THE WAY SHE LAUGHS, the way she teases, fuck it excites me more than any high or fuck I’ve had. How can that even happen? The small glances and little touches feel overwhelmingly natural, making me conflicted inside.
I like the way she distracts me from the things that hurt me most. The drugs, drinking, women, all the fighting; I haven’t even twitched at the thought of needing them.
“My mom’s name is Raydeen, she was a nurse before the cancer, and my father is a Cardiologist, his name is Stanley.”
“So they like helping people too. I see where you get it.” She nods.
“What about you, Ben?” I know what she means, but I play the fool.
“What about me?”
“Who are you? Why music?” That’s safe enough. I can answer that.
“I don’t know. I’ve always loved music, it’s been an escape for me for years. It’s all I know—it’s my safe place.”
“Your religion—it’s your religion.” Profound. She is every bit as profound as I hoped she would be. I’ve found not only the most beautiful woman, but I’ve stumbled over myself completely stunned by her intelligence, her passion, her everything.
“Yeah. You could say that.” I stand and move to her. I feel her wanting me just like I crave her. We can’t deny that we both don’t feel the instant connection, the static pull you get with only one person in your life.
I watch her body tense under my gaze as my body closes in on her.
“B…Ben,” she stutters gorgeously.
“What, Sadie?” I question, caging her in, my hands sliding around her waist, ending on hers where I interlock them. Her skin is warm against mine and I’ve never felt such a sense of completion.
“What are you doing?” I lean close to her ear, my lips barely touching there.
“I’m going to kiss you, Sadie. I’m going to make you feel something.”
“Ben, that’s dangerous.” She quivers against me, her words mimicking the action.
“What’s dangerous isn’t the kiss. What’s dangerous,” I stop for a second to bite her neck, “is that in less than one day you’ve made me feel something I never felt in the twenty-two years of my life before you.”
“Ben,” she moans, turning on me fast, as she wraps her arms around my neck and just like that my lips find hers. She tastes like an angel, something untouched. I grip her hips and place her on the counter, her face now level with mine.
“Sadie, what are you doing to me? Please stop doing this,” I moan, breaking contact from her. Her hands find my hair as I suck on her neck. I don’t do this, the whole talking thing or even the getting to know you part. I pick a woman and I fuck her without any intention of another day, but Sadie makes me want to come back tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.
“I know, Ben. I’m sorry.” I kiss her again and then she starts to move her hips in circles, looking for friction.
“Sade? What do you want?” I question. Licking the brim of her plump lips, I taste her, swallowing her down like a glass of water.
“I don’t know,” she cries as I swallow her words. I fucking know what she needs. Grabbing her wide hips, I slide her forward and her core hits my growing cock. She yelps as I move her hips against me.
“What is this?” She throws her head back and I look down at the very raw and intimate act of her grinding against my jean clad cock.
“What is what, angel?” Her head flies up and her eyes lock on mine, her jaw lax and her crystal blue eyes wide.
“What you’re doing. It feels…so good.” I stop. Wait a second, is she a complete virgin, as in nothing?
“Sadie, has a man ever touched you, besides me?” I question. As she speeds up her hips, I feel my pre-cum and her juices seeping through our clothes and I groan, the smell of her arousal noticeable. Shit it smells sweet.
“No, Ben, this is so bad. I have to stop, we need to…to...oh my!” I match her rhythm and she tries to drop her head back as she chases her orgasm, but I have other plans. With one hand I catch her chin and tilt it up so her face is on me, her chin caught between my thumb and pointer finger.
“Look at me while I make you come, angel mine.” She cries and her eyes flood with water, her orgasm taking over, from the hair on her head to the tips of her toes. Sadie moans, loud. Wall shaking loud and I almost come right there as if it were my first time.
“Ben, Ben, Ben!” Like the cords of a high E minor she screams my name. I moan with her and watch her come down.
“Oh yeah, beautiful. Feels good, doesn’t it?” I moan as she shivers and spasms all over.
I wait a second until we finally stop moving and I kiss her all over. Her lips, her cheek, up to her forehead, down to her ear. “That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” I kiss down the column of her neck until her hoodie stops me, but what has me looking up in worry is her eerie silence.
Sadie has tears rolling down her cheeks and the guilt-ridden look she’s wearing makes my fucking stomach sink. “Hey, Sadie, what’s wrong?” I cradle her soft cheeks in my hands.
“I sinned. I sinned with you.”
“How—how was that a sin? That was the farthest thing from a sin to me, that was fucking perfect.” I try to make her realize what I see versus what she must be seeing. She really has no idea the beauty she holds, and the way she questions everything she does with such naive faith is both beautiful and catastrophic.
“Because I’m not married and you’re still a stranger. And gosh, Mike. Poor Mike.” I freeze, my back going stiff. Who the fuck is Mike?
“Mike?”
“Yes, Mike, he’s my boyfriend. I mean, I guess he’s my boyfriend.” Clenching my jaw, my nose flares and my eyes dilate to full black. Anger and rage are coming through and I want to fucking lose it.
“You have a boyfriend?” In no way am I mad at her, it’s more about me being violent over how I feel about another man having something that I want. Something I need. I’m jealous that he has it and I don’t…yet.
“Yes, I mean I know we don’t do things like what we just did. Heck, we barely kiss. But this is wrong. He’s going to think I’m such a whore,” she whispers and I shake my head baffled, moving my hands to her hips I give them a squeeze.
“Why the fuck would he think that and I don’t give a fuck about his feelings because he won’t get a say in what he thinks about you after you leave him.” I shift my head, tilting it to the side. Sadie doesn’t smile, she doesn’t even react.
“Leave him? Why would I leave him? I need to tell him I’m sorry and repent with him.” This infuriates me.
“You aren’t repenting for what we just did, Sadie.”
“Yes, Ben. I have to and you should go.” She tries to move and I lose it. No longer able to control my anger, my anxiety is skyrocketing and I don’t have one of my crutches to turn to.
“No, you aren’t going to repent for what we shared. That shit wasn’t a sin, that was a damn blessing. You won’t repent for any time I touch you because you’re mine now, Sadie, and tonight you’re gonna call that boyfriend of yours and tell him that I fucking claimed you. I touched your lips and I made you come on my cock. You’re mine now, Sadie.” I turn on my last words, hitting the countertop behind me.
I’m pissed that I’ve even come here and let this girl get to me like this. It took me one damn day to let her crawl inside me, wrap her hands around my heart and rip it from my chest. She keeps that shit and now my mind is all fucked up. I can’t even believe I’m telling her the things I am.
“Ben…we’re strangers, you and I shouldn’t be feeling this way. We need to stay away from each other.” I’m on her again, this time I wrap her legs around my waist and I lift her from the kitchen island, moving us to the living room. I’m surprised when she lets me.
“So you admit that I’m not the only one feeling this shit, Sadie? You feel it too?” The tears leave her as I lay her down on the couch under me. I wipe at them, the part of me that no one ever sees is coming out. The Ben that used to comfort his crying mother, the Ben who had feelings and emotions, the Ben that I’ve worked so hard to bury comes out with Sadie.
“Ben, you make me question everything. My common sense, my morals, my religion,” she admits, her hands flattening on my chest, warming the spot under them instantly.
I know what I’m about to say will either have her pushing me away for good or it will pull her closer to me. “It may make you question your religion, Sadie, but it made me feel religion. I’ve only felt a real religion when I’ve touched you.” She gasps and I wait for her reaction, scared that I can’t take it back. I can’t unsay the truth.
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