Chapter Eleven
Roxie was now very much aware of how someone escaping death must feel. Her heart was racing, her palms sweating, and her entire body shaking. She felt as if she’d just run twenty miles through a desert without water.
She should have known better than to think she could avoid Kian forever. But being in this attorney’s office with him at her side was making the situation so much more real. He was Lily’s biological father—at least that’s what Pamela had told him in the hospital, and the fact that Sal said Kian was in her sister’s will pretty much confirmed that fact.
Roxie didn’t have a chance at all in a battle with Kian. He had money, prestige, and was a doctor in demand. He was a Forbes, dammit, and that meant something not only in this small town, but all over the United States. Hell, probably all over the world. She wouldn’t be surprised if he went golfing on a regular basis with whatever judge was assigned to their case when he took her to court.
Now, not only did she have to deal with her unresolved feelings for Kian, which she had hoped would become more subdued through the years, but she also had to face the fact that her one true love had enjoyed a one-night stand with her sister, and a child she very much loved was the result of what she could only see as the ultimate betrayal.
He would take Lily away from her. He had the legal right to raise her, and he certainly had the money to beat her in court. So, though she might feel as if she’d just escaped death, the worst was yet to come. She had no doubt about it. What was she going to do? She could go on the run, but she had no money and no way to sustain a life of running. Besides that, she didn’t think there was a place far enough for her to get away that she could hide from Kian. If he wanted to find his daughter, he was damn well going to.
She wasn’t that person anyway, she reminded herself. She couldn’t do that to him or Lily, now that she knew the truth. But she didn’t want to give up her niece. She might not think she was the best possible care provider for her delicate Lily, but she knew no other woman would love her as much as she did.
That thought only led her into thinking about Kian finding a woman to be Lily’s mom. He’d want to do everything he could for his daughter, including giving her a normal two-parent household. Tears stung her eyes to even begin to form that picture in her mind. She couldn’t go there or she knew for sure she would fall to pieces. And this absolutely wasn’t the time to do that.
Roxie felt as if she was completely out of options. She couldn’t fight Kian. She didn’t have the will for it, even if she had the money. He was too powerful in his own right, but to top that off, he had the Forbes name, and all the power associated with it. His family were basically celebrities in this community.
She wished they were monsters so she could hate them and justify running, but they weren’t. They were truly good people with hearts bigger than the average family. They were tight-knit and incredibly intimidating, and there wasn’t anything they wouldn’t do for the ones they loved.
All of that led her right back to the place of not having a clue about what she was going to do. And while Kian had a huge network of people, she had not a single one. When she’d moved from Edmonds, she’d purposely burned every bridge leading away so she wouldn’t turn around and run back with her tail tucked between her legs.
That might not have been her smartest choice ever, but she’d been thinking with emotion instead of her very smart brain. She had good insight when she chose to use it the way she was supposed to.
Growing up with an alcoholic father had been hell, and when her sister had begun following that same path, Roxie had pulled away from them. They wouldn’t even have the house if it weren’t for their grandparents being smart enough to leave it to them. It was their way of saying they were sorry for having such a horrible son.
Roxie’s mother had left when Roxie was still a baby. Why she hadn’t taken her girls with her, Roxie would never know. Her father had refused to talk about her, and their family had moved to Edmonds after her mother was gone, so no one knew who she was. Her bitter father hadn’t so much as kept a picture.
By the time Roxie was old enough to try to find leads that might lead to who her mother was, she’d hated the woman. Any person who could leave her children with a man like her dad wasn’t someone Roxie wanted to know.
So, the bottom line was that she had no one to turn to and nowhere to go. She wished she’d given her sister more of a chance and that she’d communicated with her. But it was so much easier to give up on her. Now, she wouldn’t give up on her niece. Lily was all she had left.
It sent a pang through her heart knowing that her niece would be better off with Kian, though, with his loving family. Was she truly so selfish she would keep her niece from having that privileged life? She shook her head, pushing those thoughts away. Roxie also deserved happiness and love. Just because she didn’t have money and power didn’t make her less than Kian or his family. But in the end, if it was best for Lily to grow up without Roxie, then she would make that sacrifice. Though it would be tougher for her to give her niece a great life, she believed she could give her so much that money couldn’t buy—loyalty, love, and affection—and she would always keep Pamela alive in Lily’s heart by looking through picture albums and telling stories about her. And Roxie was her blood. That mattered just as much as it did that Kian was Lily’s blood, too. Besides, Roxie was a nurse and would get back on her feet, and maybe she’d even marry someday—marry an ordinary man who would love Lily as his own.
She took a moment to glance over at Kian, who was standing near the door of the office, probably to make sure she didn’t rise up and make a run for the door. She quickly looked away again.
Even if she were to marry a nice guy, Kian wasn’t going anywhere. The only doubt she faced was where she was going to fit in this picture. Maybe the reading of the will would help with that. Her sister had nothing monetary to give, so Roxie knew this could only have to do with custody. If her sister left custody of Lily to her, didn’t that mean she would get to keep her? Roxie had done Google searches and still didn’t know how the law worked. Who had more rights? She wasn’t sure. But looking at Kian and the confident smirk on his face wasn’t helping to ease her nerves.
“Go ahead and sit down,” Sal said. Roxie needed to pay attention and not get lost in her own thoughts. She didn’t want to sit and have Kian towering over her even more than he already was, but she feared her legs weren’t going to keep holding her up, so she did as Sal suggested and sat. She pressed her still-shaking knees together to keep from showing her nervousness.
“You too good to sit?” Sal barked at Kian. Roxie didn’t look in his direction, but she imagined he gave an eye roll. She did hear his steps as he moved in closer. Now that she was sitting, maybe he felt as if he could let his guard down enough to step away from the door.
He sat in a chair that was slightly behind her, giving him the advantage of being able to watch her without her seeing him. She was sure he’d positioned himself that way on purpose. Roxie was beginning to think every move he made was calculated.
“First off, darling, I have to tell you how sorry I am for the loss of your sister. I know you two haven’t been close in a long time, but she was your sister, and she was trying to turn her life around,” Sal said. His words instantly brought tears to her eyes, and she was too emotional to hold them back. They spilled over and soaked her cheeks. Sal handed her a hankie. An actual hankie. She hadn’t known those still existed.
She gratefully dabbed the moisture on her cheeks as she tried pulling herself together. She could fall apart later that night, after she’d managed to get Lily to sleep and the day fully sank in. For now, she had to keep it together. It took massive strength, but she stopped the flow of tears and looked at Sal.
“I’m sorry. It’s been a long day,” she told him.
“It’s okay to fall apart, Roxie. You don’t have to be strong for me,” he said before looking sternly at Kian. “And Kian won’t judge you for it, either.” That last part came out as a threat and nearly made Roxie smile.
“What I’m going to read might be a little hard for you, but your sister made me promise,” Sal told her before he opened a folder on his desk.
“I can just read it myself,” Roxie told him. She wasn’t sure she wanted Kian to hear what her sister had to say. There was so much emotion filtering through Roxie. She almost wished she could hate Pamela for sleeping with Kian. Though Kian might not have known who Pamela was, Pamela certainly knew who he was. She’d been jealous of Roxie’s relationship with him, once telling Roxie she’d managed to snag herself a rich one, and she’d better hold on tight. Roxie had been horrified at how cynical Pamela had become.
“No, that’s the purpose of the reading of the will; it must be read aloud,” Sal said. This time Roxie didn’t try to argue; she just nodded as she waited for him to begin. “I want to start by saying your sister actually wrote this about a week before she died. She was truly frightened in the end. She came to see me with this typed out, and she signed papers to make it official; she was planning on speaking to you both but never got the chance,” Sal said, his voice heavy.
Roxie wanted to ask a million questions, but she was hoping at least some of them would be answered with the letter. She said nothing as she waited for Sal to say what he needed to say.
“I did this pro bono for your sister because she didn’t have much money, and she was scared. I didn’t realize the seriousness of what was happening or I would have gotten more involved. I have to apologize to you both for that.”
“None of us knew. We can’t have ‘what ifs’ if we’re going to move forward and protect my daughter,” Kian said. Roxie’s gut clenched, and she clutched her thighs tightly while trying not to shake.
“Thanks for that,” Sal said, but there was pain in his eyes. “Let’s get started.” He looked down at the letter in his hand.
“Well, I have to say this sucks mighty badly, because if you’re hearing these words, it means I’m dead,” Sal read aloud. He gave Roxie a bit of a smile as he said this, and Roxie felt her own lips twitch the slightest bit.
“I never thought I’d be the type of person to write out a will, but then I had Lily, and my life was no longer as important as hers. I know, I know, hold the phone, that was actually me saying that. I’m admitting someone else just might be more important than me.”
Sal paused, and it almost felt as if Pamela was in the room with them.
“At first, I didn’t tell anyone who Lily’s dad was because I loved holding the power over him, even if he didn’t know I was doing it. I also loved the fact that I felt I had won some game I finally realized I was the only one playing. The truth is I was bitter and jealous and wrong. I was so wrong. I’m also scared right now. I’m having another baby, and I can barely take care of my sweet Lily as it is. How can I do this?”
“I would have taken care of them both,” Kian said. Sal didn’t acknowledge his words. He just continued to read.
“I got into a really bad relationship and tried to end it. He’s not a good man. He’s threatened me, and I’m scared something might happen. I have nowhere to run to. Well, that’s not entirely true. I know Lily’s father would help her, but I’m so scared of losing my little girl. That’s how selfish I am. I’m willing to put both our lives in jeopardy just so I won’t lose her.”
Kian growled beside Roxie, and it took all her willpower not to turn and look at him, to comfort him. She was sure he was furious and hurting. Someone had attacked his little girl, and he would have protected her had he only known what was happening.
“Kian Forbes is Lily’s dad. I’m so sorry, Roxie. I was so mad at you. I was jealous that you had everything I’d ever wanted, and then you left. You walked away. You left Kian, who worshiped the ground you walked on, and you left me. How could you leave me? I needed you so much.”
Again, Sal paused as he gave a sympathetic look at Roxie. This time she didn’t try to hide her tears. These were the last words she’d ever hear from her sister, and they were full of pain and anger. Roxie felt lower than a squished spider on the bottom of a shoe. She was too ashamed to look at Kian now.
“So, one night I found him at a bar. He was beyond drunk with some of his buddies. I made my move. I walked over and threw it all out there, promising Kian a night he’d never forget. I knew he had no clue who I was, but that only made me feel more smug. He took me to a hotel and, well, the end result was Lily. When I woke up in the morning, he wasn’t there and, at first, I was furious. But when I sobered up, I knew I was nothing more than a free whore. Roxie, you were always going to be the one he loved.”
Sal sighed, but he didn’t look up this time to check on Roxie. She was grateful. This moment was too painful for her to say a single word. She really wished Kian wasn’t in the room with her. This was too intimate a moment, and she was far too raw.
“When I found out I was pregnant, the first thing I wanted to do was stick it to Kian in every way I possibly could. I was so arrogant. I had him—I had a Forbes in the palm of my hand. Not only that, but I had the man my sister loved. I was the winner, for once in my life. No one could take this from me. I didn’t love the baby growing in my stomach. It was nothing more than a tool to be used to give me the life I always wanted. I didn’t tell Kian. I wanted that baby in my arms to make a full impact on him when I walked into that hospital and smugly told him he now had to pay for me for the rest of my life.”
Sal stopped again and cleared his throat. Roxie was mortified at these words being so casually spoken. She wanted to stop him, but it was like a runaway train, and nothing was going to put the brakes on it at this point.
“Then Lily was born. The moment the doctor placed her in my arms, my life changed. She was no longer an object to be used to get what I wanted. She was my darling little girl. She looked up at me with those perfect eyes, and she opened that tiny mouth and let out a squall like you wouldn’t believe. I fell in love for the first time in my life. I was in shock at how much I loved this tiny, screaming human.”
There was a smile in Sal’s voice as he read these words, and there was a smidgeon of hope in Roxie’s heart that her sister had truly felt love, maybe for the only time in her life.
“I knew then that I couldn’t tell Kian about the baby. If I did, he wouldn’t support me; he would take her away. Sure, he might throw some cash at me like a street bum, but he would take this precious girl away from me. He wouldn’t want his daughter to be raised by trash like me. So, I decided in that moment I was going to change my life. I was going to get a great job and take care of my Lily on my own. I was planning on telling both you, Roxie, and Kian about Lily when she was older. But I was so ashamed of what I’d done and who I had become that I had to do something with my life to make you both proud of me before I could do that. I was beginning to get back on track, too.”
Sal turned the page and continued.
“Then I met Greg. He was charismatic and said all the right things. I even thought I was actually falling in love with him. I hadn’t ever been with a man before that I didn’t want something from. But I got pregnant and things changed. He began hitting me, and I started to grow worried that he’d hurt Lily, so I broke it off. He’s threatened to kill me, and I’m writing this because I think he might actually do it. You know I made a lot of mistakes in the past, and I was afraid to go to the cops. I was afraid they’d take Lily from me. I know that’s stupid, and I’m trying to work up the courage to do just that, but my past has been so bad. I can do it for my baby girl, I know I can. I just need some time to figure it out. That is, if I have more time. I just don’t know.”
Sal had to pause as he cleared his throat.
“I know you will take care of our daughter, Kian. I know you will love her. Please don’t tell her what a monster I was. Please tell her I loved her with all my heart, and she was wanted. I made Roxie’s life a living hell for a lot of years, and Lily is the only family she has left in this world. I know as Lily’s father, you have every right to take her, but you need to know that Lily and Roxie need each other. I’m leaving full custody of my precious Lily to Roxie Gilbert and Kian Forbes. Take care of her together. And though Kian isn’t the father of this precious baby inside me, I also leave her to Roxie Gilbert and Kian Forbes. I wish I had money to give you, Roxie. I wish I had anything at all worth keeping, but, sadly, I haven’t gotten my life on track enough to do that.”
Sal again cleared his throat before he finished.
“I truly am sorry for what I did, Roxie. I thought I hated you, thought I’d sought the perfect revenge, but now I’m devastated at what I did. Don’t blame Lily for my mistakes, and don’t let her go. You two need each other. We’re the end of the line, and our family needs to continue to show the world that our destiny isn’t decided by where we’re born, but by what we make of ourselves. I love you more than I can ever express. I hope I’m the one to read this letter to remind myself of who I can be instead of who I’ve always been, but if you’re the one hearing it, then go home to Kian and be a mama to my babies. And, also, it’s okay to cry about this situation, and to mourn me, but don’t do it too long because I want you to be happy that I grew up and didn’t turn into the same kind of parent as our father. I woke up, Roxie, and I loved big, and my Lily loves me. That’s so much more than many people in this world can ever say. So, continue the love with Lily, and you and she will save each other.”
Sal turned and gazed at Kian directly.
“And for Kian Forbes, wake the hell up and stop your destructive behavior. You have a daughter to set an example for now. And everyone in this damn town knows you are head over heels for my sister, so suck up some pride and tell her. She will forgive you for your transgressions, if you ask. It was a great night, baby, and I don’t regret it for a second because you gave me Lily, which gave me my life back. Carry on, people, and live. I believe in ghosts, and I will be haunting your asses if you don’t do what I say.”
Sal stopped, and Roxie waited for him to go on, but he was silent as he shut the folder. Roxie didn’t know what to think or say as she sat there a little stunned. Her sister certainly had enjoyed writing that letter.
“Do they know who this Greg is?” Kian asked, murder in his voice.
Roxie turned to look at him, and he was now standing, his body tense, his hands clenched into fists. He looked capable of murder at that moment, and though Roxie knew he was mad at her, she was certainly glad she’d never put that light into his eyes.
“No, there are no pictures, no real name, and no evidence,” Sal said.
“But the police are investigating,” Kian demanded. It wasn’t a question.
“Yes, but Pamela didn’t have a lot of clout, and it’s not high profile,” Sal said. That’s when Roxie noted the bit of smugness in his eyes. She almost smiled. She now knew that the power of the Forbes name would go into this investigation. The mother of Kian Forbes’s daughter had been brutally murdered. The killer would be found. That gave Roxie the slightest sense of peace.
“It hasn’t seemed real until now,” Roxie said quietly. “Can I have a copy of her letter? I want to read it again . . . privately,” she said, the last word coming out a whisper.
“I want a copy as well,” Kian said, his voice not quiet at all.
Sal pulled two copies out of his desk, obviously anticipating their requests. “She told me to read this out loud with both of you in the room. She wanted to make sure you heard her final words. I’m sorry for your loss, and again sorry I didn’t do anything to help her,” he said.
“She made a lot of mistakes in life, but at least she was trying to make up for that,” Roxie said, quick to defend her sister now that she was gone. “And she’s reached out to me a lot in the past few years, and I was only barely interested. I have a lot to make up for with Lily.”
“She’s not your redemption,” Kian snapped. His words made the hair on the back of Roxie’s neck stand up, and she jumped from her seat as she turned to face him.
“I know that,” she yelled. It felt good to feel anger instead of fear, anguish, or guilt. “I might have abandoned my sister, but Lily is my blood, too, Kian, and you can’t take her from me no matter how much power you wield. Pamela kept her from you out of fear. Are you going to prove her right and take away my only living relative?” she challenged.
His eyes glowed hot embers as they glared at one another. She didn’t back down, and neither did he. This might just get nuclear before one of them put up the white flag.
“Yelling certainly won’t get us anywhere,” Sal said, trying to get in between them.
“But it sure as hell feels good,” Kian snapped.
“Yeah, that’s about all we agree on,” Roxie said.
“You two have to put aside your differences for the sake of that precious girl out there,” Sal told them.
Neither of them was anywhere near ready for compromise.
“She’s my daughter and should be raised by me,” Kian thundered.
“You didn’t know about her, or want to know. At any time, you could have checked in on my sister and been aware she had a child. You’d rather live in the dark. For that matter, you better go down the long list of women you’ve screwed to see how many miniature Forbeses are running around out there.”
At those words, Kian flinched, finally breaking the glare between them. Instead of her words feeling like a victory, they cut the inside of her heart. She might have been yelling them in anger, but the frightening reality was that he could have more kids. This man she had loved so much had turned into nothing more than a slut who didn’t care to even remember the names of his conquests. She was feeling more and more shattered by the second.
Without warning, the office temperature felt like it had climbed about fifty degrees and all the oxygen in the room had been sucked out. Her head grew fuzzy, and Roxie clutched her throat as she fought to draw in a breath. She began to tilt on her feet as the edges of her vision dimmed.
She heard her name called out as if through a long, dark tunnel. She tried to breathe, tried to stop the wobbliness, but she was no longer in control of her own movement. She was sinking into an abyss.
“Breathe, just breathe,” came the concerned words of Kian. She felt the pressure of his hand on her back, gently rubbing as he spoke in her ear. His chest was against her cheek as he held her in the safety of his arms. The buzzing began to fade, and the darkness receded.
“Breathe,” he repeated, his tone calm, his hand gentle. The last of the dizziness evaporated, and Roxie sucked in a much-needed breath of air. Tears fell down her cheeks, but the panic attack went away.
She stood there in the safety of his arms for a few more much-needed seconds, and only when she was sure she wasn’t going to slip down in a puddle at his feet did she take a step back. She was mortified she’d shown such weakness. She might as well hand over Lily now, because he’d never think her suitable enough to raise the child. She couldn’t even take care of herself.
When Roxie was able to gain the courage to look up at Kian, she thought she’d see smug awareness in his gaze, but she only saw worry in the tense lines of his forehead. He seemed ready to dart quickly back to her in case he needed to catch her again. She forced more breaths in and out. She couldn’t afford to lose control like that again.
“I’m fine. I’m sorry,” she said, tearing her gaze away from Kian and looking over at Sal, who looked frozen in place as if unsure what had just happened.
“Let me get you some water,” Sal said, and before she could stop him, he darted from the room. She didn’t want anyone to know what had just happened and hoped he wouldn’t say a word to Eden.
It was odd, but there was comfort in knowing time hadn’t changed Kian. He was still the man who’d be there to rescue a person, even if he didn’t like the person he was saving. He’d be the person in battle to patch up the wound he’d just been forced to inflict. She had to love him for that, even if she was mad at him, or even if she feared he was going to take her niece away.
After what she and her sister had both put him through, it would have been well within his rights to let her fall to the ground and writhe in pain and agony. No one would judge him for it. Well, she might judge him a little if she were being honest, and Sal would most certainly judge him, but they wouldn’t really have the right to.
Roxie just needed this meeting to be over so she could collect her niece and hightail it out of there. She didn’t think she was capable of going through anything more—not on this day. After she was alone, she could read the letter again and maybe get some focus on what was happening in her life.
As long as her head continued to spin, she wasn’t helping in any situation. She had to get away. Sal came back in and gave her water, and she gulped it down.
“The house is all yours now,” Sal said. “I know that’s the last piece of business, but I wanted to give you that reassurance.”
“Thank you,” she told him.
“Do you want to keep it or sell it?” he asked.
He didn’t turn and look at Kian as he asked this, and she was grateful. This had nothing to do with him. She felt him tense behind her, though. His reaction was great enough that it seemed to almost send out an electrical pulse through the air.
Roxie wanted to say she was going to sell it and take her niece and run far away, but she knew that would only start a war. There truly was no use in fighting Kian at this point. The only thing she could do was try to work with him. Then at least she’d have a shot of getting to keep her niece. It was a small shot, but at this point she’d take it.
“I’m keeping it . . . at least for now,” she said.
There was an audible sigh behind her. She wasn’t sure if it was stress release or what, but for now there was a semitruce in the room. She couldn’t offer more or ask for more. The battle between Kian and her had only just begun.