Chapter Twenty-Five
Roxie’s nerves were exposed, and she felt more raw than she ever had before. She still didn’t know what to think about the other night with Kian. It had been too much for her, and he hadn’t relented. What did that mean?
Now, she had to go to this party at Evan’s house, and she knew Kian would be there. She’d refused to ride with him, and he would have to deal with that. She wasn’t going to allow him to control her, and she was more than capable of arriving at a place by herself, even if the man didn’t think her car was suitable. He could deal with that. But she still didn’t know what it was going to be like to see him, especially in public.
Her emotions were raw, her body felt foreign, and her mind was spinning. This was one of the reasons she’d run from him in the first place. She couldn’t handle how he made her feel. It was too much. All of it was just too much.
Roxie took her time arriving, not wanting to be one of the first ones there. She figured if there was a crowd, it would be much more difficult for Kian to try to corner her. She might have blonde moments once in a while, but most of the time she could think, she thought a little too smugly.
When she arrived, she had a difficult time parking, as there were so many vehicles. She had to find a space what felt like a hundred miles from the main house. She’d been wanting to have a crowd there so she wouldn’t be even close to being alone with Kian, but this number of people was quite overwhelming.
As soon as she opened her car door, she heard the noise coming from Evan’s house. There were bright lights shooting up into the sky from what she assumed was a party area in the back. Her heart was thudding as she pulled Lily from her car seat. Her niece grinned at her, but she wanted to walk, so the trip to the house took twice as long as it normally would, but Roxie didn’t mind that. It gave her more time to pull herself together.
There was a sign on the door that told people to come on in and go straight to the back. She walked into the house, though it felt strange to do so without knocking. There were people milling all about the house, and several said hello to her as she passed through. She recognized some people, and others she didn’t know at all.
She really could use a drink, but she’d driven herself, so that was off the table. Maybe she hadn’t been thinking enough about this, darn it. When she stepped out the back door, she realized there were a few hundred people milling about. A live band was playing a country tune, and teens and adults were having a great time, dancing and talking, and there was so much laughter all around her, it was impossible not to smile.
Lily was tugging on her hand as she spotted a group of children over at a giant bounce house. “Hold on, sweetie,” Roxie told her, but Lily wasn’t being patient at all.
“I’ll take her to play.”
Roxie turned to find Juliana Forbes standing next to her with a sweet smile on her lips. Kian’s family had always been good to her, and they treated Lily with such adoration it was impossible for Roxie to try to pull from them.
“How are you?” Roxie asked.
“I’m wonderful, darling. How about you? We need to spend some real time together because I truly miss you,” Juliana said. She didn’t hesitate as she reached in and wrapped her arms around Roxie.
Without thinking twice about it, Roxie released Lily’s hand and grabbed on to Juliana as if she were a lifeline. A tear fell, and she found herself shaking as she accepted the woman’s embrace. If she could have ever dreamed of the perfect mother, it would be this woman with eyes so kind, they made a person instantly feel warm and taken care of.
Juliana held Roxie a long time before she released her. Her own eyes were shining as she looked at Roxie with a smile.
“I miss you, too,” Roxie admitted as she wiped away tears. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess right now. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She tried to laugh, but she was slightly mortified at how she was behaving.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” Juliana told her.
“I’ve never apologized for not telling you goodbye four years ago,” Roxie said. This was long overdue.
Juliana cupped Roxie’s cheek in her small hand. “You had your reasons. And you don’t have to explain yourself. I’m just happy to see you’ve found your way home,” she told her.
Roxie had to fight new tears that wanted so desperately to fall. She’d never felt good enough to be a part of the Forbes family, but it wasn’t because of the way they treated her. No, it was all inside her own head. Anyone who was lucky enough to become a part of their family should embrace their fate.
“Let me take Lily to play with the other children while you relax for a while. You can have some much-needed time to yourself,” Juliana said.
Lily was bouncing up and down beside them as she gazed over at the kids. “Thank you,” Roxie said. Though it felt good to finally apologize, Roxie didn’t want to keep thinking about the past.
Juliana gave her one more hug before she offered her hand to Lily, who gladly took it and practically dragged Juliana away. Roxie had to take several calming breaths to pull herself together. She looked around and was grateful no one had seemed to notice their interaction. She moved over to the drink table and grabbed some iced tea, then found a nice little corner of the yard where she could stand back and observe.
“I see my mother’s found her granddaughter.”
Roxie felt tears again and pushed them down as she turned to see Kian beside her. He’d sneaked up from somewhere without her awareness. She really was all off-kilter. She’d been hoping to avoid any intimate moments, but it didn’t appear as if fate was on her side at the moment.
“Yes, it’s as if they never were apart,” Roxie said.
Juliana was laughing with joy as Lily climbed a giant slide and bounced her way down. There were at least a dozen children playing, ranging in ages from two to what appeared about ten. The tweens were mostly in a group over at a set of picnic tables, and the teens were dancing. All the children seemed to be paired off.
“I hate that she missed out on so much time, but I’m glad they’ve connected now,” Kian said as he watched his mother and Lily.
“I’m just grateful Lily has so many people who love her,” Roxie said. There was a part of her that feared Lily being taken from her, but she pushed it down. It wasn’t about her, it was about her niece.
“Me too,” he said. He rested his hand on her shoulder, and the touch reached all the way into her soul. She was bound to this man in ways she had no understanding of, but they were tied together. If she could figure out what that meant, she might be a happier person.
“What are you two doing standing off by yourselves?” Evan asked as he approached with a pink drink in his hand.
“What are you drinking there, girlie man?” Kian quickly replied.
Evan laughed. “I have no idea. Someone handed it to me, and I have to admit it might look girlie, but it’s damn good,” he said as he took a deep swallow.
Roxie laughed, grateful for the distraction. She truly did enjoy Evan’s company.
“I think I’ll stick with the beer,” Kian told him.
“Maybe ’cause you have to prove your manliness. I have nothing to prove, so I can drink pink drinks all night long,” Evan taunted him.
Kian glared at the man as he took a step closer to Roxie. She rolled her eyes. Macho posturing never had been a turn-on for her.
“Do you want to dance, beautiful?” Evan asked.
Roxie felt Kian tense beside her, and she was about to accept the invite when Kian spoke for her.
“No, she’s dancing with me,” he said.
Evan wasn’t at all offended. He just laughed as he moved away.
“That was rude, Kian,” she told him.
“I don’t care. You don’t need to be dancing with Evan,” Kian said.
Then he took her hand and began pulling her to the dance floor. She refused to cause a scene, so she reluctantly allowed him to drag her there. Right as they reached the edges, the tune changed to a slow song, and the overhanging lights above dimmed.
Roxie wondered if Evan had something to do with that. It seemed everyone she knew was trying to push her and Kian together. They didn’t know all the baggage standing between the two of them.
And if Roxie allowed herself to fall for this man again, would she end up losing everything? That was her greatest fear. She’d not only lose herself again, but now she would lose Lily as well. Her heart squeezed at the thought.
“Relax and enjoy this,” Kian said. They were at the edge of the dance floor, and she was practically shaking.
“This isn’t a good idea,” she told him. They could still turn away, and no one would notice a thing.
“Dance with me,” he said in a seductive drawl that went straight to her core. By the expression in his eyes, he knew exactly what his voice was doing to her, and she hated the power he held over her.
She didn’t know what else she could say to him. She didn’t have the will to fight him, and there were people all around, so even if she wanted to, she couldn’t deny him. She was sure it would be the talk of the town if she ran off screaming. Then again, it might be the talk of the town if she did fall into his arms.
“I wouldn’t mind dragging you over my shoulder,” he said with a wicked smile that sent flutters to her stomach. She wouldn’t mind being locked in his arms. Dang it, she truly was losing her mind.
Roxie didn’t give him a confirmation, but she allowed him to bring her the rest of the way onto the floor. The second he pulled her in close and she felt her body pressed to his, the feel of his hand resting in the curve of her back and his thigh brushing between her thighs, she lost all sense of doubt. This was where she always belonged, where she always felt the safest.
It was so turbulent with Kian, but at the same time, it felt as if she were in the eye of the storm, that he was her anchor, her safety net. How could she think he was the cause of her problems, and then, on the other hand, believe he was the only one who could fix them? She had problems—real problems.
“Look at me,” Kian told her in a throaty whisper.
She couldn’t refuse him and looked up, their gazes locking together, their warm breaths mingling. He pulled her even closer, and she was trapped, trapped in his embrace, in his eyes, in his very existence. She found she didn’t want to escape. At least she didn’t in this moment.
She forgot about the people surrounding them, forgot they had unresolved issues. She couldn’t think of anything other than how it felt to be in this man’s arms. He had once been everything to her, and it seemed like he might be that man again. Whether she wanted him to be or not, she’d let him consume her again.
The soft pulse of the music seemed to wash right through her, and she felt like the two of them were floating on clouds. No matter how she tried telling herself it was just a dance, she knew it was so much more than that. It was a seduction.
Her hand drifted from his shoulder and rested against his heart, which was beating strong and steady. She felt comfort in his strength, in his very presence. He truly was her haven in the storm.
She couldn’t look away from his gaze, from the heat in his eyes, the softness of his lips or the pulse in his neck. His gaze caressed her face, and she could feel it all the way through her body. His eyes rested on her lips, and they tingled with the need to connect to his. She licked them, and a low moan escaped his mouth, the sound shooting straight to her core.
“You look beautiful tonight,” he murmured, pulling her even closer. There was no mistaking the bulge pressing against her. It didn’t matter how many times they made love, she’d never have enough of him. His desire for her was beyond arousing.
He leaned lower and caressed her ear with his lips. “Actually, beautiful is too mellow a word to describe how you look,” he said, his hot breath sending shivers down her spine. She was going to melt in front of every person in this room.
Roxie tried to push him away, but he wasn’t letting her go.
“People are watching us,” she warned.
“Let them. I’m sure every man in this room wants to be me right now,” he told her.
His hand slid over the curve of her ass before coming back up, and though she knew this was wrong, so very wrong, she couldn’t seem to stop it from happening. It felt too good.
She shut down the doubts in her mind and simply enjoyed the moment with this man. She wasn’t sure how many more times like this she would allow herself, so she had to take it all in, because, if she wasn’t brave enough, she would walk away from this man again, and memories would be all she’d have left.
She closed her eyes and rested her cheek against his chest, the beating of his heart mellowing her even more. He tucked her against him, and it was only him and her. No one else existed; no one else could come between them, not in this perfect moment.
“I hope you’re all having a good time!”
The boisterous voice came over the loudspeaker as the music stopped. Roxie’s head jerked up as she looked to the stage, where Evan was standing with a microphone. He called some people up onstage, including Kian, who pulled away from her with reluctance.
She wanted to hold him tight, but she had to let him go. He gave her an intense look before walking away, a look that told her he had something to say. She decided she didn’t want to hear whatever it was.
So, like a thief in the night, she went and collected a very unhappy Lily, and she slipped away from the party—away from Kian. She wasn’t ready for that conversation yet. She just didn’t know what she was going to think or say. So, she ran away again.