Two ends of the spectrum…
Gray awoke, feeling groggy and hurting all over. He lifted his head slightly—and saw Jamie lying in his hospital bed, too. Jamie wasn’t the only one. Two tiny babes lay between them, swaddled in soft blankets, and sleeping away.
“They’re beautiful,” Jamie whispered, tears in his eyes. “You made beautiful babies, Gray. I knew you would.”
Gray caressed one soft cheek and then the other, adoring these little ones. He cringed at the thought he would have to hand them over and walk away. Tears burned the backs of his eyes at the thought.
“What’s wrong?” Jamie whispered, frowning.
“I have to let them go.” His face twisted in pain, the instinct to hold on to them screaming in his veins.
“No, you don’t.”
Gray ignored Jamie. “I knew it would be hard… and I was sure I could do it…” He closed his eyes tight before letting one tear go. Gray reopened them and smiled at Jamie. “I’ll figure out a way. Because you deserve this family.”
Jamie took one of Gray’s hands and squeezed it. “No… you don’t have to let them go.”
“I do. We have a contract… and now that they’re here… they belong to you.”
Jamie smiled and began to cry. “I love you so very much.”
“I love you, too.”
“I love you… because you still have hope… even when you can see that there’s not much more time.”
Gray stiffened. “Stop.”
“I promised I would try to hold on until they were born,” Jamie whispered. “And I did as I promised. I see they’re beautiful and perfect in every way, just as I knew they would be. But I see what comes next, too.” Jamie’s face twisted in anguish. “It’s time.”
Gray fought back the tears, begging himself not to sob. His face screwed up, and he shook as he tried not to cry. “Don’t leave me. I can’t lose you, Jamie. I love you too much.”
Jamie pressed a kiss to each of the baby’s foreheads before leaning over and pressing his lips to Gray’s. “And I love you, my brother. I leave this world knowing you and Rohan will take great care of these sweet blessings.”
“No,” he whispered.
Jamie laid his head down and smiled… and closed his eyes.
For the last time.
Gray sucked in a breath, his lungs burning.
No… no…
A sob wracked his body as he sensed the stillness coming from Jamie’s body. He leaned closer, lifting a hand to search for a pulse… a breath… any sign of life.
“No, damn you, no!”
Gray lifted his head and looked behind him. Rohan slept, all sprawled out on a recliner. “Rohan!”
Rohan’s lids fluttered, and he opened his eyes. After he scrubbed at them, he looked at Gray, confused. “What’s wrong?”
“Jamie.”
Rohan slowly rose to his feet and rounded the bed. He saw Jamie lying there and reached over to check his mate. His hands stilled… just before he dragged Jamie’s body into his arms, tears sliding down his face.
An anguished roar rose from his lungs as the pair of them slowly slid to the floor together, Jamie wrapped in Rohan’s strong arms. Gray wanted nothing more than to slide down there and hold his friend, too.
The babes awakened, and Gray did all he could to quiet the pair, his vision blurred by tears.
Serge came rushing in moments later with Lake and Auggie behind him. He spun and called for a nurse to come help before the chaos truly erupted.
All Gray could do was lie there in shock, holding the babies, and sobbing. Later, once Jamie’s body had been removed and Serge had taken Lake and Auggie home, Gray looked at Rohan.
He was shell-shocked.
The alpha looked completely lost and empty… his expression numb and his eyes glazed over.
They should’ve all been celebrating the two new lives… instead they mourned the one taken too soon.
When a nurse rolled the babies back to him a little while later, all Gray could do was burst into tears again, remembering Jamie wouldn’t be there to see them grow.
I needed him, damn it. Gods be damned… because I needed him…
* * * *
An ending in the middle…
Gray hated funerals.
And this one was hitting him harder than any of the others he’d endured during his life. Of course, that could be because he was still coming down on his pregnancy hormones, healing from being ripped apart, and lacking sleep as he’d been kept up the last few nights trying to take care of barely week-old twins.
Rohan was doing his best, but the alpha had been hit even harder than Gray. Jamie and Rohan had been together over fifteen years. His year of loving Jamie paled in comparison to what the two of them shared. Between the nurses, who’d stayed on to help with everything, and even help from Lake, Auggie, and Avery, they’d managed to survive a few days post hospital.
Much more past that, and Gray wasn’t sure.
Soon, his free pass would expire and he’d be forced back to his old life, imprisoned in the O Quad. His stare went to the front of the room and realized it could be much worse.
Jamie’s casket sat on a dais at the front of the living room. Flowers crowded the space. Rows of chairs lined the room, now empty and awaiting well-wishers. Jamie’s brothers, Wilder and Vaughn, had arrived early to help make sure everything was in place. Wilder looked almost as rough as Rohan, his eyes rimmed in red with dark circles under them.
Wilder walked over before the service began and knelt beside the large basket carrier where both babies lay swaddled side by side. He reached in and caressed each one’s cheek with his forefinger before lifting a tear-filled stare to Gray.
“Rohan tells me the last thing he saw was these two.”
Gray held back his tears as he nodded.
Wilder eyed him a moment, silent. “I know I wasn’t as kind to you as I should’ve been. I’m sorry for that.”
“You saw me as a rival to your brother. I wasn’t.”
“I know.” Wilder smiled. “All he could talk about was you, Rohan, and these babies.” Wilder looked down at the babies again before lifting his tear-filled stare. “You brought him a lot of joy before he was gone. And for that, I can’t thank you enough.”
Gray couldn’t help but let a tear slide, too. “Thank you… for saying that.”
“What happens with the babies now?”
“I… I don’t really know. Rohan and I haven’t discussed things.”
“My brother told me his wild plan for the two of you.”
Gray met Wilder’s stare. “Your brother was a bit delusional when it came to that.”
“Was he?” Wilder asked before rising to his full height.
Gray’s gaze sought Rohan’s… who stood off to the side, watching him. Rohan broke off the stare and turned to the casket, his back to Gray.
Two men swept in, an alpha and omega pair. Almost instantly, he recognized the familial resemblance and assumed it was Jamie’s father and papa. Gray lifted his chin, trying not to instantly hate the pair. In all the months of being at Jamie’s side, he’d not once seen either man. Of course, the two might’ve come on the days he wasn’t there—but near the end, he’d been there every day.
Jamie’s papa looked about the room with scorn on his face before glancing at Jamie’s father. “Lilies? Could they have been any more common?”
Gray clenched his jaw and repeated to himself to not hate them.
Jamie’s papa turned a bit more and saw him there. He lifted his chin and stared down at Gray before walking over. He waved his hand toward the sleeping infants. “Are these Rohan’s children?”
“Yes,” Gray said, his voice low.
“And I assume you’re the manny?”
“Well, n—”
“A funeral is no place for infants, especially ones born to another omega. So let’s get them upstairs, hmm?”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Gray said. “And neither are Jamie’s children.”
Jamie’s papa eyed him, looking stunned. “I hope you didn’t like this job, because it’s the last one you’ll have.”
Rohan stepped in seconds later. “What’s going on here?”
“Your manny refuses to take these children upstairs.”
“He’s no manny,” Rohan said. “And the children were everything to Jamie. Why would we not have them here?”
“Not the manny?” Jamie’s papa’s eyes went wide before he spun to face Rohan. “You brought him here? Your whore?”
“What did you call him?” Rohan growled.
“You marked this omega and made him yours… and then while your own omega lay dying in this house and you brought this one to live here, too? You’re despicable.”
“At least he was here,” Gray spat.
Jamie’s papa glared at him. “What?”
“He was here. And so was I. In all that time…” He paused, hating to repeat the words, “while Jamie lay dying… I never saw you here once. Not once.”
“How dare you?”
“He’s right,” Rohan said. “You stopped in for a matter of, what… ten minutes? If that. And that was once. Weeks ago.” He spun to face Jamie’s father. “And you never came here once in all that time.” Rohan shook his head. “You stand there trying to make us feel bad? When neither of you gave a damn about your own son. Had it not been for us, he’d have died alone.”
Jamie’s papa looked like he could shoot fire through his eyes. “At least I didn’t parade my pregnant whore in front of my dying mate.”
“Stop it,” Wilder spat from the side.
Everyone spun to face Jamie’s brother.
“I did visit Jamie. Often. And we talked for hours… he loved Gray like a brother. He loved Rohan more than life itself. He also told me why he’d concocted this whole surrogacy plan.” Wilder looked at Rohan. “He wanted to give his alpha something to live for. Children… and an omega to be there when things went wrong. Because he said he knew from the start that his years were few. Those babies were everything to my brother, and I won’t stand here letting you make them both feel like hell for giving in to Jamie and giving him what he desperately wanted.”
“So who now raises these babies your brother so desperately wanted?” Jamie’s father asked. “You, Rohan? Or was the plan for you to claim another omega on the heels of the first one dying so you could have a live-in babysitter?”
Gray gasped.
“No one’s claiming anyone,” Rohan spat, tears in his eyes. “Today, I bury my mate—the man I loved more than live itself. Leave it to you two to make a mockery of that and ruin this day. Why don’t you both just leave?”
“You want me to leave my own son’s funeral?” Jamie’s papa asked.
“You didn’t care about him when he was alive!” Rohan roared. “You’re only here to put on a show and make people think you actually have hearts.”
“Fuck you, Rohan,” Jamie’s papa said. “There are reasons my relationship was not good with your mate… most I doubt you truly know.”
“I can’t imagine any reasons bad enough to keep a papa away from his son’s deathbed,” Rohan murmured.
Tears formed in Jamie’s papa’s eyes. Real tears, from the looks of them. He opened his mouth to speak, but Jamie’s father interrupted.
“Leave it, Wynter. Just let it go.”
Gray eyed the pair, wondering what Jamie ever could have done to cause the rift between him and his parents. Or how he’d become so amazing after being raised by them.
“I will stay,” Wynter said, eyeing Rohan and then Gray. “I won’t be forced from this funeral.”
The first of the guests began to arrive, murmuring in the foyer. Rohan eyed them before staring at Wynter. “Stay. But keep your opinions to your own damned self. And stay away from Gray and our children.”
Our children? Gray wasn’t sure who was included in that ‘our’. His instinct roared within… his children…
Wynter eyed him before taking his alpha’s arm and heading up toward the casket. Gray hadn’t had a chance to say his goodbyes yet. Jefre had sat him in the chair before helping with set up… and it was still hard for him to walk without help.
“Hey there.”
Gray looked up and felt relief when he saw Avery’s face. Both Lake and Auggie had gone home with him to get their suits… the same ones they’d worn at their parents’ funeral. “Hey guys. I’m glad to see you.”
They all took seats on either side of him before more guests came in and filled the room. He was glad to have some support there, especially as Jamie’s papa kept sending him ugly looks from across the room.
“Can you help me to the front?” Gray asked Lake. Lake nodded and rose.
Gray turned to Avery. “Keep an eye on the babies, please.”
Avery agreed and helped Gray to his feet. Lake took his arm and walked the narrow aisle through the chairs toward the casket. Each step was painful. The stitches felt as if he was being ripped open again.
Before they could reach the front, Rohan strode up the aisle and scooped Gray into his arms. His gaze was drawn to Jamie’s papa—who of course scowled at the spectacle.
“You shouldn’t,” Gray mumbled under his breath as Rohan led them to the front.
“I’ll do as I damned please in my own home,” Rohan shot back. “I should’ve helped you sooner. I forgot. I’m sorry.”
“You’re preoccupied. I wouldn’t expect you to think of me.”
Rohan met his stare before lowering him before the casket. He got his first look at Jamie, and the tears came immediately after. Draped over his head and flowing on both sides was the wig Gray had had made. He reached in and brushed some of the strands away from Jamie’s face before leaning in to press a kiss to his friend’s cheek.
He took Jamie’s hand, but it was cold against his. Tears streamed down his face, and his knees weakened. Had it not been for Rohan, he’d have fallen. The alpha scooped him up again and began to carry him to the back. Rohan paused. “Why are you sitting so far back?”
“Jefre sat me in one of the only seats already placed and I don’t walk so well right now.”
“You should be up front with me,” Rohan spun to face that direction.
“No. I’ve got the boys and the babies… we can’t all move.”
“You belong at the front,” Rohan repeated.
After getting Gray situated in a seat between him and Wilder, Rohan went to collect the basket with the babies. When he got back, he placed it at Gray’s feet. Both boys still slept, fortunately. By the time the funeral was ready to begin, the room was overfilled. The seats were packed, and other mourners stood along the walls. There was an abundance of love for Jamie, and it made Gray’s heart full to see there were so many there to mark his passing.
The preacher stepped up to the podium to begin his sermon. “You’ll have to bear with me some here. Jamie and I wrote this eulogy together before he passed.”
Gray turned to meet Rohan’s gaze. Of course Jamie had planned everything, down to his own eulogy.
The preacher smiled. “Something I learned very quickly about Jaymes Parker was that when he got an idea in his mind, there was no way anyone would sway his course.”
Gray smiled, tears forming in his eyes. Everyone had learned that lesson. Jamie had been a force of nature. You might as well have tried to scream down a hurricane than to change Jamie’s mind.
“He had very strong ideas for his eulogy, you can imagine. So, most of these are his words, not mine. And given how much thought he’d put into them, I felt it insincere to add too many of my own.” The preacher unfolded a few pieces of paper he had stored in his book and placed his reading glasses on his face before clearing his throat. “Jaymes Parker died as he lived. With love. Love for his mate. Love for his brothers. Love for his best friend, Gray, and love for the babies that Gray was bringing into their world.”
Rohan reached over and took his hand, squeezing it.
The preacher stopped and smiled to himself before continuing. “I once asked him about those babies, and I’m sure there are many of you here now who are very curious about them, too. I asked him if it would be harder to leave knowing he’d have to say goodbye to them. ‘Of course’, he answered me, a small, sad smile on his face. And then he said something that amazed me. He said, ‘who would want to live a life that was easy to part with?’”
Gray clenched his jaw, his eyes stinging.
“And that’s the rule I think Jamie lived by. He made dying harder by living his fullest. He fought for his happiness and for that of the ones he loved.” The preacher turned to Rohan. “And he spoke of so much love and the joy you brought into his life, Rohan. The smiles on his face when he talked about you made me smile. But then, Jamie’s joy always seemed to be contagious.” The preacher laughed. “I’d say that’s one virus we should all catch. Isn’t it? We could all use more of that in our lives. Joy.”
The man paused, smiling at the crowd.
“One of his greatest joys, after his mate and his brother Wilder, were his children who grew within his best friend, Gray. He called Gray a brother of his heart, and his face lit up when he spoke of that relationship, as well.”
Gray couldn’t hold back any longer. The tears came again, and he let them flow.
“I hear from Rohan that Jamie passed this world holding those babies close. He already loved them so much and will continue to from above. He will watch over his mate, his family, and his friends and hopefully ensure they find their own joy now that he’s gone. I know it will be hard, after losing such a precious light, but after the darkness, there will be joy again.”
The preacher led them in a prayer. Everyone in attendance murmured it together, in concert. After, the preacher tucked away his papers and closed his book. “If there’s anyone else who would like to come up and speak about Jamie, please do.”
One by one, men went to the podium. An old omega friend from school. Another who’d gone to many balls with Jamie. An old friend of the family. Jefre and Serge took their own turns. Wilder. Vaughn. Jamie’s father.
Finally Rohan came up to speak. A tear-filled gaze lined with red searched the crowd until it landed on Gray for a moment. He looked down at the podium and cleared his throat before lifting his stare. “I don’t have much to say that hasn’t already been said about my mate. He was a shining light… gone too soon.” Rohan paused, collecting himself. “I loved him. With everything I am.” He looked down. Silence filled the room. Hushed murmurs came next. Rohan finally lifted his stare and met Gray’s eyes. “That’s a lie. I didn’t love him with everything I am.”
Tears filled the alpha’s eyes.
“I should’ve given him everything I was… and for years, I did that. He was the only one for me.” Rohan met Gray’s stare again before he closed his eyes, a pained look on his face. “I didn’t deserve him. I wasn’t good enough. He should’ve had a better man than me.”
Wilder leapt to his feet. He went to the podium and tried to calm Rohan down. Gray wanted to rise and go to the alpha, but he dared not. Not just because of the pain, but he sensed he was part of the reason for it.
The two mumbled between them, unheard.
“No!” Rohan suddenly roared. “I was weak!”
Wilder dragged Rohan away from the podium and out of the room. Gray sat there, the instinct screaming for him to help calm a raging alpha was a call in his blood. But just as he was about to rise, one of the babes began to cry. He reached down and lifted the alpha babe into his arms and calmed the child.
An omega in the row behind leaned forward and smiled. “How old?”
“A few days,” Gray whispered.
“Oh! They’re newborns… oh wait…” he frowned. “Are these Jamie’s? The ones the preacher was talking about?”
Yes. Not mine. Jamie’s. Remember that. “They are.”
“Oh, that’s so incredibly sad… that he won’t be here for them.” The omega smiled wanly. “And you are?”
“Gray.”
“The surrogate,” the omega said.
“The best friend,” Gray corrected. He was more than just a surrogate. Wasn’t he? He stiffened at the thought of being less… but he knew ultimately, that’s all he truly was.
“Of course,” the omega whispered. He turned and reached into his pocket before pulling out a small piece of paper. “Here’s my card.”
Gray took it, not sure why the stranger was handing it over. “Okay.”
“My alpha and I have been looking for a good surrogate. And it appears you’ve done a wonderful job bringing babies into this world. Twins are so rare.”
Gray shoved the card back. “No thanks.”
The omega looked bewildered. “Sorry… I just assumed you might be interested in another job.”
Gray laid the alpha babe back into the basket before forcing himself to rise. “This wasn’t a job. It was an act of love. I loved Jamie. Please don’t belittle that by calling it a job.” He grabbed the basket and forced himself to go in search of Rohan.