Chapter Nineteen
Roxie had no idea what to think or feel anymore. She wasn’t sure she even trusted herself, let alone anyone else in her life. Confusion seemed to be the one emotion she could be sure of. Why, oh, why had she allowed herself to get pulled back into the orbit of Kian Forbes? Was she a glutton for punishment?
She’d told herself that chapter of her life was over, and then bam! On-call room. The sad thing was, she couldn’t even regret it. The sex had been that good. The self-recriminations weren’t the best after, but during, oh, during, had been well worth the fifty lashes she should give herself.
Of course, she couldn’t allow her train of thought to go down that route. Nope. That got her kinky mind to thinking in bad, bad ways, and since Lily was in her car seat, napping, Roxie certainly didn’t want to have sex and ropes and mouths and . . . Nope! Had to turn off those thoughts again. What in the world was wrong with her?
Maybe it was because, until that first night at Kian’s after Lily was released from the hospital, she hadn’t had sex since so brilliantly deciding to leave Kian four years ago. She’d almost forgotten how amazingly wonderful it actually was. But he’d awakened her in a big way.
She wondered if it would be wrong to do it just once more. No. She couldn’t think like that. One more time would never be enough when it came to a man like Kian. He certainly knew his way around a woman’s body, and though she hadn’t been with anyone since she’d left him, she knew for sure he had.
Looking in her rearview mirror confirmed that for her. He’d not only been with other women, but one of them had been her sister. That made her cringe. Sure, he might not have known it was her sister, but still, it was disgusting. She felt a deep betrayal she couldn’t figure out how to push away.
Besides the fact that he’d slept with her sister, what was happening between them was going at warp speed. From the moment she’d come back to town, the man had been everywhere, in person and in her thoughts and dreams. She didn’t know how to handle that.
For now, Roxie was trapped in her car. Lily had fallen asleep, and as soon as her vehicle pulled up to home, her niece would wake up, and then she’d be grumpy because she hadn’t slept long enough. Roxie didn’t mind peaceful Sunday drives, though. There never tended to be much traffic out, and it gave her a chance to clear her head. She liked to explore new areas. But now that she had Lily with her, she was a lot more careful. She didn’t need to get lost in some back-roads area where a creeper killer found her and she was never seen again. The things a person thought about with a child in the car were much different from what they imagined when they were responsible for only themselves.
As she continued down the road, her thoughts turned to Kian again. At one time, she’d been so in love with him, she hadn’t known where he ended and she began. That had frightened her. She hadn’t wanted to lose herself in another’s identity. That hadn’t been his fault, though. It was all on her shoulders. But even knowing that, she was scared to open that door again. Kian had changed in the past four years.
He’d always been a confident man—it was why she’d been so drawn to him. But now he was harder around the edges, not quite so trusting. She was tense around him, just waiting for the shoe to drop regarding when he’d serve her with papers to take Lily away. He seemed to be playing by her rules for the moment, but she knew that wasn’t likely to last. He would give up on her eventually. Didn’t everybody?
Unlike Kian, who had a beautiful family, Roxie had no one. The one thing she’d always been able to count on was disappointment. People came and went in life, but the truth was that they always did go. It wasn’t a matter of if; it was a matter of when. Maybe that’s why she’d left Kian. Maybe she knew she wouldn’t have been able to handle it if he left her.
Ugh. She didn’t want to go there. Her fingers tightened around the steering wheel, to the point that her knuckles turned white. She took in some calming breaths, knowing she couldn’t get upset and start making mistakes while driving. She reduced her speed since no one else was around. It might even be safer for her to just pull over. Her mind was focused on just about everything except for driving.
But there wasn’t any other traffic on the road. She’d only passed a couple of vehicles in the last hour. She’d turned around a while back and would be in town soon enough. Lily had gotten plenty of sleep. Maybe the two of them would make a trip to the bakery. With all the stress of the last week, Roxie was burning plenty of calories and could totally afford to eat some sugary delights.
Roxie saw movement out of the corner of her eye and realized too late that a yearling was bounding right into the road, straight in her path. Slamming on her brakes, Roxie swerved to the left, the rear of her car fishtailing as the front tires caught the gravel on the side of the road.
The deer was on the road, staring at her in horror. Their eyes met, and Roxie silently pleaded with the animal to move, but it didn’t listen, and her front corner bumper slammed into the poor animal, sending it forward. Her car came to a screeching halt on the side of the road, and Roxie’s heart was now lodged in her throat.
Her entire body trembling, Roxie pulled all the way off the road and killed her engine. Turning to check on Lily, she let out a relieved breath when she saw her niece shift in her seat, then rest her head comfortably again and start snoring. The impact had been minimal and had shaken Roxie up far more than the damage it had caused.
She still had to make sure everything was fine, though. She needed to stop trembling before she left the safety of her car. All she could think about was Kian telling her how unsafe her car was if she were to get into a wreck. Well, she’d proven him wrong. Both she and Lily were just fine, and they’d just had a minor accident.
Of course, she’d barely clipped the deer and had been going only forty-five, but still, the car seemed to be holding up well. Adrenaline was flowing through Roxie’s veins as she gazed at her niece a few more moments while concentrating on her breathing.
Finally, Roxie emerged from her car and felt tears sting her eyes when she saw the yearling lying on its side, its legs moving in a running motion as it tried to right itself. Blood oozed from its shoulder, but she couldn’t tell if anything was broken. The sound it was making was enough to make her sob, but she tried desperately to hold it together.
It was just a baby, and it was hurt. She couldn’t possibly just leave the young animal there to suffer, but there was no way she’d be able to put it out of its misery. She didn’t have it in her. She paced in front of the deer that appeared to be terrified, and she felt a tear slip free.
She had to call the game department or roadkill services. But it wasn’t dead yet. Could someone help it? She felt terrible she hadn’t managed to avoid the beautiful creature. Looking back, she saw that Lily was still sleeping in her car seat. Roxie didn’t have to rush off. She needed to call someone.
Without giving it much more thought than that, Roxie lifted her phone and dialed Kian. He was going to think she was crazy, but she didn’t care. If he could help the animal, then she’d take a little taunting. She didn’t want to be responsible for the kill. It was a senseless death.
Kian didn’t say hello when he answered. He never had been the greeting type of person. It was something she remembered from the many times she’d called him while they were dating. He always answered the phone as if they’d been having a conversation and he was simply continuing it. Surprisingly enough, his greeting helped to calm her.
“I was just going to dial you and see if you and Lily wanted to get lunch,” he said.
“I’m out on the county road about fourteen miles in, and I hit a deer. It’s still alive and needs help,” she replied. The panic rose as she said this.
Kian was quiet on the other end of the line, and she wondered if he’d heard her. He had to act fast if they were going to save the deer. They didn’t have time to ask and answer questions. She really wasn’t sure what he could do about it, but this was reminding her of how she had always turned to him whenever she had a problem. It had been like that for years, and when she didn’t have him anymore, she’d been lost for a while.
Heck, maybe, for that matter, she never had truly found herself again. Roxie wasn’t sure. And thankfully, her mind was occupied, and she didn’t really have time to think about it right now.
“Are you and Lily okay?” he asked, and that was when she noticed the panic in his voice. He’d been taking his time to control it.
She heard movement and then his vehicle start up. “Yes, we’re fine,” she said, her voice growing more urgent. “But the deer isn’t.”
“I’m calling the ambulance, and then I will call you right back,” he told her.
“No!” she yelled, not wanting him to hang up.
“What?” He sounded confused. “I’m on my way, but we need to get the ambulance out there.”
“No, I swear Lily and I are fine. It was only the corner of the car that clipped the deer. We didn’t even feel the impact. Lily is in her over-the-top-safe car seat, and my seat belt held me tight. I might have a bruise or two on my chest, but other than that, I’m fine. I need help with the deer,” she repeated.
“The deer?” He sounded confused.
“Yes, the deer. It’s hurt.” At least now he was listening to her.
“You want me to fix a deer?”
“What is so hard to understand about that? You’re a doctor,” she reminded him in frustration.
“I’m a people doctor,” he told her slowly, as if she were dumb.
“So you can’t help an animal?” she snapped. The deer looked at her with such sad eyes, Roxie felt like sobbing. “It’s innocent.”
“I’m on my way,” he said, his voice placating. She didn’t care. She knew he had a big heart, and he wouldn’t let the animal die if he could help it.
“Good. I’m going to check on Lily again. Hurry.”
She hung up the phone and missed whatever he’d been saying. But she had no doubt he’d be there quickly. He was probably driving at warp speed. Lily was still sleeping, so Roxie stood there at her car, keeping her eye on both the injured deer and on Lily, who was oblivious in the back of the car.
Now that she had a moment to think, she realized it had been Kian she’d thought of first in her emergency, and he hadn’t hesitated to come to her aid. What that meant, she really didn’t know. She only knew she could count on him when it mattered most.
Could she count on herself in the same way? Honestly, she couldn’t answer that.