Chapter Twenty-Eight
Roxie wiped her eyes as she walked to the break room and poured what had to be her tenth cup of coffee in only four hours’ time. She was more than grateful the hospital was slow today. She truly feared she’d make a wrong call, and a patient would be the one to pay the price.
She hadn’t seen Kian in three days. Now, that might not seem a long time to the average person, but after all of their ups and downs, it might as well be an eternity. She’d been at work all three days, and Kian had been in the hospital, but he’d been on another floor, and she couldn’t find a reason to go there.
She knew he’d stopped at the day care many times to visit with Lily, who was always more than happy to see him and had to tell Roxie all about their special time together. So, it was only Roxie he appeared to be avoiding. That was good, she tried to convince herself. He’d told her he was giving her time to figure it out.
But she was a wreck, an utter and complete wreck. She wasn’t sure what she wanted or needed. But she did know for sure after that night a week ago when he’d pushed her to the breaking point, she hadn’t been the same again. Then the attack had happened, and she’d been in even more turmoil. She couldn’t sleep, she picked up her phone constantly to see if he’d called or texted, and she walked slowly through the hospital hoping to run into him. She wanted to see him, but her damn pride wouldn’t allow her to call him and admit to that.
Though emotionally, she wasn’t at all ready to face this man again, she also knew that he was a wonderful father, and she would have to get used to him being in her life. She just wasn’t sure if he was going to be an intimate part or not.
Roxie couldn’t even imagine how it would feel to see him with another woman, but she knew she either had to give him all of her or nothing. Kian wouldn’t accept anything less than . . . well, everything. That’s how she’d gotten lost in him the first time around. And it was so much more intense now than it had been back then.
“How’s everything going, Roxie?”
She turned to find one of the new young nurses standing there with far too much perk in her step and eyes. Roxie hated the woman just the tiniest bit in that moment. She would love to feel carefree with no burdens on her shoulders. It didn’t even matter if she was placing half of them on her own shoulders.
With an unusual attitude, Roxie found herself wanting to throw a kicking, screaming, downright three-year-old tantrum. She found herself wanting to throw her perfectly good cup across the room and enjoy it as it slid down the wall. Her lips twitched as she pictured the poor nurse’s expression. It was almost worth it just for that. Instead, she sipped her coffee and smiled.
“It’s great. How are you, Jeanette?”
“Wonderful. My boyfriend is taking me out to a romantic dinner tonight.”
Ah, that’s why the girl was being all social. She wanted to brag. Well, goodie for her, Roxie thought snidely.
“I shouldn’t jinx it, but I think he’s gonna propose,” she added with a sigh.
“How old are you?” Roxie asked. She looked twelve but obviously had to be older than that.
“I just turned twenty-one. I graduated high school early,” she said with a giggle.
Oh, the things Roxie wanted to tell this girl. She wanted to explain how much she would change in the next few years, wanted to warn her not to jump too quickly into marriage, wanted to tell her to run. But then that would be putting Roxie’s own burdens on her. So, she just smiled and said what she was supposed to say.
“That’s wonderful, I can’t wait to hear what happens.”
Jeanette beamed as she literally bounced out of the room. Roxie downed her coffee and refilled her mug before heading out to the floor again. Her shift wasn’t even halfway over, and it felt as if the day had only just begun. Normally she loved her job, but Kian had her mind and emotions all screwed up, and maybe, just maybe, she was going to find him and give him a real piece of her mind. That made an actual smile pop up on her face.
Without her consent, or even being in her right mind, Roxie found herself heading to the elevators and pushing the “Up” button. She waited impatiently for the doors to open, and when they did, she stepped on with determination. She was going to give him a piece of her mind.
It didn’t take her long to find him, and she was all worked up when she did. He was talking to another doctor, and she stood in his peripheral vision and tapped her foot impatiently. The other doctor eyed her for a moment before turning back to Kian, who didn’t acknowledge her presence. That only infuriated her all the more.
She was about to scream when the doctor Kian had been talking to gave her one more weary glance then scooted away. She wanted to yell at the man that the hospital only ran so efficiently because of the nursing staff, and maybe he should give them a lot more respect. Somehow, she managed not to do just that.
Kian turned to her and really pissed her off when he gave her that same damn smile he gave rowdy patients, that calm-down-and-trust-me smile. She heard a low growl escape her lips and was shocked enough by it that she took a step back.
“We need to talk,” she told him, her voice raw with emotion.
“Okay,” he said, not attempting to argue with her. He was being perfectly reasonable, and that should have calmed her, but it only infuriated her all the more. If she was being even a little bit rational, then maybe she would realize how insane she was acting, but she was too far gone for that.
“We need to talk about the other night,” she said, trying desperately to keep her voice down as people passed by them.
He seemed utterly relaxed, without a care in the world if people heard them or not. That wasn’t helping her blood pressure at all. She was trembling; she was getting herself so worked up, and he was just calm, that damn patient-calming smile on his perfect too-handsome face.
“What about it?” he asked. He then had the gall to glance down at the chart in his hand. Roxie then did something she never thought she’d be capable of doing. She stepped up to him and slapped the file from underneath. The papers flew up in the air and then fluttered to the ground. Several people were passing by and stared, obviously trying to assess if they needed to call security or not.
She might have calmed down at that point if she hadn’t looked into Kian’s eyes and seen laughter in them. The corners of his eyes were crinkling, and his lips were twitching. He was trying desperately not to laugh at her.
The rest of Roxie’s cool evaporated as she launched herself forward, more determined than ever to wipe that smugness from his face. She wasn’t even sure who in the hell she was anymore; she just knew she had to damage him.
The chuckle that escaped him as he easily lifted her up, placing her over his shoulder, vibrated through her body, and she pounded her hands against his back. When she heard his next words, she felt her face go scarlet as she tried to sink within herself.
“Sorry about this, folks, we just have a patient who needs to be returned to the fourth floor,” he said.
“Ah,” came the response. The fourth floor was the damn psych ward! She was so spitting angry, she could kill him.
He carried her down the hallway over his shoulder, and Roxie continued to beat against his back as he laughed. He didn’t stop until he went through a doorway and shut a door, the lock going firmly in place. Then, as if she were a sack of potatoes, he shifted her from his shoulders and tossed her on the bed.
The bright light was shining as he stood above her. The wretched man had the gall to lean against the bunk beds across from her, his arms folded as he gazed at her with a smile, as if he hadn’t just humiliated her.
“Carry on,” he said.
“Carry on?” she screeched. She didn’t even recognize her own voice anymore.
“You were saying?” he prompted.
Roxie jumped from the bed, her limbs tangling, tripping her up, certainly slowing her momentum. Then she was finally on her feet and coming after him. He didn’t budge. Just stood there as she pounded her fists against his chest. His expression never changed as she wore herself out. Finally, her anger dimmed, and then she was absolutely horrified at what she’d become, of what she’d just done.
Her eyes widened, and she took a step back, her hands going over her mouth. “I-I-I . . .” She closed her mouth. “I don’t know what happened,” she said.
Her knees gave out, and she flopped down on the bed as her head dropped. “I don’t know what happened. I don’t know why I was so mad.”
She was close to sobbing, but she couldn’t fall apart. She was in the middle of a shift. She had to get back out on the floor. As if Kian could read her mind, he lifted his phone, pressing it to his ear.
“This is Dr. Forbes,” he said, his voice filled with professionalism and authority. “Nurse Gilbert will need to be replaced. I’m having a consultation with her that will take the rest of the shift.” There was a pause. “Thank you.”
He turned the phone off and faced her again. She stared up at him, waiting for an explosion, for some emotion other than humor to cross his face. She didn’t know what to do or say. She wanted to run, but she knew there was no chance of that happening. He still said nothing, just gazed down at her.
“You can’t keep standing there looking at me like that,” she finally said. She was so close to falling apart, she wasn’t sure she knew which way was up or down anymore.
“I’m waiting,” he said. There was so much understanding and humor in his face, she didn’t know what to think.
“You’re waiting for what?” she snapped. She felt her anger rise again and tried desperately to push it down. She’d already humiliated herself enough for one day. She didn’t need to add to the mess she was making of her life.
He smiled, his face almost serene, and she felt a sense of calm pass through her. She didn’t understand it at all. What in the world was happening?
“I’m waiting for you to put it all together,” he told her.
“Put what together?” she snapped. She wanted to pace, jump up, and shake him. She wanted action, but didn’t understand what action. This was too overwhelming. It was all too much, and she felt as if she were going crazy.
“I love you,” he simply said.
She gaped at him. How could he even say those words to her when she’d been acting like a crazy woman? Was there something wrong with him? Maybe she was perfectly fine, and he was the mental one.
“I love you,” he repeated.
This time, the words sank in slowly and began drifting through her like a slow molasses warming her blood and easing her stress. She stared at him, not knowing what to think, what to say, what to do.
“I love you, Roxie Gilbert. I always have, and I always will.” His words came out with such surety, such devotion. She felt her body sag, her mind let go and . . . and her heart open. It opened so wide, so painfully, that she clutched her chest. It hurt; it physically hurt as it beat erratically in her chest.
She stared at him as he continued to give her that serene smile as if he had all the answers. And suddenly she felt as if he did. She felt as if he’d known all along what was in her heart, in her soul, and he’d simply been waiting for her to figure it out. She couldn’t find words to say as she gripped her chest, the ache turning into a warmth that radiated through her.
“I love you,” she whispered. It was almost a question. But she did. She loved this man in an all-consuming, passionate way. But for some reason, she wasn’t frightened by it anymore. She wasn’t filled with the need to run away from him; she was filled with the desire to run straight into his arms, to let him hold her, to share the burdens and joys with her.
“I won’t lose myself in you,” she said, her voice awed. He looked at her, joy in his eyes as she figured it all out. He’d forgiven her for fleeing because he knew she hadn’t known who she was. He’d forgiven her in the hopes she could forgive him. That’s how it worked, didn’t it? You loved someone in spite of the bad; you loved them in good times and in disasters. You couldn’t choose which emotion to feel; you could only choose how to handle each situation.
But Roxie knew she couldn’t run anymore. She had run in the wrong direction, and she’d almost lost the man she truly loved. But by some miracle, she’d been called back home, and now she had received a second chance.
Slowly, afraid her limbs wouldn’t hold her up, she stood, her legs trembling. Kian didn’t move. He stood right where he was, but he uncrossed his arms and opened them, showing her she had nothing to fear.
She moved quickly, pressing herself to him, finally accepting what he’d wanted to give her all along—himself. His love for her had survived it all, and now she could accept him and give him all of her. She had never had anything to fear but herself, and now that she was letting him, he would help carry that burden.
“I love you,” she said. She said it again and again, and he rubbed her back and held her as she sobbed in his arms. He loved her. He truly loved her, and with that knowledge, she felt invincible.
Kian picked her up and carried her to the bed. He lay down and enfolded her. He didn’t strip them bare, didn’t make love to her, he just held her, and it was absolutely perfect. They would soon pick up their daughter, and their family would be complete.
“I’m going to marry you as soon as I can get the license,” he said, his voice casual, as if there wasn’t a chance of letting her escape.
“What makes you think I’ll say yes?” she joked, joy in her voice.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box. He was leaning against the back of the bed with her resting between his legs, her back against his chest. She looked at the box in shock as he opened it, and a brilliant square diamond sparkled against the velvet.
Her fingers shook as she lifted them and traced the sparkling rock. She snatched her hand away as if she were stung. Tears fell down her face. How long had he been carrying this? She wanted to ask, but she didn’t think it was possible to get words past the tightness of her throat.
“I carried this for two months before you left four years ago. I’m not telling you that to hurt you; I just want you to know how long I’ve loved you,” he said. “I’ve now had it in my pocket again since the day after I saw you in that park.”
His voice choked on the last word, and she felt her own heart break all over again at how much she’d hurt this man and how truly strong he’d been for the both of them. She twisted on the bed so she was on her knees before him.
She carefully cradled his face in her hands and leaned in, running her lips across his before she backed away, not trying to hide her tears from him anymore.
“Thank you for loving me. I will never be able to apologize enough for the pain I’ve caused you, but you need to know I will do my best to be your everything from here on out,” she said, the words difficult to speak past the lump in her throat.
His eyes sparkled as he gazed at her, and then he pulled the ring out and took her left hand, slipping it on her finger. It was a perfect fit. He then cupped her cheek in his large hand as he smiled at her.
“For time and all eternity,” he whispered.
“Yes, Kian, a thousand times, yes.”
They stopped talking as his lips took hers. They sealed their promise to each other, and then, hand in hand, they went and picked up their daughter so they could start the rest of their lives together.