Chapter Three
Although Kian had never actually been hit in the face with a sledgehammer, that was the only equivalent he could think of to describe how he felt at this particular moment. It felt as if someone had come along and slammed a thick wedge of iron in his face, and now he was still reeling from it.
His chest hurt, his body ached, and his face was tingling. He felt a mixture of sadness, regret, and disbelief, but mostly red-hot rage. This woman, this person before him, had been the only girl he’d ever given his heart to. And she had taken that gift, smashed it on the ground, and thrown it back in his face.
His fingers twitched as he remembered the feel of the diamond he’d carried around in his pocket for months as he tried to come up with the perfect proposal. He’d known without the shadow of a doubt he’d make her his wife.
And then she’d disappeared.
At first, Kian had panicked. Something surely had happened to her. She wouldn’t have left on her own. They were happy, in love, had the rest of their lives before them.
But, too quickly, he’d discovered the truth. After years of friendship and two years of dating, she’d left a note that simply read: I can’t do this anymore. Please let me go. Roxie.
That was it. There had been no other explanation, no words to tell him what had gone wrong. Kian’s first reaction to that note had been to hunt her down and force an explanation out of her. But then he’d found his pride, and he was furious.
“After our breakup, I made some bad decisions,” he admitted. He didn’t know why he was bothering to tell her this. “I drank a lot, partied even more, and yeah, I didn’t care which women I was with. I just wanted to forget you.”
He refused to allow himself to feel bad when she flinched. She’d been the one to leave him, not the other way around. If that wasn’t something she wanted to hear, then too bad.
“I don’t need to know any of this,” Roxie said in an emotionally charged tone.
“I wasn’t going to ever trust anyone again after what you’d done to me.” He’d been smart to feel that way. And now he wasn’t sure how he was feeling.
There were so many emotions filling Kian, he didn’t know which to focus on. There was a sense of urgency to grab his child, to make sure Roxie knew Lily was his and that he wouldn’t lose another moment in her life. But there was a need to protect Roxie as well.
She’d left him, and it had nearly destroyed him. Kian in no way thought of himself as a weak man. He was strong and capable, and this small woman had done her best to drop him to his knees. And yet he still couldn’t turn away even now, not when she was in pain.
“Maybe you need to realize what your exit did to the people around you,” he pointed out. “And maybe it’s just that I never really knew you at all, because the girl I’d been in love with wouldn’t have been capable of leaving like you did, wouldn’t be capable of such a coldhearted act.”
Finally, Roxie looked up at him, and there was now fire in her eyes. Kian felt an urge to take a step back, but there was no way he was going to retreat. She’d pushed him back enough in the past four years. If anyone was going to retreat, it would be her, he thought.
Though he had tried to push her from his mind, he hadn’t been very successful. Every woman he’d dated, every night he’d laid his head down to sleep, every time he’d listened to classic country and “I Love the Way You Love Me” by John Michael Montgomery came on the radio, he was reminded of Roxie. She’d consumed him for years, and she’d continued doing so even after she was gone.
He hated her a little for that. He hated himself even more. Before Roxie, he’d always thought men who couldn’t get over a relationship were a little pathetic. Sometimes things just weren’t meant to be. Endings shouldn’t be what defined a person.
“You were with Pamela,” Roxie said, her voice filled with accusation. There was so much hurt and rage in her tone, he didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t owe Roxie a damn thing, but he found himself wanting to explain the situation to her. He shifted as he fought the urge—and lost.
“I was with her one time. I went to a bar with friends. She was there, and she made it clear she wanted to go home with me. I was drunk and she was available,” he said as he shrugged, trying to act as if it didn’t matter.
“I would have thought you’d at least use protection,” she said.
“I always use protection. Obviously, it fails sometimes,” he snapped. “This isn’t a discussion we should be having in front of Lily,” he added.
“She’s only three, and even if she was awake, she wouldn’t understand what we’re talking about,” she pointed out.
“You have no right to be mad. You left me,” he reminded her.
“I’m not mad at you,” she snapped. He watched as she closed her eyes and took a few calming breaths. He knew that was exactly what he should be doing as well. Snapping at each other wasn’t solving any of their problems.
“Fate can be cruel,” he said with a humorless laugh. “It looks like the two of us are now locked together for the rest of our lives.”
There were equal parts of joy and apprehension at the thought of raising Lily with Roxie, which appeared to be what Pamela wanted for their child. At one point in his life, that was the ultimate dream, to raise children with Roxie. But then she’d left. And Kian hadn’t truly had time for all this to sink in, and it would probably be far safer for the two of them if they both calmed down before saying some things that couldn’t be taken back. He certainly didn’t want Lily to see him as a monster.
What had she already been through? What kind of life had she led? He could’ve given her the world, and would have, if her mother would’ve only told him he was a father.
“We aren’t doing anything together, Kian,” Roxie was quick to point out, which made him angry all over again.
“You’re not paying attention, Roxie,” he said, not in the mood to stroke her ego. There was something deep down that made him still want to protect her, but he pushed that aside. “Maybe all your family knows is how to play games, how to deceive men. Maybe your sister loved holding one over on one of the Forbeses. I know there are many who are jealous of my family, thinking we hold too much power. But you used to know me better than any other person on this planet. You knew I never wanted to take advantage of my family name, that I wanted to make it on my own.”
She sighed, and he saw that knowledge in her gaze. At least she wasn’t going to sit there and lie to him or put him down. He wondered if that would hurt him.
“You always did work so much harder to prove yourself so people wouldn’t say you were spoiled,” she admitted.
Kian hadn’t wanted to say he’d been given a silver spoon because of the way he’d been born. He’d studied hard, and now he was a doctor in extreme demand. He was often called to other places where only he could help. There was a lot of pride in knowing he was worthy of his family name.
It was almost odd to him that he’d been coasting through life without a lot of care in the world until he’d met Roxie. And then he’d been in love, willing to drop to his knees for her. Then she’d left, and he’d become a different man—harder. And now he was a father. This woman was responsible for all the major shifts in his life.
He was about to speak when she slapped him again with her words. “You didn’t have to sleep with my sister for revenge, though.”
“It wasn’t revenge. I was doing what I had to do,” he said with a shrug. “And that’s all on my shoulders. But I wouldn’t have been on the prowl for anyone else had you been at my side, where I thought you’d always be.”
Roxie’s eyes filled with tears before she looked down. He glanced at his daughter again, letting the knowledge of his fatherhood truly seep in.
“I missed her first word, first steps. I missed too much,” Kian said.
Roxie looked afraid as she clung tighter to Lily’s hand. His eyes narrowed. If she truly thought she’d keep him away from this child, she was sorely mistaken. Kian knew nothing about Roxie anymore. He didn’t know if she had a husband, a boyfriend, a life outside of Lily. The thought of another man in her life sent a whole new burst of fire racing through him.
He had no claim on Roxie. But he certainly had a hell of a claim on Lily. He was sure Roxie had no other immediate family left. No one else would be trying to make a claim on his child. He also knew, with his power and influence, he could take his child from Roxie within days. She was his, after all. As soon as the blood tests came in, the courts would hand her over, no matter how much Roxie might try to fight it and no matter what it was that Pamela wanted. He didn’t owe Pamela anything, either. She’d deceived him for more than four years. She would have known within two months she was pregnant, and not once had she come to him to do the right thing. Why he should consider her feelings now, he didn’t know.
But Kian didn’t want to go that route. He didn’t understand why he would hesitate to do what had to be done, but he wanted to give Roxie more respect than that—certainly more respect than she’d given him.
Too much emotion and far too many thoughts were clouding up Kian’s thinking. He wanted answers right now, but he wasn’t sure he could remain calm enough to listen. This was a mess, and they would get to the bottom of it, but maybe he would give her a day or two to come to terms with the loss of her sister.
“Maybe my sister didn’t know,” Roxie finally said. It took a moment for Kian to hear her words. He was so stuck in his own head, it was difficult to come back out.
“She knew,” he said with a sigh. “She confessed to me. That’s how I know.” This sentence was uttered with respect. He wouldn’t continue to speak cruelly about her, not when she wasn’t around to defend herself.
“Don’t you think she would have come and asked for help if she’d known?” Roxie pointed out.
“No, because she would have known I could take my child,” he said. He forced himself to calm. “But in the end, she did the right thing. That’s what I want to remember and think about.”
A shudder racked Roxie’s body as she leaned away from him as if trying to protect herself. That enraged him all over again. She in no way needed protection from him. He’d never done anything to harm Roxie—not ever.
“Look, Kian, I know this is a lot to take in, and you’re probably upset right now,” Roxie said, her voice calm as he realized she was trying to placate him. He hated when people tried doing that. It only made his blood boil all that much more.
“Yeah, that’s an understatement,” he told her. What he needed to do was find a punching bag and destroy it, or maybe find some asshole in a bar and start a fight. What he wanted to do was take out his aggression in any form possible. But, instead, he was forcing himself to stand there calmly and look at the woman who’d betrayed him while she clutched his daughter’s hand in hers.
“Were you going to even tell me you were here if you hadn’t seen me?” he asked after several moments of silence. Maybe that shouldn’t have been the question he asked, but he wanted to know if she was planning on hiding from him while here.
“I’m sorry about the way I left, but that was a long time ago, and I don’t think it does either of us any good to dwell on the past,” she said, not answering his question. If she thought he was that easily dissuaded, she hadn’t really known him at all. Maybe she hadn’t.
“You clearly think you have all the answers and know exactly how I might have felt or how I’m feeling right now,” he said. This wasn’t a question; it was a harsh assessment that, in his honest opinion, hit the nail on the head.
“I’m not saying that,” she defended. Then they were both silent for several moments as the two of them tried to find their footing in this traumatic situation.
“I’m going to take a walk,” he finally told her.
The relief on her face as he stood up was another shot to his ego, but he pushed it aside. This wasn’t the time to keep thinking of himself—not with his daughter lying there so helplessly.
He left the room. This night was nowhere close to being over, and the best thing for both of them in this moment was to have a break. And he needed to call his parents. Though they’d be just as disappointed in missing out on the past three years of Lily’s life as he was, he had zero doubt they’d embrace her with all the love they had to offer.
His family was so much more than the money in their accounts. Even if others didn’t realize that, he was sure in that knowledge. It was the first thought all night that put the slightest of smiles on his lips.