Obstinate…
Gray walked into the solicitor’s office, his heart thundering in his chest. The elegant waiting room was well equipped. Soothing music played softly in the background. Everything within was made to calm. He was anything but calm. Pausing before the registration desk, he waited for the man behind it to notice he was there. The butterflies intensified, and he considered turning around and leaving before he got in too deep.
Before he could act, the young beta lifted his stare and offered Gray a lovely smile. “May I help you?”
Breathe in. Breathe out. “I have an appointment with Mr. Atkinson at one.”
“Lovely. Your name?”
“Gray Tomlinson,” he murmured lowly as he nervously drummed his fingers on the dark wooden counter.
The beta checked the computer before lifting his gaze once more with a smile. “If you’ll have a seat, Mr. Tomlinson, I’ll let Mr. Atkinson know you’ve arrived.”
“Thank you.” Gray nodded, returning the soft smile he’d received, before he wandered over to one of the seats lining one wall. The chairs were ornately carved wood and leather, speaking of a wealth the firm had. Gray felt a bit out of place as he looked down at his quirky clothing. He was more comfortable in baggy pants and paint-splattered shirts than suits, ties, and men who sat in rich leather chairs, but he had made an effort to wear something a little nicer and hopefully not covered in paint.
There was one other omega waiting there, an older man in a suit who more fit the profile of a client. He wondered for a moment if this was the male he was there to meet. Gray tried to catch the omega’s eye, but the man was too engrossed in the book he was reading.
Tapping his fingers on the arm of the chair, Gray breathed a deep sigh and tried to calm himself. This had been his decision… it was the right thing to do, regardless of what Avery had said. He needed to help out in any way he could… and it was really the best decision. He could still be home to watch the boys and contribute to Avery’s college fees. All he had to do was carry a babe.
It couldn’t be all that hard. Omegas did it every day.
Most of them lived to tell the tale.
“Mr. Tomlinson?”
Gray looked up at a handsome, smiling beta. “Yes.”
“I’m Tensen Atkinson,” the man said, offering a hand. “So nice to finally meet you.”
They’d talked on the phone a few times since making his appointment, so he felt as if he already knew the man. Gray had sensed compassion in the man’s tone when he’d relayed his story and why he wanted to become a surrogate. The smile on the solicitor’s face, along with the twinkle in his lovely green eyes, put Gray even more at ease. Smile creases wrinkled at the corner of his eyes—suggesting he smiled often. He looked kind, and in that moment, Gray needed kindness. He’d have to guess that Tensen was a good five or so years older than him, but it was hard to be sure. “You can call me Gray.”
“Gray, feel free to call me Tensen. You can follow me into the office. Jamie’s already here, excitedly awaiting your arrival.”
Gray withdrew his hand, frowning. “Am I late?” He knew arriving anywhere on time wasn’t his specialty, but he’d made an effort to be on time. He lifted his watch to peek.
“Oh, no, you’re right on time. Jamie and I had a working lunch so we could discuss a few legalities before you arrived.”
Gray nodded. “Oh.” Had they been discussing him? Had they judged his qualities, or lack thereof, over a table in some posh restaurant he couldn’t begin to afford?
What am I doing?
He came to a stop, pausing long enough to get an odd look from Tensen.
What if… What if there is an alpha for me?
“Everything alright?”
Don’t be stupid. This is the only way. Gray nodded, reassuring himself. He headed through the door when Tensen urged him forward and then paused to await the man. Once the inner door closed, Tensen placed a gentle hand to Gray’s back and coaxed him to continue. “Excited?”
“I suppose you could call it that,” Gray murmured.
Tensen chuckled. “Nervous, then?”
“Very.”
“I think Jamie will help put you at ease,” Tensen said before luring him toward a closed door. He opened it and led Gray inside.
A small omega rose to his feet, a wide smile on his pale face.
His very pale face.
Gray’s stare took in the other man. The knit cap over his head. The pale skin. The sunken eyes… he was obviously ill.
Incredibly ill.
“Gray Tomlinson, meet Jaymes Parker.”
“Hello. You can call me Jamie,” the omega said, seeming nervous. “Jaymes is way too stuffy.” He stepped forward and offered Gray a hand.
Gray took it and forced a smile. His stare swept over the delicate features of the man’s face. Before whatever was ravaging him, he’d likely been lovely. “Hello, Jamie.”
“Have a seat, gentlemen… this is just an introductory meeting, there are no definites right now. We’re just getting to know one another and seeing how you each feel about the situation to decide if you’d like to move forward.”
Gray took a seat beside the chair Jamie settled in.
“How was the trip over?” Jamie asked, leaning in a little closer to Gray.
“Good. Easy. I don’t live too far from here.” His stare lingered on Jamie’s. The man looked so exhausted… yet there was a life behind those eyes that spoke of a battle valiantly waged. A twinkle there hinted Jamie wasn’t done yet.
“That’s good. At least we’ve got a nice, warm day. It’s been so cold lately,” Jamie said before he coughed slightly.
Gray eyed him, concerned. “Are you okay?”
Jamie grinned. “I am.” He paused, the smile fading some. “I’m sure you’re concerned with my appearance… and let me put your mind at ease some. Yes, I have cancer. Yes, I’m in treatment, and that treatment is nearly over. The chemo does more damage than anything else and has left me weak. My doctors feel I have a very good chance at remission once treatment is complete. I plan to beat this disease.”
Gray smiled feebly, his mind reeling.
Jamie went on speaking, but Gray’s mind stuck on one point.
“But… what if?” he interrupted. Gray paused, hating himself for questioning the omega’s conviction and sounding like a bastard, but it was a reasonable question. “I hate to be that forward… we’ve only just met, but given the circumstances of our meeting… what happens… if…?” Gray paused, unable to say the words out loud. What if you don’t make it? “You want me to carry a child for you… a child who…” Gray couldn’t bear to finish the sentence.
“But he will have a papa,” Jamie said firmly, assuming Gray’s missing words correctly. “I will beat this.”
“Attitude is everything,” Tensen said. “I myself had concerns. I’ve had multiple conversations with Jamie’s alpha as well as his oncologist. The doctor did indeed have favorable things to say about the treatment and prognosis. Had it not been for that, I wouldn’t have agreed to help Jamie and his alpha begin their search for a surrogate.”
Gray nodded, feeling a little more at ease, but only fractionally.
“And as I said before, this is just an introduction. We’re not rushing into anything. Jamie’s last round of chemo happens soon, and we’ll have a better idea how his health is faring in the coming weeks.”
“I didn’t realize there would be such an extensive wait before we entered into an agreement.” Gray wanted to be able to help Avery with tuition. His nephew had sent off several applications in the past days… so it was just a matter of an acceptance.
“There’s no rush,” Tensen said. “As I said, we need to make sure it’s a good fit between all three of you.” He paused. “If this goes well, we can have a special meeting with Jamie’s alpha approved. And then move on from there.”
“Of course.” Gray turned to Jamie. “If it reaches that point.”
Jamie’s smile faded some. “I know you have concerns, and I understand them. This isn’t my first meeting with a potential surrogate. I know I should’ve likely waited until my treatment was over, but this disease… well, it reminded me that none of us can expect tomorrow. Cancer or no. We have to live in the now. It could take months, if not years, to get to the point of holding a child in my arms, so I won’t wait another moment.”
“But taking on all this strain when you’re in treatment? Isn’t that stressful on you?” Gray asked.
“No,” Jamie said with a wide smile. “It gives me something to look forward to. And in making such a grand plan, it has a sense of… continuity. I’m planning for my future, a future I will be here to see.” Jamie smiled. “And in some ways, this plan has been ongoing for many years before now. I’ve tried myself so, so many times. Miscarriage after miscarriage… and then the cancer. They took my womb, it was filled with tumors.” Jamie paused, tears shining in his eyes. “I’ve wanted this for so long… to give my alpha the son he deserves.”
“Any alpha worth his salt wouldn’t put you through that stress,” Gray said. He’d seen good alphas. His father had been wonderful to his papa. Gilead had treated Silver like gold. He knew what to expect in his own, had he found one to cherish him. If Jamie’s alpha was pressuring for a family, perhaps this wasn’t the right couple.
Jamie smiled. “I love Rohan and want to provide the family he expected when we mated. He says it doesn’t matter… that he loves me and doesn’t care if we have a child. But it does matter. It matters to me. I want to know there’s something of that wonderful man to live on. I want to see his child… our child… grow up and be like his father. This world needs more men like him.”
Gray could see the desperation in Jamie’s eyes… and he understood it. Somewhat. He felt something akin to it now. A desperation to ensure the next generation lived on. For him, that was his brother’s children…
Also, he’d been brought up like any other omega. They’d been raised to be breeders, and the expectation to deliver was huge. Those who were unable to provide children for their alphas were looked down upon by society as a whole.
Just as those who were left unclaimed were looked down upon.
Jamie had the alpha Gray didn’t. Gray had the womb Jamie didn’t.
Added into the equation was that biology was beginning to take its toll on Gray. Their species was hardwired to mate and breed. Omegas went through heats, and alphas were drawn to them like moths to the flame. Gray’s body, after years of unfulfilled heats, was beginning to drive him mad. Heat Repress was only meant to be used a handful of years, until an omega had found their alpha and started a family. And then used in between children, until the childbearing years were over.
Nearly twenty years after his first heat, and Heat Repress was starting to fail him. If he didn’t have a child soon…
He might end up climbing the wall into the Alpha Quad and begging to be bred.
Gray reached over and took Jamie’s hand in his. The omega’s hand was cool to the touch when he squeezed it. He wanted to change the subject. Talk of better things than breeding and dying. Anything was better. “Where did you grow up?”
Jamie looked up from their bound hands and smiled softly at Gray. “The Berkshire neighborhood.”
“Oh really? Do you know Riley Haversham?”
“I went to school with his younger brother, Sydney.”
“Ah, so you must be a few years younger than me.” Gray hadn’t been sure. The ravaging of Jamie’s disease had made it harder to guess. “Riley and I went to art classes together at the Basin Community Center when I was younger.”
“Do you paint?”
“A little,” Gray answered. “Mostly sketches.”
“You any good?” Jamie asked with a grin.
Gray shrugged. “Not really. It’s just something to occupy my time.”
“I saw some of your work when researching you,” Tensen murmured. “It was beautiful. You have an amazing talent.”
Gray felt his face flame a bit. He wasn’t aware any of his work was accessible to the public. “Where?”
Tensen shrugged, evading the question.
“I’d love to see some of it someday,” Jamie said, giving Gray’s hand a squeeze.
“Maybe,” Gray answered.
They spent the rest of the hour talking about their shared likes, dislikes, and by the end of the meeting, Gray felt a bit of a bond forming with Jamie. He liked the man very much…
But there was still a dark cloud lingering above them.
“Well, I believe this was a good start,” Tensen said with a smile. “Perhaps we can schedule a meeting soon with Rohan?”
“My alpha,” Jamie added with a soft smile. “I think you’ll love him.”
Gray nodded. What would it hurt to get the introduction out of the way? He still wasn’t completely settled on being Jamie’s surrogate considering the health issues, but he was willing to continue the conversation. If Jamie’s alpha rubbed him the wrong way, then it would be easier to know that sooner than later. Before he grew any closer to Jamie. “Sure.”
The smile that blossomed across Jamie’s pale face was lovely.
“Great. I’ll get everything arranged with the government and get a border conference room reserved,” Tensen said. “It’ll likely take a month or so before we get a date.”
Because Gray was an unclaimed omega, he wasn’t allowed outside the Omega Quad. Rohan, being an alpha, wasn’t allowed in. Hoops had to be jumped through in order to make a meeting like that happen, so Gray knew it would likely be a few weeks before he’d meet the alpha.
“Perhaps you could come for tea one afternoon if you’re feeling up to it?” Gray asked Jamie.
Jamie nodded excitedly. “I would love to. I have an appointment the week after next—on Thursday afternoon—and the office isn’t far from here. I could stop in after, if that works?”
“It’s a date,” Gray answered.
Jamie took Gray’s hand and squeezed it. “Thank you.”
“I haven’t made any decisions yet,” Gray murmured.
“I understand… but you didn’t give a decisive no, either. I’ve heard a lot of no’s in the past weeks…” He paused, a shine to his eyes that was only eclipsed by the warmth of his smile that came after. “I appreciate your willingness to keep an open mind more than you could ever know.”
Gray gave Jamie’s hand another squeeze. “I’ll see you next week.”
“Next week…”
“I’ll give Jamie your information,” Tensen said. “If that’s okay?”
Gray nodded as he pulled his bag across his body. “Perfect. I really need to get home to the boys. They’ll be getting home from school soon.”
After a couple of quick goodbyes, Gray headed out of the solicitor’s office feeling a lot less nervous, but with much to think about. His nephew hadn’t wanted him to become a surrogate, and he understood why. The bond between omega and child was strong, and to sever that, handing a child that had grown within his womb to another—it could be devastating.
But his nephews were all he had left.
But Jamie? Jamie’s own life was uncertain, and if Gray did this, he could be putting a child into the same situation his nephews were in now. He was still reeling from the loss. Silver and Gilead had been so young. The accident had come as such a shock to them all. One day, they were all one big happy family. The next their hearts had been ripped out; a family shattered.
Neither Silver nor Gilead had expected to pass so soon. They’d saved some for the nest egg down the road, but youth is the ultimate foil. Silver had only been forty-two. His alpha was only a few years older. They hadn’t truly prepared anything for the day they’d ultimately die—leaving a ten, thirteen, and nineteen-year-old behind.
And neither Gilead nor Silver and Gray’s parents still lived. All had been older when the alpha and omega had been born and had passed on due to failing health and old age in the years leading up.
They’d all gone to too many funerals over the years.
And he didn’t want to be involved in another. Already the thought of Jamie passing made him uncomfortable. Jamie’s health was a major concern, but he also felt compelled by how desperate the omega was to bring new life into his fading one.
What if he conceived and Jamie never made it long enough to witness that babe come into the world? Was he to hand over an infant to a grieving alpha, knowing that man was likely breaking inside? Should he condemn a child to live in a world with a papa lost and a father shattered?
The omega-alpha bond was strong. If one passed, the other was left devastated. It was just the way of things. And there were some cases, usually with older couples, where if one passed, the other was not much longer for the world. The pairing was a matched set, fated by the gods. They were bound in life and in death.
Jamie was young… a few years younger than himself. That youth could bring him more strength to truly fight the battle and survive. Over the weeks, they’d hopefully know one way or the other.
He knew he had more questions than answers.
And there was plenty of time to make a decision once he had more facts.
His gut told him he wanted to give Jamie what the omega wanted.
Let’s wait until after I meet Rohan. Then I can make a decision if I’ll continue to consider becoming their surrogate.
Gray stepped onto a passing trolley moments later and headed toward home.