As usual, the morning sunlight burst into the beautiful room I was occupying. I stretched out my body in the comfortable bed and listened. It had become my habit to see if anyone was in the room with me.

Not one sound met my ears. Disappointment flooded my system and I blew out a sigh on my lips. I hadn’t seen Jack in a week.

Since last week, a few things had changed. I felt stronger and had even started to put on a little weight thanks to all the good food I was now eating. Slowly but surely my strength was returning. The amount of sedative I was being given at night was reducing every few days and I had been told that it would stop altogether very soon. My head however, was still labouring behind the leaps and bounds my body was making, and it refused to offer me all the answers I was constantly demanding.

Katy had left a couple of days ago and with her had left the light relief she brought to the house. Her holiday time had run out, but she said she would be back as soon as she could arrange some cover for her job. Although it was Katy I had spent the most time with she still hadn’t asked me any questions at all, she had just let me be. I, in return, had offered her the same privacy. I could see she wore a wedding band, but she hadn’t told me anything about being married. I found it strange that the comical stories she wanted to share with me had all been about her job, while she told me nothing personal. Listening to her stories had given us both a welcome release from things that we both knew sat between us. I knew things would have to change once she returned. I was looking forward to her coming back as we needed to have more than the light, jokey conversations that were so far all we had managed.

Lynn, Jack’s mum, had stepped up to replace Katy and she was always around to help me where necessary in the daytime. I had been a little wary of her at first, and her feelings about me. However, that had changed the more days we spent together. I had wondered if she was aware I had broken her son’s heart? If she was, the woman was a wonder, as it certainly didn’t show in the way she talked to me and lovingly cared for me.

Jack still came in at night-time. I felt his presence, it wrapped around me protecting me. I was sure that a few times I had even felt his arms around me as I thrashed around in the large bed I slept in, but come the morning he was never around when I woke. All I found was crumpled sheets and dented pillows where he had once been.

It broke my heart all over again.

The care and attention I was being given was fantastic, but I knew it was all in vain. I knew that I wouldn’t be here for much longer, the Vasiles had loaned me out once before. I knew Tony wouldn’t want me out of his sight for more than a few weeks at most. My time here catching up with people from my past was disappearing quickly. My current life would very soon consume me once again, and I knew there was nothing anyone else could do about it, especially not me. Tony held on tightly to the only leverage that he would ever need. That leverage would make sure that I returned to him, even if it meant crawling back to him on my hands and knees.

Enough thinking! My head began its normal ache when I pushed it too far.

I forced my arms out of the covers and threw them down on either side of the bed next to me, causing little bits of dust to fly into the air around me.

Today, I thought, things were going to change and change for the better. I eased myself up onto my elbows and tried to find the clothing that had been brought in for me yesterday. The heap of different materials caught my eye, it had been moved from being draped over the back of the settee to the seat of the chair next to me. That proved to me that yet again he had spent some of the night on the settee, I was sure of it.

Today was the first day I was going to be able to take care of myself. It was the little things I was looking forward to. I was going to shower myself and get dressed. I was looking forward to the bit of independence I was going to finally get back.

Lynn had brought the bits and pieces of clothing for me to use mainly from Jack’s sisters, who apparently lived nearby, but a couple of the shirts were Jack’s. I recognised the checked material as ones he had worn when we had been together. I just knew I was going to punish myself that little bit more by wearing them like I used to.

I pushed back the plain white-covered duvet that had surrounded me while I slept and swung my legs to the floor. Hearing voices, I found my feet and stood up, walking carefully over to the windows. Lifting the net away I looked down onto a gravel driveway. Three cars sat to one side of the gravel turning circle, a grey sports car, a beaten-up four-wheel drive and a shiny truck. The three cars looked completely out of place together, they looked like three different lives trying to cohabit next to each other.

Suddenly, movement caught my eye and I immediately dropped the net back into place, as I jumped back slightly. Slowly, I moved back to my original position praying in my head that the sudden movement of the nets wouldn’t attract the attention of the two people who I could now see directly below me. My heart skipped as I recognised Jack and I smiled as I realised that his dress sense hadn’t changed since we were together. I couldn’t see his face as his back was to me. I looked him up and down. His legs were covered in his standard jeans, and his broad, muscular physique was being shown off in an extremely faded and stretched old T-shirt. I couldn’t see what was on it as I couldn’t see the front, but I knew that without a doubt it would be a Marvel character of one sort or another. A smile crept over my lips. I watched him from behind the covering of the net curtain, as with his arms crossed over his chest he held a conversation with a woman. I couldn’t see his face as he looked at her, but she looked at him with such utter adoration that I felt physically sick.

Being quite tall she placed a kiss on his lips with ease. I jumped away from the window again like I had been burned. Unfamiliar feelings of jealously uncurled themselves from deep inside my gut.

What had I expected? Jack had never been without a woman for all the time I had known him.

But the difference was, that before that woman had always been me.

The shower was refreshing, but it did nothing to calm my very persistent thoughts. I mulled over everything as I tried to make my head place memories in the correct order. I found as usual that my head couldn’t or simply wouldn’t comply to my demands. I stepped out of the shower resigned to the fact that Jack and I needed to talk.

The bathroom I was in, was stunning. It had been painstakingly restored to its former glory. The floor was tiled like a checker board in bold black and white. A roll-top bath ran along the longest wall. The walls were tiled halfway up with rectangular, black glass tiles, while the ceiling and top half of the wall had been painted brilliant white. Every fixture in the large room was original apart from the large walk in shower, but even this modern addition had been added with a touch of class. The glass, floor-to-ceiling enclosure separated old from new with ease.

Placing my foot up onto the bath I began to slowly rub at my leg. I wasn’t used to being up and out of bed for so long. Just something as simple as having a shower was taking its toll on me. Gradually the steam abated and I considered my reflection in the mirror above the large vanity unit.

My deep green eyes stared back at me. They at least seemed much brighter now I was no longer the drugged-up mess I had previously become. I always found it strange looking at myself nowadays. I knew it was still me on the inside but the outside? I hardly recognised my reflection anymore. Tony insisted I always had my hair dyed blonde and I hated it. Although I was grateful that it meant that neither he or anyone else ever got the real me.

I dropped the towel I had been using to the floor and reached out for a hairbrush. I combed through the mess on my head. My roots were beginning to show, it was as though the real me was beginning to emerge from my disguise. Had this happened in the place I lived, I would have beaten for my non-compliance. But here, I felt comfortable with the few centimetres of dark brown roots appearing.

I pulled my semi-dry hair up into a high ponytail and put on the clothes I had brought in with me. The underwear was white, basic but brand new. The denim shorts I pulled on may have once been someone else’s but they fitted well. I finished with one of Jack’s old checked shirts. I rolled up the sleeves and after fastening a couple of buttons across my chest for decency, brought the two sides together to tie at my waist in a knot. I hung my towel up and left.

The house seemed to be completely empty. I went down the stairs slowly, gripping hold of the walnut scrolled banister tightly. The hall was in the same state as the bedroom I had been cooped up in for almost three weeks. Stripped floorboards and newly plastered walls. I wondered how long Jack had lived in this old house and why it seemed to be taking so long to do up?

The door to the kitchen creaked as I pushed it open wide. I was holding my breath, not knowing who I was going to find in the room beyond, but again it was disappointingly empty. I had opened and closed two other doors on my way here. When I had opened the doors I could see why they were closed off. The rooms I had found behind them were in a bad state. Jack obviously hadn’t touched them yet. But one day when he did, I knew the house was going to look breath-taking.

I only wished I would be around to see it.

My hand reached out to the kettle, which was still warm and I hurriedly filled a mug up with coffee. Drinking it down with haste I felt the caffeine begin to travel around my system. My gaze travelled around the room as I leant my bum on the sink. In the middle of the table was a tray, and on it was my breakfast. Stepping nearer I reached out my empty hand and ran my fingers over the delicate petals of a few wild meadow flowers that had been placed in a tiny vase. In doing so I looked down in between my cereal and toast. The base of the tray was covered in Love Heart sweets.

He remembered?

With a shaking hand, I picked up one, read it and placed it back down. Then my fingers picked up another and another, they all read the same.

FORGIVE ME

Tears pricked my eyes as I held the small sweets and turned one over between my thumb and finger. Feelings that I had long since locked away inside of me once again sprung to life. I placed a hand to my head and closed my eyes. I was now convinced I had been wrong about Jack. I think deep down inside I had always known that my father had fed me a pack of lies. But with my mum’s and my own life in danger at the time, I had let my father convince me that Jack was going to turn out as despicable as him and all the people he classed as our extended family.

I washed up the mug, placed it down on the drainer and took myself back up to my room.

Although I knew that nothing could come of us airing what had happened, I felt I owed it to him to get everything out there. The more I pondered on what I had heard so far from Jack’s dad, the more I was worried that this was mostly my fault.

When the time came for me to leave him again, I wanted Jack to have a clear conscience and get on with his life.