Chapter Two
No one ever wants to receive the call that Roxie Gilbert had. A far-too-efficient nurse had told Roxie that her sister had been admitted with life-threatening injuries and then wasn’t saying anything more.
Roxie was well aware of this routine, as she’d been a nurse for the past six years. They weren’t telling her anything because they needed a doctor to pass along the information. She was left with no choice but to pace the worn floor as she waited for answers. She was left with nothing to do but think of the past.
Roxie had run away from her small town of Edmonds to Portland four years ago—she’d run from her sister and from a life she’d once thought she’d wanted. She’d run from Kian Forbes. What had she done? What kind of person fled her only family? Roxie was afraid she’d never again be able to look at herself in the mirror, with all the guilt flooding through her.
Tears continued to flow as she fought down nausea, fatigue, and anguish too great to describe. So, she paced and she waited.
“Ms. Gilbert?” A doctor was standing in the doorway to the waiting room, his face not necessarily giving anything away, but she could see the detachment in his eyes. He was going to tell her something she didn’t want to hear. He was preparing for her to fall apart.
She knew that look all too well. She’d carried that same message in her own eyes. It couldn’t be too late. She couldn’t have messed up so badly in her life that she wouldn’t have a chance to make things right with her only sibling, her only family.
“Yes,” she said. Slowly, she moved up to the doctor. Her entire body was trembling. This couldn’t be happening. Right now, she wanted nothing more than to run away again, something she was good at, wanted to deny what she was about to hear.
“I’m Dr. Peters and was in the room when your sister came in. Can you come with me?” he asked. Yeah, things were about to fall apart. He didn’t want to tell her in the public waiting room. She almost refused to follow him. If he didn’t take her somewhere private, then he couldn’t shatter her. Somehow her feet carried her across the busy emergency room floor, and she passed through the doors with the doctor at her side. The sound of crying and muted voices quieted as soon as the door closed.
“Take a seat,” Dr. Peters told her.
“I don’t want to sit down. Just tell me,” she said. “I’m a nurse. I know how this goes.”
His eyes flashed to hers with sympathy pouring from him. She wanted to turn away, wanted to demand he not drag this out. But, somehow, she kept from yelling at the man who was only trying to do his job. Somehow, she stood there holding herself in one piece.
“Do you have anyone else who can be here with you?” he asked. If she’d had even a glimmer of hope before this moment, it was now dashed. The news was very bad, indeed, because they didn’t want her to be alone.
“No. There’s no one left. It was just down to me and my sister in our family tree,” she said quietly. Tears were burning her eyes, but she refused to let them go. She couldn’t fall apart. Not yet.
“Your sister and niece were brought in tonight with multiple stab wounds,” he said.
Now the tears began falling. Who would stab a child? Who could be that monstrous? Roxie had seen some evil things in her years in the medical profession, but she was still in disbelief when she saw something this horrendous. She nodded. There was no way she’d be able to get words out at this point. She was hurting far too badly.
“I want to tell you, first of all, that your niece is in stable condition. Barring any complications, she should make a full recovery.”
It took a moment for the doctor’s words to sink in. Roxie hadn’t been expecting any good news on this dreadful night. Maybe she’d been misreading the situation. Maybe it was just a traumatic accident, and no one would die. There was a glimmer of hope inside her. Lily was okay. Her niece was going to be okay. She knew complications could happen, but Roxie would monitor Lily like a hawk. She looked at the doctor with renewed energy.
“Unfortunately, Ms. Gilbert, your sister and her premature baby haven’t made it. We tried all we could, but the injuries were too great, and they succumbed a couple of hours ago,” he told her.
Once again it took a few moments to process his words. Her sister was gone. Murdered. Someone had stolen her sister’s life. Roxie’s body trembled, and she rocked back and forth on her heels as she absorbed the impact of the situation. Pamela was gone.
She’d suffered at the hands of some criminal, and now she was gone. If Roxie had been there, then maybe she could have helped; maybe none of this would be happening now. She was too trained to ask silly questions. The doctors could tell her that her sister hadn’t suffered, but she wouldn’t believe them. Roxie wanted to scream, to demand answers, to get the person who had done this. Her emotions were fried, and she felt herself spiraling.
“Ms. Gilbert, your niece needs you right now,” the doctor said, his voice gentle, pulling her out of the whirlwind of thoughts rushing through her brain. “She’s been through a terrible ordeal. Would you like me to take you to her room?”
Roxie looked at him as if she’d just realized he was there. She shook her head to try to clear it. She wasn’t sure what to do or say right now. But then she saw that flash of light at the end of the tunnel. Her sister might be gone, but Lily was alive, and Lily only had Roxie left.
“Yes, please take me to my niece,” she told him.
Renewed determination filled Roxie. She’d left her sister, but she would never walk away from her niece, never let someone hurt her again. It was just the two of them, and they would heal together. They would make sure their family’s mistakes would never be repeated again. They’d start fresh and they’d heal over time.
“Take me to Lily,” she said, her voice stronger.
The doctor nodded, but he’d said all he needed to say, and the walk down the long hallways was made in silence. Roxie appreciated that.
Roxie barely managed to keep it together as she placed one foot in front of the other on her journey to her niece. Thoughts of finding the murderer helped her somewhat, but not enough. Whoever had done this evil deed to Pamela and her unborn child would most certainly pay.
And from this moment on, Roxie realized her life was no longer about just her. She had a beautiful child to take care of, and Lily would never know a day without love and security. Roxie just prayed she wouldn’t let Lily down. She prayed she had what it took to be the parent Lily needed. Growing up with an abusive alcoholic for a father hadn’t left Roxie—or Pamela—with great parental role models, but Roxie was a fast learner, and failing wasn’t an option.
“I’ll leave you here,” the doctor informed her before he slipped away.
When she finally stepped into the dim room, Roxie’s eyes were drawn to her niece, who looked so small as she lay in the giant hospital bed. It took her a moment to realize her niece wasn’t alone. There was a man in a doctor’s coat with his head lying facedown on the pillow next to Lily’s. Roxie was so grateful to the man for not leaving her niece alone. She would thank him profusely when she wasn’t so overwhelmed.
Roxie didn’t want to disturb her niece, or the doctor who’d chosen to stay by her side, so she slowly stepped forward and gently sat in the chair next to the bed. She reached over to grip her niece’s tiny fingers. Roxie focused on Lily as she allowed more tears to fall. She was quiet as she spoke, but she needed to say the words that were trying to rip themselves from her throat.
“It’s you and me now, kiddo, and I will never leave you,” Roxie promised. Her niece squeezed her fingers in sleep. Roxie held on tightly.
The man stirred and finally lifted his head, giving Roxie a full view of his face.
Fresh panic invaded Roxie as she stared into the eyes of the first and only man she’d ever been in love with. With all the trauma of the call she’d received and her rush to get to her sister in time, Roxie hadn’t really had time to think about the possibility of seeing Dr. Kian Forbes again.
There were a million questions blazing to life in Kian’s gaze, but his lips didn’t move as he continued to stare at her. He swallowed, all without uttering a single syllable, which made her rip her gaze away from his eyes and focus on his throat instead while she tried to quiet the thundering in her heart. That turned out to be an utter mistake, as it made her think of the times her lips had caressed his salty skin in just that particular spot.
She forced herself to look completely away, fixing her gaze on the worn hospital badge he was wearing. He looked tired and a little bit broken, which she didn’t understand.
Four years. It had been four years since she’d sat across from him, looked at his beautiful face, felt his nearly magical touch. It felt as if it had been an eternity.
That panic Roxie had been feeling all night rose inside her like a volcano about to erupt, and she tried desperately to focus on the breathing techniques she’d read about. They weren’t helping her at the moment. She wasn’t sure anything could. Kian wasn’t supposed to be here.
Kian had shattered her, had broken her into mere fragments of the person she’d once been. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t intended to do it; it only mattered that she’d felt so broken, she’d had to run to save herself. He had also been in the category of those she hadn’t said goodbye to. One night they’d been making love; the next night she’d been gone with very little explanation.
She wanted to hate him for her own loss of identity, but she didn’t. It wasn’t his fault; it was hers. All her problems were her own. She’d hoped to never face this man again, because she feared herself when she was around him. But fate had a funny way of putting in front of you what you tried your hardest to avoid. Maybe fate got bored, or maybe it just liked to torture people. She couldn’t even begin to think she had any answers about life, especially when it came to dealing with her own.
The worst part was that Roxie knew if she’d had the strength to understand herself better, she wouldn’t have spiraled so far out of control. Kian had been a good man to her, loving and attentive, sweet and in love. They’d been young and he’d been out of her league, but he’d never treated her as if she were in any way less than he was. All of it had been in her own mind. And she had hated herself for that.
With him now sitting before her, Roxie felt all those uncertain emotions creeping back in, making her truly feel like a lesser person, making her feel shame and regret. Seeing him caused an ache unlike anything else she’d ever felt.
The instinct to run crept into her feet and made her fidget as she sat before him, not knowing what in the world she could possibly say. She wasn’t owed his forgiveness. She hadn’t earned it. And she didn’t think it was possible for her to receive it. This was a mess unlike any of the other messes she’d ever been in, whether self-inflicted or beyond her control.
Seconds passed without sound beyond that of their breathing. He seemed to be recovering a lot faster at the sight of her than she was at seeing him. Kian had always been like that, though. He could control his emotions and expressions, where she couldn’t. It was only one more thing for her to be angry with him about. Another irrational emotion she was feeling.
In four years, Kian had changed. Thirty-five looked good on him. His shoulders had always been broad, but now they seemed massive beneath the light-blue scrubs he was wearing that hinted at the beautiful muscle beneath. His jaw was square, shaved clean, and his dark eyes were now blank, not showing an ounce of the emotion that had flashed in them just seconds before. She could see where laugh lines wanted to emerge, but they certainly weren’t showing at the moment.
The biggest change she noticed about him was that gaze. Kian had always been the first person to offer a smile and reassuring words. Now, this man before her was gazing at her with icy coolness that made her want to shiver.
When she’d rushed home tonight, she hadn’t been worrying about running into Kian. And now that she was here, she couldn’t afford to spiral into a pit of despair, not when she had Lily to take care of.
Kian slowly stood up and towered over her own respectable height of five foot five, and she suddenly felt smaller and more insignificant. If she’d ever allowed herself to think about her emotions regarding this man, then maybe she wouldn’t be feeling the insane grief she was experiencing, sitting before him now. If she’d faced her feelings instead of running away from them, then maybe she’d be able to give him a polite hello and ask him to move on, and not have to worry about endless torment. She had enough to last her a lifetime as it was.
If was a word Roxie had always hated. Life wasn’t about ifs. It was about living without regret, though she failed in that so much because she did have regrets. But she’d tried to stop adding any more to her already-long list. Every decision a person made helped shape them into who they were truly meant to be. A person filled with regrets was a person who hadn’t truly lived. But Roxie was failing miserably at the moment to practice what she so often preached.
“Hello, Roxie,” Kian finally said, his rich baritone deep and sure. There was the slightest edge of gravel to his voice that had always melted her, and it seemed time hadn’t changed that at all.
Her stomach quivered as her knees shook. She was grateful to be sitting, as she didn’t think her wobbly legs would be able to hold her up right now. She was also grateful Lily was sleeping. This man had power in ways she was sure he didn’t understand. Or maybe he did. How was she to know who he was anymore? He’d once been full of life and light that naturally drew people to him. Right now, he didn’t seem to be full of anything except disgust. And he had a right to feel that way.
“Kian,” she said, her voice coming out raspy and unsure. She was almost saying his name as a question. She wasn’t sure what to say, think, or do. And she certainly didn’t know what the question would be if she were to ask one.
Her niece stirred in the bed, and that caught Roxie’s full attention as she looked down and saw Lily open her eyes. It had been a while since she’d Skyped with her niece. Those moments had mattered a lot to Roxie, but guilt consumed her that even with that, she still hadn’t come back home to help raise the fragile child.
“Auntie,” Lily said in a too-small voice as she tried to wipe the fog from her eyes.
“I’m right here, baby girl,” Roxie assured Lily.
Her niece smiled a tiny bit before squeezing Roxie’s fingers and closing her eyes again. This moment was one Roxie would forever hold in her heart. She could handle Kian because she had to be strong for Lily. There wasn’t another option.
Roxie hadn’t forgotten why she was at this hospital, but for a moment, she’d only been able to see Kian. It was sort of like when he was there, the rest of the world slowly faded. He seemed to have his own universe surrounding just him, and anyone in his presence surely would be sucked into it. Roxie flexed her fingers against Lily’s as she tried to stay firmly planted on the ground.
Kian released Roxie’s gaze as he looked down at Lily, his expression filled with something she couldn’t quite interpret, but something that had a tight knot pinching her stomach. He flashed his gaze back up to hers, and some of the harshness of his expression was gone.
While his anger might have dimmed, resignation took its place as he looked from her to Lily and back again several times. She didn’t understand this at all. Did he know Lily more than as a patient?
Roxie opened her mouth to say something to break up this tension, but she couldn’t seem to form words. Nothing would come out. This was just one more thing to show her she was in no way prepared to be this traumatized little girl’s mother. Here Roxie was being faced with the man she’d always been in love with, and Lily was lying so helpless in the bed between them.
Rubbing her thumb against the back of Lily’s hand was enough to calm Roxie and allow her to draw in a couple of breaths before she looked at Kian once more. Though Roxie’s body was still shaking a bit, she was strong enough to comfort her niece while she faced her past. If she ever planned on moving forward with life and the choices she had made, then she had to be able to handle adverse situations. That was all just part of being an adult.
“We have to talk about Lily,” he said. She didn’t understand how he knew her niece. It had to be nothing more than him being her niece’s doctor. Maybe he’d grown attached after this tragic attack.
“How do you know Lily?” she asked.
Kian was quiet for several moments, and Roxie’s heart raced so out of control, she didn’t know what to do or say or think. She was close to falling apart, and if Lily didn’t need her to be strong, she feared that’s exactly what would happen.
Finally, he sighed. All the noise around them seemed to freeze. “I was in the ER with her tonight,” he told her. There was more; she could feel it.
“And?” she questioned. She was rubbing her niece’s back, trying not to throw up.
“I didn’t know . . .” His voice trailed off.
Roxie’s stomach heaved as she put together what she didn’t want to. She’d only been gone from town a couple of months when Pamela had gotten pregnant with Lily. This couldn’t be real. As he sat back down and reached for Lily’s free hand, she somehow didn’t need words to tell her what he needed to say.
Roxie felt as if she was going to faint. She knew she had to be stronger than this, especially right now. But in this moment, she wasn’t sure there was much more she could take. This night had gone from tragic to unbelievable. Her world truly was spinning now. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to stop it.