Anti-climactic…
Gray stared through the window from his spot in the backseat. Outside, the heat wasn’t letting up and continued on into the fall. The air conditioning was on inside the car—it was almost nippy. He rested back against the padded leather and wrapped his arms about himself to warm up.
His trip back to Jamie and Rohan’s home was much different this time around.
He’d been so lost to the heat plaguing him, he’d barely seen anything he’d gazed at. Gone was the lust. He felt no overpowering desire to mate and felt quite sure his suspicions were confirmed. Once they arrived, he’d know for sure. If Rohan didn’t go into rut upon seeing him, there would be no doubt left.
Until then, he enjoyed the views as they drove through the Family Quadrant. They passed landmarks he remembered from his youth, things he hadn’t seen in decades. A smile came to his lips as they drove down Main Street and saw the families together.
His smile faded as he realized he would never have that.
They came to a stop at a corner just outside the park from his paintings—the ones Jamie now owned. A part of him regretted handing them over. Those had been his last links to his past life outside the O Quad. He let his stare roam over the park. Maybe he’d paint a new one.
He only wished he could paint it in the park.
That was a dream he’d never see come true. He’d live and die in the O Quad.
And that thought nearly made him choke. The ride to and from Jamie’s home might be his last trip outside those walls.
Ever.
When they pulled into the circular drive before Rohan and Jamie’s home, he sucked in a gasp. The home was beautiful… and grand. It was of the old style, with huge columns holding up a second story balcony that wrapped around the entire house. Baskets of flowers and ferns hung from the spaces between the columns, and the entire front was meticulously landscaped. Once he was outside, he could see a rose garden on one side and what looked to be a huge sunroom made entirely of glass.
He hadn’t been coherent enough the last time to truly notice it… and he’d been in such a rush to leave that he hadn’t looked back, either.
“You remember the rules from last time, correct?”
Gray turned to meet the beta driver’s stare in the rearview mirror. It was a different man this time—apparently one who wasn’t as stringent as the last. “Yes. I remember.”
“Good,” he murmured before turning off the car and climbing out.
Gray opened the door and saw the proffered hand before him. He took it and allowed the beta to help him from the backseat before the man went to the trunk to get Gray’s bag.
“I think I might wait here,” the driver said, eyeing him. He placed Gray’s suitcase back inside the trunk. “I get the feeling you won’t be there very long.”
Gray released a breath. If the driver can tell I’m apparently not in heat… add one more check in the ‘I’m pregnant’ column.
Before he made his way up the wide front steps, he took a moment to draw in the warmth. He inhaled, catching a scent of the late blooming roses and the other flowers that filled the yard. Gray lifted his head and gazed up at the robin’s egg blue sky and thought to himself that the air was cleaner here… the sky bluer.
Gray turned to see the driver staring at him and realized he must look mad. He made his way to the entrance, but before he could knock, Jamie pulled the door open. A wide smile graced his face.
“You’re here!”
There was an awkward pause. Neither of them had spoken much over the last month—only in a few text messages and emails. He’d gotten the sensation that Jamie had put up a wall, and he’d been too afraid to reach out in fear of making the situation even more precarious.
“You did want me here, didn’t you?”
A flicker crossed Jamie’s face, but the smile never truly faded. “Of course. Where else would you be? Come in, come in.”
Gray crossed the threshold and felt the cooler air within surround his body. The heat outside had felt good after the chill in the car. The coolness between him and Jamie only made him feel colder.
“Is the driver bringing in your bags?”
“He’s waiting a moment…”
Jamie frowned before tilting his head and giving Gray an odd look. “Can I get you a drink?”
“No. I’m fine,” Gray said, his voice low.
“Well, you can take a seat there and wait for Rohan.” Jamie leaned down to take the handle of his overnight bag before rising to his full height. “I’ll see you both in a few days.”
“Don’t go,” Gray said. “Not yet.”
“I can’t be here… not while you two are together. I’ll return like I did last time.”
“Nothing may happen,” Gray said.
Jamie looked confused—until Gray reached into his pocket and showed off one of the tests he’d taken.
Jamie looked up, shock and excitement visible on his face. “You’re pregnant? Already?”
“I think so. I wanted to come and see my reaction to Rohan to confirm it. To make absolutely sure.”
“You need to be seen by a doctor,” Jamie said, looking as if he might explode with joy then and there. “Then it can be fully confirmed and we can prepare a plan for your pregnancy.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Gray said.
“But you’d surely be feeling the effects of a heat by now.”
Gray shrugged. “My heats in recent years have been so terrible that I don’t know what a normal one feels like.”
“Jamie?” Rohan called from upstairs.
“Come down, husband. We might have wonderful news,” Jamie yelled up, smiling.
Rohan came down the stairs slowly, a curious look to his face.
It was then that Gray was sure. He felt no intense pangs of lust. No unflinching desire for Rohan.
Yet he did feel an attraction he had no right to feel. The intimacies they’d shared had made an indelible mark. One he’d feel for the rest of his life. He held the alpha’s gaze for a moment before looking away.
Jamie captured his stare, searching Gray’s face for an answer. He nodded slightly.
“He’s pregnant!” Jamie cried, turning to Rohan.
Gray’s stare was drawn to Rohan’s…. and Rohan’s to his. For a split second, they held that gaze and there was something that made him feel forever bound to the alpha. He looked down at his hands, clenched together before his flat stomach.
Jamie babbled on excitedly, talking of the months to come.
Gray could only wish to go home, away from Rohan and the terrible, tragic longing he now felt in the midst of things. He loved Jamie. He loved the man as if he were family. And he was a hateful, terrible human being for wanting what wasn’t his.
“My driver didn’t leave,” Gray murmured. “Just in case. I should go back to the O Quad now.”
“There’s no need to rush,” Jamie said, smiling widely. “You’re free now.”
Gray frowned.
“A pregnant surrogate isn’t relegated to the OQ. You’re in no danger of an alpha coming after you if you’re with child. Once the pregnancy is confirmed, you’ll be given a pass, so you can travel freely,” Jamie said.
A smile came to his face. “I didn’t know.”
He was free.
Temporarily, but it was better than nothing, wasn’t it?
It had taken an alpha’s seed to free him from the shackles. In a few months, he’d be back under lock and key. Some freedom that was.
But until then… he was free.
“I’ve already chosen a good OBGYN,” Jamie said, grinning from ear to ear. “I want to go call their office now and arrange an appointment.”
Jamie scurried off, leaving him alone with Rohan. He lifted his stare to the male, unsure how the alpha felt about his current condition. From the look on his face, Gray was even more uncertain.
“You don’t look pleased,” Gray murmured.
“I am,” Rohan said, eyeing him. “I’m glad it happened quickly so we didn’t have to endure another heat.”
Endure another heat.
Gray was hurt by Rohan’s choice of words, but how could he expect more? Rohan’s heart belonged to another… as it should be.
But it still didn’t change the twisted emotions he now felt. In the span of a single heat, Gray had lost a little part of himself to the alpha. Lust and love were two very different emotions… but with his limited experience, they coalesced into one in his mind.
Even without the heat, he still wanted that which he couldn’t have.
And he hated himself for it.
Without another thought, he raced out of the front door and ran down the stairs. The driver opened the door and let him inside before climbing in behind the seat.
Gray closed his eyes as the car propelled forward… away from his terrible thoughts and desires.
* * * *
The following day…
Jamie stood on Gray’s doorstep, basket in hand. He pressed the doorbell again, hoping he wasn’t being ignored.
When the door opened and a sleepy-looking Gray stared out at him, he sighed with a little relief. “I come bearing gifts.” He lifted the basket some and smiled.
Gray’s smile in return was wan. He backed away from the door some. “Come in.”
Jamie entered. The house was quiet, and he remembered the boys were likely in school. He headed for the kitchen and laid the basket on the counter before reaching in and pulling out some of the fresh fruit and vegetables inside.
“I stopped by the farmer’s market before I came over. I wanted to make sure you had plenty of healthy things to eat,” he said, resting the apples and pears on the counter.
“Thank you,” Gray murmured quietly.
Jamie made himself busy, sneaking little looks from the corners of his eyes. He wasn’t sure what was upsetting Gray so much. When he was done storing the food, he showed the bottles that were still inside the basket. “Pregnancy vitamins. I bought you enough to last your entire ten months.”
“I appreciate it,” Gray said, still looking solemn.
“I was a little worried after you raced out of the house yesterday and didn’t answer my calls.”
“I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. I just wanted to be home,” Gray murmured. “I’ve been sleeping a lot the last few days.”
“Growing a baby is hard work, I hear,” Jamie said with a grin. “Why don’t you sit down and I’ll brew us a cup of tea?”
“You don’t have to do that. You’re a guest here.”
“No. I insist,” Jamie said, hoping his tone brooked no argument.
Gray shook his head and took a seat at the island before Jamie took the kettle from the stove. He walked to the sink and began to fill it. “Oh, I got you that appointment. It’s a wonderful OB in the Family Quadrant. He comes highly recommended.”
“When?”
“Tomorrow. I made sure it was late enough that the boys would be in school, with plenty of time for you to get back before they come home. I’ve already arranged for a car to come pick you up and drive you there and back.”
Gray nodded. “Thank you.”
He set the kettle on the burner and turned on the heat before turning to face Gray. “I’ll meet you there, of course. I want to support you through the entire thing.”
“I love you, but I don’t need to be micro-managed through this pregnancy.”
Jamie paused. “I wasn’t trying to do that. I just want to be supportive.”
“Did you bother asking me if I had plans tomorrow before making the appointment?” Gray asked, lifting a brow.
Jamie’s face fell. “I’m sorry. They had a cancellation—otherwise it would’ve been a few weeks before they could’ve gotten you in, and I was so excited to find out for sure—I took it.” He paused. “I’ll be sure to ask first before I rush off and make plans for you. I apologize.” He paused, forcing a smile. “I’m just so incredibly happy with this amazing news.”
“I am, too. So very happy for you both.”
“And for you,” Jamie said. “You’re the most important person now.”
“No, the baby within me is.”
Jamie frowned slightly. He reached for two cups hanging from the cup tree and righted them on their bases before he turned to eye Gray. “You are important. You.”
Gray’s face fell, and he looked down. “I’m not. I’m a terrible person, Jamie, and you shouldn’t be so nice to me.”
Jamie rounded the island and took Gray’s chin in one hand and rested the other on the man’s shoulder. “How are you terrible?”
Gray shook his head and tried to look away.
Jamie felt the sting come to the backs of his eyes, and he fought it tooth and nail. Once he was sure he could speak without his voice breaking, he did. “You felt the bond.”
Gray turned back to look at him, frowning. “The bond?”
Jamie lowered his hand, quite sure he now had Gray’s full attention. “The bond. I know it’s been a while since your breeding classes in school—but I’m quite sure you had the same sexual education I did.”
Gray’s frown only grew. “We had little to no sexual education.”
“Well, I was a few years behind you. Maybe they changed things,” Jamie said. “The bond. The alpha-omega sexual bond. It’s a chemical reaction after sex. He’s marked you… and it makes you want him. It aids in linking an alpha to his omega. It’s what keeps other alphas at bay after the claiming.”
“But I’m not his omega. You are.”
“In some ways, you are his,” Jamie said before resting his hand on Gray’s stomach. “Part of him grows within you even now.”
“If we’d done things in a lab… would he have marked me?”
Jamie shook his head. “No.”
Gray closed his eyes.
He knew he’d asked a lot of them both… but the stakes were high. It had to be this way… for so many reasons.
“I wish now I’d put my foot down and not given in. We shouldn’t have done this, Jamie.”
Jamie smiled widely. He’d assumed Gray knew this part, but now felt a bit guilty for that assumption. “But look what we’ve been given! Already you’re with child. We might’ve waited months… years… for this to happen.”
Gray nodded, but didn’t look mollified.
“You wanted this,” Jamie whispered, feeling a sense of desperation. “To provide for your family. To ease your heats and save yourself so much torment.” He brushed a hand over the top of Gray’s long, thick hair. “You wanted to feel how it felt to be wanted.”
“And now I know,” Gray said on a sob, his stare lifting to Jamie’s. His eyes glittered with tears. “And I wish I didn’t know.”
Jamie’s heart ached for Gray. Had it been too great a thing for him to know what he was missing?
“I’m sorry,” Jamie whispered, running a hand along Gray’s back. “I only wanted to help you.”
“No… I’m the one who’s sorry. For wanting what I shouldn’t.” Gray met Jamie’s stare. “For wanting what I can’t have.”
Jamie sucked in a gasp.
Gray looked down. “And now it’s ripped a hole in us both. Maybe all three of us. I’ve lost your friendship…”
“You’ve lost nothing,” Jamie declared, standing taller. “Nothing.”
“I’ve barely heard from you since…” Gray paused. “Since… I was with Rohan.”
Jamie swallowed past the lump in his throat. “It was hard… seeing and hearing what I did. Harder than I imagined it would be.” He caressed the side of Gray’s hair and smiled, tears filling his eyes. “But I don’t regret it. Not one bit, especially now.” Jamie caressed the side of Gray’s cheek before laying a gentle kiss there. “I didn’t know exactly what to say after. We all struggled in the aftermath, and I feared causing a rift between us with the wrong word.”
“I was afraid of the same,” Gray admitted, taking Jamie’s hand in his. “And afraid I’d lost you.”
Jamie shook his head before drawing Gray into his arms and holding on tight. “You haven’t lost me. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Do you hear me?”
Gray hugged him tight. “Promise?”
Jamie moved back some and gathered Gray’s cheeks in both hands. “You and I are brothers of the heart. We are one. I adore you… and I love you.”
Gray’s eyes closed, and one tear slid down his cheek. Jamie hugged him again, pressing a kiss to Gray’s forehead. “I knew you were the one the minute I saw you.”
“So… you forgive me?”
“There is nothing for me to forgive,” Jamie cried, stepping back to gaze at Gray. “You did as I asked… and you’ve given us this child. The world will be a better place with him in it.”
“I don’t know that I could be as strong as you are in your shoes,” Gray said, wiping at the wetness on his cheek. “Or this unfazed given the circumstances.”
“I’m not unfazed,” Jamie said. “Trust me. I’m a little rattled.”
“Yet here you are, comforting me,” Gray said before he rose and took Jamie by the shoulders. “What can I do for you?”
Jamie rested a hand on Gray’s stomach. “You already have.”
* * * *
A family meeting…
Gray sat at one end of the dining room table, watching as his nephews dug into the dinner he’d made. All day, he’d felt a bit squeamish and wasn’t hungry. While they all had a mouthful, it was likely the best time to have his say.
“I have some news… and it’s best to tell you here and now before you have questions,” Gray announced.
The boys looked his way. After a few quick chews, Avery shook his head. “Not yet.”
“What time is any better than now?”
Avery sighed after a moment and placed his knife and fork down. “Go ahead.”
Gray looked at both Auggie and Lake before taking a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”
Silence filled the room for a moment.
“But… you’re unmated,” Lake said.
“I am. I’ve entered an agreement with an alpha-omega couple who couldn’t have a child of their own,” Gray said. “They want a child. I can give them one.”
Gray turned to look at Auggie, who wore a very confused look.
“But why?” Lake demanded. “Why would you do that?”
“Because they’ve offered to pay me for the service I’m offering them. Money we need to keep this family afloat.”
“But Avery got a job,” Auggie said.
Avery had. At the local grocery, stocking shelves a few evenings a week. It was all he’d been able to find thus far, but he was still looking.
“And Avery said we had enough to last a few years,” Lake added. “Why would you do that?”
“Because I’ve been a burden on this family long enough. All I’ve done is take… and now is the time to give. I can give this couple the baby they so desperately want, and I can help make sure our future is better.” He smiled between the two boys. “I want to make sure you’re both provided for.”
“No!” Lake said, tears coming to his eyes. “I know I said that we couldn’t buy stuff… but I don’t need stuff that bad. I don’t need movies and music and games… I already have enough. I don’t need anything else.”
Gray frowned. “It’s more than games and movies… there are balls to come. Connections to be made. It all costs a lot of money, and I want to make sure all three of you get the futures you deserve.”
Lake began to sob openly. Gray could barely breathe seeing the boy’s emotions come.
“I didn’t expect you to get upset,” Gray murmured, reaching out a hand to Lake’s.
The teen lifted his head. “What about you, Uncle Gray? What about you and your alpha? He won’t want you now. And it’ll be all our fault.”
Gray rose to his feet and walked closer. He knelt beside Lake. “No… it won’t be your fault. This was my decision. I don’t have an alpha. I’m giving up nothing but a child… a child who will be loved so very much by two very fine men. He will have everything he could ever need or want… and so will you.”
“I don’t want everything,” Lake whispered.
Gray reached out and hugged the boy.
When he glanced across the table, he saw Auggie with tears in his eyes. “You’re not going to give us away, are you?”
“No! Of course not,” Gray cried. “Come here, you.”
Auggie raced to him and dove into his open arm.
“But you are just going to give the baby away when it’s over?” Lake asked.
“Yes. It won’t be easy, I know. But I’ve signed papers saying the baby is theirs and not mine.”
“But it is yours. It’s our cousin,” Lake said. “You shouldn’t have signed it away. How could you? We don’t have much family left,” the boy said, tears in his eyes. “And now you’re giving away some of it.”
Lake jumped from his chair and raced upstairs to his room. A resounding slam was so familiar from the teenager in recent months. Gray eyed Avery for a moment before the youngest of their clan caught his attention.
“Why couldn’t they have a baby of their own?”
Gray rose to sit in Lake’s abandoned chair. He turned to face Auggie and took the boy’s hands in his. “You’ve met Jamie before, remember?”
“Yeah.”
“When he first started coming here, he really didn’t look well. Do you remember?”
“Yeah.”
“He had cancer. And because of that, he can’t have a baby anymore. I’m helping him and his alpha have a baby so they can become a family.”
“That sounds nice,” Auggie said. “Why’s Lake so upset?”
“I’m not totally sure he even knows,” Gray said. “But he’s entitled to feel however he feels. I didn’t think to talk this all over with you two… but maybe I should have before I made my decision.”
“Will we be able to see the baby?”
Gray shook his head. “I don’t think you will.” Perhaps it was best if none of them saw the baby.
“Oh,” Auggie said. “Uncle Gray?”
“Yes?”
“Can I go finish my dinner now?”
Gray chuckled and released the boy’s hands. “Yes. Please do.”
Later, once dinner was over, Gray and Avery stood shoulder to shoulder washing dishes. Silence, albeit for the sounds of water splashing and the scrub of a brush, filled in around them. He wondered what was going on in Avery’s mind, but he was almost afraid to ask and find out the truth of it.
Because it was likely some of the same things swirling in his own mind.