Jess

“Are you sure?”

A few days later, I was standing in my living room, my eyes locked with Misty’s as I tried to read her expression. As was so often the case, she smiled back at me, her face one of patient amusement, reminding me of the girl I had grown up with and loved with all my heart.

“Of course, Jess. I’m sure. Get dressed and get out of here,” she said.

I stayed still, my mind warring over what to do. This would be the first time that I had left Jake with her since all this with Sean had come up.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, wasn’t sure that I had a right to feel anything about it.

“Jess. Go,” Misty said.

She sounded emphatic, and the last couple of weeks had been better. She had made a real effort to spend time with Jake, and she’d even picked him up from school once. That had made me nervous too, but I’d swallowed that feeling. Misty was a good person and I knew she had the capacity to be a good mother. I’d often worried that I was standing in her way, so I was doing my best to step back and encourage her relationship with Jake, while making sure that I was still there if either of them needed me.

“I have my phone. Call me if you need me,” I said.

“Yes, Mom,” she said in a singsongy voice.

Then she folded her legs under her and leaned back against the couch, avidly watching some TV show as she absentmindedly munched on popcorn.

I was tempted to stay.

Seeing her like that reminded me of all those times before when I would have joined her and we’d giggle and talk and spend time together.

I realized then that it had been a very long time since we’d had one of those easy, carefree days.

“You know what, looks like you’re having a great time, so I think I’ll stay,” I said.

Misty didn’t even look up. “Nope. You can’t stay. The seat next to me is taken,” she said.

“Taken?” I asked.

“Yeah. Taken. Now go get dressed, Jess.”

I looked at her, laughed at her stern voice, and then turned and retreated to my bedroom.

Once I closed the door, I leaned against it, trying to analyze what I was feeling.

I was excited about the prospect of spending time with Misty, and wanted us to get back on track.

I hadn’t really realized how disconnected we had been. But, if I had been paying attention, there was no way she would have gone to Sean without talking to me first. That she hadn’t told me meant I hadn’t been there to support her, and that was something I intended to fix. I was glad Jake had Sean now, but the way Misty had done it was upsetting.

But, I could admit to myself as I stood in the bedroom alone, I was even more excited at the prospect of seeing Sean.

In fact, that excitement was only tempered by the fact that I hadn’t been completely honest with Misty. I’d simply told her that I wanted to go out this evening, and I hadn’t supplied details. She hadn’t pried, either, which was unusual, but when she had looked at me with that knowing smile, my heart had sunk.

And then, when she had gone on about being excited about me finally getting out of the house and acting my age for once, I felt even worse.

There was no reason for it.

This evening with Sean had nothing to do with me getting out. It was simply an attempt for me to get to know him. I needed to do that for Jake’s sake.

The instant I had that thought I smiled at myself in embarrassment. I was better than blaming this all on a four-year-old.

Yes, Jake was the catalyst for me seeing Sean, but he wasn’t the reason I was so excited.

I had tried to deny it, did a pretty good job of it most of the time, but Sean was intriguing.

Even that word only barely began to capture the way he fascinated me. I wasn’t even sure I really understood the depth of it, or why, but few of my waking thoughts had been focused on anything but him.

I moved to my closet, mentally cataloguing the items that I knew hung there. This was in no way, shape, or form, a date.

But, it wasn’t a shift at a restaurant, or job interview, or church. Which left me in a conundrum.

What to wear?

I pulled back the curtain that doubled as a makeshift door and instantly reached for the dark wash jeans that I knew I would wear.

Not fancy, but I was going to a pub. Slacks would be out of place. Also, fancy would suggest that this was something more than it was, which, as I reminded myself, it most assuredly was not.

I quickly scanned the handful of tops hanging in the closet and settled on a black, stretchy knit shirt. I think the last time I had worn it had been about two years ago when a group of friends from the restaurant I’d been working at had convinced me to go out to a nightclub.

It was nothing special, but the V-neck gave a nice hint of cleavage while being classy, and paired with the jeans, which made my hips and butt look better than they did out of them, I was set.

I added a pair of ballet flats and after I brushed my hair back into a tight ball at the top of my head, I was ready.

I had intentionally put in minimal effort, but I was pleased with the result. And, though I scarcely wanted to admit it, even more excited to leave.

When I walked out of my bedroom, Misty looked up, still munching on the remnants of her popcorn.

“Looking good,” she said with a lascivious smile.

“Thanks,” I responded, looking at her brightly.

“Any time.”

I laughed, and then walked over to the couch where she sat.

“Remember, just a phone call away,” I said.

“Jess, I’m going to tackle you and drag you out of here. Go,” she said.

I smiled, but then shook my head. “No need for such theatrics,” I said.

“I’m just saying. I’ll do it. Now get out of here,” she said.

She punctuated the command with a kernel of popcorn that I managed to catch in my mouth.

“Oh my God, that’s so impressive. I need you to teach Jake how to do that,” she said.

I laughed, chewing the popcorn. “I’m working on it. His hand-eye coordination isn’t quite there, but he’ll get it,” I said.

She laughed. “I want a show,” she said.

“Deal,” I responded.

She laughed, but as the seconds ticked by, that nagging feeling of guilt began to grow.

“What is it, Jess?” Misty said.

I sometimes forgot that she had known me as long as I had her, that she, unlike anyone else, other than Sean, apparently, could read me.

I looked at her and then walked back toward her.

“I didn’t tell you where I was going,” I said.

“You don’t have to. You’re an adult,” Misty shrugged but then looked at me, her head tilted as she studied me. “What’s the story, Jess?” she asked, sounding suspicious.

“Misty, I’m going to Boiler Room,” I said.

“Boiler Room? Sean’s bar?” she asked, her face twisted in confusion.

“Yeah,” I responded, feeling like I was betraying Misty and worried that she would call me on that.

“Doesn’t seem like your kind of place,” she said.

“It’s probably not. But I’m going to meet Sean,” I said.

Saying the words felt like a confession, and my excitement at seeing him felt that much worse.

I studied Misty, trying to figure out how she would react.

“I get it,” she whispered.

I looked at her, noting that all the amusement that had been in her face just moments ago was gone.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Apparently, he’s super gung-ho about spending time with Jake. And I know with you being so protective, you can’t just let anybody, even his father, do that. So it makes sense. It’s one thing to see someone at the playground. But it’s another thing altogether to see them in a different setting. So yeah, it makes sense,” Misty said.

I looked at her, apparently having forgotten that she could be so insightful. But while she hadn’t missed the fact that yes I was doing this for Jake, more than a little bit I was doing it for myself.

I wanted to confess that but something, cowardice, maybe, stilled my tongue.

“I’m sorry, Jess,” she whispered, her expression thoughtful, her eyes regretful.

“For what?” I asked.

“For all this. I didn’t think it through, and now everybody’s having to deal with it. I should’ve told you before I did it,” she said.

My first instinct was to tell her she had nothing to apologize for. But I couldn’t make myself say the words. Instead I leaned down and hugged her, hoping that would communicate what I felt better than words would.

“Yeah, yeah, now get out of here. And have fun at Boiler Room. And meet somebody,” she added.

I laughed, then stood and headed toward the door. “I wouldn’t hold my breath on that one,” I said.

“I’m not holding mine, either, but do your sister proud,” she said.

“Good night, Misty,” I said.

I had kissed Jake good night before, but stopped in to take one more quick peek. When I saw him sleeping, I slid on my jacket and walked out of the door.

* * *

Jess

I had decided to take a cab to Boiler Room. Though Sean had invited me, I felt a little bit like an investigator. Misty had been right that I still wanted to know more about him, and seeing him at his business seemed like a good place.

I left the apartment and ran down the stairs quickly, intent on hailing a cab.

But, when I stepped outside the building, my eyes were immediately drawn to the huge black SUV parked right out front.

There was a man in a suit standing outside of it, and when he saw me he lifted a sign that said my name.

Ordinarily, I would have kept going, but my curiosity got the better of me.

I walked toward him, a smile beginning to grow on my face.

“Why are you looking for her?” I asked.

“Hi, Ms. Roberts. Sean asked me to pick you up,” he said.

I broke out into a full smile.

“Did he also give you my picture?” I asked.

“No, but he described you. Are you ready to go?”

“Sure,” I said.

The driver opened the door and I slid onto the backseat of the late-model SUV. As the driver walked around the car, I wondered how exactly Sean had described me and what other tricks he might have up his sleeve.

I knew I was a pretty tough customer, so this kind of ploy wouldn’t get to me.

Or at least I would try to show him that it didn’t.

Still, as the car pulled away, I could acknowledge the little thrill that rushed through me.

He’d sent a car to pick me up.

I tried to remind myself that this was just his way of making a good impression, trying to win me over to his cause. But, despite those reminders and my firm resolve not to be swayed by such a gesture, I was definitely swayed.

I tried to think of a time when someone had done something so nice for me, and came up blank.

This wouldn’t change anything. Anything between Sean and me was about Jake and nothing more, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t enjoy the ride.

And that was exactly what I did. I leaned back against the soft leather seats and looked out the window, breathing in that new car smell that I had so little experience with and watching the city as we passed.

Soon, far too soon for my liking, the car came to a stop.

I had been enjoying the ride, but now it was over.

“Thank you,” I said to the driver.

He nodded, tipped his hat, and then I opened the door.