Chapter Twelve
Relief. Sweet, blessed relief was what Kian felt at Roxie’s words. He hadn’t even realized he’d been holding his breath, but it escaped from him in a beautiful rush as she told Sal she was keeping the house, not putting it on the market. She and Lily were staying. He couldn’t miss any more of the firsts in Lily’s life, and he wanted her to know who he was and how much he loved her. He’d just met this beautiful girl and already she owned his heart.
If he didn’t bring her into his life soon, then she’d never realize how much she meant to him or how much he wanted her. Yes, Roxie would be able to see Lily anytime she wanted—within reason—but Kian was well aware that wasn’t the same as waking up with the child every morning, or tucking her into bed at night, or having access to her company each afternoon. No, this was going to be very difficult for Roxie.
On the other hand, he reasoned, she seemed perfectly capable of walking away from those she said she loved. Maybe he just thought it was going to be hard on her, but maybe she was planning on the freedom this was going to afford her. Who was Kian to decide what was and wasn’t difficult for the woman he’d never stopped loving?
When Kian did have Lily with him, he was going to have to harden his heart more firmly against Roxie, if she decided to stick around. Their time had come and gone, and to think of them in a relationship again was impractical and just wasn’t going to happen, so he’d have to get used to seeing her, and he’d have to deal with it.
The out-of-sight, out-of-mind philosophy hadn’t worked out too well for him, anyway. He might have been able to push her from his thoughts when she’d been rude enough to enter them, but he’d been able to do nothing about his dreams of her—and she’d come to him often in that manner, causing him to wake up in a cold sweat with an incredibly hard body.
Kian in no way had time to dwell on those thoughts. Not if he didn’t want to be judged for the reaction that was sure to follow. There had never been another woman who affected him the way Roxie had. Sure, he could work up enough enthusiasm to scratch the itch, but with Roxie, it had been otherworldly. Kian shook his head as he turned away from the woman in question.
He was pissed at her, he reminded himself. He in no way wanted to have erotic fantasies about her. He also didn’t want to focus on the ways in which she’d pissed him off. Because he was either going to be turned on, or thinking of strangling her, and neither was an acceptable action at the moment.
The two of them had been given a lot of new information in the last month. Their initial meeting after four years hadn’t gone too well, until they’d ended up in the bedroom, but he couldn’t think about that. And just because they had a lot of baggage didn’t mean they couldn’t have a civil relationship for Lily’s sake.
They were adults, after all, and they could be civil to one another. Hell, he’d been civil to people he hated, so he knew it was possible. Because as much as he’d wanted to hate this woman over the past four years, he hadn’t been able to accomplish that.
He was glad he hadn’t. They were now bound to each other for the rest of their lives. Lily needed them both in some form or other. Lily’s shy smile flashed through his mind, and he felt his fear and anxiety begin to fade. They were bound together through this beautiful little girl. How could he be angry when he was thinking of Lily? He couldn’t. Kian would simply choose to think about his daughter now, not about the past couple of years he’d missed. He was going to look forward to what was to come.
Heck, there were a lot of firsts to come, he realized. He was going to teach his daughter how to ride a bike, a horse, and a sheep. He would take her to the swimming hole and teach her how to do a cannonball and how to dive. They’d have lazy afternoons of fishing, and exciting nights of rodeos. She could be anything she wanted to be—whether it was a ballerina or a NASCAR driver, or possibly she’d follow in her father’s footsteps and be a doctor. That filled him with unbelievable pride. The sky was the limit with his daughter, and he’d show her love and kindness and support for whatever it was she wanted to do in life.
So, he might not be happy he’d lost a couple of years, but when he realized how much more was in store for the two of them, he couldn’t help but feel optimistic. Kian looked at Roxie, who was gazing at him with a furrowed brow, worry clearly dominant in her expression.
His gains were her losses. He knew this, and it pained him, but he couldn’t think that way. He might have made a mistake in whom he’d shared a bed with, but he wouldn’t ever be able to think of Lily as a burden. She was his, and he was glad he had her. No one would keep them apart. He just wished Roxie didn’t have to be hurt for him to have what he wanted. He’d once loved her too much to cause her this type of suffering.
Kian knew he’d made many mistakes in his lifetime, but he’d been raised by incredible parents who had shown him love and support in all he’d done. He’d been scolded when he was wrong, but he’d been held as well. Kian knew he’d have a million questions for both his mom and dad, and he knew they’d answer him honestly. He’d been loved his entire life, and now he’d give that same love to his daughter.
And maybe someday . . . he didn’t even want to think the thought, but maybe Lily would have siblings. Kian’s face turned as he looked at Roxie again. But he forced his eyes away. That ship had come and gone. There was a time he’d wanted children with her, but she’d walked away from him—and Kian Forbes begged no one for a single thing.
All these thoughts passed through Kian’s mind in a matter of seconds. It might feel as if he were alone on an island, but he was still in the room with Roxie and Sal, and no one seemed to be saying anything. What could be said after the revelations that had been exposed today? Not a hell of a lot.
“We’re finished here,” Sal told them, and Kian was glad there weren’t any further revelations. He didn’t think his system could take anything else—at least not today.
“Good,” Kian said. He stepped forward and shook Sal’s hand. “I’ll have my attorney get ahold of you if he has any questions.”
“We can talk without another attorney,” Sal said, instantly scowling.
“I’m not jeopardizing anything when it comes to my daughter,” Kian said, his normal humor gone from his tone.
Sal stared at him a moment, but then relented, nodding. Kian then faced Roxie, who had lost all color in her cheeks. He couldn’t think about that right now. He was doing what had to be done.
“Why don’t we walk out together?” he said, holding out his arm in a sort of peace offering. She looked at the arm as if it were a snake about to strike. Then she shook her head and turned to Sal, skipping the handshake and giving him a hug.
“Thank you for this gift of my sister’s last words,” she said, her voice much more under control now. She’d pulled herself together and was maintaining her hold on her emotions. He wondered if she was having difficulty doing that, or if she was truly that calm. He wasn’t sure.
“I’m glad I could be here for you both,” Sal said.
Roxie nodded and then turned and walked from the room. Kian was right on her heels. He didn’t need her pulling another disappearing act. Not right now.
They reached the front entrance and found Lily playing on the floor with Eden, her giggles music to Kian’s ears. She looked up as they approached and gave Roxie a big smile as she climbed to her feet and ran over to her aunt, holding up her arms. Roxie pulled her up and gave her a loud smacking kiss on the cheek, making Lily giggle more.
“Thanks for watching her,” Roxie told Eden.
“It was my pleasure. You have a beautiful niece, and I hope to watch her again anytime you need,” Eden assured her. She climbed to her feet and came over and gave Roxie a half hug before she moved back. “See ya, Kian,” she added flippantly as she turned and walked back to her desk.
“See ya,” he replied with a big smile. He’d been dismissed, and he found it incredibly entertaining. He followed Roxie from the building and down the street to her car, which he glared at.
“That’s what you’re driving?” he said in disgust.
Roxie glared at him. “There’s nothing wrong with me driving this. It gets excellent gas mileage,” she pointed out.
“Were you on the freeway in that thing?” he gasped, remembering she’d driven from Portland.
“Of course I was,” she said, opening the back door and setting Lily in her car seat.
“Don’t take my daughter on the freeway in this,” he demanded. It was interesting, because he practically saw the hackles sprout on her back as she stiffened.
Somehow, she managed to keep it together long enough to buckle Lily into the seat before she handed his daughter some toys and calmly shut the door. Then she turned around and fire leaped to life in her eyes.
“I’ve been caring for Lily for a month now, since her time in the hospital, and I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. Don’t you dare imply I would,” she hissed.
“She’s my daughter, Roxie, and it’s taking all I have not to snatch her from that seat in that pathetically small death trap of a car you’re driving and march her over to my giant-ass truck,” he said, getting equally worked up.
“It’s a newer Ford,” she snapped.
“It’s tiny and will be crushed faster than a can in a flattener,” he pointed out.
“I don’t plan on getting in a wreck,” she said, throwing her hands in the air.
“No one plans on a wreck, but if they happen, you should at least be in something you have a chance of surviving in,” he yelled.
Some people across the street turned and openly stared at them. It wasn’t often people got into yelling matches on the sidewalk in Edmonds. Kian tried to calm his voice as he spoke next.
“We’ll find another vehicle right away,” he said.
Roxie gaped at him. “Not everyone has the luxury of buying a new car just because they feel like it,” she thundered.
“I do, and I say we’re doing it.”
He knew the second her eyes narrowed he’d said the wrong thing. Shutters flew over her eyes, and she took a step closer to him and stabbed him in the chest with her surprisingly sharp finger.
“You might think you have all the power in the world right now, but you haven’t ever seen me truly angry, Kian Forbes. Right now, you’re getting a small taste. You aren’t my boyfriend, my lover, my anything. You don’t get to tell me what to do or how to live. I’m an excellent guardian to Lily and haven’t done anything to put her in danger. Don’t you dare try to imply I have simply because I can’t afford to go out and buy a damn Hummer. This Ford is perfectly equipped with all the latest safety features. Now, I’m tired and emotionally drained, so we will continue this conversation later,” she growled.
Then she stepped away, and it took him a second or two to realize she was planning on leaving just like that. Hell no, she wasn’t!
Kian grabbed her arm just before she managed to jump into her car and speed away. They glared at each other, and Kian didn’t even care at the moment if anyone was watching them. He had a daughter, and the world could know about it. Heck, he wanted to shout it out from the rooftops.
“I’m going to allow you to go home tonight and rest. But I want to know a time and place for tomorrow for us to finish this. Do you want it to be in private or public?” He was very pleased with how quiet he was able to keep his voice when he wanted to roar.
She glared at him. “Allow?” she challenged.
“Yeah, allow. Got a problem with that?” he asked.
Oh, she certainly had a problem with it, and he didn’t care.
“Fine,” she snapped, obviously figuring out she wasn’t leaving until she made plans with him. “Meet me at the café on Main tomorrow at two,” she said.
He nodded and then allowed her to leave. It took all that was in him not to follow them to her place, just to assure himself they’d arrived. It also took everything not to sit in front of her place to make sure she didn’t leave.
He had a daughter now, and he didn’t want to let her go for even a single night longer. He knew he wasn’t going to get much sleep that night. Not much at all.
But, soon his daughter would be sleeping in his house with him. He certainly had some shopping to do. He wished he could ask Roxie to help him, but he knew how that would go. And it wouldn’t be a happy conversation.
It was okay, though. It would all be okay. Why? Because he was a daddy.