Chapter 15

Danica

 

Shit, shit, shit.

As I sat on my bed, I felt sick all over again. My entire life was crashing around me, and I had no idea what the hell I could do about it. What a fucking mess!

I just couldn’t believe that I’d gone into the room to meet Brad’s son, to find myself faced with Rhett. If only he’d damn well called himself Rhett Fronton at Camp Woodtree, rather than Jones, I would have known right away to keep the hell away from him. But to find out in that way, it was absolutely unbelievable. If I hadn't been taken aback by his tall, muscular body, and those deep warm brown eyes that I’d spent my special week staring into, I might not have even believed that it was true.

Rhett, the guy who I thought I was falling for, was now more off limits than anyone else in the entire world.

Before, my problem was that I had a secret pregnancy and I couldn’t tell my family about it, and I didn’t feel able to contact the father to tell him the news, either. Now, I had just found out that the dad of my unborn child was inside my home, and that he was about to become my stepbrother.

How fucked up was that? How the hell was I supposed to comprehend any of it?

I felt absolutely sick to my stomach about everything going on around me. It was utterly unbelievable, like a horror film or something. It was totally gross and weird, and although we didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into at the time, it still made it all feel so wrong.

Or did he? Had he known? I got the impression that he didn’t get on well with his dad, so maybe everything with me was a part of his plan, his way of ruining the wedding.

But no, to be fair he had looked just as shocked as I felt as he saw me. He had no idea that he was coming into my home; he had no idea that he was about to see me.

Oh God, what a damn mess.

After a few moments, I could no longer hold any of my illness in, and I was forced to race to the bathroom to throw up all over again. I’d wanted to stay locked up in my room all night, so this unexpected burst out into the hallway was far too dangerous for my liking. But I had no other option–I didn’t want to be sick on the floor of my bedroom and have to clean it up afterwards. I was already under enough stress as it was.

As soon as everything was out of my system, I slumped to the cold, hard ground, feeling strangely numb. There were so many thoughts bursting through my mind that I couldn’t actually settle on a single one of them. I felt like I could burst with it all, so my body seemed to have just shut down my emotions, leaving me with nothing left. I hated feeling this empty, but it was much better than feeling everything all at once, causing me to have a mental breakdown.

Well, I couldn’t stay there forever. It was time to go back to my room, where I would stay until I felt ready to face the rest of the word once more. As soon as I was behind closed doors, I would be safe enough to fall apart.

I pressed my ear up against the door, trying to be more careful this time. I certainly didn’t want to walk smack into Rhett out there while I looked like this. This was a disaster without adding that into the mix.

After a few moments, I concluded that I would be okay, and I tentatively peeked outside. Luckily, there was no one there, so it was now or never. I scurried like a mouse, practically tiptoeing across the hallway carpet, until I could lock myself away once more.

Just as I was about to congratulate myself on getting away with it, a light tapping sound emanated from my door, making my heart sink into my shoes.

Oh God, I panicked, has Rhett found my room already? I tried my best to escape quickly enough so that he wouldn’t be able to follow me, but it seemed like I wasn’t smart enough.

“Hello?” I called out quietly, my heart thumping painfully in my throat. What the hell was I going to say? How was I going to get rid of him?

“Danica?” I let out a sigh of relief as my mom’s voice replied. But this was very quickly replaced by dismay as I realized that I was about to be subjected to an argument that I really wasn’t in the mood for. “Can I come in?”

I desperately scoured my brain, trying to find a reason to say no, but I couldn’t come up with one quick enough. “Sure,” I eventually sighed. “Of course.” Hopefully this wouldn’t be too long and too painful; I just was not in the mood.

As she walked into my room, she took a few moments to examine my appearance. I surreptitiously rubbed my mouth, hoping that she couldn’t tell I’d just been sick. I certainly didn’t need the questions about that one!

“What was that about?” she snapped, sounding angrier than I’d been expecting. “Why were you so curt with Rhett back there?”

Was I? I thought that I’d managed to keep my feelings under control, but obviously not. I felt my face flame up at the thought of what everyone now thought of me. Brad was probably furious with me, and it was likely that Rhett hated my guts.

“It took Brad a lot to get him here, you know?” she asked, her tone very serious now. “I really don’t need things ruined by you acting unfriendly.” She slid on the bed next to me, and took my hands in hers, but I couldn’t relax. The closer she got to me, the more I feared that she was going to smell the vomit on me.

“I know you aren’t normally like that, Danica.” I tried to ignore her patronizing tone–I was sure she didn’t mean it in that way. “So I can only assume that it’s all of the wedding stress upsetting you.” I stayed silent, judging that this probably wasn’t the best time for me to say anything. I was desperately trying not to put my foot in my mouth. Plus, that excuse was better than anything I could come up with that quickly. “If you need to talk to me about anything, please feel like you can, okay?”

The way she was looking at me proved that she was waiting for an answer, so I quickly spoke out, saying the first thing that came to mind. “I guess seeing Rhett has made it all the more real for me,” I was lying, but luckily it seemed like she was lapping up every single word. “It’s all become a little…much.”

“I know,” Mom nodded in a very understanding way. “I know it’s a little strange, and it’s going to take a lot of getting used to–especially since it’s always been just you and me–but I think it’s going to be great to have a bigger family. I think you’ll really enjoy it once you get used to it.”

“Yeah.” I replied a little half-heartedly. The thought of a bigger family didn’t fill me with images of more brothers and aunts and uncles…it made me think of that baby in my arms again. That image that I’d been desperately trying to push to the back of my mind. I thought I’d been doing a good job, too–until Rhett damn well showed up and ruined everything.

“It’ll get better,” she soothed as she rubbed my arm gently. “I promise you. You’ll see.”

This turn of events was weird; in our last heart to heart, I was being the supportive, comforting one as Mom had cold feet, and now the tables had turned. I couldn’t help but feel touched that she’d taken the time out of worrying about the wedding to be there for me. It was a little emotional actually, but not enough to have me spilling the beans. The secret wasn’t coming out any time soon–especially not now!

“Thanks, Mom,” I acted like she’d comforted me, like she’d solved all of my problems with her words. “That’s great.”

“You look a little…tired, sweetie,” she started to examine me, which was the absolute last thing that I needed. I wanted her gone so that I could suffer in peace. The more time she spent in my room, the closer she could get to discovering everything.

I needed her attention away from me, and back onto her own problems.

“Yeah, yeah.” I snapped back quickly, standing up. “I think I better go to bed actually, I am pretty wiped. Thanks, though; it was really great to talk to you.”

I made a big deal of going to my wardrobe to grab my pyjamas, proving that I really was off to sleep. Mom took the hint and moved towards the door, smiling sadly at me as she left.

“Sleep well, all right?”

As she left me by myself, I slumped back onto the ground and allowed the tears to freefall down my face. I hated having to keep secrets from her, especially as we’d always been so close, but I didn’t see what choice I had this time.

I was just glad that I’d kept the pregnancy to myself before now. If I’d told my mum, then there would be no way I could keep mine and Rhett’s dalliance to myself. Not now that he was here, I didn’t exactly have the best poker face in the world.

No, I might not have enjoyed keeping a secret, but this one was going to have to stay that way for a little while longer.

Eventually, my mind travelled back to Rhett and the problem we now faced. It would be easier in some ways to tell him the truth now that he was here, but at the same time, that made it that much harder.

What if he really freaked out and went totally ballistic?

What if he was over the moon and wanted to declare our love to our parents right before the wedding?

Neither option filled me with any kind of positivity, so I quickly concluded that I was going to have to keep it to myself for a little while longer. Until the wedding was over, at the very least.

But I knew for a fact that I wouldn’t be able to lie to him, which left me with very little options. I was going to have to avoid him at all costs–it was the only way that I’d be able to keep the secret inside.

That was going to be horrible after the amazing week we had at Camp Woodtree, but what else could I do? If I got too close, then I’d end up feeling that wonderful connection once more. I’d spent all that time opening up to Rhett and letting him in, and I wasn’t sure how to shut that off, how to go back to just being civil.

Plus, I wasn’t sure that I’d be able to disguise my very inappropriate feelings towards him, and I couldn’t risk anyone sensing that. There was no denying that under all the terror I’d been feeling as I laid my eyes on Rhett, there was definitely a spark remaining, too.

And that spark was going to have to be ignored. It was the only way that this family could work.

Family.

Stepbrother.

It made me shudder just thinking about it all.

How the hell was I going to survive this?