Jess

I blinked, confused, not sure that I had heard him correctly.

But, when I looked at him, saw the slight grin on his face, the cocky light in his eyes, I realized I had.

“Oh,” I said lamely, “I see.”

But what else could I say? Even during the rather fraught conversation that Sean and I had had, I hadn’t been able to ignore how attractive he was, how much I wanted to throw my hands across his body, curl my fingers into the red-gold of his hair. Of course even thinking like this was over the line. But when he had gotten so close to me that I could smell his scent, a little cologne and all Sean, I had thought he felt the same way.

Apparently I was mistaken.

“So, now that we’ve had this little conversation and gotten on the same page, let’s go have that drink I promised you.”

I smiled, then paused a moment, trying to clear my head.

Finally, I nodded.

“Okay,” I said, smiling.

I stayed at the bar with Sean for several more hours, but then looked at my watch.

“It’s getting late,” he said.

“Yeah,” I responded. Misty hadn’t called, but I didn’t necessarily like being out of touch for this long.

“Hold on a second,” Sean said.

I stayed where I was and watched as he left his table and walked over to Grace.

She nodded and then looked at me, flashing me a quick smile as Sean walked back toward me.

“You ready?” Sean said.

“Yeah,” I responded, standing. I extended my hand, my intention to shake his. It was an odd gesture, but the only one I could think of.

Well, the only one I could think of that would be appropriate for a bar or for the nature of our relationship.

Sean slapped my hand and then laughed. “Let’s go,” he said.

“There’s no reason for you to go. I know this is your business. I can find my way home,” I said.

Sean didn’t even dignify that with a response.

Instead he walked toward the front doors, and I followed him.

Rather than going up the stairs that I had used both the first time and this time when I had arrived, he led me through a second entrance that went out into a parking lot.

That ridiculous orange sports car and another small sedan were the only two vehicles parked there.

“The employee lot,” Sean said.

“Sean, it’s really not necessary that you take me home,” I said.

He ignored me again, and then walked to the driver’s side. I waited a moment, and then walked toward the car.

“Shit. I’m supposed to open your door,” he said.

He scurried around the car and pulled the door open. “Your chariot awaits,” he said.

I giggled and then got into the car. With the same energy and enthusiasm that I so often saw in Jake, he circled around the car and hopped in.

“Give me strength, Jesus,” I said.

“What is it with you?” he asked.

“I should be asking you the same question. You’ll get there. There’s no hurry,” I said.

“I’m just saying, you have an engine like this you gotta make it purr. It’s a duty,” he said.

“Whatever you say, Sean,” I said. “I just want to get home in one piece.”

“You will,” he responded.

He flashed me a smile that was bright even in the pitch darkness of night and then left the lot. I noticed that there was a metal gate that appeared to be triggered by a sensor in his car.

“What?” he asked as he looked at me while he waited for the gate to open. “I can’t just park my baby out in the open,” he said.

That made sense, but I didn’t get the impression that that was all of the story. But, I didn’t follow-up on that question, not wanting to fracture the tenuous peace that we had just found.

Instead I made a great show of holding onto the door handle as Sean pulled off.

He laughed, and then proceeded to drive. We sat in silence for a moment and then I looked over at Sean. I could sense that something was on his mind, but before I could ask, he spoke.

“How did you find your apartment?” he asked, not looking at me, though I could tell his attention was focused on me.

I shrugged, not sure what was behind that question. “It’s close to transportation and I can afford it,” I said.

“Hmm,” Sean responded.

I watched him, waiting, and was on the verge of speaking when he did.

“I don’t like it,” he said.

I laughed. “I wouldn’t say I like it either, but as I said, it’s close to the bus stop and I can afford it. Like doesn’t really come into play.”

“Jake should have more space,” he said.

“What are you getting at, Sean?” I asked, looking at him, on alert.

“I think you should move,” he said.

“Well, even if I agreed, that’s not an option,” I said.

“What if I made it an option?” he asked.

I looked at him again, not sure if he was serious or not. I wanted a bigger place for Jake, but I was reluctant to upset things too quickly, and, I could admit, I didn’t want to do something reckless.

“Sean, I appreciate the sentiment, but Jake and I are fine,” I said.

I braced myself for his response, wondering how he would react. He glanced at me quickly and then smiled. “Okay,” he said.

I breathed out, surprised that he had let the matter go. I waited a few moments longer, studying him.

“So what’s with you and Grace?” I finally asked.

Sean smiled, then looked at me quickly before turning back to the road.

“You seem to think there’s something with me and Grace,” he said.

“Well there is something. It’s obvious. I’m just asking what,” I said.

“And why are you asking?” he said.

“I’m just being a busybody,” I responded.

He laughed. “An honest answer.”

“I try,” I said. “Now answer the question.”

Sean laughed and looked at me again before again turning his eyes back to the road.

“Grace is my friend. Probably my best friend who’s not one of my brothers,” he said.

“You have brothers, plural?” I asked.

“Yeah, three. Patrick, Declan, and Michael,” he said.

“Wow,” I responded.

I went quiet then, realizing that I knew so little about him.

“Anyway, Grace,” he said, his voice breaking me out of my thoughts, “she’s cool. Honest, funny, makes the best damn brown bread you will ever taste,” he said.

“That’s all it takes to get to be your best friend,” I responded, knowing full well that wasn’t the case but wondering if Sean would admit it.

“What can I say, I’m an easy guy,” he said.

“Somehow I doubt it.”

Sean didn’t deny what I said. I went quiet, though, trying to take in this new information.

Somehow, I had managed to salvage the night.

It had started off rocky, but Sean and I seemed to be in a good place, and that was a good thing. Still, I was shaken from the day. And not just because of what had happened earlier.

Even now I still remembered him standing so close to me, could feel the warmth of his body, my own reaction to it.

I kept trying to tell myself that the response was inappropriate, that I was complicating matters that certainly didn’t need it. But despite my reasoning, my desire to keep myself focused and on track, I couldn’t stop noticing the way his strong hands gripped the steering wheel, the way his fingers had felt against my wrist, how his forearms looked rock-solid.

I needed to get my head examined, and I needed to get out more.

Lusting after Sean would be a terrible idea, and though I knew that, at least my mind knew it, my body seemed completely unwilling to stop.

“We’re here,” Sean said.

“Oh,” I responded, snapping out of my stupor.

He had parked in front of my building, and I hastily took off my seat belt and opened the door.

He did the same and I paused to look at him.

“Don’t leave your car here. You’ll get a ticket. It’s a no parking zone,” I said.

“Don’t worry about it,” he responded.

Then he closed the door and walked around to the passenger side.

“The tickets are really expensive,” I said.

“Don’t worry about it,” he repeated.

Then, he did something that was completely unexpected.

He lightly settled his hand at my waist and then began to walk. I followed him, mostly moving on automatic, trying to swallow past the amazing thrill of having his fingers on me.

I pushed open the door that led to the building stairwell and looked at Sean and could see that his expression had darkened.

“The door should have a lock,” he said.

“Yeah, I’ve told the landlord that more times than I can remember. He doesn’t seem interested in providing one,” I said.

Sean just nodded but kept his hand on my waist as I walked up the stairs.

I had walked up these very stairs countless times, but none had seemed as acute as this. Every sound seemed heightened, the creak of the stairs, the rustle of our clothes as we moved, the faint noise of my neighbors, one who snored loud enough to be heard through the thin walls, another who worked the late shift and was just getting home, another who stayed up all hours of the night playing video games.

Each of the sounds, so familiar, sounds that would’ve passed completely unremarked on most other days felt heightened.

And I knew precisely the reason why.

I didn’t dare look back at Sean to try to see what he was thinking.

At best, his expression would give away nothing. Maybe he’d be wearing his pleasant face, the teasing one that always looked on the verge of a smile. Or perhaps it would be a different expression, the more serious one, the one that gave a depth to his looks that wasn’t there otherwise. But in either case, what looking at him wouldn’t do was tell me what he was thinking. In some ways he was transparent, in his affection for Jake and how determined he was to get to know him especially, but in others he was completely inscrutable.

I wasn’t, and I wouldn’t risk revealing something on my face that I had no business even thinking, let alone showing him.

We reached the top of the stairs and walked the few feet down the hall to my apartment door. I had clasped my keys in my hands like I always did, and after a deep, calming breath that I tried to use to center myself, I turned to look at him.

“Thanks,” I said.

“You’re welcome,” he replied. He stood in front of me, looking down at me, and not seeming in any particular hurry to leave.

“So, I think we left things in a good place?” I said.

My voice sounded shaky, a little bit unsteady, but I knew that was Sean’s doing.

I ignored that though, and instead kept my eyes on him, telling myself that if I kept focused on what was important, all those other feelings would resolve themselves.

“I think we did,” he said.

“Good,” I responded, nodding curtly, with a certainty and strength I didn’t feel.

“But,” he said.

I started to turn but then paused and turned back to face him.

“What?” I asked.

“There was something I was going to tell you later,” he said.

I looked at him, realized that I had licked my lips, but then stopped and froze.

“Yes,” I said, knowing full well what he was talking about but hoping that he had forgotten it.

It appeared that he hadn’t.

“What is it?” I asked.

Instead of responding he captured my lips in a kiss.

* * *

Sean

I had fought with myself to avoid just this. I told myself that it was stupid, that I would be complicating matters that I shouldn’t.

But, when Jess had looked up at me, her eyes dark, I had started to teeter.

And then when she had snaked her tongue out, licked her lips, I had been pushed over the edge.

I leaned forward, pressed my lips against hers, and kissed her.

It was an embrace unlike any before.

Her lips were soft, pliant, and she almost instantly yielded to the embrace.

I had reluctantly taken my hand from her, but on instinct I lifted it again, but this time instead of a light touch, some small thing that I thought would placate me, I touched her as I wanted to, gripping her hip boldly, then moving my hand to the center of her back, then down to cup the full roundness of her ass.

She sighed when I squeezed lightly, her warm breath brushing against my skin in the most tantalizing way.

I deepened the kiss, shifting to bring our bodies directly into contact.

And when we touched, her breasts pressed against my chest, her fingers squeezing my biceps, both of my hands now anchored on her body, everything else fell away.

I wasn’t standing in an apartment building that wasn’t good enough for her and my son, it wasn’t the middle of the night, and there wasn’t an entire complicated world surrounding us.

In that moment, in that breath, all that existed was me and her.

And I couldn’t even allow my mind to stretch beyond it.

Instead I kissed her, thinking of my good fortune at having found her, knowing that this was right.

It was strange to think such a thing. But kissing her felt different than any other kiss I’d felt before. It felt like it mattered.

I didn’t know what to do with that, but I was dealing with so many other things I didn’t understand that I didn’t even try to process it.

Instead I gave in to that feeling, let my hands roam her body.

When I touched my fingers under her shirt, the first brush of her warm, satin-soft skin against my fingertips made me sigh.

I broke the kiss, breathing hard, my cock throbbing with need and stared down at her.

I didn’t suppose it would be polite to fuck her in her hallway, but I was tempted. That was the reason I hadn’t kissed her as I had so deeply wanted to before.

As it had in my office, that sense of unreality of separation from the rest of the world was overtaking me. And I had been so close, so close to doing this, so close to going further.

Jess would’ve been with me every step of the way, too.

I looked down at her, saw her eyes had darkened even further, her lips were wet from my kiss, her breath coming out harshly.

She was right there with me.

It was enough to make me celebrate, but rather than giving in to that feeling, I somehow found the strength to pull my hands away from her and take a step back.

“That was what I wanted to tell you,” I said.

I tried to soften my voice with humor, but there was no mistaking the thickness of it, the heaviness of my desire clear in each word that I said.

“Oh,” Jess said.

I smiled then, not laughing at her, but amused that she was as torn asunder by this as I was.

“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” I said.

Then, on instinct I stepped forward, brushed my lips against hers again.

I stared down at her, studying her, wondering what I should say.

I didn’t know what to say, so I decided on nothing.

Instead I looked at her, smiled, and stayed where I was until she smiled back.

“We’ll figure this out, Jess,” I said.

“We will. I’ll make sure that you and Jake have the relationship that you should,” she said.

I frowned, but then quickly fixed my expression.

I knew exactly what she was doing, again trying to use him to keep space between us.

I would let her have her way, at least for now.

But one thing was certain, I had found my son, and I had also found Jess.

And with how I felt now, I didn’t know if I would ever be able to let her go.