Chapter 3
In the end, the shower wasn’t relaxing at all. I wish I could’ve taken a bath, but since there was no lock on the door, and Kaden was so unpredictable, I didn’t have the nerve to risk it. Instead I showered at record speed and then snuck into my room.
I leaned back on the cool wooden door and took my first deep breath since my arrival in Woodshill.
Calmness washed over me, and I opened my eyes.
It looked just as I’d always dreamed it would. Draped over the newly assembled sofa was my fleecy throw, together with pillows of various shapes and sizes. The string of lights hung over the desk and along the shelves, where all my stuff was neatly placed. Pens and notebooks were organized in their containers and boxes on the desk. On the windowsill, my face smiled out next to Dawn’s from within the white frame; to its right sat a matching white alarm clock. My curtains were parted just a crack, letting in the last bit of daylight.
As it took it all in, I couldn’t help myself.
A sob escaped my lips.
Immediately I pressed my hand to my mouth and hoped no one had heard. Tears burned in my eyes, and I wrapped my arms around my knees.
I’d made it. Here I was, in Woodshill—more than 1,500 miles between me and my parents. I’d done more for myself in this one week than in my entire life, and now everything seemed so overwhelming that I couldn’t hold back anymore. Warm tears ran down my face.
I was utterly overcome. For three long years I’d dreamed of this moment—dreamed of creating a space where I could be me.
Slowly, I lifted my head and surveyed my room again. From now on, I was in charge. Never again would anyone try to determine my life. From now on, I would write my own story. In my new home.
Beneath the tears, a smile spread across my face.
I had no idea how many “a few people” had turned out to be. But they were loud. I had no intention of letting that ruin my evening. I dressed comfortably in a spaghetti-strap top with lace—part of my favorite pajama set—and a pair of soft, gray cotton jersey shorts. As far as I was concerned, Kaden could party every night. I was just glad I didn’t have to sleep in the hostel anymore.
I pulled out the sofa bed and turned it into my cozy, pillow paradise.
Now I could catch up with the TV episodes I’d missed over the past few days. I was a series junkie and binge-watched everything I could get my hands on—or whatever I could find on Netflix.
This evening it was the superheroes’ turn. Supergirl. I turned on my laptop, and set it up on my bed. Then I dug into the last unpacked box of stuff, looking for my favorite headphones—they were huge but comfortable. Ready for the evening’s entertainment, I snuggled under the blanket and watched the world get saved.
Who knows how many episodes I had gone through, but at some point I nodded off. No wonder, I’d been on my feet all day.
Headphones still on, I was awakened by a muffled bang. A beam of light crossed my face, and I blinked sleepily. Someone had pushed open my door and knocked it into the shelf behind it.
“Sorry,” said whoever it was, shutting the door again.
Disoriented, I pulled off the headphones.
“Kaden, man! There’s a knockout broad in my room!” I heard the voice calling straight across the apartment. The guy was slurring his speech. Suddenly my door opened again. I drew the blanket up to my chin and stared at the guy who was now standing in the middle of the room, grinning at me. He looked like a surfer boy.
“Hi, I’m Ethan. This used to be my room, and it used to be a girl-free zone. Until I met my girlfriend, I mean. That’s exactly where my bed was, that’s where Monica and I used to—”
“Baby,” came a cautious voice from behind him, “I don’t think she cares what we used to do in this room. Leave the poor girl alone.” A young woman appeared in the doorway. She grabbed Ethan by the arm, pulled him out of the room, and gave him a gentle shove toward the living room.
Then she turned back to me. She was wearing a lot of makeup, there were colorful streaks in her hair. “Sorry. I’m Monica, and that was Ethan. We just wanted to say hello.”
“Um … hello.” I rubbed my eyes. Good God, how late was it anyway?
“Hello,” repeated Monica, staring at the glowing stars above my desk. “Hey, it’s really cute in here.”
“Thanks.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“And you’re a girl?” Monica blurted out, astonished.
I stared at her confused.
“Yes, I think so,” I said, letting the blanket slip down a few inches. Monica couldn’t miss it. She squinted and regarded my lacey top. “Oh, yes, clearly.” A grin spread across her face. “Wow, Kaden must think you’re okay if he let you stay here.”
“Hm,” I grunted, swinging my legs over the sofa. “I’m not sure about that. He said he needed the money and his other candidates had bailed.”
“Take my word for it, he must think you’re okay. Normally he throws women out of here. Before Ethan moved in, Kaden had a girl living here, and like an idiot he couldn’t keep his hands off her. She fell in love with him, and he … ” She made a gesture like tearing her heart from her chest. “After she-who-will-not-be-named-under-any-circumstances moved out, there was an absolute ban on ladies. In the end it got out of control. I think she even mixed hair removal cream into his shower gel. Can you picture Kaden without any hair on his legs and arms!”
I let out a huff.
Laughing, Monica shrugged and turned to call someone else in the living room. Then she looked back at me. “If you want, come on out and join us. We don’t bite.”
Hesitant, I looked down at myself. I was in my pajamas, no makeup—not exactly ready for a party. Especially since I hadn’t gone out without makeup since my eleventh birthday. My mother had always insisted on the importance of putting on your face before going out. The notion of leaving this room without makeup was absurd.
“At least most of us don’t bite,” Monica continued. “With Kaden you never know.” She jerked her head toward the living room. “Come on. The beer’s on me.”
It was my turn to grin. Her uncomplicated nature was just as contagious as Dawn’s. “Give me a second. I have to change.”
She raised an eyebrow and let her gaze fall on my cleavage for a meaningful moment. “Yeah, if you hadn’t suggested it, I would have! We don’t want Ethan’s eyes to pop out.” She laughed aloud at her own joke, which made my smile even bigger. Then she stepped out and closed the door behind her.
I got up and rummaged in my dresser for a pair of pants that were comfortable and not too tight. I picked out a pair of stretch jeans, left on my lacy top and threw a button-down sweater over it.
Then I glanced in the small mirror standing on my desk. My eyes looked tired. For a moment I considered at least putting on some concealer, but no. What would it say about me if I did?
That you’re still the superficial bitch you always were, who always takes everything for granted, a hateful voice echoed in my head. I silenced it.
Instead I looked at my new hairstyle again. I ran my fingers through my hair, went to the door and counted to three. If anyone acted stupid, I would just go back to bed. With a determined smile I stepped out of my room.
The apartment was in such chaos that I couldn’t even take it all in at first. There was a crowd in the kitchen, and the balcony was also packed with people smoking and talking loudly. Music droned from some kind of device on the kitchen counter. Red Solo cups, glasses, and bottles of various alcoholic beverages littered every surface. No idea how I’d managed, but I’d slept through the noise.
Automatically I scanned the room for Kaden. I spotted his brown, styled hair sticking up behind the blonde head of a girl who was perched on his lap. She whispered something in his ear, her hair pouring down over his chest. It didn’t seem like her attentions were making him too happy.
“Hey, there you are!” called Monica, grabbing my hand.
Surprised, I let her lead me into the kitchen. “Want a beer?”
“No, thanks,” I said. Noticing her disappointment, I added, “Beer isn’t my thing.”
“Ah. Let’s see what we have here. I think Spencer brought some of his dad’s expensive wine.”
“Wine would be great,” I said.
I thanked her and sipped the wine. On the fly I could name the type, even guess the vintage, thanks to my dad. For the past few years, I’d started to feel like my father was only proud of me when I was talking about a rare vintage with his business friends. Even though, strictly speaking, Dad was breaking the law, since I wasn’t twenty-one yet. Nevertheless, I’d developed an extensive knowledge of wine.
“Allie, you’re still awake!”
I turned toward Spencer’s voice. He was sitting on one of the high stools at the bar and waving me over.
“Yeah, I guess so,” I mumbled into my glass. I looked at Monica; she laughed, grabbed my hand and pulled me over to Spencer. She immediately began to report on Ethan’s impressive foray into my room, and Spencer spat out his water, he was laughing so hard.
“So, Allie, what brought you to Woodshill?” asked Monica finally, after we’d rescued Spencer from choking.
I leaned against the bar.
“I just wanted to see something else.” That was my standard answer. I had rehearsed it, and the shrug that went with it, to perfection.
“Same for me,” added Monica, lifting her beer bottle toward me. We toasted and I took another sip of wine. I was thawing out. It wasn’t bad at all—I was a normal girl at a normal party talking to normal people. No one here knew me. I could make a new impression. Maybe it had been really worth it to get out of bed.
“I’m only here because I wasn’t accepted in Portland,” sighed Spencer.
Monica wanted to punch him, but he ducked and grinned.
“Woodshill would not have been my first choice, but I won’t say more,” he added, throwing her a bone.
“I’m outraged!” Monica looked hurt. “We have so much to offer here! The scenery is beautiful and there are great sightseeing attractions. There’s the cabaret, the Museum of Art and Archeology, the city center and the fantastic campus with the statue of Shakespeare … ”
Woodshill’s attractions seemed to be a favorite topic of Monica’s, so Spencer and I took pains to nod enthusiastically.
“I really like it here,” I said. “The landscape was one of the reasons why I picked Woodshill. I’ve gotten so much fresh air since I arrived that my body must be completely detoxified.”
Monica smiled blissfully. “I think everyone coming from a big city feels that way.”
Ethan came up from behind and wrapped his arm around her. “Is she giving that speech again about why Woodshill is the best city to study in?”
“She’s trying to win over Allie.” Spencer nodded toward me. “Although she already lives here.”
“Hey! You’re the girl from my room,” Ethan said, turning to me. “I mean, of course it’s not my room. As of now it’s your empire, with everything that means.”
I had to smile at how he clung to his girlfriend in order to stand up straight. “Thanks for the shelf and desk, Ethan.”
“Thanks for taking all that stuff. You saved us the trouble of moving it,” he replied, digging his face into Monica’s neck. She broke out into giggles.
An adorable couple.
My gaze wandered on its own past the two of them, toward the couch.
I froze.
Kaden’s dark eyes were fixed directly on me.
That girl wasn’t on his lap anymore, but sitting next to him. He had put his arm over her shoulder and she was murmuring something in his ear. Now I knew why she looked so familiar—she was the girl who was leaving just before I’d come in to view the apartment.
I thought about Kaden’s rules. To stare at him while he was getting it on with someone would be pretty high on the list of things that were absolutely no-go. So I looked away and focused on Monica.
“I like your colorful streaks,” I said to her. “I don’t think I would have dared.”
“Sometimes I honestly wish I were a little less bold,” she replied, with a resigned look. “I never think things over enough when it comes to change. I’m too impulsive and can’t decide—so for example I don’t pick out one hair color but take all of the ones I like at the moment.”
“I like it. The biggest change I made was this one.” I indicated my short hair.
Monica frowned. “So how did you look before?”
“My hair was honey blonde,” I answered. “And went down over my chest.”
Her eyes widened. “But you don’t look like a blondie.”
“Oh, I was. I looked kind of like … ” My eyes wandered through the room until they rested on Kaden’s companion. “Like her, but a bit darker.”
Monica turned to look. “You looked like Sawyer?” She blurted out in surprise—and loudly.
The girl next to Kaden whirled around and stared at Monica. Then she narrowed her eyes to slits and stood.
“Oh no,” mumbled Monica, suddenly looking somewhat smaller.
As Sawyer walked toward us, I took the chance to study her up close. She was very pretty and had a great figure, with curves in all the right places and a neckline that would make any woman jealous.
“I heard my name mentioned,” Sawyer said as a greeting. She looked at Monica, smiling stiffly.
Kaden, who had also risen and in two strides had caught up with Sawyer, seemed to sense the tension in the air. He threw an arm around Sawyer’s waist and pulled her close. But the gesture didn’t have the intended effect. The opposite, in fact. Instead of relaxing, Sawyer shook herself free with a jerk and folded her arms at her chests.
“Is there something you’d like to tell me, Monica?”
“No … Allie just … ” Monica turned toward me, helpless.
“I was just saying, that until recently I had very similar—”
Sawyer turned to me and glared. “I wasn’t talking to you.”
Her voice was ice cold, and I blinked, confused.
Kaden leaned his head, and his lips brushed Sawyer’s ear as he murmured: “Everything’s okay, Sawyer. Don’t make a scene.” But even this attempt to calm her down failed.
“Leave me alone. They were talking about me,” hissed Sawyer, edging away from Kaden. Then she turned toward Monica. “It’s not the first time she’s bad-mouthed me.”
“That’s old news, Sawyer,” Spencer now chimed in.
“Shut up, Spencer,” she snapped. She looked as if she were going to reveal her claws at any moment and throw herself on one of us. I raised my hands in a calming gesture.
“I only said that I had a similar hairstyle to yours. You have gorgeous hair, honestly. And I don’t know the history between you two, but we didn’t say anything bad about you. Really.”
Wow, the wine had loosened me up. The words had just shot out of me.
“Tell that to someone who believes you. The next time you want to complain about me, say it to my face instead of lying. That’s pretty low.”
“Oh, come on,” hissed Monica, but Sawyer interrupted her.
“If you talk about me again, I can’t promise I’ll be nice.” She moved toward Monica, threateningly.
At that moment my protective instincts took hold. I liked Monica and didn’t want to see this girl kick her down for no reason.
“Listen,” I began. “This isn’t the right place to discuss something like this.”
A strange silence had settled in the room. The other guests were watching, curious. Someone had even turned down the music.
I cleared my throat. “Probably we’ve all had a bit too much to drink—at least the wine has really set in. I don’t think that this is the kind of conversation that should take place under the influence. Better to be sober, right? On neutral ground. Without spectators.” I tried to smile.
“I think it would be better if you went home now.”
Kaden’s cold voice caught Sawyer by surprise.
“Are you kidding me?” she cried out, confused, and moved toward Kaden. She pointed first to me and then to Monica. “Your shitty friends are attacking me in your presence, and you throw me out? You’re the biggest ass.”
Kaden opened his mouth to respond, but before he could say a word, I let loose again.
“Just because your feelings are hurt doesn’t mean you have to insult everyone else. There was nothing wrong until you came over and stirred it up. And that’s not cool.”
Sawyer turned so red that I thought she was about to punch me in the face. But just then Kaden grabbed her around the waist and pulled her out of the living room into the hallway, closing the door behind them.
Someone turned up the music again, and the party kept going as if nothing had happened.
Monica linked arms with me and leaned her head on my shoulder. “Sorry, Allie,” she sighed. “I didn’t want that to happen.”
I patted her hand. “Don’t worry. I can handle a little drama. Besides, it’s part of the college experience.”
We could hear bits of conversation drifting from the hallway, and Monica winced as Kaden’s voice grew louder.
“He’s going to be so mad at me,” she said, worried.
Spencer shook his head. “You know how Sawyer can be. I think her ego has never recovered from when Ethan … ”
Monica tore her arm away from me and covered her ears with her hands.
Spencer shook his head, grinning. He explained: “Sawyer fooled around with Ethan at a first semester party. After he got together with Monica, Sawyer was pretty mad. Guess she wanted more.”
I nodded. If Sawyer hadn’t just behaved like a total idiot, I might have felt sorry for her.
I flinched as the apartment door slammed. Kaden came stomping back into the living room. Our eyes met, and a chill ran down my spine.
He looked angry. Really angry. I found myself thinking about his stupid rules and cursed myself out for getting involved.
“I’m tired,” I said to those nearby and bid them good night. I made my way to my room and, relieved, sank down with my back to the door.
Great. It was my first party at Woodshill, and thanks to my blabbering, the host had to throw his girlfriend out of the apartment.
I was a walking fiasco.