Paint therapy…
Gray stroked the brush across the surface of the canvas, letting his hand go where it willed. It had been weeks since he’d painted last, though he had gotten in a few doodles and sketches in between. Since his brother’s death and the boys coming to live with them, his free time had been cut short.
But he needed this, with his mind in utter chaos.
Now that there was a little rhythm to the madness, he hoped to carve out more time to work. He dabbed at the oil paints on his palette before lifting to take another couple of short strokes. Letting his mind go blank, he focused on the image coming to life before him. An hour later, he realized what his subconscious had brought to life upon the canvas.
It was Rohan.
He lowered his brush as it became clear. Even now, he was preoccupied with the man. The night before, Rohan had invaded his dreams, touching his body and filling him. Gray had awoken to a wet spot on the bed and his cock in hand. Embarrassed to be lusting after another omega’s alpha, he’d quickly cleaned up, changed his sheets, and tried to get some sleep.
Sleep hadn’t come, so he’d used a new tactic. He’d gotten up early, fed the boys, and wandered out here into the old shed-turned-art studio and hoped to find solace in some creative expression.
Another failure.
He tossed the brush down before laying the palette onto a nearby table. Gray set about to clean up, leaving the unfinished painting on the easel. As he turned to leave, he looked at the painting—at Rohan staring back at him.
There had been such soul and heat in that gaze, but it hadn’t truly been for Gray.
Instinct. That’s all it was.
Nature, nothing more, and for him to think a few nights in the man’s bed would give him any true insight, he was crazy.
Yet it preoccupied his mind.
Jamie wanted this. Nearly demanded it.
Gray had needs of his own, needs Jamie seemed to understand. He’d offered his alpha up to Gray on a silver platter.
As Gray locked up the shed and crossed the soft, green grass of the backyard in his bare feet, he felt his phone ringing. Lifting it after fishing it from his pocket, he saw it was Tensen.
Gray hit the Accept button before bringing the phone to his ear. “Hello?”
“It’s Tensen Atkinson. How are you?” he asked.
“I’ve been better,” Gray admitted before slipping into the kitchen’s back door. The cool air from the air conditioning washed over him, cooling his heated body. “Can you hold a second?”
“Sure.”
Gray put the phone to his chest and yelled upstairs to let the boys know he was back inside. Once they both replied to him from their rooms, he lifted the phone back to his ear. “Sorry, I’m back.”
“That was a bit of a bombshell Jamie laid down. I just wanted to check in and remind you that ultimately, this is your decision. You don’t need to agree to Jamie’s terms if they’re too much for you to accept—unless you wanted to.”
Gray stood there, the phone to his ear and unsure what to say.
“Gray?”
“What would you do in my shoes?” Gray asked the attorney.
“I can’t tell you what I would do. This is your decision to make.”
“Technically… legally… you can’t answer me. But as a friend… what would you do?” He knew Tensen wasn’t exactly a friend. This was, at heart, a business arrangement. Tensen was the intermediary, nothing more.
But Tensen had shown a compassion Gray had never expected. He sensed he could trust the man.
“I would never be able to truly understand what you go through as an omega, so I can’t make a decision based on that lack of knowledge alone.”
Gray leaned back on the counter. “You’re not helping me, Tensen.”
“What does your gut tell you to do?”
“My gut tells me this might be my one and only chance to be with an alpha. To know what the experience is like.”
It was Tensen’s turn to be quiet.
“What if you have an alpha out there, waiting for you?” the attorney finally asked. “Artificial insemination lessens the risk of your alpha refusing you—if you’re still untouched by another alpha.”
“Everyone around me is so sure I have an alpha, waiting in the wings. If he hasn’t shown up by now, it’s not going to happen. I’m to be alone. I’ve accepted it. I wish everyone else would give up beating me up about it.”
“There have been stories of late meetings. I’ve heard of omegas in their forties finally finding their alphas. It happens.”
“And for that one late bloomer, how many others don’t find their alpha? I haven’t. Jamie has… He’s lost a primitive part of who he is… and I can help them with this child.”
Tensen sighed. “It sounds as if you might have your mind made up, then.”
Gray didn’t answer at first. Maybe he had made up his mind. The shame was almost too much for him to bear… but he wanted this gift Jamie was offering, no matter how terrible it was. “Tell them I’ll do it.”
“Are you sure you don’t need more time?” Tensen said.
Gray wasn’t going to second-guess his decision. “No. Call them and tell them I’ve agreed.”
Tensen sighed. “If you’re positive, I can have the documents made up and sent over for you to review and sign within a couple of days.”
“Good. I look forward to looking them over,” Gray mumbled before ending the call. He stumbled over to the sink and washed the remnants of the paint from his hands. After he’d scrubbed them, he filled his palms with water and washed his face.
Turning off the tap, he stared outside, not looking at anything in particular.
But it felt as if his entire world had suddenly tilted on its axis. He held on to the edge of the counter, praying he didn’t topple over.
Not long after, he heard the front door open. Avery came in, an excited smile on his face.
“I take it enrollment went well?” Gray asked, turning and still clutching the counter behind him.
Avery nodded. “I have a job, as well.”
“Wonderful! Where?”
“The campus mailroom.”
Gray paused. “So you won’t be leaving the Beta Quadrant. That’s good news.”
“Ultimately, the AQ business district is where the money is. I’ll need to get a job there once I graduate, so I’ll go there eventually.”
Gray sighed, fearing he’d been worried for all the right reasons. “There are plenty of jobs in the Beta Quadrant. You don’t need to put yourself into danger.”
“Jobs in the AQ pay very well. If I want to ensure I can support this family, I need to be able to go where the money is.”
“But… what if the blockers aren’t strong enough? What if your alpha… or any alpha… scents you?”
“My advisor was an alpha. Sure, he was a bit older and likely mated, but he didn’t seem to notice anything at all.”
Gray was still worried for his nephew. “It’s one thing to confront a lone, older alpha versus stepping into the alpha world. There are a hundred thousand alphas in that quadrant. A hundred thousand chances for you to be hurt.”
“We’re talking about years from now,” Avery reminded him. “No point in arguing. I’ve got four years of school ahead of me before I step foot in the AQ.”
Gray shook his head. “No, Avery. You’re not going there. I have to put my foot down.”
“As I’ve said before, you can’t control me. No more than I can control you. We’ve both done what we think is right for this family. You ignored my concerns, so don’t judge me for ignoring yours.”
Gray sighed. “How my brother had a son so obstinate, I’ll never know.”
Avery walked closer and gave Gray a squeeze to the shoulder. “I’ll be okay. I know I will. Everything is falling into place.”
Gray wasn’t so sure. “I hope you’re right.”
“I love you,” Avery said to Gray. “I love that you’re worried for me. I know how much you care about me and the boys. And I appreciate it.”
“Even as you ignore it.”
Avery smiled. “Even as I ignore it.”
He patted the side of his nephew’s face. “I love you, too, brat.”
Avery grinned before heading upstairs to change into something cooler, leaving Gray to consider the decision he’d just agreed to. He grabbed a cool drink and headed outside to the backyard.
After setting his glass on the patio’s table, he sat down on the old tree swing that had been there for years. Pushing off the large root below, he swung through the warm air, the great blue sky above him.
Wind rushed through his hair as the momentum picked up.
He felt like he was flying.
It was the closest to freedom he’d ever felt.