Jess

“You okay, Jake?” Sean said. He had his hands on the steering wheel, but looked into the rearview mirror at Jake.

“Uh-huh,” he replied in a quiet voice.

I smiled a little, knowing that Jake was putting on a brave face, mostly because he wanted to impress Sean.

From the little smile that played on Sean’s face, he could tell that too.

“You’re gonna have fun,” Sean said.

“Okay,” Jake responded.

Sean looked at Jake a moment longer, and then continued to drive, our surroundings changing from city to suburban greenery. I wanted to say something to comfort Jake, but decided better of it. It was important for Sean to be able to do that, and I knew that the words would mean more from him than they would from me.

Besides, I needed a bit of comforting myself.

When Sean had suggested taking Jake to meet the rest of his family, I had been nervous for obvious reasons, but also happy about it. I never had any kind of extended family, any family at all, and I was excited at the prospect of Jake getting to know his.

I was a little sad that I wouldn’t be there to share that special moment with Jake, but reminded myself that I had no right to be there. But earlier today, as Sean and Jake had prepared to leave, Sean had stopped, looked at me, and asked, “Are you ready?”

I had been sitting on the couch, trying to pretend like I wasn’t paying attention to their every move.

“Ready for what?” I asked nonchalantly, looking up from the e-reader that I hadn’t been paying any attention at all to.

“To go to my brother’s,” Sean had said, his brows dipped in confusion.

“You and Jake are going,” I’d said.

“And you,” he’d said.

“Me?” I’d mimicked.

“Yeah. I’d like you to be there. Unless you have other plans or something,” he’d added quickly.

It had been a surprising thing. Sean was kind but always definitive, so him attempting to backtrack left me a little off balance.

“I don’t have any other plans,” I’d finally confessed.

“So would you join us?”

I’d looked at him for a moment, somewhat confused, surprised. And then, finally, touched.

“Sure,” I’d responded.

It had been a small word, one that didn’t even begin to convey the emotion I felt.

I knew that this was a big deal. That Sean asking me into his family’s life was something he didn’t do easily. Especially not for a stranger, especially not for so intimate a visit.

It meant the world to me. Things between Sean and me had been fantastic. After we’d made love, my desire for him had only increased, and that potent physical connection seemed to grow in tandem with our emotional connection.

Or what I hoped was one.

I learned a bit more about Sean every day as he did with me, and the more I learned, the more I cared for him. He’d taken to his role as Jake’s father with ease. I could remember the day we’d decided to tell Jake. Sean had been nervous but determined, and had sat down with Jake over waffles and told him.

Jake had asked a few questions, but had accepted the news with ease. And when he’d asked Sean if he could call him dad, I’d sworn I saw a tear in his eye, though Sean had vehemently denied it.

But it wasn’t just Jake. I’d handle it better if it was. Sean was winning me over too. He was funny, kind, things I already knew, but he was also thoughtful and considerate. He came to our apartment every day without fail, often with presents for Jake, and sometimes for me. And once, he’d even brought a pack of the seltzer I liked because he’d seen that I was running out.

A small thing, but one that told me he paid attention and made me hope that he cared. And now, this visit. While I was still excited about it, impressed, there was now a level of trepidation that hadn’t been there before.

It was one thing for Jake to meet Sean’s family, another thing altogether for me to do so. I quickly tried to change the direction of my thoughts but failed. This was exactly the problem. I wasn’t going to meet Sean’s family. I was simply escorting Jake, making sure that he was comfortable in a new environment. And I needed to remember that. I told myself that over and over again, but accepting it was another matter altogether.

Because as much as I told myself it didn’t, being there, getting a chance to share this with Jake, meant something.

Of course, there was another aspect of this visit that I hadn’t really considered too closely.

Sean had been straightforward, or as straightforward as I guess he could be, about his life. And I had done some subtle investigation and found out more. Everything I had found told me that he was the real deal. That his family was legitimately dangerous.

Which surprised me. I knew he and Misty had only had a one-night stand, but even for causal encounters, she preferred the shallow, surface kind of guys like Walker. But Sean was the genuine article.

And now I was going to meet three other Seans, something that made me nervous.

“You need a pep talk too?” Sean asked.

I froze for a moment, then looked over at him guiltily, the knowing smile on his face making me smile in return.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Sean,” I said.

I kept my voice even, like I wasn’t affected at all, but Sean just laughed.

“Your poker face is about as good as Jake’s,” he said.

“Well I need to work on that,” I responded, kidding, but also knowing it was true. There were some things I didn’t want Sean to know, and my growing feelings for him were at the top of the list.

I looked out the window, smiled, feeling more at ease, something I realized Sean had probably intended.

“Seriously, Jess,” he said. “It’s going to be fine. More than fine in fact.”

“Jake gets to meet more of his family, and that’s all that matters,” I said.

For a moment I thought Sean might argue but he didn’t.

Instead he continued driving and then turned onto the grounds of what looked like an estate.

“You said we were going to a family get-together,” I said.

“We are,” Sean responded.

“A family get-together on a grand estate,” I said.

“Not exactly an estate,” Sean said.

But that was exactly what it was. The rolling lawns were manicured, the long stretch of verdant green leading to a house that was in the distance. This was an estate, the Murphy family estate.

“It’s just a house. It used to belong to my mother and her family,” Sean said.

Though he kept his voice unchanged, I sensed something different when he said the word mother. I looked at him, studying his face, trying to see what was there. But there was nothing.

“We’re here,” he said as he parked in front of the large, stately looking house. “You ready to go, Jake?”

“Uh-huh,” he responded.

He was looking out the window, his little eyes trying to see everything he could from his car seat. I got out and then helped Jake out. Once he was standing, he reached for my hand, but seemed to remember himself and then dropped his fist at his side, looking a little lost.

But, a moment later, Sean scooped him up and started running toward the door. Jake’s laughter was loud, sudden, and filled with joy.

Sean raced up the stairs and opened the door without knocking.

“Come on, Jess,” Sean called as I smiled, the sight of the child who had my heart and the man who seemed intent on taking a piece for himself freezing me in place.

And then he disappeared inside the door, a giggling Jake the only clue as to where he had gone.

I waited a moment, took a deep breath, and then walked up the stairs.

I stepped into the house tentatively, the dark wood floors and well-decorated entrance seeming both expensive and welcoming.

“Sean!” I said in a whisper-yell.

“Oh, he’s in back,” a woman said.

I jumped, startled, but quickly recovered and then turned toward the direction of the voice.

To the left was a room that looked to be some kind of living area, and from it emerged a tall, beautiful, and very pregnant woman.

“Hi!” she said warmly. “I’m Nya, Patrick’s wife. You’re Jess?”

“Yeah. I’m Jess,” I said, mirroring the woman’s words.

I shook my head and then smiled guiltily, but she just waved a hand.

“It’s great to meet you. And I’m looking forward to meeting Sean’s little one,” she said. “Why don’t you come back here and meet everyone else?”

“Um… Okay,” I said, trying to keep a brave face but knowing I was failing.

“You’ll be fine,” she said, smiling.

I followed her as she walked through what had to be the biggest kitchen I had ever seen in person and out into a yard.

And it was a yard. A pool, enough lawn to field a baseball team, and sitting on the patio, a table filled with three men and a woman.

I studied each of the men, noting the differences and similarities with Sean. The other three all had varying shades of dark hair, while Sean’s was light. But they all had the same height and build, and they all exuded intensity.

It was strange. Sean struck me as easygoing, but the same certainly couldn’t be said about his brothers.

“Are you going to say hello?”

I looked toward the middle of the table and locked eyes with a man who was glaring at me.

I looked away quickly and met the eyes of the man at the head of the table. “I’m Patrick,” he said. Then he inclined his head toward the man who was still glaring at me. “And this is my brother Michael. Pay him no mind because he’s kind of an asshole.”

I smiled, a smile that deepened when the woman sitting next to Michael elbowed him sharply.

“And I’m Declan,” the last of the men said.

“Hi. I’m Jess. Jake’s aunt,” I said.

“Yeah,” Michael said. “We know.”

Not the welcome greeting I’d hoped for but the woman next to Michael elbowed him again and then looked at me with a smile on her face. “I’m Eden, Michael’s wife. Come have a seat.”

I did as she instructed and sat on the other side of her, grateful when Nya sat across from me.

“Some of them have worse manners than others, but don’t worry,” Nya said.

“Everybody keeps telling me not to be worried. You guys keep that up and I’m definitely going to worry,” I said, hoping my joke—which was a little bit truthful—would break the ice.

There was silence in the room and then a moment later Declan, the less-hostile but not exactly welcoming one, broke out in a smile.

“You make a good point,” he said.

Seeing him smile relaxed me some, a feeling that was increased when I heard Jake squeal with laughter as Sean chased him around the lawn.

“Isn’t that fucking adorable,” Michael muttered.

Eden glared at him. “It is adorable,” she said.

“I’m inclined to agree with Eden, Michael,” Patrick added.

“Me too,” Declan responded.

“Whatever,” Michael said. Then he focused on me. “So what’s the story, Jess?”

“What story?” I asked.

“What story do you think?” he said.

“Michael!” Eden exclaimed.

“What? You guys are playing nice, but I have questions.”

“It’s not your place to ask them,” Patrick said.

“It’s fine,” I responded.

Patrick looked at me, seeming to assess me. I didn’t look at him though, and instead kept my focus on Michael. This might not be the smartest thing, but I wasn’t going to let anyone intimidate me.

“You were saying,” I said.

Eden tilted her head, looked at Michael, but he was as focused on me as I was on him.

“Awfully convenient for a kid to show up after four years, don’t you think?”

“It wasn’t convenient for me,” I said. “And more importantly I’m not the ‘kid’s’ mother or his father. So you should talk to them if you have questions,” I said.

“I will. But you’re here now,” he said.

“Yes, I am,” I answered, though I was wondering if that was a mistake. But I quickly reminded myself this was for Jake and Sean, and I wasn’t a coward.

“You’re not up to anything, are you?” he asked.

“If I was, would I tell you?” I responded, wondering if my sarcasm would be met with anger.

“I would hope so,” he said, seeming nonplussed at my rudeness.

“Well, sorry to disappoint you, Michael, but I’m not up to anything. I just want to make sure Jake gets to know his family,” I said.

“And that’s all?”

“That’s all,” I responded.

He looked at me for a moment longer and then nodded.

“What?” he asked when Eden continued to glare at him. “Questions had to be asked.”

Eden just shook her head, but to my surprise the tension that I had felt moments before was gone completely.

Declan, who I could tell was on full attention, had relaxed, Patrick was busy making eyes at Nya, and Eden and Michael had started to bicker about something.

It felt surprisingly…normal. And by the time Sean and Jake came to the table twenty minutes later, I was completely comfortable.

Michael and Declan were looking for escape routes when Patrick and Nya began to discuss the merits of yet another color of paint for their baby’s nursery. From what I gathered, this had been the hot topic of family conversation more times than either of the brothers could bear.

“Did you have fun, buddy?” I asked Jake when he came to stand next to me.

“Yeah!” he said.

“You want to meet my brothers? They’re your uncles, remember?” Sean asked.

At that question, some of Jake’s smile dropped, but he nodded and then silently walked to stand next to Sean.

“This is your uncle Declan,” Sean said.

Jake looked up at Declan, and then, after he swallowed, stuck out his hand.

He looked over at me and I nodded encouragingly.

Declan shook his hand. “Pleased to meet you, Jake.”

He did the same thing with Michael, then with Patrick. And when he finished he rushed back to me and crawled into my lap.

“Good job,” I whispered in his ear.

He smiled, and when I looked at Sean, I could see the same expression on his face. My heart soared for Jake as I watched him meet his new family, his real family.

And sank for myself as I realized again I wasn’t a part of it.