Chapter Ten
Kian wasn’t normally a patient man on any given day. With Roxie back in his life, his patience and attitude were being tested on a daily basis. The woman needed time to grieve and accept this new reality the two of them had been thrust into together, but he was done with her avoidance, and he was done missing out on his daughter’s life. Enough was enough. He’d driven by her small place several times, stopping often and pounding on her door. She was either very good at hiding, or she was making sure to be gone a lot. Being able to hide in the small community of Edmonds was pretty impressive.
But now, seeing her so casually strolling in the park with his daughter was truly pissing him off. She could run all she wanted, but she could no longer expect not to be chased, not when she had the one thing in his life he wouldn’t give up.
He’d been giving her time to accept what had happened, but because of his damn feelings for Roxie, he’d lost another month in the life of his daughter. He was finished being the nice guy. That obviously hadn’t gotten him anywhere in the past few years. However, he didn’t want to have a public fight, especially in front of his little girl.
When he looked back at Lily, he noticed she seemed to be growing bored with just standing there. She was beginning to fidget in her aunt’s arms, and it appeared as if Roxie was having a difficult time maintaining her hold on the child. His fingers twitched with the need to grab his child.
Though anger flooded him again, he refused to acknowledge it, pushing it deep down inside him. He wasn’t going to get anywhere with Roxie if he was yelling at her, and that certainly wasn’t going to make a good impression in front of his daughter as he tried to get to know her more, tried to work up the courage to tell her who he was and then find an explanation for why he hadn’t been in her life so far, without saying anything bad about her mother.
But the urge to hold her wasn’t going away. He didn’t have to take her. He could be a lot more respectful than that, he decided. Resolve sat firm in his gut as he looked Roxie in the eyes.
“Can I hold her?” he asked. There was so much raw emotion in his voice, he wanted to be able to push it down, but he couldn’t. His words came out practically baring his soul. She could do with that what she wanted. He couldn’t care right now.
“Um . . . okay,” she said after a slight moment of hesitation. She wasn’t letting Lily go, though.
“I’m not going to run off with her,” he told her. At least not at this moment, he added silently. He wasn’t going to promise her he wasn’t going to want custody of his child, but he didn’t need to say that right now. If she remembered anything at all about him, then she should know he was going to raise his daughter.
Kian stepped closer to the two of them, Roxie’s subtle peach scent drifting over him, taking him instantly back to their last night together. He’d never been able to resist her sweet scent. She’d giggled once when he’d told her just that and said that knowing that, she would always make sure to wear something good so she could get her way. As bitter as he was now, he’d think she was wearing the scent on purpose to get to him, but she’d been far too horrified to see him for her to have known they would run into each other today.
He reached out for Lily, and though she looked curious and gave him a little smile, she didn’t let go of her aunt. He wasn’t being too smooth at the moment, and he felt the sting of rejection filter through him.
“Lily, do you want to let Kian hold you?”
Another pang rushed through Kian. Roxie had called him Kian, not referred to him as Lily’s father. He wanted to be Dad, or Daddy. He didn’t want to be Doc, Kian, Mr. Forbes, or any other name.
But his rational mind knew you didn’t just tell a child he was her father out of the blue. It would be easier on her if she knew him, trusted him. But the need to claim her was so strong, he was having a difficult time being rational. And though he was her father, in her eyes he was little more than a stranger. If he rushed this, it wouldn’t go well for either of them, and he couldn’t stand a lifetime of his daughter not trusting him. That thought helped keep him calm, helped him make positive choices.
Kian gave Lily what he hoped was a warm smile and reached for her again. This time she released her aunt and accepted his embrace. He gently pulled her in close and held on, being careful not to clutch her too tightly in his enthusiasm for holding his child.
She buried her sweet little face against his neck, her dark curls tickling his nose. The amount of love and joy he felt was so overwhelming, his eyes stung with the need to free what he was feeling. He closed his lids to keep his feelings to himself, unwilling to give Roxie a glimpse inside his soul. This was a moment between his daughter and him, and Roxie had severed her right to see the real him when she’d left so long ago.
Lily was an unusually delicate child, with small limbs and just the slightest bit of baby fat on her cheeks. He wondered if she was getting enough to eat, if she had warm clothes. He wondered if she had been taken care of. Now that he was holding her, he didn’t know if he’d be capable of letting her go again, of giving her back to her aunt.
He looked over at Roxie, who was closer than appropriate, her fingers twitching. He knew the feeling. His own hands had been aching with the need to hold his child. He imagined Roxie wanted to take her back before he got too attached.
Too late.
He might not turn around and run with her, but the need to do just that was so overwhelming, he had to force himself to calm down. He didn’t want his tension to radiate outward and stress Lily.
“Are you settling into the house?” he asked. He noted that she seemed reluctant to share anything, and she took too long a pause before replying.
“It’s okay for now,” she admitted. He tensed again, not knowing what the for now meant.
“It’s a solid place, even if it’s small,” he said, trying to remember the layout of the place.
“I’m not sure how long we’re going to be there,” she said. He knew she wasn’t trying to threaten him, but she apparently didn’t want to lie any more than he did. At least they still had that much respect for each other.
“Where would you go?” he asked.
“I need to find work,” she said, avoiding the question of where.
He had to force himself not to tense up again. He was holding his little girl, and that was what mattered.
“I hate to interrupt this, but Sal is back for a limited time, and we should go now,” Eden said as she returned.
“Of course,” Roxie said, before he could tell the woman to go away.
Roxie reached out for Lily at that moment and took her from Kian’s arms. He wanted to refuse to let the child go, but he wasn’t going to have a tug-of-war with Roxie over his daughter. The second Lily was out of his arms, though, he felt the horrific emptiness of not having her snuggled to him. He didn’t like the sensation in the least.
The sooner the two of them got this custody situation resolved, the better it would be for him and for Lily. Roxie might end up hurt over losing Lily, but Kian wouldn’t forbid her from being in the child’s life. He wasn’t cruel.
“I have to go,” Roxie said. “We will have to talk about this later.”
Without a conscious thought about it, Kian fell into step with Roxie and Eden as they made their way through the park and back to the office where Sal worked. Eden gave him a glance before looking back down, but he could see she had a million questions for Roxie and resented him being there.
Well, he had a million questions for the woman next to him as well, but he was sure as hell forced to wait, and he didn’t feel in the least bit bad that Eden was going to have to stand in line for answers just as long as he did.
Besides that, he wasn’t leaving until he and Roxie had a chat about where things were headed. He didn’t need to tell her he was planning on obtaining full custody of his daughter, but he was going to put his foot down on visiting with her until that happened. He needed to make sure Lily trusted him. This transition was going to be difficult for all of them.
They got to the office, and Kian could see the surprise on Roxie’s face when he followed them inside. She was looking more and more uncomfortable by the minute, the longer he stuck around. Too bad.
“Kian, my boy,” Sal said in his cheerful voice as the three shut the front door behind them. “I’m glad you’re here. I was going to have Eden give you a call.”
“What do you need?” Kian asked.
“We’re here to read Pamela Gilbert’s will now that Roxie has quit avoiding it, and as you know, your name is there, too,” he said.
Kian looked at Roxie and saw definite panic in her eyes.
“Then we should get under way,” Kian said, trying to keep a positive note in his tone. Roxie wasn’t saying a word. She also looked on the verge of tears as she gripped Lily tightly enough in her arms that Kian was getting a little worried about his daughter’s ability to breathe.
“Why don’t I keep Lily out here so you guys can talk without interruption?” Eden offered as she stood in front of Roxie and Kian, eyeing them warily as if they were both cobras about to strike.
“That would be great. Thank you,” Roxie said. Kian felt a small buzz of irritation that Lily went to Eden without hesitation when he’d had to coax his daughter to come to him. He pushed that down, though. Soon she’d be running and jumping into his arms, he promised.
“Come on, Lily, I’ve got some great pictures of your aunt somewhere around here in full cowgirl gear at a barn-raising dance,” Eden said with glee. A pang ran through Kian at this thought since he remembered those dances, remembered being there with Roxie in his arms.
“Oh, those should be dead and buried,” Roxie said in horror.
“Nah, those are the good old days,” Eden assured her. “Now you will get to teach Lily how to do it.” Kian was more determined than ever to be a part of that dance.
Sal went ahead of them and gave Kian a moment alone in the hallway with Roxie. He grabbed her arm and halted her midstep. She eyed him warily as she waited for what he had to say.
Bending closer so he wouldn’t be overheard, he whispered, “Our conversation is in no way finished. I don’t want you running off when we’re done in here. We’re going to talk privately.”
“I figured as much,” she said, but there was fear in her bright eyes as she looked caught between anger and heartbreak. He wasn’t going to soothe her. The two of them helping each other had come and gone. Now, they’d have to be civil for the sake of Lily, but they didn’t need to go above and beyond anymore.
“Good. Just wanted to make sure you understood that,” he said. His voice was firm and maybe just slightly husky at her close proximity. He wasn’t thrilled at that particular thought. He was over her, dammit.
“I understand,” she said, her eyes narrowing as she found some of the fight inside her she had seemed to have lost since coming back into his life in such a big way. It was enough to almost make him smile. He always had enjoyed her spirit.
Shaking his head, Kian pushed that sort of thinking out of his brain. He couldn’t think about her in terms like that anymore. He was now a father, and he’d better behave like one. With a new resolve firmly in place, he let Roxie go and followed her inside the lawyer’s simple office. She wasn’t his friend or lover anymore. She was now the one trying to keep his daughter from him.
Sadly for Roxie, even though the battle might just be beginning, the reality was that Kian Forbes always came out the victor—no matter whom he was up against.