I crawled into bed and cuddled up next to Dylan. After leaving the park, I had driven around the city for a couple of hours with a heavy heart and clouded mind. As much as I didn’t want it to, the kiss with Tian—the one I insisted was unwanted—played on a loop whenever I closed my eyes. I hated it. I mean, it meant nothing, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t take me back ten years earlier, to the girl who would’ve done anything to keep the boy who never deserved her to begin with.
I was confused. Unsure. And angry. But mostly I was sad. He didn’t seem like he’d changed at all. Aside from the obvious maturity in his features, he was the same boy who had shattered my heart all those years before.
Dylan’s arm wrapped around my body as I rested my head against his chest.
His lips brushed against my forehead. “Hey, I was worried you weren’t coming home tonight.”
I let out a nervous laugh. “Why would you be worried about that?”
Guilt twisted in my stomach.
“Because knowing Becca, you never know.” His fingers gently wrapped around my arm, squeezing softly. “How is she, by the way?”
I blinked a few times before realization set in. I had told him I was going to comfort Becca, when in reality I had gone to meet with the only other person I had ever loved besides him.
I was a horrible human being.
His blue eyes, a direct contrast from Tian’s dark brown ones, held onto mine, patiently waiting. Always so patient with me.
“She’s good. Yeah. You know how she is,” I said lamely.
I closed my eyes, pressing myself further against his side. I had lied. But it was better that way. I had told Tian we could be friends, but that wasn’t possible, not while I had Dylan. And I didn’t plan on that changing. We were getting married in a month. I’d tell him the truth before then, but for now, while the night’s wounds were still clustered and fresh, I was going to keep it to myself. I had to.
“Well, she’s lucky to have a friend like you.” His chest vibrated with his words. “Almost as lucky as I am to have a woman like you willing to spend the rest of her life with someone like me.”
His sweet words. I wouldn’t ever tire of them.
Won’t you? Debbie Downer shared from somewhere in the darkest corners of my mind.
I ignored her question.
“You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, Dylan,” I murmured against his skin. “You’re extraordinary, almost too good to be true sometimes.”
“I love you, Jade,” he said, and a tear slid free when I heard the smile in his voice.
You don’t deserve him, the angel on my shoulder snarled.
Yeah, you deserve someone like Sebastian Hayes, the devil on the other side admonished.
I ignored their remarks, but when Dylan’s chest rose and fell with sleep, I cried myself to sleep, wishing I could erase the last few hours.
He didn’t deserve what I had done. It was a kiss, one I pulled away from, it didn’t mean anything.
But that was a lie. Because as a bold brunette named Brooke Davis from one of my favorite television shows once stated, “A kiss always means something.”
I just didn’t know what this one meant. Or, truthfully, I was too afraid to find out.
* * *
“Tian kissed you?” Becca asked, shocked.
We had an hour of lunch to hash out everything, which wasn’t enough time, but ya know, we were working adults, so it was the only option we had unless we wanted to wait until after work.
Her head shook and her eyes squinted before blinked slowly a few times. “He’s such a jerk. I mean, really. He obviously knows you’re getting married. And the weirdo has been following your moves on social media all these years? I could punch him, I really could.”
“I’m pretty sure I slapped him hard enough for the both of us, but I appreciate your willingness to defend my heart,” I said with a light laugh.
“Your heart?” She questioned with the small shake of her head. “No. I’m more concerned about Dylan’s heart. You really haven’t told him yet?”
“It’s been two days, Becca. I’m still trying to process the night’s events myself.”
“Well, it’s been two days too late if you’re asking me,” Becca tsked. “I understand that you’re in a state or shock, but if the situation were reversed, you know Dylan would tell you within seconds, if not the moment it happened. He’s open with you, he always has been. Men like Dylan are rare, Jade, and he deserves to know what happened.”
“I’m afraid,” I admitted. “When Tian and I first ended things, I missed him and I questioned whether I had made the right choice. He was all I knew, the only version of love I had experienced firsthand. It was how I thought love was meant to be, even though I knew deep down it wasn’t. Dylan is proof of that. But Tian is and will always be my first love. It’s messing with my head, him being back.”
“Have you heard from him again?”
“No, but I have a feeling I might.”
“That’s exactly why you need to talk to Dylan about it. If you wait too long, it might look worse than it actually is,” she said. “Things are only kept hidden if someone thinks there’s a reason they should be. Do you think you did anything wrong?”
“Not really?” I scrunched my nose. “I feel like I’m living my fourteen-year-old life all over again, and the twenty-four-year-old woman I am now doesn’t know how to deal with that.”
“Jade, what are you so afraid of? Truthfully,” she questioned, her voice full of understanding and concern.
I thought about it for a moment. What was I so afraid of? But I didn’t need to process it for long because I already knew. That’s what scared me most, was that I should have been afraid but I was.
And the reason for that fear? Well, what did that say about me?
“Jade?” Becca pressed after a moment. “What is it?”
“I’m afraid that I’m going to let the past overrun what I have now,” I admitted, wholeheartedly disappointed with myself. “I’m worried that Tian is going to worm his way inside the pieces of my heart still scarred from the time I had with him. It wasn’t what love should have been, but it wasn’t all bad either.”
“Yes it was, Jade,” Becca said sternly. “He used you and broke you almost beyond repair. If you hadn’t met Dylan when you did, I’m not sure where you’d be now. Your fear isn’t unwarranted, but you love Dylan. Tian is doing what Tian does best and trying to manipulate you. Don’t let him. Okay? Just don’t.”
“I’m holding the past against him, Becca. I mean, what if he’s changed? What if he really does just want to be friends?” I shrugged helplessly. “He and I have a lot of history together. Why shouldn’t we try to be friends?”
“Are you hearing yourself? You just said why not even two minutes ago.” Becca’s eyes narrowed on mine. “You’re overthinking this and letting it take root. Stop. I get that your heart wants to revisit the past, but he hasn’t changed. If he had, he wouldn’t have kissed you or tried to convince you not to marry Dylan, someone he knows nothing about. He’s just being selfish, and if you let him continue to manipulate you, then you might as well end things with Dylan now because what would be the point? You’d basically be singing your own heartbreak certificate.”
I blinked back tears. She was being brutally honest and saying what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to. It’s why she was my best friend, the one person I turned to for anything and everything, no matter how ridiculous or insane it might have been.
“Gosh, what’s wrong with me, Becca? I’m acting like someone I always swore I wouldn’t be.” I swiped angrily at the tears as they fell. “You’re right. I will talk to Dylan, and I’ll talk to Tian too.”
“You’re just in a state of heart shock. It’s normal, I’d assume, for people whose exes show up years later with bull promises, excuses, and lies,” she provided. “You’re not immune to the charms that only a first love can have. But you’re strong enough to ignore them, I know you are.”
I sat silently, listening and absorbing her words.
“Don’t let him back in Jade. There’s no reason to, as tempting as it might be,” she finished.
“Okay,” I breathed. “You’re right. I know you are. I just, I’m being ridiculous, and I hate it.”
“Now, talk to Dylan. It’s going to be fine,” Becca promised. “I expect a full report, got it?”
I nodded my agreement, watching her leave. I wasn’t as confident that it would be fine. I was pretty sure it would lead to our first big fight, that I was about to ruin everything we had built together.
But. No. That was fear talking. What we had was strong enough to endure anything, especially this.
There’s only one way to find out, Jade.
I willed my tears to stop and handed the wheel over to fate. The last time I thought she’d steered me wrong, she had actually steered me toward Dylan, so I was depending on her now more than ever to keep my heart intact.
But even as that thought passed, I knew that sometimes fate was in our own hands, that we had control over our own destinies. Sometimes.