Chapter 21
Meli
I went back to my solitary, quiet life with Kirk and there was always Sarah on the perimeter. Marie and I got together from time to time and she would pat my hand and make soft soothing sounds. She, better than anyone, I suppose could see the sadness in my face. Blake was the only man for me, and he was the father of my child. There simply was no one else who could take his place.
I had watched him through the news reports, the social media, and finally the day came when I saw a restaurant with his name on the sign. That’s when I knew it was truly over. He had found himself again, and no longer needed me. On one hand, I rejoiced; he had again found himself and was successful in his own right. On the other hand, I wanted him in our life, and I knew now that that would never happen.
Kirk asked about Blake from time to time, and it was difficult to explain why his father had so suddenly popped into our lives and as suddenly popped out again. No one else asked me about him; they seemed to know that the topic was taboo.
I had begun to become accustomed to being on our own, without the concept of having him in our life. That was the day everything changed.
* * *
I had just finished visiting all my cafés. It had been a long and tiring trip, and it seemed to get worse is I got closer to the end. I realized why once I arrived home. Somewhere along the way I had contracted a virus and my head was throbbing as I paced around the house. I knew I had a fever and was very glad that Sarah was still around. Kirk had begun school, half days in kindergarten. I had come down to the kitchen to make myself a cup of hot tea before returning to bed.
There was a knock at the front door. I was in my robe and slippers and certainly not fit for company but there seemed little choice. I open the door and there stood a man in a flimsy suit whose hair could have seen a haircut.
“May I help you?” I asked him.
“Are you Melanie Christian?” he asked.
I nodded, pushing my hair behind my ears and setting down my cup of tea. I didn’t want to invite him in, and wondered why he was there. “Yes, I am.”
“Ms. Christian, this is for you.” He held out an envelope which I then accepted. Turning around he called out over his shoulder, “Have a nice day.”
It must’ve been the cold that prevented me from thinking straight. I stood there like an idiot with the envelope in my hand trying to figure out what he was there for. Had I just won the Publishers Clearinghouse? I closed the door, picked up my tea, and wandered into the living room to read it. I took a sip from the steaming cup and set it down as I opened the envelope. What I read then would change the rest of my life.
Blake was suing me for partial custody of Kirk.
Every mother’s instinct came alive in me in that moment, and I was enraged. I no longer felt the virus, I no longer felt anything but abject terror. I felt as though I would pass out.
“Sarah!” I called to her.
She must’ve heard the urgency in my voice because I heard her feet pounding down the stairs.
“What’s wrong?” I could hear that same tone she used with Kirk when she was concerned but trying to be calm so as not to over excite him.
“Read this,” I handed the papers to her.
She began to read, and as she did, the import of the words forced her to plop down onto the sofa. “To tell you the truth, I was a little afraid this might be coming at some point. Although, I thought he would’ve done it in the beginning when he first learned about Kirk.”
I nodded mutely.
“Obviously this is upsetting to you. Are you willing to let him see Kirk?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you expected this, but I thought we were past this point, too. My God. I don’t want to put Kirk through this. He’s finally started school now, and enjoying a little bit of himself in the real world. I really don’t know what to do.”
I was staggering beneath the implications of the legal papers. Blake had blindsided me; I had trusted him but it seemed he hadn’t accepted my explanation of the accident and was now out to hurt me.
I telephoned Marie. “He knows about Kirk and he wants to take him away from me. All that I feared over these past years has come to pass.”
“Did you not expect he would want a relationship with his own son?” her voice chided me, reminding me that I was accustomed to getting my own way.
“Yes, I knew he might and that’s why I kept Kirk a secret.”
“Poor, Meli … you must learn that you cannot control others as you wish you could. Your son deserves to know his father as well.”
“Why do you have to be so sensible?” I lamented. “You always know what to say to make me feel guilty.”
“Not trying to make you feel guilty; just trying to bring things into perspective for you. The guilt, you make for yourself.”
I knew she had a point and yet it didn’t feel good to own it. Truth never did. “So, what do I do?”
“You do what any mother would do. You do what is best for the child, and in this case, Kirk’s father is not a bad man and will give balance to his life. I think it’s a very good thing, my dear.”
“Marie, you do know how to put a positive light on things, that’s for sure! Well, I’ll have to figure this all out. I guess I won’t fight Blake, but I will need some guarantees. After all, for him to have visitation means that Kirk will be going to another state. That’s a separate jurisdiction and I’ll have to check with my attorney to see how that could affect my rights to keep him here and in school.”
“It will all work out. After all, you do not hate Blake; you are hurt because he chose to distrust you. You must admit that shooting him is cause for him to consider your motives.”
“I suppose. How are things at the café? I’m opening another one soon and wondered if you would be interested in being my assistant?”
“I have Louis to consider, my dear. I’m fine where I’m at.”
“I get that. Well, I couldn’t help trying.”
“You always have me here; always a place to come home to.”
“Love you, Marie. I’ll call again soon.”
“Be generous hearted, my sweet!”
I hung up and realized she’d given me an entirely new perspective. I wanted Kirk to grow up with love in his heart and I needed to give him that example.
I found an attorney and made an appointment to discuss things. He was a bit surprised by my attitude.
“I generally counsel women who don’t want to share custody,” he pointed out.
“I get that, but this is an unusual situation and I’m putting my child first.”
“That’s refreshing to hear, I don’t mind telling you.”
“Well, so be it. Please, contact his attorney and work out the details. Just make sure I can’t lose control over my son when he’s not with me.”
The attorney nodded and I left him to his work.
Two weeks later, he called me and the details were in writing. Blake would get Kirk one weekend a month and one month during the summer. It was agreed that the Louisiana court would have precedent and Blake agreed never to attempt permanent, full-time custody.
Now came the moment of bravery: that time and place where I would turn Kirk over and walk away. Would I be able to do it? I had no choice; I’d made a deal.