Two days later…
Gray rang Jamie’s doorbell, curious why Jamie hadn’t shown up at the ultrasound appointment earlier that morning. All his calls hadn’t been answered or returned. A pang of worry rested low in his gut. After hitting the doorbell again, he began to wonder if anyone was even home. Gray pulled his jacket tighter around him as a cool, late winter breeze blew past.
As he spun to walk back to the rented car, the front door swung open. He turned to see an exhausted-looking Rohan glaring at him. Dark circles swept under his eyes, giving them an even more foreboding look.
Perhaps they were sick?
Gray took a step back. “Is Jamie okay? Are you guys ill?” He took another step back, just in case. He needed to protect the babe. His hand instinctively went to his swollen stomach.
Rohan’s stare followed his hand as it moved down the swell. That gaze moved back up to his face after a moment of awkward silence. Their stares met, and a rush of longing filled him. Wetness seeped from him, even already pregnant. He knew it was simply the instinct, but it kept rearing its ugly head at the worst possible time.
The alpha’s nostrils flared, and Gray’s embarrassment was complete.
“Well? Is Jamie okay? He missed an appointment this morning.”
Rohan ran a hand through his dark locks before lifting his stare again. “Jamie is… not well.”
“Oh,” Gray said. “Anything I can do to help? Although—I don’t want to risk an illness with the babe. It’s nothing serious, is it?”
“You can’t catch what Jamie has.”
A shiver raced up Gray’s spine from the tone of the alpha’s voice. He stared at Rohan’s expressionless face, and his heart quickened a moment. A whisper raced through his mind. “What is it? What’s wrong with him?”
Before Rohan even had a chance to speak, Gray felt his knees wobble and weaken. His stomach lurched, and he felt like he might vomit right there into the mums lining the stairs
“His cancer,” Rohan murmured. “It’s back.” He winced. “With a vengeance, it seems.”
Gray frowned. “What?”
“He’s dying,” Rohan whispered, a pained look hitting him. He glanced over his shoulder before looking back out. “He’ll likely want to see you. Will you come in?”
For a moment, he stood there, frozen. This couldn’t be. It wasn’t supposed to be like this… He’d just found a friend he could confide in… a man he could love like a brother. He’d already lost his real one. Now Jamie? No.
Gray brushed past Rohan and stormed up the stairs.
“Wait!” Rohan said behind him, but he ignored the alpha.
He needed to see Jamie himself.
“Jamie?” he bellowed at the top of the stairs. When he heard nothing, he began working his way door by door, searching for his friend. He continued to call out to the omega.
“Gray?” he finally heard—faintly—and followed the sound.
He found Jamie lying in the middle of a large bed. He looked pale and tiny… and the bed gobbled him up. Gray rushed closer and sat on the edge before taking Jamie’s hands. They were like ice, and he began warming them furiously. He felt the sting of tears burning the backs of his eyes, but he did everything in his power not to shed them.
Not yet.
He needed answers.
“Please tell me this is some sick, twisted joke. I won’t even be mad at you. We can laugh and let it go… just tell me… tell me it’s a joke.”
Jamie shook his head slowly.
Gray bit back a sob and turned his head away. He didn’t want to cry. Now was not the time for tears. They had a battle ahead of them… Jamie had won once before. He could do it again. “So what happens now? What treatments are they planning to do?”
“No treatments.”
“What?”
“I don’t want to endure it all again.” Jamie shook his head. “I can’t.”
Gray was stunned into silence for a moment. “What about the baby? He needs a papa.”
“He’ll have a papa.” Jamie smiled. “You.”
Gray shook his head. “No.”
“Rohan,” Jamie whispered. “He needs reason to live. I need you and that babe to be his reason for going on.”
Gray frowned. “You should be that reason. Not me.”
“But I don’t get that chance. Not in this life. I need you to do this for me.”
“Once I have the baby, I’ll have to hand it over and return to the O Quad. I won’t be able to help him from there.”
“Not unless he claims you.”
Gray gasped. He dropped Jamie’s hands and felt a wave of nausea hit him again. “No.”
“It has to be this way,” Jamie murmured. “That baby needs a papa. And Rohan won’t be able to do this on his own.”
“I can’t step into your life and be… you. He loves you. This baby’s papa is you.”
“I’ve seen you and Rohan together. There is a bond there, made flesh within you… I’ve seen the attraction from you both. Don’t lie and tell me it’s not there.”
Gray felt shame for that attraction. Even more now. “Instinct. That’s all it is.”
“What do you think drew Rohan and I together? It didn’t start out as some grand love story. It was instinct. From there, we let it grow. You can have the same with him.”
“He’s not my mate.”
“He can be,” Jamie said. “In time… once memories of me fade… you two will have a chance.”
“It’s not that simple. You can’t dictate how two people feel about one another.”
“If I hadn’t seen the bond with my own eyes, I’d say you were right,” Jamie paused before giving a slight smile. “But I have. I knew from the moment we met that you were perfect for him. He’s already marked you, Gray. You’re already his… why can’t you see it?”
Gray felt heat blasting his face. All the dreams of an alpha… a family… how long had he pined for that? Now Jamie was trying to hand that dream to him, but the price was too damned high. He couldn’t lose Jamie.
He loved Jamie.
Jamie took Gray’s hand and squeezed it tightly. “Once I’m gone, he needs someone. You know what happens to alphas when they lose their omega? Don’t you? They fade away into nothing. I won’t have that happen to Rohan.”
Gray met Jamie’s stare. Once Jamie was gone, there was a chance Rohan might follow. How a big, strong male such as that could simply wither away… it seemed inconceivable. But they’d all seen it happen, over and over again.
“Rohan needs something to live for. You need someone to free you from the Omega Quadrant. And the baby… the baby deserves a father and a papa.”
“I won’t discuss this a moment more. It’s… it’s morbid.”
Jamie’s head fell back against the pillows. “I just want to know you two will be okay once I’m gone. That’s all I ask.”
Gray couldn’t help but feel manipulated. Jamie had maneuvered them into this situation from the start. But how could he be angry? Jamie’s motives appeared to be coming from the right place—no matter how wrong they might be. But still—he struggled with a sensation of being forced to fit. A round peg in a square hole.
He’d been forced his whole life. When was it his choice?
He ran a hand down the swell to his stomach. The baby. That had been his choice, but still it had been narrowed by his own fate and place in the world, but still, it had been his. But now? He wondered if that choice hadn’t been a mistake.
“Promise me you’ll look out for my Rohan and care for this babe.”
Gray lifted his stare to Jamie’s desperate one. “I promise to do all I can… but I won’t promise to fill your shoes.”
Jamie’s face twisted in pain.
Gray grew quiet, the question circling his mind almost too terrible to ask. But he had to know. “How long?”
Jamie sighed. “Months. Maybe less.”
“And there’s no way you’ll consider fighting?”
“I don’t want to go through that pain again. I was sick all the time,” Jamie said. “I don’t want to spend my last days like that.”
“How much time might it add?”
“Weeks. Maybe a few months, at best. Which is why it’s not worth it.”
Gray held Jamie’s stare. “The baby comes in six months.”
Jamie’s eyes closed. Gray dug into his coat pocket to pull out the ultrasound pictures he’d brought with him. He’d seen their baby today.
Now Jamie needed to see who he needed to live for.
“You wanted this child so desperately… you’ve done all this planning. You’ve decorated his room and filled it with all kinds of clothes and toys… you planned a future with him… and you’re willing to give up and leave us without welcoming this new life into the world?”
Jamie reopened his eyes and captured Gray’s. Gray shoved the picture into his hands, and Jamie took it, lifting it. Tears began to fill his eyes. He ran a reverent hand over the surface, smiling as tears streaked down his face. “I forgot the appointment. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You likely needed the rest,” Gray said softly. “But that’s why I came. I was worried about you.”
Jamie stared at the picture and smiled widely.
“If nothing else can convince you to fight, maybe he can,” Gray murmured.
Jamie was silent as he continued to stare, smiling. After a couple of minutes, he lifted his stare. “Perhaps I need to hold on… just a little longer, hmm?”
A glimmer of hope filled Gray’s chest. “With treatment, you’d be more likely to. Right?”
Jamie opened his mouth to argue, but nothing came out. Tears shone in his eyes. “I would like to meet the little one before I go.”
“And maybe there’s a small chance you’d last more than months…”
“No,” Jamie said. “I won’t have you getting your hopes up, only to lose them later.”
“What happened to that amazing attitude you had when we first met? You were so sure you’d beat this and win. That attitude is what saved you, Jamie. You need to believe you can make it through. You need to believe it soul deep. If you want to save Rohan… if you want to give this baby a papa… you need to fight for it, damn you! Don’t give up. There’s too many people who love you to leave them behind.”
Jamie laughed and cried within seconds of each other, squeezing his hands. “If I fight… if I give it my everything… and I still lose this battle… will you take care of those people I love? Will you promise me then?”
Gray paused, fearful Jamie would back off if he said no. But how could he accept those terms?
Yet how could he not?
“You’re going to win this battle, so whatever I promise won’t need to happen,” Gray said with a smile, trying to evade a true answer.
“But if I don’t… you will let Rohan claim you? You will hold our little family together?”
Gray took a deep breath. If this is what he needed to do in order to get Jamie to fight, so be it. “Yes. If you fight hard and still lose, I’ll do everything I can.”
Jamie met his stare. He sensed Jamie knew he’d evaded the true answer again… but he didn’t say anything.
“Okay. I fight.” He looked down at the picture again, smiling softly. “I’ll fight for him…”
Gray caressed the side of Jamie’s face and wiped the man’s tears away. “So let’s get started.”
Jamie looked over Gray’s shoulder. “Rohan? Can you call Dr. Ford?”
Gray turned, and his stare met Rohan’s. How much did he overhear? Panic hit him… Gray hadn’t even sensed the alpha there.
“I’ll call him right now,” Rohan said, fishing his phone from his pocket. He stepped out into the hall after dialing the number.
Gray could hear the deep rumbling tone of Rohan’s voice, and it sent waves of pleasure up his spine. He closed his eyes, wishing there was a way to ignore the instinct pulsing in his veins. Gray turned back to Jamie and forced a wide smile. “I’ll be there beside you. Every step of the way.”
My gods, please give him strength. Save him… please.
* * * *
Rohan finished his phone call and walked back into the room, again leaning on the doorframe. He saw Jamie and Gray deep in conversation, and a little part of him was jealous of this friendship they’d formed in the matter of a few months.
After what he’d just heard, though, it made a hell of a lot more sense.
Gray had been selfless. Rohan could only assume any other omega in his position likely would’ve jumped at the chance to wrangle an available alpha. Freedom. Money. Privilege. Jamie was handing them all over on a silver platter.
Instead, Gray had encouraged Jamie to seek treatment—to fight for all those things— something he hadn’t been able to make happen in the days since he’d learned of the cancer’s resurgence. Gray had demanded Jamie not give up hope.
And given him a reason.
For the first time in a long time, Rohan felt a little of that hope himself. He also now had a glimpse of what it was Jamie saw in Gray.
Jamie’s head turned toward him. “Did you get a chance to call the doctor?”
“His receptionist is fitting you in tomorrow afternoon,” Rohan said.
“Great.”
“How about I make us some tea?” Gray said, rising from the side of the bed.
“Actually,” Jamie said. “I’m feeling a bit tired… I hate to send you away, but I’d love a nap. But, yet, I don’t want you to leave… I want to know everything about your appointment this morning.”
“How about I go rest my feet downstairs for a bit and let you sleep. I’ll stay a while and maybe we can have that tea once you awaken?”
Jamie frowned. “Don’t you need to get back to the boys?”
“Avery’s on winter break right now. He can handle them for one night without me,” Gray said before he tucked the blanket in around Jamie.
Gray headed out of the room, barely looking at Rohan as he passed.
Rohan followed him out into the hallway. “Gray?”
Gray turned, and Rohan’s stare was drawn to the rounded swell of his stomach even more in profile. He lifted his gaze and met the omega’s.
“Thank you… I don’t even know how to repay you for convincing him to seek treatment.”
Gray shook his head. “There’s no reason to thank me. I did it solely for selfish reasons.”
Rohan frowned. “How so?”
Gray’s eyes shone with tears. “I know it doesn’t make sense… we’ve barely known each other more than six months… but he’s probably one of the best friends I’ve ever had. And I’m not ready to let him go. I love him too much.”
Rohan choked back tears of his own. “That doesn’t sound selfish to me.”
“We both know it is. If he’s really as sick as I sense he is… if it will only give him a few more months and nothing but torment… I’m a terrible person for asking him to do this.” A tear slid down Gray’s face. “But I want a miracle. I want him to live. I’ve never asked much of this world. But I think I’m owed it.”
Silence hung between them as he caught Gray’s stare. Rohan prayed with everything within him that Gray got his wish.
He silently added his own plea to the gods above as Gray made his way downstairs.
After going back into Jamie’s room to check in and give his omega a peck on the forehead, he headed down, too. He found Gray in front of the fridge, surveying the inventory. It wasn’t much, he was afraid, but he might be able to slop something together.
“Hungry?”
Gray turned to look over his shoulder and closed the fridge. “Sorry. I’m famished. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Of course not.”
“First I’m so sick I can barely eat,” he said, absently stroking his stomach. “And now all I want to do is eat.”
Rohan’s stare was dragged to the child growing within Gray once more. It was like a call of the wild, the instinct within driving him to reach out and caress the omega’s expanding belly. But the thought of touching any man other than his own omega made him tense. He would fight the instinct as best he could. “How about I make you a sandwich and you have a seat?”
“I’m not an invalid,” Gray said.
“No, but I know the way around our kitchen a little better than you,” Rohan chided before pulling out a chair at the kitchen table and nodding toward it.
Gray sighed and headed over to the chair without any further argument. Rohan walked over to the refrigerator and opened it back up. “Turkey or ham?”
“Aaaahhh… both?”
Rohan looked over one shoulder at the omega, lifting a brow.
Gray pointed to his stomach. “Weird food cravings have already begun. Stuff I would never eat. Yesterday it was pickeltopia. I hate pickles. Apparently, your son does not.”
Rohan tensed again at the mention of his child, his smile fading. As one life hung in the balance, another was coming and the weight of that responsibility grew by the day. Ignoring his maudlin thoughts, he pulled meats, cheeses, and other items out to make a proper sandwich. Once he cut a few slices of bread, he reached for condiments. “Mayo or mustard? Or maybe both?”
Gray chuckled and then shrugged. “Why not?”
Rohan continued his sandwich making, adding another for himself, as he hadn’t eaten all day. And he wasn’t totally sure when he’d eaten the day before, either. Food had been the last thing on his mind…
But now that there was a little glimmer of hope, he felt himself relaxing a bit.
He watched Gray from the corner of his eye, suddenly fascinated by this man he’d underestimated. Gray was like Jamie in so many ways. They were about the same height and build. Jamie’s hair had been nearly the same shade before chemo had turned it mostly white. They even had similar mannerisms.
But as much as they were the same, they were different. Gray wore his hair in a plain braid down the back instead of the intricate patterns and braids Jamie had once worn. Gray’s style of dress was plain, as well. He favored the loose pants and long tunics most omegas wore, but in plain, neutral colors instead of Jamie’s bright ones and patterns.
Jamie was outgoing. A bright star in the night sky. Gray seemed more introverted. He had a sense of calm and peace to him. If ever they needed calm and peace, it was now.
When he was done, Rohan brought both plates to the table and went back to the fridge for a couple of sparkling water bottles. He took a seat directly across from the omega and handed Gray one of the bottles.
“Thank you,” Gray said before diving into his sandwich. Two chews in, and he moaned. “Oh my gods, that’s good.” He chuckled. “Or maybe I was just that hungry.”
Rohan smiled slightly as he watched Gray eat. The instinct fired up inside him again… it was hotwired in his genetic code to provide and protect the omega carrying his child. It was weird that offering a simple meal had him feeling joy.
Halfway through, Gray slowed down eating his sandwich. He looked around the kitchen, seemingly spying everything. “I haven’t spent much time here at your home. It’s lovely.”
“Thank you,” Rohan murmured.
“Avoided it, actually. I didn’t want to be here near you, if I’m completely honest.”
Rohan met Gray’s stare and was a bit shocked by the confession at first. But he completely understood it. He hadn’t wanted to be close to the omega, either—likely for the same exact reason. The instinct called for them to grow closer. The child was like a beacon. It would forever bind them. Distance was the only salvation in their case, and even then, that didn’t stop the fire within completely.
It only dimmed it, at best.
“This is such a big house for just the two of you. Does it ever feel weird rattling around in here?”
Rohan finished chewing and wiped his mouth. “Well, the plan was to fill it with a family. That just hasn’t work out as we’d hoped.” He sat back in his chair, realizing it would never work out as they’d hoped. Surrogate, or not.
“I’m sorry, that was rude of me. I should’ve realized… I was just a bit shocked by the size of this place and it only being the two of you here.”
Rohan smiled. “No reason to be sorry. It is a huge place for only two.” He looked about the kitchen. “It had fallen into disrepair before we bought it… and so we got it for next to nothing. It took a bit to remodel and update it, but we had fun making it our own.” He paused, remembering all the miscarriages that had come as they’d readied the house for a family. “I’ve offered to get a cook or a housekeeper more than once—just to help give Jamie a little company in this place and make it feel a little less lonely. He said there was no point until the children came and we really needed the help. Of course, we plan to get one or both once the baby comes, to lend Jamie a hand.”
The words sounded odd coming from his mouth. Would Jamie even last to see the child born?
“Well, you two will soon have the family you wanted. You can hire all the help you’ll need.”
Rohan met Gray’s gaze. “While I want to be lifted by the hope you’re feeling… I’ve talked to his doctor. This treatment… it likely won’t give us any miracles.”
“Not if you think like that. You need to be positive. Especially around Jamie.”
“I want him to die in my arms,” Rohan said. Gray’s eyes widened before he could finish. “When he’s a hundred and three—after a long life filled with love and family—and I want to go with him. That’s how I always saw it. Dying of old age in our bed together.” He smiled wanly. How cruel the world was. “We have so much left to do. I can barely breathe just imagining him gone.” Rohan fought back more tears.
“Don’t imagine it,” Gray whispered. “Don’t see it in your mind. See him alive and well. See him ten years from now, twenty years on, having won this fight. We need to stay positive… so he can feed off it and be positive himself.”
Rohan nodded. To see how fervent Gray was in his desire to save Jamie, it was a bit of a shock. A memory slipped through his mind, and he chuckled.
“What’s so funny?” Gray asked.
“Before I met you, I told Jamie to be careful. That you were likely out for our money.”
Gray frowned.
“The paintings? I assumed you’d convinced him to buy them.”
“Oh no. I tried repeatedly to get him to take them. He wouldn’t listen.”
“I was unkind, and I’m sorry. I didn’t know you, and I made assumptions I shouldn’t have.”
“It’s okay. You were right to warn him. I’m sure there are some who are unscrupulous and would take advantage in that situation.” Gray smiled, but it faded after a moment. “I almost hated to part with those paintings, but he seemed so pleased. I couldn’t say no to him.”
Rohan smiled. “Jamie doesn’t listen very well. He likes to forge his own path.”
“I’ve noticed. When he gets something in his mind, he has a singular focus.”
“Indeed he does,” Rohan replied, capturing Gray’s stare.
They held it a moment before the omega looked away.
“That’s why we need to convince him that there’s hope,” Gray said, his voice bordering on a whisper. “If he ever starts to believe it, I think he just might live forever.”
Rohan smiled slightly, imagining Jamie arguing with Death itself.
And winning.
They fell into a silence, a comfortable one. That peacefulness about Gray called to him, especially now in the storm that was his life. No wonder Jamie was so drawn to the man.
The omega lifted his plate. “I can’t eat another bite. Let me clean this up.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“You made lunch. I clean it up. Those are the rules,” Gray said, grabbing Rohan’s empty plate.
Rohan sat back and watched Gray move gracefully through their kitchen for a moment before he felt another pang of the instinct hitting him in the gut.
Take him.
Make him yours.
Rohan clenched his jaw, fighting the need overwhelming him. Now was not the time nor the place… not that any would be better. Yet when Gray tentatively looked over his shoulder, lust in his eyes, Rohan nearly rose from his seat and crossed the room. He could scent the omega’s lust and was shocked by it. The man was already pregnant with his son…
He was almost more shocked by the need he felt in return.
The omega shut off the water, and then turned to face him, hands fisted on top of the island. “I want to be here for Jamie. He needs as much love surrounding him as he can get right now… which means we’ll need to be in closer quarters than I ever anticipated when I got involved with this surrogacy.”
Rohan held the omega’s stare, waiting for the inevitable ‘but’.
“But… we have to fight this instinct within us. The more we’re around each other, the harder it might become.” Gray looked away, his face darkening.
What causes his blush?
Lust?
Shame?
Both?
Rohan closed his eyes, his body quickening as his own lusts rose. The omega was right. Sharing the same spaces would be hell on both of them. He didn’t need the added distraction when he had Jamie to care for. “Maybe you coming around isn’t a good idea.”
“No… please. I need to spend time with him. We can come up with a schedule of some kind, can’t we? I can care for him during the day, so you can get some work in, perhaps… I need to be home in the afternoons for my nephews, but that would give you several hours of work each day. I can be here by ten-thirty… and leave by one or so.”
That would allow him to check in at work on occasion and bring files to and from the office. There was a lot he could do from home, but he could check in here and there… but those hours didn’t give him much space. “By the time I’d get to the office, I’d have only a few minutes before I’d have to turn around and come home. You couldn’t get here any earlier?”
“I’m stuck to the school and trolley schedules.”
“What if I sent a car?”
“Every day?” Gray asked, looking stunned. “You already send cars for my doctor’s appointments. That’s a lot of expense. I couldn’t ask that of you.”
Rohan considered that a moment. “You coming would be a help for me, actually.” Time away, here and there, would be good for his own mental health. And it would be good for Jamie to have a change of pace… or face, so to speak. Gray had been the one to inspire hope. Jamie needed that in his life. “Two or three days a week. If you could be here by, say nine… and gone by two… I can hire a nurse, as well… to help fill in any gaps if I’m running late,” Rohan said. “We can avoid each other as much as possible—and both be there for him. I hate the thought of working, but I’m in the middle of a few large projects and can’t abandon them completely. If I have to leave, I’d feel better knowing someone who truly cared was here with him for the bulk of it.”
Gray smiled before speaking. “That would be perfect.”
The timbre of Gray’s voice washed over him, and the instinct roared within him again. His stare traveled lower, to caress the swell to Gray’s stomach. When he lifted it again, he saw the shock and need filling Gray’s eyes.
Claim him.
Make him yours.
He closed his eyes, hating the animalistic part of him. “How much longer are you staying tonight?” Go… before I do something I’ll hate myself for.
“Just until he awakens… and then I’ll get him some tea and talk a little more before I leave. If that’s okay. It’s become a bit of a tradition between him and I. Our afternoon teas.”
“That’s fine,” Rohan murmured, feeling a tiny thread of jealousy that he and Jamie had grown so close when there was only distance between them. Excusing himself, he headed straight up to peek in on his mate.
And remind himself who he belonged to.
Jamie slept, his body so still it frightened Rohan. He sat on the side of the bed… wanting to see the gentle rise and fall of his omega’s chest before he left. From the corner of his eye, he saw the small piece of paper on the nightstand. Rohan reached for it and drew in a shuddered breath as he stared at his child.
A pang of need swept him again. He wanted to run back down the stairs and draw Gray into his arms and celebrate this beautiful life growing within the omega. Rohan turned to see Jamie, pale and so still. They’d supposed to have that moment, celebrating a new life.
He lowered the piece of paper back to the nightstand before sliding into the bed beside his omega. Rohan drew his omega into his arms, knowing Jamie would hate him for this… but it was his turn to be selfish.
Rohan needed to hold the man he loved.