CHAPTER 9
Elsa
We left the center with so many bags that Aidan insisted on buying me some luggage to keep it all in. I couldn’t believe his generosity, and I hoped that I didn't cost him too much money as he happily bought more stuff.
I appreciated that he let me shop for my under things in private even though the women in the store suggested naughty things in black lace and even something called vinyl. I’d never been so embarrassed as I selected some cotton underwear and bras along with a couple in lace that I thought were gorgeous. It was all very conservative and me in my eyes, though I wondered what it would be like for Aidan to undress me and see the lace against my body. Would he like me that way? The women that sold him the stuff already bagged at my insistence were so much curvier than me and they exuded that sexual confidence that I lacked. They flirted heavily with him though I had to credit Aidan for paying and leaving without any reaction.
Adam was gorgeous, and he could bed any woman that he wanted, and here he was spoiling a girl like me.
We decided to go to some of the outdoor sights before we hit a bar and I smiled at his protective ways. I didn’t have to be home anytime soon, so I gave him that luxury as we placed the bags securely into the trunk before leaving. I knew that I might lose some of my inhibitions once I drank alcohol and the idea embarrassed me assuming that he didn’t want me that way. “Thank you again,” I told him in a shy voice as he opened my door for me. “I hope I’m not too much for you.”
He seemed to flush for a moment before he gave me his winning lopsided smile that I sensed a lot of people didn’t get to see. “It was worth it so see you having so much fun while looking so beautiful. I’ve never enjoyed shopping like that before.” I slipped into my seat and looked at myself in the mirror again. I seemed like a different person, and I touched my flawless with careful hands as I stared wordlessly at the reflection of the side mirror on the car. “Want to go see one of the monuments with me?”
“I’d love that,” I agreed as he started the car and backed up to get to the main road.
I played back my day as we drove and it was overwhelming to think of what all Aidan had done for me. I never expected that, but he seemed very concerned with my being comfortable and I thought to myself how lucky I was to have someone like him with me for this journey.
I opened my mouth and started talking as I wondered what had come over me. I told him about when I was first born and growing up in the community that I always felt like I wanted something just a little more. I did school through eighth grade and loved learning the entire time. I even tried to read when I could to the best of my ability but it seemed like I was so busy after school came to an end. Life was all about the farm after that, and while I loved helping Mama plant the garden and Daddy take care of the animals from time to time, I always knew that there was more out there. Rumspringa was something that I’d always known about and expected, but it was so much better than I’d expected.
In my head, I’d be with friends in the community and hanging out in the city close to home. This was so much better, and I looked over to see Aidan staring at me at a stoplight as I smiled at him. I looked down at the lovely pink material of my dress and felt my skin burning with his gaze all over again.
We found a parking place at the park and started walking over the grass that took us to the various locations to stop and learn about history.
I loved history and listened closely as Aidan told me all about General Robert E Lee and how he took his Army of Northern Virginia here back in June of 1863. Abraham Lincoln had been the president in those days, and he delivered one of his most famous speeches at the time. I knew little about politics outside of my Amish community, and I soaked in every morsel of information.
It was a complicated mess, and I felt saddened when Aidan told me that over forty thousand men had died in this battle, and there was something in his tone that made me stop and look at him as he stared over the grass to the hills far beyond us. “You’ve lost people.” It was a statement more than a question.
“I have, yes.” He was quiet when he answered before he started to presume to talk some more about my life.
I told him the customs that I loved about the Amish life, such as the singing at church. It wasn’t a weekly occasion, but it sounded so nice to me with all of the voices rising together in the room. The religion itself could be overbearing to me though I appreciated the fact that we were safe there. Safe had just started to feel less comfortable as time went on for me, though admittedly I never thought I’d leave the way that I did.
I told him that we didn’t speak English to one another all that often and instead we used what was called Pennsylvania Dutch. It was more German than anything, but I was happy that Mama used English with me a lot of the time so that I’d be comfortable in town on the rare occasion that we went there. Daddy almost always used German at home out working on the farm, and I was comfortable with both languages.
When I’d ask Aidan anything, I sensed that he’d deflect the question and return to my life. It both flattered me and disturbed me all at once. I wanted to know more about him, and he didn’t want to tell me too much at all. I wondered again what he was hiding.
We’d kept walking and seeing the various statues and even old cannons that scared me as I hesitantly touched them.
We wandered into the gift shop, and I paid for some postcards with different pictures of the area when Aidan was across the store from me. These were a treasure as any photograph was frowned upon in the Amish community.
There was a pond just outside of the shop, and Aidan purchased some food to give to the ducks outside. I laughed with glee as they’d swim over to me, eat and then go right back to where they were until I tossed more food into the water. Some of the ducks even came out and acted as if they would eat from our hands, though I avoided that. I’d been harmed by animals since I was a little girl and I always chose to be careful around them.
I noticed our surroundings as we continued to feed the animals. Aidan showed confidence in a rough way and it didn’t go unnoticed. Everything that he did seemed to have a purpose, and I realized how many women looked at him with something dark in their eyes before I’d turn my gaze down to the ground.
I knew I looked different in this dress with this makeup on my face, but that didn’t mean that I wasn’t insecure. Boys didn’t look at girls in the Amish community the way that everyone out here did, and I felt uncomfortable at times. I stopped feeding the ducks and turned down his offer for any more food before I went to sit down on a bench and just watch him as he spoke to the swimming ducks and tried to draw them close to him.
I watched as he turned and walked over to me with that smile that I loved before he offered me his hand and led me over to the cemetery that we could see in the distance. I’d only held his hand at my table that one time, but it was so warm and comforting to me. Alone with him today, I felt like my skin positively caught on fire. He held on tightly to me where our hands were joined, and I realized that a part of me never wanted to stop feeling this way as I looked at him to meet his eyes.
I’d already admitted that I didn’t know what I would do when Rumspringa was over, but I’d never spoken out loud about what I was beginning to feel for him.
We walked around the cemetery, and I sensed the sadness there as I looked over the perfect rows of headstones. I think that Aidan picked up on my feelings as he led me to a bench and sat down quietly to look over the land.