CALL ME A CHANGED man, I married Sadie today. She let me have her. She gave her heart, body, mind and soul and I don’t want to give it back. I’ve been so hyped on her and everything that I haven’t even had any sort of drugs this weekend.

Now she lays beside me asleep and the images of her under me as I took away her innocence and made her mine for good plays on a constant reel in my head. She drifted off after she let me take her for a second time. Her poor body is going to be sore tomorrow and fuck if that doesn’t excite me.

I wish I didn’t have to leave, instead I want more than anything to drag her on tour with me. I worry what being away from her will do to my mental health. The drugs are still there, the need to do them is still there, but only when she isn’t around. My rage disorder takes over sometimes when I least expect it and what will I do then?

“You’re thinking of something, what is it?” Sadie whispers in her post slumber voice.

“You were supposed to sleep before dinner.”

“I couldn’t sleep knowing you were right here for me to take advantage of.” Her hand roams over my flat abs, stopping just above my cock. Trailing her fingers across the space between my V, my cock stirs and I get hard again.

“You’re not ready yet for more. You’ll be way too sore.” I groan as she grips me in her small hand. “Shit.”

“I can use my mouth or my hands. Maybe even my breasts.” My brain goes foggy with her proposition. She’s still so innocent, yet curious and it has me by the damn throat.

“You’re a bad little thing. Why don’t you show me what that sassy little mouth can do when it’s filled with cock.” Her stroking slows down. Looking down at her, she stays blushing with a curl in her lip.

“That’s...when you do that, it’s...” Sadie struggles.

“Sexy? You can say you like dirty talk.”

“But then I feel like I’m doing something bad,” she confesses, circling her thumb around my tip, causing my entire body to fucking shiver.

“You’re my wife, nothing you do is dirty. It’s your job to take care of me just as much as it’s my job to have you in bed begging for me every night.” She gulps, climbing me and straddling my hips, my cock wedged between her swollen wet pussy lips.

“Can I confess something to you without you looking at me different?”

“Of course, you can always trust me, angel.” Reaching up, I graze the tips of her tight nipple buds. Her curvy hips tighten around my hips with the simple touch and I feel that greedy pussy waiting for me to take her again.

“I always dreamed about marrying my husband, about being his to use anyway he wants. I know it sounds messed up, but the thought of being yours only, turns me on. The thought that you will take whatever you want from me, whenever you want—driving me crazy and pleasing me on your own time—gets me so wet.” She begins to fuck my cock against her clit, sliding my shaft between her lips.

“You like the idea of being owned. Is that what you’re saying, Sadie?” I say through a moan as I watch her face scrunch in pleasure.

“The idea of being your property, your one and only, yes. Being owned by you is all I want in this life. I was made to belong to you.” I knew that somewhere inside my saint Sadie there was a bad little girl waiting to get out. The rock star’s wife was hiding in the shadows, waiting for a sinner like me to rock her world and flip her upside down.

“You’re mine and I swear to everything Sadie, if another man ever tries to take or touch what’s mine, he will live to regret it. Now be a good little wife and stretch that little pussy on my cock and please your husband.” Her eyes widen and I see the lust evident in her blush, in her breathing and the way it increases.

“Help me?” she asks lifting up and balancing her weight on her knees above my cock.

“Gladly. You’re gonna be sore, so go slow, pretty baby.” I take her hips and slowly bring her down on me. Holy fucking shit, she’s tight and warm, still filled with my seed from our first session.

Sadie cries, a whimper in her chest.

“Does it hurt?”

“Yes, but it’s a good hurt.” I lift her up and down slowly until her feminine little thighs get enough strength to move on their own.

“Vows, tell me them,” she moans, bringing her eyes to me. I try my best to focus and not explode with each circle of her hips.

“I promise to love you through the hard times, the bad times, the fucking great times. Fuck,” I hiss as she bares down, my words spurring her on to orgasm.

“I will worship you like you deserve and never let you live a day without knowing your worth. I’ll live this life for you, with you, and beside you, Sadie Cooper.” Saying her married name has me twitching and my balls drawing up.

She’s mine.

“Now you, tell me your promise.” I take over so she can focus. I grab her hips again and watch myself slide in and out of her for a few thrusts before she speaks.

“Oh, Ben. I promise to never let you go. I will be your family and I will give you a safe place to come home to every night. I’ll be your best friend, your muse, your everything. Oh!” I thrust into her hard, her tits bouncing wildly above me.

“I will show you real love every minute, every hour, every day.” We share our vows in the most private, intimate way—unorthodox, but exactly who we are as lovers, as best friends.

“Come, fuck, I’m gonna come, baby.”

“Me too!” We moan together and with a few more thrusts, she comes on my cock and I lose myself inside her. My wife is not only the vision of a goddess with a perfect body and an loving heart, but her sex is on fire. It sets me ablaze and gives me all the similar feelings of addiction.

She’s better than any drug and that can be good for me, but dangerous for her. If she didn’t say that the thought of being used and owned was a necessity, then it would’ve proven to be a problem. But if she likes that and wants to be pleased every night, then we really are the perfect match.

“Ben, oh yes! Ben!” she screams and I keep fucking her, dropping every last bit of come that I can inside her plush heat.

“Say you love me baby when you take it.”

“I love you Ben,” she cries, throwing her head back still tightening down on me.

“Yeah you do, angel.”

§

The hotel bar is nice and convenient, so we pick there to eat. Sadie got herself a sweet tea and I ordered myself a beer. Her crystal blue eyes roam all over the dining area, taking in the lights, the people and the scenery outside the window, but my eyes stay on her, enjoying the best view in the entire joint.

Kate packed Sadie’s bag, which is apparent due to the clothes she’s wearing. The tight fitting red dress hugs her hips perfectly, showing a generous amount of tits and the roundness of her ass. She wore some red lipstick to match and teased her shorter hair. I’m not complaining about what she’s wearing, it’s just not how she usually dresses. I like the innocent Sadie too, it’s the only way I’ve known her.

I watched the way she checked herself out in the mirror before we left. She was glowing and her confidence was beaming all over the place. She not only feels sexy, but I see the woman in her and like a bastard, I want to bang my chest knowing I was the one who made her a woman.

Reaching over the table, I grab her hand and kiss the back, bringing her focus on me. “You look beautiful.”

“You look handsome.” I went with my casual black tight jeans and cream shirt and leather jacket. Compared to her I look like a normal guy out of his league.

“Thanks. I’m ready to eat, I’m starved.” She runs her nails over the back of my hand.

“Me too, we worked up quite an appetite.”

“Because someone couldn’t behave and keep her hands to herself.” I wiggle my brows, getting a laugh from her.

“Whatever, you’re just as bad. Anyway, can you believe we’re married?”

“Yes and no. It’s a bit surreal.” I take a swig of my beer.

“Yeah, I still can’t believe it happened so fast and that my parents didn’t kick you out the door.”

“Nah, they knew we couldn’t be stopped. We make our own rules.”

“True.” Sadie and I have done everything from day one ass backwards. Even the guys in the band told me we were insane, but the only person I cared about was Sadie. I didn’t care if everyone thought we were making a mistake, I only cared if Sadie thought we were.

“Ben?” She hesitates, keeping her eyes on my hand in hers.

“Hm, yeah baby?”

“What was your mom like?” Her question comes from left field.

“Um,” I pause thinking of how the hell I want to answer this. I don’t ever talk about my mother.

“You don’t have to talk about it if it’s too hard. We can talk about something else.” She goes to brush it off, but I decide why not.

“No, it’s alright. It’s just there’s so much about her. She was incredible.”

Sadie smiles.

“She loved music, it was a huge part of her life. She was always singing—in the kitchen, driving, while doing laundry, in the shower.”

“I bet. You have an incredible voice.”

“Thanks, baby. She would have loved you.” I admire her and think of all the things I’ve accomplished with music and hands down, my marriage to Sadie outshines that. My mother would be beaming if she could see me now.

“I would have loved her.”

“Her favorite thing to do other than singing was baking. She could cook and bake anything from scratch, swear it.”

“Oh really? Good thing you married yourself a southern girl. Mama taught me how to cook.”

“Oh yeah?” I smirk, leaning in to kiss her gently.

“Yeah,” she pulls away, “and maybe if you’re real good, I will have a home cooked meal on the table every night that you are home from touring.” I appreciate the small amount of information I was able to give without having her push me. Slowly I will be able to tell her more and more.

“I’ll be a real good boy, baby. I swear.” Kissing her again, she lingers a little bit longer. The cherry of her gloss stains my lips and I taste it on my tongue as I lick her taste from my mouth. Damn, she’s good. Pulling back with a shake of her head, she wipes the sticky shit from my mouth and stands.

“I need to use the restroom, I’ll be back.” I watch those hips sway, cause she has that ass and I have to look—appreciate that juicy peach shaped backside.

Our food comes to the table while she’s gone and I wait to dig in, not wanting to start without her. With one swig of my beer my eyes see her over the bottom of the bottle, but she’s not alone. At the bar, a man looking like a frat boy fresh out of the house has his hands on her waist and her attention on him.

Those same hips where my hands were just an hour ago, owning her. That smile she wears as he flirts with her is the same one she gives me. A random man grabs my wife in a bar and doesn’t bother to keep his hands off her body and she’s fucking smiling like she enjoys the affection from a stranger?

I start to feel the mania set in, that heat up my spine trickling through all my nerve endings. I clench my fist and stand, attempting to rein myself in before I reach her and by hell, I almost do until his lips touch her cheek.

“Hey!” I’m on him in a few strides, pushing his chest and coming between him and Sadie. “Want to keep your fucking hands off my wife?” I push his chest again, this time causing him to lean up against the bar and the other restaurant guests start staring.

“Ben! Hey stop!” Sadie grabs my arm and I use my weight to still stand tall with my chest out, not backing down.

“Your wife? Sadie, what’s this guy talking about?” Brushing me off and looking at Sadie over my shoulder, I get in his face.

“Don’t fucking look at her, you look at me. I’m her husband and as far as I’m concerned your hands don’t need to be touching my girl.”

“Ben!” Sadie grabs my arm and tugs again.

“No, he was touching you like he knows you. And you let him.” I turn to her and glare.

“I do know him. He’s a family friend, he’s Mikes brother!” Mike. Fucking Mike, the perfect ex who I’ve yet to see. If the family genes are like his brother’s, then I hate the dick more. This guy is six foot four maybe and at least two hundred and twenty pounds of football muscle. Add in his frat boy, golf resort haircut and khakis and he’s the perfect poster child for every parents’ wet dream.

“I don’t care,” I snap.

“Well, I do!” Sadie comes and stands between us and for a split second, I watch his eyes wander over her backside and I snap.

“You don’t know when to stop, do you?” Moving around Sadie, I grab his shirt and all the rage seeps in and I throw him down on the bar.

“Ben! Stop it!” I feel her pulling at me along with the fucker’s buddies. Before I can set this fucker straight with my fist, my arms are yanked and I lose my grip on him.

“Dean, I’m so sorry,” Sadie apologizes and as I turn to give her an incredulous look, I’m met with her retreating figure. I see security coming in my direction, so I break fast. Looking over at the guy she called Dean, I shrug his buddies off of me.

“You and you brother make sure you don’t find yourselves looking at my girl or coming near her for that matter, got it?” He nods, doing the right thing by shutting his preppy little mouth.

“Good.”

Security comes up and asks me to leave the bar or I will be asked to leave the hotel. I do so willingly, still angry, but more concerned about getting to Sadie. Because tonight, she saw it. Saw the animal inside me that I told her I could control around her. The beast that lurks in the shadows, came out of hiding and about scared her out of her skin.

I fucked up, but more importantly, I can’t control it. Fuck me, I wish I could, but I can’t. Other than my medical marijuana, I don’t do anything to help with my IED unless I take my medication and knock myself out.

Catching an elevator before it closes, I hurry up to the room. Bursting in the door, I yell for Sadie.

“Baby, where are you?” I step further in and see Sadie sitting by the window, looking out over the nightlife of Seattle.

“Leave me alone Ben.” Her voice is cold with the distinct sound of tears.

“Hey, listen. I just need my medicine and I’ll calm down, okay?”

“You mean your drugs?” Looking over her shoulder, her eyes are red and rimmed with water, mascara lines make their way down her defined cheekbones.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Did she really just fucking throw that in my face? She knew the score before she signed up for this.

“Nothing, just take your medicine and give me some space.” I all but growl as my fists tighten at my sides and my jaw clenches tightly enough I could break through wood.

“We aren’t done here.” Grabbing my bag, I go in the bathroom and find my pre-rolled joint and lighter. I take a few deep breaths as my body twitches and the sweat still comes rushing out of my pores. That’s my fucking body trying to calm down, all because subconsciously I know that if Sadie sees me full-fledged, a damn annulment may be in my near future.

“Ben?” Her soft voice sounds from the other side of the closed door.

“Yeah?” I take another drag, the smoke filling my lungs and doing its job.

“Can I come in?”

“Give me a minute.” I don’t mean to sound hostile, but I’m angry. She’s confused and I don’t want to add anything else on us. Day one of marriage and I’m undoubtedly fucking it up.

“Don’t push me out like you did last time. We talked about this, Ben.” There’s a touch of irritation in her concerned voice.

“I’m trying to calm down and you’re the one who told me to give you space.”

“I know and I shouldnt have. Please calm down with me. Help me understand because that really scared me, Ben.” Her voice lowers again and I hear the damage my fucked up problems have the power to cause. I take another drag, a long one, and hold the smoke in for an extra few seconds before I release it. Wetting the tips of my thumb and pointer finger, I put out the cherry and pinch the edge.

With a deep breath, I open the door and she’s standing there, still watery eyed and afraid.

“Talk to me, was that the rage?” I walk past her, keeping my hands to myself in fear I’ll just fuck the anger out of my system.

“Ben?” Following after me, she comes to stand in front of me at the edge of the bed. I sit, shaking my head, hanging it low with regret.

“Yes. I was angry seeing another man’s hands on you, okay?”

“But is that normal for you to become that upset? You could have just talked to me after, told me how you felt.”

I shake my head repeatedly. “It’s not that simple, Sadie. I can’t control myself sometimes. It’s like I can go from zero to sixty and act completely manic.” Her hands find my shoulders and she rubs through the thick knots caused from tension. I’m not sure why she is even talking to me. She wanted space just minutes ago and now she’s closing in on the distance between us.

“You can’t react like that over me. You have to understand that you can control your anger when it comes to me. I would never cheat.” Scoffing, I stand, separating myself from her touch.

“I can’t control it, Sadie. Really? If I could control my anger then I wouldn’t have a fucking problem!”

“Don’t yell at me, Ben!” she snaps, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Well, don’t tell me I can control my fucking anger. You know nothing about me and my fucking problems, Sadie!”

“Do not curse at me either, Ben! I’m trying to understand you right now, but it’s really hard to do that when I just witnessed you nearly beat a family friend because he what? Said hi? How can I justify your behavior for that!”

“Because his hands were on you. His eyes were all over your fucking body. He’s a pig and I wasn’t going to let him touch you.”

“So, his eyes wondered. It doesn’t mean he was looking at me like that.”

“Oh, come on Sadie. Just because he’s some high and mighty Christian doesn’t mean he ain’t looking to get his dick wet.” Her eyes widen and her nostrils flare. I struck a nerve and it’s too late to take those fucking words back.

“Don’t bring my religion into this and don’t you ever talk about me like that again. If I felt threatened or didn’t want a man’s attention, I would tell you.” She steps back and turns her back to me.

The weed has kicked in, making me a little less volatile, thankfully. “You ruined today. This was supposed to be perfect,” she whispers and my gut turns, fuck me. I forfeit immediately. I don’t want her to think this is her fault. Dean put his hands on her and his eyes were the ones wandering. My innocent wife played no part and I single handily put myself in the dog house.

“Baby, come here.” I step toward her, her back still to me. Pulling her into me, I feel her body shaking. Moving my lips to her neck, I leave open mouthed kisses, goose bumps rising in their wake. Reaching her ear, I whisper my fucking apologies.

“I’m sorry. I fucked up and I take all responsibility. I shouldn’t have done that.” She shakes her head and even though her body is responding to me, her mind is far more removed.

“What can I do to make you happy, angel mine? Come on, don’t be mad at me, please.” I spin her in my arms and bring her flush against me. I want to make this right, to flip this night right back around. I leave tomorrow and the last thing I want to do is leave with her and I fighting.

“I’m not mad, I’m confused. You scared me back there and I’m sorry that I don’t understand your disorder. I just hate that you can get like that, it frightens me.”

“You’re scared of me?” This takes on a whole other problem. It’s one thing if my issues get in the way, but if my own wife fears me, that is something else in its entirety.

“Yes. You were a different person. I didn’t see the man I know, I saw something worse.”

“I would never lose my control like that with you. I would never put my hands on you baby, please know that. This shit is my fault, I fucked up and I’m sorry.”

“Okay.” She says okay, but I’m more intelligent than that. She does a terrible job at hiding the fact that she is calling bullshit on my apology. Her body is still stiff and hers eyes are looking anywhere but at me.

“Please forgive me.”

“Okay, I forgive you.” With a meek smile she reaches up and kisses my cheek. I know she’s brushing it under the rug and if this were any other time than our wedding night, I would drag this out until she saw my point. But instead I give her time to process the past hour.

“Let’s watch a movie and let me make up for this shitty night?”

“Yeah, sure.” Nodding, she leaves my arms and spends the rest of the night void of any kind of emotion.

Sadie has to know the ups and downs and even the darkest parts of me and tonight, that is exactly what she saw. Now I have to find a way to hide it better.

§