Broken…
Rohan paced his home office, shoving a hand through his hair. Dust motes danced in the morning light flooding the large picture window. As he paced in one direction, he saw the wall of books. The other, he saw outside, the drive was packed with cars of every color. Sunlight glinted off their shiny paint and chrome.
He glanced out as he paced and considering jumping in one and just driving. As far as he could go. To the ends of the earth.
Anywhere to get away from the pain he now felt.
Nowhere I can go. Nowhere I can hide.
“Come on, Rohan, you need to calm down.” Wilder murmured. “You’ve got a hundred guests out there, and we don’t need to make a scene.”
“Do you think I give two shits about the people out there?” Wilder sounded like Wynter talking. He didn’t want to hear that voice in his head. Not now.
Wilder pressed his lips into a firm line and remained quiet.
Rohan went back to his pacing. “I should’ve been stronger. I should’ve told Jamie no.”
“About what?”
“The babies,” Rohan spat as he spun to face Wilder. “What else would this be about? If I’d told him no, we wouldn’t be in this… mess.”
Wilder was quiet a moment. He sat in the corner where the light didn’t quite reach. Half his face was in shadow until he lifted it. “Rohan… it’s what he wanted.”
Rohan shook his head. He didn’t want understanding. He wanted anger. “Your father warned me of this. He told me that Jamie had me wrapped around his little finger and one day it would get me in trouble when I couldn’t say no. Did I believe him? No. I didn’t.”
“Loving your mate and wanting to make him happy isn’t a crime,” Wilder said.
“It is when I ended up falling for a man who wasn’t my mate,” Rohan said, his voice low.
Wilder met his stare, eyes wide. Rohan could see the disappointment in his best friend’s stare… he’d just told the man he’d been untrue to Jamie. Of course he was disappointed. Rohan was more than disappointed in himself.
“I love him.”
“I heard you.” Wilder looked away, his jaw tight. He remained silent when all Rohan wanted was for Wilder to lash out. Scream. Roar.
He wanted Wilder to hit him. Make him feel as bad on the outside as he felt on the inside.
“I just told you that I fell in love with another man and you’re just going to sit there?”
Wilder lifted his stare, but didn’t fully look at Rohan. He didn’t speak a word, but Rohan could see the tick in the man’s jaw.
“I thought you loved Jamie? You’re not going to stand up for him?” Rohan asked, his voice rasping in his own ears. “Maybe you didn’t love him after all.”
Wilder’s eyes flashed with anger when his head whipped up. He rose from the chair where he sat and advanced on Rohan… but stopped inches away, clenching his fists at his sides. Rohan rushed forward and pushed the alpha’s chest.
“That’s all the anger you can muster? Pathetic.”
Wilder grabbed the front of his shirt and glared. “What’re you doing?”
“You should be furious with me!”
“I am!” Wilder roared. He pushed Rohan’s shoulders back, eyes lit with rage.
“Then hit me!”
The light faded from Wilder’s eyes. His mouth parted, a frown creasing his brow. Wilder took a step back, looking confused.
“No! Godsdamn it…Hit me!” Rohan said, shoving Wilder again. “Fucking hit me!”
Wilder spun them and slammed Rohan to the wall. “Stop this! Stop it now!”
Tears burned the backs of Rohan’s eyes. “I should’ve been a better man, Wilder. I should’ve loved him more. I should’ve been faithful to him.”
Wilder took a step back, tears shimmering in his eyes, too. “You did as he asked. He told me so… and he told me how broken you’d been after. He told me it nearly killed you. You were faithful to him and his wants. You gave him exactly what he wanted. And knowing your children were coming gave him joy.”
Rohan hit the wall with the back of his head, needing to feel the bite of pain Wilder refused to give him.
“I’ll admit that I don’t completely understand all his choices. And I was angry as hell that you went along with it. At first.” He paused, wiping at the bottom of his eye. “But I have to honor Jamie’s wishes. Now more than ever. He wanted a life for you after he was gone.” Wilder sat on the edge of the desk, looking as defeated as Rohan felt. “He made me promise to help him. After.”
Rohan cringed. “He pulled my strings enough in life. I can’t… I can’t do what he wanted me to do.”
“You just admitted you have feelings for Gray.”
Rohan winced. “And that’s exactly why I can’t. I’m weak… when I need to be strong. I need to honor Jamie’s memory. I need to honor his life and the love I had for him.”
Just then, Gray limped into the room, the babies’ basket clutched in his hand. He looked to be in pain—and shouldn’t have been walking. Instinct flared within Rohan.
Protect him.
Claim him.
Make him yours.
He cringed as the thoughts came into his mind…
Now… as one mate was about to go into the ground? All he could think about was claiming another? Anger swelled within… It only proved how terrible a man he was. Going against his instinct, he glared at Gray. “What’re you doing here? Couldn’t you tell I needed time alone?”
Gray visibly blanched. “I… I was worried about you.”
Get him off his feet. He’s still healing. Don’t let him be hurt. “I don’t need you running after me, making sure I’m okay. I don’t need you at all.”
Gray gasped.
“He didn’t mean that,” Wilder murmured.
“I meant every word,” Rohan spat. He looked to Wilder. “Can you give us a moment?”
Wilder looked between them cautiously before nodding. He left in silence, closing the office door behind him.
Rohan turned to eye Gray again. “Soon we’ll be free of one another and we can go our separate ways.”
Gray frowned. “We haven’t discussed the babies.”
Rohan turned his head away. “I’ll raise my boys. As is my responsibility.” He paused. “Per our contract.”
Gray winced. “I thought we were well past contracts and agreements now.”
“Meaning?”
Gray lifted his face. “I thought…”
“Thought what?”
Gray’s stare met his, the omega’s eyes filling with tears. “I thought you’d let me be a part of the boys’ life in some way… especially now that Jamie can’t be.”
Rohan swallowed the bile rising in his throat. He hated himself for the words in his head, but he needed to sever the bond between them if he was going to honor his mate. “We had a contract. You agreed to the terms. Now they’re here and our time together is soon over.”
“Really?” Gray asked, tears shining in his eyes. “You can stand there and be so cold? I thought I meant something to you?”
“You meant nothing to me.”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Rohan regretted them.
Gray sagged against the wall for a moment. One of the babes began to howl… spurring on the other one. Gray gave Rohan one last look… before he silently turned and left the room.
Go after him.
Protect him.
Protect them.
They’re your family now.
Rohan stood frozen, his heart wanting to move forward, his mind telling him he had no rights to.
He could hear Jamie’s voice in his head.
You stupid fool.
* * * *
Running away…
Each step was agony. Not just because Gray was healing, but the pain in his heart was almost worse than that of his body. Tears streamed down his face, his heart breaking. He struggled to get air into his lungs. The babies were feeding off his pain, he knew it. Their howls filled the room. He paused by the dining table, catching his breath, when he felt a firm hand on his shoulder.
He lifted his stare, only to see Wilder at his side.
“Let me help you,” Wilder murmured.
Gray stood there a moment, trying to pull himself together.
“Come on,” Wilder said before taking the basket from Gray’s hand.
Wilder rested the babes on the table before he ran his hands over the babes and murmured soothing words over them, gentle rocking the basket. After a moment, the infants calmed and drifted back to sleep. Wilder seemed to have the magic touch. He felt a little flash of jealousy and wished he had the same.
Rohan turned to look at him. “How about you sit for a moment—I’ll go grab someone to help grab the babies and I’ll get you all upstairs and in bed.”
“I want to go home,” Gray whispered as the alpha helped him sit.
Wilder knelt before him. “You can’t let the words he said in anguish send you running.”
“I think he was the most honest he’s ever been with me. He wants me gone… so I should go.”
“No. He absolutely wasn’t honest in there. I have no idea what he said but if it was enough to send you racing away…” Wilder sighed. “I can attest to that, especially seeing your face now,” Wilder said. “He’s angry with himself… and we always take out our pain on those… those we love.”
Gray met Wilder’s stare, confused. “That wasn’t love.”
Wilder tilted his head, cocking a brow. “I think I know Rohan well enough to know.”
Gray wanted to hope Wilder was right, but Rohan’s vile words still rung in his ears. “Jamie’s your brother. Why would you try to help me?”
Wilder looked away. “I love Jamie. I’m not exactly happy with this plan of his…” Wilder looked back. “But it’s what he wanted. And I made promises. Promises I intend to keep.”
“Perhaps Jamie pushed too hard. He can’t force us together.”
Wilder nodded. “Maybe he did push too hard. But I think we both know Jamie had good reasons to push. You love him… don’t you?”
Gray looked away.
“Let me go get that help. I’ll be right back.”
The swinging door into the dining room reopened moments later… but it wasn’t Wilder. It was Wynter Jaymes, Jamie’s papa.
The omega wandered closer to the table and stopped at the basket, smiling down at the sleeping babes. He reached down and caressed their faces and cooed. Gray tensed, wanting to drag the basket out of the man’s reach, but he held back the desire.
“You have such a tight hold on these children. By law, those babies belong to Jamie and Rohan.” Wynter smiled down at the sleeping twins. “Rohan’s obviously not in any shape to care for them, so that leaves them to me and Jamie’s father.”
Gray’s heart nearly stopped beating.
“You can’t just come in and take my—” He stopped.
They weren’t his. Never were.
Jamie’s papa smiled. “That’s right. They’re not yours. You apparently signed away your rights. And I believe Jamie would want family caring for these children.”
I’m his family. “You mean the same parents who couldn’t be bothered to come see their dying son? That family?”
Wynter scowled. “Because you played nursemaid to him for a few months, you seem to think you have some right to these children. Let me remind you that you gave your rights up the minute you signed their lives away. For cash. You sold your children.”
Gray gasped inwardly. Wasn’t there some truth to that? He’d effectively sold the lives of his children… and sent them on a path right into this man’s hands. No. There has to be another way. “I might not have rights, but Rohan does.”
“He’s a mess,” Wynter said, lifting his chin. “No judge in his right mind would leave two newborns with a grieving alpha. Especially after his explosion in front of a hundred witnesses.” He smiled wickedly. “Enjoy what little time you have left with them, dear. We’ll have them in our home soon enough.”
Wynter stalked over to the swinging door, and he left.
Gray looked down at the babies, fear in his heart. Jamie’s dreadful parents couldn’t take his children away.
They were his… no matter what anyone said. Jamie would want this, he knew it. He would want Gray to protect the twins.
Wilder came back with Jefre a few moments later.
“Did I see my papa in here?” Wilder asked, frowning.
He nodded.
“What did he have to say?” the alpha asked
Gray looked at Wilder and knew he needed to make a gamble. “Do you think Jamie would’ve wanted your parents raising these children?”
Wilder cocked a brow and frowned. “Hell no.”
“Well… your papa just said he’s going to try and get custody,” Gray told him.
Wilder’s eyes widened. And then his jaw clenched tight.
“Rohan’s not in any shape to raise these babes. Not yet. I need to protect them until he is.” If he ever is but I’ll cross that bridge when it comes. Gray sucked in a slow breath. “If you truly loved Jamie, you’ll take me home. With them.”
Wilder lifted his stare, looking conflicted.
“Wilder?”
Wilder dragged his gaze away for a moment. But then he nodded. “Okay.”
Gray sighed in relief. He turned to Jefre. “Can you go pack my bags?”
Jefre looked between them for a moment before nodding. “Yeah. Just gimme a few minutes.”
Gray turned back to Wilder. “Can you get my nephews? We can go back in the car that picked them up if it’s still out there waiting.”
Wilder nodded. “I can go check on the car after I send your nephews in.” Wilder rose and got an odd look on his face.
“Please tell me you’re not having second thoughts?”
Wilder eyed him before shaking his head. “It’s not that… it’s…” He shrugged. “Never mind. I’ll get everything situated.”
The alpha left the room, leaving him alone with the twins. Gray reached into the basket and softly ran his hand down their bellies. “We’re going home, boys.”
* * * *
Regret…
After just about everyone finally left his house, Rohan sat in the front row before the casket. Later, the mortuary would come to collect it and then in the morning, a small gathering of family would be there to watch the body interned. Now, the caterers, servants, and extra hired staff moved about the house, quietly cleaning up behind the last of the mourners.
He leaned his elbows on his knees and drank his fifth pour of scotch, hoping the alcohol would make him stop hurting and knowing deep down it would only make things worse.
I just want to forget.
The look on Gray’s face was burned into his mind. He hated himself even more for what he’d just done to the omega.
What choice did I have?
Wilder appeared at his side and took the unoccupied seat to his left.
“Where have you been?”
Wilder was silent a moment. “Taking care of shit you should’ve been taking care of.”
Rohan glanced to the side and saw Wilder and his clenched jaw. Anger sparked within him… the alcohol was starting to cloud his reason. Not that he felt all that reasonable in that moment. “Meaning?”
Wilder turned slightly, an eyebrow rising. “I don’t know what you said to Gray, but whatever it was… you’re an asshole.”
Rohan narrowed his eyes. And then he realized he hadn’t seen the omega or the children since their confrontation earlier. “You already had your chance for a fight earlier.” He took another drink from his glass. “Too late now.”
Wilder didn’t say a word.
“Where is Gray?” Rohan asked.
“I don’t know.” Wilder turned to him and smiled.
“Where are the babies?”
“With Gray.”
Rohan glared at Wilder. “But you don’t know where he is.”
“He’s nowhere you can get to him right now.”
Panic hit him. Rohan rose on wobbly legs. He raced up the stairs and went to Gray’s bedroom. As soon as he opened the door, the omega’s scent filled his nose. Inhaling deep, he filled his lungs.
But the room was empty. He crossed to the bassinet. Empty.
He ran to the gallery and looked down from the second floor. Wilder stood in the middle of the foyer, eyeing him.
“Where are they?” he roared.
“You all needed a little space apart. I think it would be good for all of you.”
“Where?” Rohan demanded.
“Godsdamn it, man… you’re a fucking wreck! Let the omega care for the babies so you can get your damned head on straight.”
Rohan leaned against the balustrade, wanting to demand Wilder tell him. Instead, he sucked back the last of the scotch in his glass before wandering down the stairs. As soon as he got back into the living room, he poured himself another drink and lifted a glass to Jamie before he sucked half of that down, too.
“Is that a good idea?” Wilder asked behind him.
“Can’t you let me have one day to be a wreck? I think I’m owed at least that much.”
“One day? I suppose you’re allowed that,” Wilder said. “But I’m staying with you.”
Rohan shook his head. “Whatever.” He drained the last of his glass.
Wilder came over and poured himself a scotch before refilling Rohan’s. He clinked glasses with the one in Rohan’s hand.
“To Jamie.”
Rohan looked to the casket, sadness swamping him. It still didn’t feel real. No matter how sick Jamie had been, none of what had happened so far felt real. He just wanted to close his eyes and wake up from the nightmare that was his life.
By the time they’d finished the bottle of scotch off, Wilder was passed out on the leather couch in his office. Rohan was wide awake. He hadn’t slept in almost a week and wasn’t sure he could sleep again. Sitting at his desk, he looked at Jamie’s cell phone. On the screen—a selfie of a very pregnant Gray hugging a weak, but exuberant looking Jamie.
His stare washed over the surface. Rohan searched Jamie’s face before his gaze moved to look at Gray’s.
What have I done?
He pulled out his phone and queued up Gray’s number. Before he lost his drunken nerve, he hit Call and lifted the phone to his ear.
It rang once… twice… by the fourth ring, he wasn’t sure if the omega would answer.
A sleepy “Hello?” came just before he was about to give up.
“Did I wake you?” Rohan slurred.
“It is… three A.M.”
“Sorry,” Rohan mumbled, not sorry.
“Are you drunk?”
“I am,” Rohan said with a smile. “I am very, very drunk.”
Silence filled the other end. Pain slammed into his heart, knowing he’d done wrong. Tears burned the backs of his eyes. I’m sorry. The words were on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to say them and he wanted Gray back under his roof with their children.
But, to say those words would tarnish him all the more.
I love you… and it’s eating me alive.
“Is there a reason for the call?”
Rohan closed his eyes. “Are the babies okay?”
“Of course they are.”
“Are you?” Rohan asked.
“Does it really matter?”
Of course it matters. I love you. He remained silent.
“I’m going back to bed. Please don’t call again unless it’s a decent hour and you’re not drunk,” Gray said before hanging up the phone.
Rohan let his hand slide down. He hung up the call before dropping the phone on the surface of the desk. He wandered up the stairs and stopped at the top. Two bedrooms… two scents… one gone forever. One he was pushing away. He slid into his bedroom and climbed into the bed he’d shared with Jamie.
Tears came to his eyes…
He brought a pillow to his face and inhaled.
Jamie’s scent was already fading from the room.
* * * *
The following morning…
Gray’s first stop that morning was the only card he had to play.
He stared across the desk at Tensen.
After explaining his situation in full, he finally asked the man, “What rights do I have?”
Tensen smiled as he leaned back in his high-backed leather chair. “All of them.”
Gray tensed. “What?”
“Because of his illness, I purposefully wrote in a line about revision of parental rights if anything were to happen to Jamie in the first three years of the child’s life… Jamie was fully aware and agreed with it. Thanks to that clause, your rights were reinstated the moment Jamie passed. Both Rohan and Jamie signed the document, so it’s legally binding. The children are yours and Rohan’s.”
“Does Rohan know this?”
Tensen smiled. “He is an attorney, as well. I assume he read over the contract before he signed it.”
“In other words, you and Jamie didn’t point it out.”
Tensen only smiled wider.
Gray relaxed some, but he knew he was nowhere near out of the fire. “But Jamie’s parents could still fight?”
“They could.”
“And they have money. Power. Influence. What do I have?” He sighed. “Nothing.”
“You have me,” Tensen said.
“Tensen… you’re an amazing man. You’re kind and caring and… I wish I could be what you want me to be.”
“You have me… as your attorney,” Tensen said, sitting up a little straighter. Gray thought he saw a hint of disappointment in Tensen’s eyes, but if it was there, it was gone in an instant. “It’s been blatantly obvious I had no chance for some time now. Wishful thinking on my part.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Tensen said. “But can I ask a question?”
“Sure.”
“If I’d been an alpha?”
Gray sighed, knowing the truth might sting all the harder. Of course he would’ve considered Tensen’s proposition more if the man had been an alpha. “Things might’ve been quite different, I’m sure.”
Tensen closed his eyes and sighed before reopening them. “Too bad.”
Gray smiled faintly. “You’re a very special man who I hope finds happiness someday. Your kindness and consideration…” Gray smiled. “I honestly considered your offer for that alone.”
“But I couldn’t offer you freedom.”
Gray’s face grew red. “It wasn’t just that, Tensen. You deserve someone who loves you. Not a lonely man craving your kindness. If you’d been with me, maybe you would’ve missed meeting the right man for you.”
Tensen’s smile turned faint. “Maybe… but let’s talk about the business at hand. Like I said… we have the contract on our side. Plus there’s Jamie’s will… which will need to be reviewed before the case goes to trial.”
“His will?”
Tensen nodded. “He asked me to draft it up for him at the same time we discussed the surrogacy. After his first scare with cancer, he knew he wanted to be prepared for the future.”
“And I assume there’s something in it about the children?”
“I can’t share that now. All those named in the will need to be present before it can be opened.” Tensen flipped a page in his calendar. “Since you are named—I hope to get the reading over before your temporary freedom ends. That’s the Friday, is it not?”
Gray nodded, an invisible hand feeling as if it wrapped around him, ready to squeeze. His taste of freedom had been too short. He craved more.
“Will or not, there’s still Rohan. He has rights… I wouldn’t be able to keep the boys away from him.”
“Would you want to?”
“No! He’s given no cause… but if he takes them, Jamie’s parents could potentially get ahold of the twins through him. They could take the boys away… and then where would I be?”
“I can work on a temporary custody order, so the law would be on your side.”
“Perfect,” Gray replied.
“I think we need to bring Rohan into this fight.”
Gray didn’t want to include Rohan in anything. Not after the things he’d said.
One of Tensen’s eyebrows rose. “Is there a problem?”
Gray swallowed back the lump in his throat. “Rohan’s grieving his mate. He’s not in a good mental space right now.”
“That only adds to your case and makes it stronger.”
“I don’t want to use him as ammunition.” Gray was only trying to be a caretaker for the children until Rohan was ready to take responsibility. If the alpha wanted to take responsibility. Gray gazed down at the sleeping babes in the basket, his heart filled with love for them. He didn’t want to part with them, but they were Rohan’s children, too. While he’d always see them as part Jamie’s, legally it couldn’t be that way. Not when the omega’s parents were a threat. Gray needed the law to protect them.
He had no alpha to do it.
Tensen cocked his head to the side. “We have to tell the judge Rohan’s not capable now.”
“He’s hurting enough as it is.”
The beta leaned his arms on his desk. “You have feelings for Rohan?”
“That has nothing to do with custody.”
“That’s not a denial… and I’d say it has everything to do with what’s about to happen.”
Gray looked away. “I don’t want Rohan hurt. No more than he already is.”
“Fine. I’ll take care of filing everything with the court. I can go ahead and make a motion to restore your rights and give you full legal custody while at the courthouse, too.”
“Temporary full custody… reverting to shared once Rohan has had time to grieve his loss and can make a decision on what happens next. And we need to ensure Jamie’s parents are blocked from being with the boys unsupervised.”
“I don’t know that we have enough reason to do that. Just because they want to care for the children isn’t means for revoking any and all rights they might have. Unless you can prove them dangerous?”
“I don’t know that I could. I have visions of Wynter Jaymes taking them and refusing to give them back,” Gray said. “Just please make sure that doesn’t happen.”
“I’ll do everything I can. You know I will.”
Gray released a slow breath. “Thank you.”
Tensen made some notes at his desk before looking up. “You really should consider talking to Rohan before I submit the papers. He won’t like getting a summons handed to him out of the blue.” He lifted his head. “Isn’t the burial this morning? You can tell him there.”
“I wasn’t planning on going. I’m not in great shape physically at the moment.” He hated the thought of missing it, but he needed to protect himself and the children. And he’d said his goodbyes the day before.
To more than just Jamie.
“Probably for the best,” Tensen said. “Wynter and Warden might be there.” The solicitor lifted his head. “But make sure you contact him. I don’t need a rage-filled alpha calling me.”
“I will,” Gray said before changing the subject. “I really need those papers submitted as soon as possible.”
“I’m on it,” Tensen said. “It’ll be there by the end of the day.”
“Thank you.” Gray uneasily skirted the desk and hugged Tensen before he grabbed the basket and the baby bag and headed out of the office. Limping to the trolley stop, he pushed on, trying not to feel the pain. He should’ve been on bedrest a good two weeks after the babes came, but such was life. You had to push on. As soon as he was seated in the vehicle and on the way home, he gazed down at the sleeping children and smiled. He reached for his phone and pulled up Rohan’s number.
You’re nothing to me.
Gray shoved the phone back into his pocket and tried to not let those words torture him any more than they already had. When he was home… alone… and better prepared for that conversation, he’d call.
Later, after he’d fed, changed, and gotten both babies to sleep, he reached for his phone again. After a few minutes of willing himself to make the call, he finally got enough courage.
No time like the present.
He dialed the number and held his breath.
“This is Rohan Parker. I’m unavailable at the moment…”
Gray sighed inwardly, almost glad the alpha hadn’t picked up. Yet there was a little part of him disappointed his call hadn’t been taken. He tried not to let the deep rumble of Rohan’s voice wash through him and waited for the beep to come.
“Rohan. It’s Gray. I need to speak to you. Please call me.”