Give my dad his due, he was banging my door down under an hour after I had phoned him and seeing as he and my mum lived close to half an hour away, I was impressed. I knew how he struggled with driving in the dark. I lived in the back of fucking beyond at the end of many tiny lanes. I knew it would have made fucking difficult driving for him. He had come without asking questions, just knowing that I had a friend who needed help.

I turned my back to him as he started to check Lily over. I longed to keep my eyes on her, still not believing she was even real, but as she wanted someone else, I had the common decency to tear my eyes away. I filled up the whistling kettle and placed it on the hot plate at the back of the AGA. I looked around the warm, comfortable room we were holed up in. I had fallen in love with my house when I was younger, I loved its remoteness. But I was more grateful for the seclusion it offered now. I had quickly fathomed that we would be hard to find if someone got it in their mind to look for us, not impossible but fucking difficult.

Charlie had stayed until my dad had arrived and I had watched as he had brought his hand up to his ear making the sign for “phone me” as he closed the front door. I heard his truck crunch on the gravel that made up my driveway, as he drove away too fast, as usual.

The kettle whistled that it was coming to the boil and, in a trance, I made coffee and placed the mugs as quietly as I could on the kitchen table. I could hear my dad murmuring to himself as he checked Lily over. He was also offering her reassurance that she was safe and being looked after. I sat down facing away from them to give her some privacy. I stretched my legs out in front of me, pushed each of my boots off with the opposite foot and leant back into the chair, rocking it backwards onto its two back legs. I placed my hands behind my head and closed my eyes. I was fucking knackered, but knew I wouldn’t be able to rest until I knew she was at least comfortable. Letting the chair right itself, I put both of my elbows down on the table in front of me. I picked up my coffee and held the brown rustic-looking mug in both hands, blowing the steam away from the top. I hated fucking coffee, but I needed the caffeine to keep me going. The adrenalin had at last left my body and I was crashing fast.

I waited for him to tell me what we could do to help her. I knew I was prepared to do anything.

Eventually, I heard the chair next to me being pulled away from the table so he could sit down. I lifted my gaze from the cooling coffee and looked over at him. He was tired, I could tell by the red rims around his eyes. He lifted an eyebrow waiting for me to speak, wanting me to break the silence.

‘How is she, Dad?’ I had already given him a brief overview of mine and Charlie’s suspicions.

‘She has tremors, heart palpitations and a slight temperature. Until I manage to run a blood test, I cannot give her anything to alleviate the symptoms. So, considering she has probably been drugged into compliance for many, many months she is in pretty good shape.’

‘FUCK.’ My anger reared its head at his words. Blood flowed fast around my system, igniting all my body.

‘Keep your voice down!’ My nostrils flared open at his reprimand. ‘Your temper won’t help her. Only kindness, consideration and many days of care, will help her. I’m going to ring around to find her a place in which she can re-habilitate, just as soon as I’ve drunk this down.’

‘I need to keep her here with me… please, Dad.’ I spoke quietly.

I looked him straight in the eyes so he could see that I was serious about what I was saying. He studied my expression for a few seconds and released a sigh.

‘Who is she to you, son?’

I shrugged my shoulders slightly and gave a small laugh. ‘Her name is Lily… She’s…she was… she’s everything, Dad.’ His eyes opened wide at my declaration.

He leant towards me and I felt his hand squeeze my shoulder in solidarity at my words. I knew how much my mum and dad loved each other. He understood the simple answer I had given him, more than anyone else I knew would.

‘I can’t promise you, Jack. I need to get the blood work done and hopefully we can go from there. If we can treat her at home then… then I will do anything I can to help you do that. But, you need to understand, it won’t be pretty. She could become violent. Diarrhoea and vomiting is standard. Seizures and hallucinations can be common place. If I say yes and she stays here with you for now, if at any point I feel it is in her best interests, or she wants to be moved elsewhere, I will move her. Even with you being my son, my first priority must be her. She is now my patient and I will do everything I can to ensure her safety and ultimately her survival. Do you understand me?’

‘Yes.’ I nodded at him hoping to convince him of two things, that I understood and that I was capable of taking on her care.

‘How will you get the time off work? Having Lily here will initially require round the clock care. Then again looking at the state of you, son, they may not want you in the office looking like you do.’

‘I’ll sort it out, Dad.’ I hadn’t told him or mum, but I hadn’t been to work in London for well over a year.

‘She must be special, for you go to all this trouble. Have you looked in a mirror since you’ve been home? How much trouble did you and Charlie go to, to rescue her?’

‘It’s a long story.’

‘I’m sure it is… It’s a miracle you boys were in the right place at the right time…You’re a bloody mess. We normally only see this sort of passion from you, when it’s directed at an animal.’ He said it with a smile on his face, but it opened the old jagged wounds inside me. He may have made it sound like he was stating facts, but I knew he was opening the door for me to talk to him.

I lay my weary head down in my forearms that were stretched out on the beaten, old oak table in front of me and took in a deep breath at his words.

‘I know what ya think of me, Dad.’

‘Do you now?’ His words penetrated and I lifted my head up.

‘You hate my recklessness, my spontaneity and my ease of getting into trouble. But it’s what I am, it’s who I am. You know I have overprotection issues, but I wasn’t born with them like that shrink you employed had you believe.’

‘I think I know what they stem from, Jack.’

I turned the mug around and around with my painful fingers. Using the pain to keep me focussed. ‘They stem from not being able to help Bella when she needed someone, I won’t let Lily down again, Dad… She deserves better than we managed to give Bella.’

Pain shot over my dad’s features. He removed a hand from the side of the mug he was holding and forcibly placed his thumb and forefinger on top of both eyelids. Squeezing as he fought to hold back the pain at my words. Eventually his thumb and finger pinched the bridge of his nose. He reopened tear-filled eyes.

‘I was always convinced you had no idea what I thought of you, and now you’ve just confirmed that for me.’ His hand came across the table and grabbed my forearm, offering me the strength to carry on. I looked as his strong, healing hand reinforced our connection of father and son. ‘Carry on.’

I took a deep breath. ‘Dad, I ain’t working in London anymore… I earn my living bare-knuckle fighting. I know ya hate violence, but… fighting helps me. It helps to release what I keep bottled up inside. I’m sorry if that disappoints ya, but it’s time you knew the truth.’

I lifted my head at his silence, expecting to see recrimination on his face. I envisaged I was going to hear how I was going to let down the family, but nothing came. Instead he silently nodded at me, wanting me to carry on.

‘I’m good at it, really good at it. I’m not stupid enough to do it forever, I already have a plan in place for the future and I’m doing my best to stick to it. Fighting enables me to keep that plan on track. I paid for this house with the money I’ve won,’ I added, waving a hand around the room we were in.

‘Mmmm… you don’t know just how long I’ve been waiting for you to tell me the truth. Your mum and I have been waiting for you to confide in us for what seems like forever. I understand what has made you do it now.’ His gaze moved to the side as he looked at Lily murmuring in her sleep. ‘Love clarifies everything, clearing the murkiest of waters. It only takes someone you love to be under threat and you no longer bother about the other things in your life, other problems become superfluous…’ He stopped and took in a breath, trying to find the words he wanted to use.

‘Honestly, we don’t care what you do for a living, son. I don’t bloody care that you don’t wear a suit and sit on a commuters’ train daily. We would prefer if it was something that didn’t make you look like you do now. But, you helped John and the security team with Jasmin last year. You have now rescued Lily from whoever has done this to her and it’s more than I could ever have hoped for. You are a man in every sense of the word and I couldn’t be prouder of you… I wish I had have been in the position to help your sister when she needed me.’ He momentarily closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. ‘I know what happened to Bella causes you as much pain as it causes me, I’ve watched you flick on the destructive-mode switch. It’s pained me greatly as your dad to not be able to flick it back off for you. I’ve seen how your overprotectiveness causes you problems… But you were twelve when it happened, you weren’t a grown-up, you couldn’t have helped her. I’m her dad, Jack and I couldn’t help her… I was, I don’t know, unwilling or too stupid to recognise what the whole vile family of Antonescus were up to, and the guilt of that will live with me for the rest of my life. But, listen to me when I say this, the women in our life don’t need yours or my guilt, it’s unproductive. They want and need our love.’ He stopped momentarily to sip again from his coffee. ‘Remember this, you have never been a disappointment to any of us, Jack… not your mum and I, nor either of your sisters, never. We have prayed that one day you would open up to us, and in turn open up to loving someone. We want you to have a life, full of love, and we wanted you to be able to share that love with someone, it’s all we’ve ever wanted for any of you.’

‘You knew about me?’ I mulled over his long speech.

‘We guessed what you were doing and why.’

‘John told you?’ I was referring to my older sister, Jasmin’s husband. He knew exactly what I did for a living. I was found out when my other sister, Bella’s husband’s rich family had helped us escape from here, as we fought to stay safe and out of the Antonescus’ hands. I was proud to know I had helped to bring them down after what they had done to Bella.

Finally, I had been old enough to play my part.

‘John never said a word, just call it parents’ intuition.’

I was pleased. I got on well with both of my brother-in-laws and hated the thought that one had ousted me.

‘Thanks, Dad…Thanks for waiting until I was ready to tell you.’ I ran over the words my dad had just said. ‘How do you know she’s not a drug addict? How do you know that someone else has done this to her?’

‘Firstly, I was happy to wait, Jack. Your grandfather once told me that every father needed to remember that his son will always follow his example and not his advice. I sat back and waited, hoping that giving you time would make you come around. No amount of me offering advice would have worked. Your mum and I knew that, we had tried it before with you…Hopefully you can now follow my example and give Lily time to open up to you about what has happened in her life?’ I nodded at him.

‘And good question…’ He brought the coffee mug up to his parched lips. ‘I only know the sort of women you have been brought up around. They have a strength of character that means they wouldn’t deliberately inflict pain and suffering upon themselves or others. You’re in love with Lily, I may be an old man in your eyes, but I know love. I’m happy enough to say I live with it, and in it. That makes it easy to recognise in others. I know you well enough to know the sort of woman you would choose, has be strong enough to handle you. Lily is obviously that. I don’t believe for one moment you would be with anyone less.’

‘We’re not together anymore.’ I hated the words as they left my mouth. ‘Her choice.’

‘Then I’m even more proud of you, son. Let’s help her, so once again she can live her life making her own choices.’ He glugged down the remnants of the coffee he had only sipped at as we had talked, pushed his chair away from the table and stood to go. ‘I’m taking her blood work up to the hospital now, Glen is on tonight and he owes me a favour or three.’ He looked up at the old grandfather clock striking four in the morning in the corner of my large kitchen. ‘I’ll just get there in time for him to push these through, before the wards start sending him samples. Keep her comfortable, give her sips of water, little and often. Hopefully I’ll be back before the withdrawal symptoms really hit.’

I stood, reached out for him and brought him to my chest. I couldn’t remember the last time we had hugged. But he deserved it and more. He had come to my aid at the drop of a hat, no questions asked. He had accepted the fact that I’d kept secrets from him and mum, with not so much as a second thought. I was proud to call him my dad and he needed to feel that. I hadn’t the words to voice it.

‘Call me if you need me, son, and think about who you can get to help you with Lily. Jasmin and Bella are busy, but I’m sure your mum would love to help.’

‘Mum’s a good idea, but Lily needs someone else she knows. I think I know who we also need, Dad… I’ll make the call.’

‘That’s good… Look, on a slightly different note… I don’t know exactly where Lily has been, but I can only think that the people who have done this to her are a lot like the Antonescus? Can I suggest that you call John and get some help from him in keeping her, and anyone here looking after her, safe?’ I nodded at him. He slapped my shoulder, ‘It’s been good talking to you, Jack.’ I nodded at his words. ‘Ok, I’ll be back as soon as I can.’

I walked him through to the front of the house, closed the door behind him and leant heavily against the aged wood. I pulled my mobile from my pocket and pressed the button. Charlie would be so fucking pissed with me, but I had to do what Lily needed.

The mobile rang and eventually a sleepy voice answered.

‘Do you know what the sodding time is? You better have a good bloody reason for making this call, Jack?’ Hearing her voice brought a tentative smile to my mouth.

‘Katy… I’ve got Lily with me… She’s in a bad way, I really need your help.’

I could hear her scrabbling around as she fought to wake up properly.

‘You’ve found her? Where? Tell me this isn’t another one of yours and my husband’s stupid jokes to get me to come home.’

‘It’s a long story, but Charlie and I brought her back here late last night. She’s a fucking mess… Would I use the only person I have ever loved as a joke? And Charlie ain’t gonna know from me that I’ve called you. She’s in a bad way and you’re a qualified nurse… could ya come and help us, please?’

‘Hmmm… of course I can. I have some holiday that’s due to be taken, are you at yours?’ I could almost hear her whole thought process.

‘Yep.’

‘I’ll be there sometime today. Just as soon as I can get some cover and things sorted out.’

‘Thanks, Katy.’

‘I’ll be there for her, Jack. But, I’m warning you… Charlie doesn’t need to know.’

‘I’ll do my best.’ I knew what she was saying… and I knew that I would agree to whatever her demands were to get her to help.

I heard the click as the line went dead. The other call I needed to make to John could wait a couple of hours.

I made my way back through to the kitchen and over to the sink, to half fill a glass with water. Crossing over the floor I got back down on my knees next to her. I cupped my hand under her head and lifted it, placing the glass to her lips.

‘You’re ok, Lils… I’ve got ya and I ain’t going anywhere. I’ll always be here, never doubt that.’

On instinct, and without opening her eyes, she sipped at the cool liquid. I pulled a cushion from the back of the settee, placed it under her head and lowered her carefully back down. She appeared to be peacefully sleeping, so I left her. I wasn’t ready to have her realise it was me she was with. I wasn’t ready to answer her questions or her possible demands to leave my house. As things stood, we were together and for a few short hours or even minutes I selfishly wanted to feel close to her.

I got onto the other end of the four-seater settee and lifted my legs, placing them and my feet behind her back. I allowed my long limbs to gently rest against her body, I needed the connection to believe she was real. I reached into my back pocket with immense difficulty and pulled out my crushed box of cigarettes and lighter. With shaking fingers that were reluctant to do anything asked of them, I lit the broken stump of what was once a whole cigarette, and inhaled deeply. The thought flashed through my mind that I really needed to start keeping them somewhere else, but as I had always kept them there I knew that they wouldn’t feel right anywhere else. Like Lily, the thought of her anywhere but with me was wrong, so fucking wrong.

‘Do ya remember me, babe? I told you us being apart wouldn’t be forever. Did ya remember that I love you?’ I whispered the words out into the room.

She didn’t move. The only movement in the room was my wafts of smoke spiralling up towards the ceiling.