, someone like Jason, who had been my number one bully since kindergarten.
Right now was one of those times.
“Oink, oink.” He mocked from beside me.
We were seated beside one another in class. Every day of the school year I was forced to sit next to the person who liked me least in this world, well second to my own father, anyway. I resisted the urge to elbow him in the rib cage.
Kindness, always, I silently reminded myself.
“Oh, come on, little piggy, you aren’t going to oink for me?” He continued to taunt. Everyone else laughed, while I seethed. I narrowed my eyes at the group of people watching our interaction.
“You aren’t worth the time or effort, Jason. You and I both know that,” I said softly but firmly, focusing my attention on anything but his heated stare.
“Just because you lost all that weight, it doesn’t make you any less disgusting, don’t forget that.”
“What is your problem with me?” I clenched my hands against my thighs, still facing away from him. “You’ve been a jerk since we were kids, and I don’t understand why.”
“Simple,” he said, leaning in closer. His breath fanned against the side of my neck, and I stiffened in response. “You’re an easy target. Always have been, always will be.”
Saved by the bell, I grabbed my things and booked it out of there without looking back. Senior year was almost over and then I would be done with him—or so I thought.
* * *
I had been sitting alone, eating a sandwich in the mall food court, waiting for my two best friends to show up, when a group of guys walked by.
I heard laughing, then a few snickers, followed by, “It doesn’t look like you need to eat anymore.”
I turned, ignored the burning sensation behind my eyes, and prepared to face the boy who had been taunting me since grade school. And considering we had just started winter break, it was a wonder he even had the strength to continue with this—this being whatever it was he had been doing. It was a cross between bullying and torture.
“Jason, always a pleasure.” I kept my eyes trained on him and my voice level, hoping to muster up enough courage to get rid of them before Maci and Sarah showed up. They had no problem telling Jason and his group of friends where to shove it. I, on the other hand, had nothing but problems when it came to him and his group of friends. Especially when it came to defending myself.
“But really, do you need to eat anymore? You’re looking a little chunky these days.” His friends didn’t suppress their laughter.
The burn behind my eyes grew stronger but I resisted the urge to cry. I wouldn’t do that anymore. I couldn’t. I didn’t have the strength to. “You’ve been saying that for years. Don’t you have any new material to use?”
“Oh, I do.” He leaned his face toward my own, his nose inches away from mine. “I just know you’d end up eating your feelings out after and since you’re already fat, I wouldn’t want to do that to you.”
I sucked in a breath. He had always been cruel, but somehow his cruelty only seemed to get worse the older we got.
His new comment had stung. It stung a lot.
And that’s another reason why you shouldn’t stay, I thought to myself.
I blinked back tears, or tried to. Judging by the wetness I felt strolling down my cheeks, I’d say I didn’t succeed.
My eyes drifted past the smug pair in front of me and landed on a sea of crystal blue ones not far behind. I recognized the boy they belonged to from around school but I had never really looked at him before, especially since he was friends with Jason. Anyone associated with him was sure to be trouble. That, or the devil’s spawn. Either option could be true, honestly. Point was, I knew better than to acknowledge anyone in Jason’s group.
I turned my eyes back to Jason’s cold, hard ones. “Are you finished now?” My voice cracked but I hoped it was strong enough to get him to leave. Luckily it was.
He pushed himself off from the table. “For now. See ya around, stuffed cow.”
What does that even mean? I thought, scrunching my brows in confusion. He was an idiot.
He left and his friends followed quickly behind. However, I couldn’t help but notice that the boy with the crystal blue gaze stayed behind. The look of remorse he wore on his face made me think that maybe he wasn’t such a bad guy after all. Maybe.
“Don’t tell me that troll and his friends were just here,” Maci said, taking the seat across from me while Sarah sat in the one beside me.
“He’s such an ass, I swear.” Sarah interjected. “When are we going to key his car or something?”
“Right now? I’m sure he’ll still be in the mall for another couple of hours at least.” Maci glared at his disappearing form.
“He isn’t worth our time.” I shook my head. “But I love you guys for trying, I really do.”
“Crap. He made you cry again, didn’t he?” Sarah squeezed me against her side. “I’m so sorry we couldn’t get here sooner.”
“It’s okay.” I patted her arm. “I got through it, just like I always do.”
“Well, don’t worry,” Maci said. “In a few short months, we’ll be soaking in summer and then we’ll be off to college and far away from the butt fart jerk.”
“Butt fart?” I scrunched my face. “Really?”
“Well, if the name fits.” She shrugged.
We all laughed and a lightness broke through the tension that Jason had left behind.
As Maci told us about her latest boy toy and Sarah listened intently, my mind kept drifting to the thoughts floating around in my head.
And that’s another reason why you shouldn’t stay, my inner voice said on repeat.
As many times as that one sentence floated around, I knew I needed to change it. I needed to escape it. And so, I made sure that a new phrase took its place. It was the same phrase with one less word and a whole lot of meaning—one stronger than the one before it.
And there’s another reason why you should stay.
With that, following quickly behind, came the list of my reasons I needed to stay and fight—a list of reasons that would serve as my survival kit from that day on.