Chapter 30

Rhett

 

As I sat on the night bus home, ignoring my ringing phone knowing that it was Danica calling me, I hated myself and my life. I was such a coward, and I regretted being that, but I was so scared that my dad was going to use Danica to hurt me, and I couldn’t have accepted that. This was our problem, not hers. She shouldn’t have to be affected by my dad and his threats.

I wished that I wasn’t so terrified, but I was. There had just been something so frightening about him in that bathroom that I couldn’t have stayed even if I wanted to. There was no way I could live under his roof, knowing what he thought of me, and how badly he wanted to hurt me.

I might have been a coward, but I hoped that I was doing it for the right reasons.

I should have left a note, I knew that I should have, but I couldn’t because I assumed that would count as communication. I even wrote one, but I didn’t leave it behind. I balled it up and shoved it in my pocket, just as I was racing out the door.

I pulled it out now, just to have one last look at it, just to remind myself what an idiot I was.

‘Danica,

I’m so sorry that I have to leave. I can’t explain why, but just know that I really don’t want to. This time with you has been the best of my life, and I will never, ever forget you. Just know that you’re absolutely amazing, and that you’ve made me happier than anyone ever has before.

I love you–I wish that things were different so that we could be together, but they aren’t. I’m sorry.

Rhett x’

It was probably a good idea that I hadn't left the note behind, actually. Telling Danica that I loved her for the very first time in a note that basically said goodbye forever was the worst idea I’d ever had. I didn’t want to be even more of a head fuck than I’d been before. Sure, a clean break was harder, but in the end, it would probably make things much less painful for both of us.

Although, I couldn’t actually see any moment where it wouldn’t hurt like hell.

My chest was in agony at the thought of not seeing Danica again, but I hoped that seeing my mom would help me to clear my head. She was wise–despite the fact that she’d been wrong when it came to my dad–and I needed to hear her words of advice. I would tell her everything, and it would be nice to get some of that off my chest.

Danica was going to hate my guts, but unfortunately, that was going to be the sacrifice I would have to make to keep her safe. I hated that my dad controlled everything, but there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about that. He was Brad Fronton, the powerful man who played with everyone like puppets, watching them all do his bidding, and I had unfortunately become one of those playthings for him.

As the bus raced through the countryside, back towards my home, there was only one person that I wanted to speak to. Well, aside from my mom, but I was going to have to speak to her face to face.

I needed her to understand that Dad threatened me, and that I would never be speaking to him again, and that was the reason I’d left. She needed to realize how deadly serious all of this was and I didn’t think a late night phone call was the best way to do that. Plus, the mood I was in, I would probably come across as emotional and irrational anyway.

“Hello?” James replied sleepily, making me feel a little guilty. It was so clear that he was asleep, and that I’d woken him up to rant on about my problems. “Rhett?”

“Sorry, James, did I wake you?” I asked, already hearing the sadness in my tone. “I didn’t mean to. I’m on my way home.”

“I thought today was the wedding?” How could he remember such important details? He always seemed so spacey, but he was more switched on than anyone realized. Or maybe it was just that he actually cared about me and my life. He’d always been there for me, when no one else had and I really appreciated him for that.

“It was,” I replied simply, not sure how detailed I was prepared to go with this just yet. “I left right away afterwards, got on the first bus.”

“Why?” He was clearly more awake now, panicking just a little bit. “What the hell happened?”

The events span through my mind–my dad, the threats, Danica–but I didn’t say anything. It felt too awful to go over, too soon to speak it aloud without getting emotional. “Urgh, you don’t want to know,” I insisted, shaking my head as I spoke.

“I do; please tell me.” I sighed deeply, wondering if I was doing the right thing by remaining silent. “I can help you. You don’t have to deal with everything by yourself.” There he went again, knowing me too well. “Is it the girl?”

Of course, I’d already mentioned a bit of the drama already; maybe I could just go off that, act like she was the reason I was running away.

“Yeah kind of,” I was tired and emotional, and I needed to unload at least some of it. “It all went a bit tits up, to be honest.” That was vague, but at least it explained my mood.

“Oh I’m sorry, man,” he sympathized knowingly. “That sucks.” James had been through his fair share of women troubles, but it was normally girls liking him more than he did them. He liked too many chicks to settle with just one, which had caused him no end of drama in his life, but nothing like this. He’d certainly never had his heart broken.

“Cheer me up,” I finally begged. “Tell me all about your exploits. How was the trip in the end?” I needed a distraction, and James’s stories were always guaranteed to cheer me up.

“Man, I actually think that I found the one.” His words cut far too deep for my liking. How had my player friend managed to settle down before me? And at such a dreadful time in my life? It wasn’t fair at all. “And the best thing is, she lives back home. I met her on the trip, but she actually lives a few streets down from where I do. She’s a surfer chick, too; you’ll like her.” He paused for a second, before continuing, making things even more difficult for me. “You’ll have to come and meet her. We’re all going out for a few drinks tomorrow night.”

“Sounds great,” I said with an emptiness in my tone. “I could do with a good night out.” I could do with a few beers with the guys sure, but I wasn’t fully ready to meet the girl who had tamed James. Not now, not when my heart was so shattered.

“So…you don’t think you’ll be seeing your dad again?” he asked cautiously. “That part didn’t go well, either?”

“I will not be seeing him again.” I felt bad that I got distracted and that I hadn't kept up my mission to find out some evidence against my dad. I really should have done–he hadn't changed at all, and I could have stopped the wedding before Lyla got in too deep. But it was too late for that now; I was on my way home with my head between my legs.

I was an idiot. Seriously, a complete idiot. I felt very ashamed of myself.

“Okay, man, well, at least you tried.” There he was, trying to find the good in a terrible situation. I couldn’t help but smile to myself at his attitude–he just seemed to see the world in such a positive light. “Hey, you want to come surfing before the pub tomorrow?”

I knew this was his way of getting me alone in case I wanted a decent heart-to-heart chat, for which I was extremely grateful. I might just take him up on that offer; I would see how I felt in the morning. “Sounds good. I can’t wait. Not too early, though; I don’t know what time this damn bus will get home!” I glanced out of the front window, but it was too pitch black for me to work out where I was.

“All right, Rhett, see ya,” James chuckled. “I’ll be round your house at about eleven-ish.”

“Bye!”

As he hung up the phone, I settled down into my seat to try and get some shut eye. If I was going to throw myself wholeheartedly into my old life to distract myself from everything that I’d lost, then I needed to be refreshed. I couldn’t allow myself to wallow in misery–even if I had done a shitty thing. I just needed to get up and move on. It was too late to do anything else now.

‘Rhett, please let me know what’s going on. I’ll help you; I’ll do whatever I can. Don’t shut me out–I thought we were over all the crazy, game playing now? Please x’

Danica’s message burst onto my screen, and I felt myself fall to pieces all over again. This was the most difficult thing that I’d ever been through, and I had no idea how I was going to recover. I wanted to reply, to tell her that everything was going to be okay, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know if my dad was somehow monitoring communications, and there was no point in me leaving if I was going to then put her at risk anyway. I absolutely needed to keep my distance.

Even if it killed me.

I thought back over our time together, just piecing everything in one place as a memoir that I was having to say goodbye to. All those stolen kisses, the time spent alone, the internal torture that it took to get us to a place where we both finally happy, finally ready to accept being together…just to have it torn apart by the one man that seemed determined to ruin my life.

What was it with Dad? Why did he hate me so much? What had I ever done wrong?

Was it because I was an unwanted child? That couldn’t be it because he’d never really been there for me. Maybe it was because I was the only one who wouldn’t be blinded to his flaws. Even my mom seemed willing to forgive him for everything that he’d done to her, and she was normally as smart and switched on as me. Maybe it was because I’d exposed his affair.

“You’ve spent your whole life trying to make things difficult for me, and I won’t have it again.”

That’s all that he could have meant by that, surely? I haven’t been involved in his life enough to make things difficult for him in any other way. Well that was just tough–he shouldn’t have done those things if he didn’t want to get caught out!

He was the bad guy.

Yet I was the one being punished.

He was there, in that lovely house, married to Lyla, even with Danica under his roof. And I was here, cowering away, on the bus, leaving his life forever, and losing the love of my life in the process. He’d won yet again. If he thought I was playing games, even though I wasn’t really, then there was no doubt about it. He’d won, and I had sure as hell lost.

What would happen next? I didn’t even want to find out.