CHAPTER 16
Aidan
I knew that I lied about the trip by saying I was going back to the military. I hated lying to her but it was a hell of a lot easier than the truth. As it was, I was asking her to allow herself to get closer to me knowing that I was going to die. We’d just met, and I didn’t need to dump that on a girl that was just beginning to live her life.
Part of me hated that I’d come across her at all. I was ready to go and say my goodbyes and be ready to die.
“I figure we’ll drive for a while and get a room to get some sleep later tonight. I could use a shower and a bed, so I’m awake for the drive.” I told her and she smiled wistfully as I looked at her at a light.
“I wish I could drive for a while,” she said as she gave me a wide-eyed gaze.
“Maybe somewhere private and incredibly safe,” I promised her as I imagined her behind the wheel of this car. Even with all my misery, that idea turned me on, and I bit my lip to calm myself down. Staying in a room with her tonight, assuming that she’d allow that, would be hard enough without my body ready for her. I needed a shower, both to clean myself up as well as to release a little pent up steam that was burning inside of me. I know that it wasn’t just for any woman, least of all the women that I was going to see on this trip. I suspected that she thought otherwise with her earlier questions, but Elsa got my body going like no other woman had done before. The timing was abysmal with everything that was pending in my life and I knew I’d have to say goodbye, but this trip was worth all of that pain.
“Really? You’ll teach me?” Elsa asked, and I almost groaned in response. There was a lot that I wanted to show her.
“If we come across a place that’s empty, I will. You can’t get caught by the cops without a license, and I don’t want to pull the plug on this road trip.” I told her again as she smiled. “Once we’re headed out, I am going to keep going. You’re sure that you’re in?”
“Yes, Aidan. I want to go.” She gave me a beautiful smile, and I cursed myself for lying to her as I punched the gas. “So where are we headed first?”
“Wisconsin is our first stop. I figure we’ll drive through and stay a night or two and catch up. It’s been years since I’ve seen her, so there’s a lot to talk about. It’s a beautiful little state from what I’ve seen. There’s a lot of water, and we can find a few spots to stop on the way through. I think it’ll take a couple of days to get there, so let’s drive as long as we can stand it today and sleep through the night.”
She asked about the first woman that we were visiting, and I brushed her off. It wasn’t going to make her feel any better hearing about the fact that I was in love with this woman at one time and that we’d slept together. In her innocence, Elsa would focus on that and be insecure, even more so than she already was. That wasn’t the point of this trip, and I wouldn’t be tempted even if there was a chance.
Things had changed. This was about making peace with myself and with my past. This was about closing my eyes for the last time knowing that I’d told the people that needed to hear it that they meant something to me. Despite the way my body wanted the woman in this car with me, I wanted to hold off and not drag her any deeper into this hole that I was digging. I knew that it would be so hard, and I gave her a long look before I pressed on the gas.
I wondered if Elsa was up for this until I pictured her face when she told her family that she was leaving with me. She could handle it and hell, she might be stronger than me.
We made small talk as we drove through Ohio and she pointed at the horses and buggies there. They had their own population of Amish and Elsa chuckled as we saw spots for them at some of the local stores when we stopped for dinner at McDonald’s. It was far from my favorite place, but it was a novelty to her, and she ate the Big Mac and fries with a smile.
I bought us both a sundae before we hit the road again and she ate it carefully in the car as she sat quietly next to me. She stared as we drove past Lake Erie when the sun was starting to descend, and I stopped so we could let her get some pictures. Elsa had been taking a lot since the phone had charged. I knew the first one was of me, and I grinned as she took one more of the lake. “Come over here.” I positioned us before the water and the bright orange sky as I turned the phone and snapped one of us. “This is called a self. Very popular these days.”
We walked back to the car, and I showed her how to scroll through the pictures she’d taken before we started the rest of the trip. She stared at them in awe as the radio played in the background and I enjoyed the evening air and the way the sky was changing colors. Elsa took several pictures of it even though she’d seen a sunset. It was just different here, and I longed to get her on a beach where she could see it drop behind the ocean in a variety of colors.
She researched the places we were driving through on the phone and read me facts about the cities and the states as I laughed at her enthusiasm. Elsa wanted to know everything, and she looked at pictures as much as she stared through the car window.
“I’ve never not known where I was going to be sleeping before. What state or city. This is so weird but wonderful,” Elsa told me as I glanced at the sky.
“I think tonight it’s going to be Michigan. It’s a good point to stop and get some rest.”
“Will we share a room?” Elsa asked in a soft voice, and I licked my lips.
“Do you mind doing that?” I asked her and waited for her answer in the dark of the road.
“No, I don’t want to sleep alone my first night away from home.” There was something sad in her voice, and I regretted taking her away from them for a moment. I’d never seen such a thing when she walked to my car with me and told her family that she was leaving. There was such determination in her voice, and I had no choice but to do what she was asking me.
“You’ll never be alone on this trip.” I found myself promising her as I was tempted to reach out and hold her hand. I slid mine across the seat, and our fingers touched before I joined our hands together. “You’re brave for leaving and for doing this.”
“It’s tradition. I just think that I’m taking it a step further than most.” Elsa joked, and I squeezed her warm palm. “I wonder if they’re worried about me.”
“Of course, they are,” I assured her as I glanced at her. “You’re their daughter, and you left with me. I think they liked me just fine, Elsa but not enough to be happy about their baby walking out of the door with me. They’re thinking the worst, I’m sure.”
“What did you think?” Elsa asked me, and I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“I wasn’t sure. I felt like the scum of the Earth for taking you, but I knew it was what you wanted. I wanted to be the one to keep you safe, and to be honest; you were so refreshing to me.” I shook my head. “Beautiful too. Who could resist you?”
I felt her smiling in the car as I thought about the room that we were going to have to get soon. I was scared to be alone with her, but I knew that I could have some willpower. She was innocent, and I wanted her to stay that way despite what traditions some of the other kids practiced during rumspringa. I wanted her to stay that way despite the fact that I wanted to show her everything that I knew and hear her moan my name.
I wanted her to stay that way even as I hated the idea of another man touching her, loving her. I forced myself to wait until we were in Michigan before I finally pulled into a place that was nice enough for a girl like her but something I could afford. “Time for some rest?”
She was peering at the building with a scared look in her eyes. “Sure. Yes.”
“It’s clean here. Nothing fancy because we need to get a few of these along the way, but it’s comfortable and good enough for you.” She stared at me, and I cleared my throat. “Want to come in?” She took in everything as I opened the glass door to the lobby and watched her walk inside. We walked over to the desk, and I asked for a room for the night as the brunette behind the counter eyed me as she checked the computer. She went through the normal selections and looked at Elsa as she told me that she had something.
I smiled when I felt someone grab my hand and looked over at Elsa. “Thank you,” her voice was firm, and the girl looked at me with a small frown on her face. I filled out the paper and gave her my credit card to pay before she slipped a room key across the desk and told us to have a good night.
CHAPTER 17
Elsa
I couldn’t believe that we were driving all over the United States. Before this, I thought that I might get into Philadelphia at best like some of the other Amish kids that I knew. I was lucky to be in this car with Aidan having such a good time, as confusing as it was sometimes.
I wondered about the women that he was visiting. He cared deeply about them, and I wondered if they were lovers that he wanted to reconnect with. In that case, I wondered why he was bringing me along, but I shoved my doubts aside and told myself to enjoy this freedom. I was a lot luckier than most even though it seemed a little crazy that I was going with him at all. I just felt inside that I’d be safe and well taken care of and be able to make a proper decision about my future once this adventure was over.
I sensed that there was something dark about Aidan that he was hiding from me. Even with all of his winks and flirting, there was torment in his bottomless eyes. My mother had always told me that I was sensitive to people even from a young age and that they often talked to me as I’d listen as if I was going to fix everything.
I wish that I could fix Aidan.
We had McDonald’s on the way and ate in the car. I ate a big burger with cheese and fries and a soda and Aidan even bought me a sundae after to eat as we drove further into Michigan. It was so good and sweeter than anything I’d had before.
I thought ahead to the hotel and what to expect there. I was so new to any of this, and I didn’t even know if he wanted me like that, but he had to feel the heat from his lips as much as I had. While a boy had never kissed me before, women had back home, and it was never like that. It was always just cold and awkward.
I wondered if we’d share a bed to sleep in and how I should act. I didn’t have my night dress with me, so I didn’t even know what to wear, and I thought about what I’d gotten that I could use. Maybe if it was dark enough I’d just sleep in a shirt and some underpants, though the idea felt so naughty that it made me blush.
I glanced over at him, singing along to the song that was on the radio as he nodded his head to the fast beat. What did he wear to sleep in? I tried to imagine him as I’d seen him in the barn and my heart beat faster. His skin was darker than mine, and he was so muscular. I didn’t know whether I liked him better in clothes or without the shirt and the idea of seeing him any more naked scared me deep inside.
The little I had talked about sex with my Amish friends, it sounded like it hurt the first time. That worried me, but I knew that if it happened with Aidan, he would be kind to me. I didn’t want to think that he would do it to take advantage of my situation since it wasn’t required of rumspringa. I just knew that a lot of kids wanted to try everything that they could.
I tried to ask him about the women a few times, but he’d always steer the conversation another direction. He talked about music a lot more, and I could tell that it really meant a lot to him. He seemed to know the words to every song that played on the radio and told me so much about the people that sang the songs. I kept looking people up as he spoke and I’d save them in the note part of my phone for later. I liked music as well though the same songs over and over got pretty boring. They never seemed to take any chances in those songs and the ones that I heard now did. He even pointed out a song that was about a murder when it just sounded like a man singing about a beautiful girl. Maybe this world was scary and wrong. Maybe I should ask him to take me back home and just accept the Amish way of living.
I knew that I didn’t want that as I looked back at him. I wanted to ride this through until the end.
I sensed that he was putting off the hotel until it was dark outside and getting late. I’d already told him that I was fine sharing a room with him, so I expected that, but I was still nervous. We drove for a little while longer, and he finally pulled into a parking lot as I leaned forward and looked at the two-story building that seemed to have a lot of rooms. There was a room beside us that was all glass with a desk inside and a girl standing behind it as she looked at something in front of her.
He asked me if I wanted to come inside and I watched as he walked around to my side and opened the door. He also opened the door to the big room, and I looked around with wide eyes. There were a few couches and a big television in one corner, and there was another corner there looked to be some food and some fancy kind of machines. This was very fancy, and I followed him across the room to the big desk where the beautiful girl was. The way she looked at Aidan reminded me of the way that my brother looked at supper time, and I frowned as she flirted with him the way he’d flirted with me.
Her eyes were a dark blue with a lot of makeup on, and she had bright red lips that kept smiling as she asked Aidan questions. Did he want a smoking or non-smoking room? They had both of those? I wrinkled my nose at the thought. I had seen a lot of people smoking when we were driving around, but I thought it was a bad habit, and I was glad that Aidan didn’t do it.
He told her non-smoking, and she looked at me before she asked how many beds he needed. My heart dropped a little when Aidan said two and I frowned as she smiled and seemed to be more interested in him. Did he not want to sleep in bed with me?
The girl leaned forward as she handed him a card and an envelope and I saw how much her shirt was unbuttoned. I reached out with my hand and took his as I moved closer to him. I thanked her for the room in my polite voice that Mama had taught me to use, but I saw her eyes narrow as she looked at me for a long moment. So this was how you showed that you liked a boy in front of another girl. She glanced back at Aidan as she told him to have a good night before she looked down at the television in front of her and clicked on something.
She’d mentioned Continental breakfast, and I glanced over in the corner as we left the lobby and walked back out to the car. “Is that where we eat?”
“Yeah, a lot of hotels offer that. Some places let you cook stuff like eggs and waffles and some just have donuts and muffins. It’s free with the room and a nice way to grab some food before you go on to wherever it is you’re going.” Aidan told me as I smiled.
“Wisconsin.” He grinned and unlocked the trunk to grab our bags.
“We’re on the second level. Let’s head up, shall we?” Aidan asked as he met my eyes and his smile faded. Was he as nervous as I was?