Jess

When I woke up the next morning, it would have been easy, welcome, to pretend that this was an ordinary day. That this was my life, my life with Sean, and with Jake.

I knew that wasn’t true, though, knew it the instant I opened my eyes and felt that sting in my chest. Hollowness that reminded me that Jake was gone.

And being here, in Sean’s bed, only intensified that feeling. It was yet another reminder of this life that wasn’t mine and never would be.

Instead of lying there, sinking into the bed and hiding from the world as I wanted to, I got up, showered and dressed quickly, changing into the same clothes I had worn yesterday.

To get fresh ones would mean going down to my apartment, and if I did that I would fall apart.

A few minutes after I finished, Sean came in.

“I brought you these,” he said, extending his hand.

I gratefully took the clothes that he offered, and then changed. I took my time, anxious to move forward, but needing those few extra moments to gather myself.

When I finally emerged I found Sean standing looking out of the window, the bright sun rays reflecting off his glasses and shielding his eyes.

But I didn’t miss the intensity in him, the way he stood rigid, on alert. Every ounce of his muscled body looking as though he was ready to pounce.

He was breathtaking and more than a little terrifying. But even more, I knew this was for Jake. That Sean would be there for him, would be the best father he could possibly be and give him the life he deserved.

And even if I couldn’t be a part of that, I would know that he was taken care of. And that would be enough.

It had to be.

“Any word from Misty?” I asked.

Sean shook his head, but didn’t move.

I walked close to him, then stood silently, watching him. A moment later he turned, looked at me.

“Jess, you know it can’t go on like this, don’t you?” he asked quietly, seriously.

“What can’t, Sean?” I asked.

I felt awful, selfish, but my first thought was that he was talking about us. And though I had known it was coming, I wasn’t ready for it yet.

“Misty. She’s going to do this again and again. You know I can’t let that happen,” he said quietly but firmly, completely serious.

“Sean…”

I trailed off when I saw that his expression had hardened. There had been a time when his expression would have scared me. It still did a little bit, but I trusted Sean completely. Still, I had to think of Misty too. She’d made a mistake but this couldn’t go too far.

“Were you about to defend her?” he asked.

The way he said the words with certainty filled me with shame.

“Yes,” I admitted. “It’s an old habit, but I don’t think…” I trailed off again, not able to articulate the defense of her that had come automatically, one that I didn’t know if I believed anymore.

“You don’t think what?” he asked.

“She doesn’t mean him harm. She won’t hurt him. She’s just…”

“Just what, Jess? Confused?” he asked, calm, patient, damning with it.

“Yes,” I said. “She’s confused, and I’m certain that asshole Walker is influencing her.”

Sean locked eyes with me, his glasses doing nothing to protect me from the ferocity of his gaze. “Don’t do that, Jess,” he said, his voice arctic. “No more making excuses for her. If she cared about Jake even a little she would never do something like this to him. And she won’t ever again.”

Something in his tone and the finality of his words set me on edge. “What does that mean, Sean?” I asked.

I almost wished I hadn’t. But now that I had opened this door, I had to go through it. Finding a bravery I hadn’t known I had, I asked, “What are you going to do to her?”

Sean kept his gaze steady, his eyes telling me there would be no compromise in this. “Whatever it takes to make sure this doesn’t happen again,” he said.

“Sean…” I started, trailed off once more, started again, “that’s not reassuring.” My mind was swirling at the awfulness of this situation. I’d wanted Jake to have a family. Now everything was falling apart.

“Too bad,” he replied.

I stood silently, my mind trying to process this. Sean had always been pushy, but at least solicitous of my opinions and seemed concerned about my feelings, how I might react.

But this time, he wasn’t.

I understood, I really did. I would do anything for Jake, but there had to be a way to fix this problem without doing something irrevocable.

There might have been before, if I hadn’t let this happen in the first place.

I was again reminded of my own impotence, of how it was my fault that this was happening.

But I’d failed, and now Sean was in this impossible position.

I looked at Sean, but stayed silent for a moment, another. Then, I finally spoke. “Sean, I know you care about Jake. But I hope you don’t have to do something that you’ll regret. That you’ll have to explain to him later,” I said.

Sean stayed quiet for a moment and then looked at me. “I hope I don’t have to either.”