I sat down in my father’s office and pushed my clasped hands down into the small gap between my closed legs. I knew how much my father hated it when I fidgeted.

‘So, Princess, I’ve thought about this. You’re twenty-four years old. I had hoped you would be married to Anton by now, but for various reasons that hasn’t happened yet. I phoned him earlier, as your future husband I felt he had a right to know what you were hoping to do. I must say, he surprised me. He fully believes that what you would like to do would be an asset to you both in the future. Although, we have certain provisos.’ He looked at my smiling face.

I wanted to dance around the room. I knew I hadn’t heard the words yet, but I was convinced they were coming.

‘You can go to the university and gain your degree in economics.’

‘THANK YOU!’ I couldn’t contain my sheer joy and jumped up, but sat back down immediately when I saw him holding up his index finger again.

‘You must travel backwards and forwards daily, I don’t want you staying on campus and neither does Anton. Also, you will complete the three-year course in two years. Two years is plenty of time for the length of your engagement. Once your degree is finished, you will immediately marry Anton and begin your married life.’

A feeling of utter panic ran its sharp claws all the way down from my head to my toes. I knew that it couldn’t be put off forever, but giving it an actual timeframe made it instantly become a fear that I could no longer overlook. I closed my eyes with that thought.

Think. Breathe.

On the upside, I would get two years of life first. I was going to take it, it was too good an opportunity and one I knew would never come again.

‘I agree, Father. Only I have one small request. It is going to be really difficult condensing a three-year degree into two years, but with the additional travel time every day I worry that it might just be impossible.’ I was worried that I might ruin a good thing, but I had it in my mind that I wanted to stay with Katy and experience all the things we had talked about. I had never even had a sleepover with a friend. I had read about them in books, but that was all.

Suddenly my mum’s gentle voice filled the room. ‘Albert, could Lily stay on campus Monday to Friday and then spend the weekends with us? It would help her to study.’

Lily, breathe. Be careful what you say.

I heard my father expel a long sigh.

‘Lily?’ He questioned.

‘Well, I did look at staying on the campus, and they had a shared room available with another girl.’

‘Another girl, that sounds promising.’ He nodded enthusiastically at my comment.

I knew it would. I only hoped he wouldn’t want to meet my lovely Katy, because she looked like everything my father said he hated and despised about young people of today.

‘Princess, you can make the arrangements. Do you know when you need to start?’ He nodded his head conclusively like it had all been his idea from the very beginning.

‘Monday,’ I offered in a quiet, hesitant voice.

‘That’s fine, Monday it is. Make the arrangements and I will have one of my security drive you down early Monday morning.’ He lifted his eyes up from the post he was slicing open with his letter knife and captured my gaze. ‘Do not let us down, Lily.’

‘No, of course not, Father… and thank you.’ I made my way around to his side of the desk and kissed him on his proffered right cheek. ‘I’m going to make the arrangements now… I have to pack as well.’ I spoke to him but he was already reading the opened correspondence.

I stopped in my tracks as I walked back to the door and turned as once again my father began to talk to me. ‘Anton will be here within the hour with the engagement ring he has already picked out for you. Please be ready to meet him in something other than the clothes you have been riding in.’ He didn’t look up at me, he just gave me the information I needed to make sure that I, his daughter, didn’t let him down.

‘Yes, Father.’

I clutched my mum’s hand as we left his office and closed the door behind us. The feelings welling up inside of me were almost too much to cope with. Excitement, happiness and terror of the unknown, sandwiched together with even more excitement.

‘I’m so pleased for you, Lily,’ she whispered to me in the large echoing hallway. ‘Come on, I’ll help sort through your clothes while you shower.’

I knew it wouldn’t take us too long, as although we had money I’d never spent it on clothes, because quite simply the clothes that I would love to wear I wasn’t allowed to buy. They would have been perceived as too revealing, too short, too bright. I had longed for a pair of jeans for years, but the nearest I had to them was a pair of black Jodhpurs.

I would have to get Katy to help me buy some bits and pieces once I got settled in, that was for certain.

I just wanted to fit in. I needed to fit in and blend into the background, so I could absorb everything that life had to offer, before I was chained to a man that I didn’t love and to be quite honest, a man that gave me the creeps. Bloody hell. I looked at the clock in my room and realised…that same man would be here in three quarters of an hour. I grabbed a tired-looking, yellow sundress off a hanger in my wardrobe and made my way to my bathroom. My happy feeling plummeted. I could get through it. I had something to keep me going now. Something that I had only ever dreamed about before. My own life, two whole years of my own life. I did a little happy dance in the bathroom as I waited for the shower to warm up.

I was sat in the conservatory when Anton arrived. It was a ploy on my part. I’d chosen the room deliberately as it was somewhat private, but it was also just off the kitchen where I knew my mum would be. For some reason that I couldn’t figure out, I always preferred not to be alone with him.

‘Aunty Helen.’ I heard the smack of his lips on her cheek as he greeted her with the polite, but not factual, term of endearment. Just that small sound coming from his mouth was enough to have the bile rising in the back of my throat and a grimace attach itself to my face.

I wasn’t sure why I felt so strongly against him. I just knew that I did. This wasn’t the first time I had pondered on the question, and it wasn’t the first time I came up with no definitive answer. I sincerely hoped it was just because I had no experience whatsoever with any man, other than my relationship with my father.

I’m sure that’s what it is.

I watched as he made his way into the warm room I had been sitting in awaiting his arrival. On the outside he was fairly tall, dark haired and handsome.

Wasn’t that every woman’s dream?

He wore expensive clothes, that fit him well.

He carried himself confidently.

He had the means to support a wife and subsequent children.

But I wanted something more.

I knew I wanted… no, I needed to have strong feelings for my future husband, I wanted to know him inside out and I wanted to like what I found there. That, I was beginning to believe, was the problem.

Anton had always been a part of my life, but I felt like I knew nothing about him at all. As time went on my feelings towards him had changed, slowly at first and then with increasing vigour. He was the son of my parents’ friends, who were regarded as extended family. He was three years older than me and had much more experience of life than I did and that had made him seem interesting, at first. As a young girl I had read romance novels, and us being together seemed just that… romantic.

We had been sharing a picnic in a nearby park one beautifully sunny day, with both of our families, when it had first been brought up that our parents had promised us to each other the day I had been born. It felt somewhat destined, but I was fourteen years old then. I wasn’t exactly worldly now, but things that I had seen Anton say and do had made me realise that although he may seem like every woman’s dream come true on the outside, inside he was as black as the ace of spades.

Quite simply, he scared me.

‘Lily.’ I snapped out of my thoughts at the sound of his voice.

‘Anton, how are you?’ I always resorted back to my good manners to see me through.

‘Day dreaming again? Well… that will have to stop once we’re married.’ He said it with a smile on his face, but the smile never reached his cold eyes. I knew he hadn’t said it teasingly, it was said as a threat.

I forced out a small smile, while my heart beat so frantically in recoil and panic I felt it might burst out of my chest.

‘I have something for you, Lily.’ I watched as he opened the button on his smart black suit jacket and pulled out a small box from the inside pocket.

‘My father said you would be visiting today with my engagement ring.’ I offered him a seat across the way from where I sat, with an open outstretched hand.

That’s it, get straight to the point and hopefully he will leave quicker.

I immediately stiffened, losing the relaxed body posture I had been maintaining, as he sat down on a seat right next to me. My body retreated into itself as a way of self-preservation. His sweaty hand stretched out to grab hold of mine. I had to physically force my hand to stay in place, when every part of my body screamed at me to move it and to move it quickly. The overwhelming scent of his aftershave infiltrated my senses.

‘Soon you will be mine… I can’t wait to fuck your anus, Lily. In fact, maybe once this expensive ring is on your finger, I should do just that, before you go away. Then you will remember who owns you, won’t you?’ He rubbed my hand with his sweaty fingers and said the words so matter-of-factly, that I questioned my own hearing.

WHAT? I had to have heard that wrong, surely?

I couldn’t answer him, I just hadn’t the words. Is this the sort of conversation grown adults had with each other when they were alone?

Surely not?

I focussed my eyes on his moving fingertips as I fought to keep my hand still.

‘Oh! You two are so sweet. I came in to see the ring, Anton.’ My mum walked into the conservatory, smoothing out her skirt as she did so.

‘You must start calling me Tony, Aunty Helen.’

‘Oh yes! I keep forgetting that you prefer that now. You know us women, Tony. We’re always more concerned with the romantic things in life.’ I found her eyes with mine and silently pleaded with her to rescue me. She smiled and walked over, closing the gap between us and her.

I let out a breath I hadn’t even realised I was holding until that moment.

That was the reason I didn’t like him.

He was an evil, cruel bastard.

I didn’t care how far back our families went, or what name he wanted to use, there was no way I could marry him. But, in the conservatory with my mum witnessing, he went down on one knee and slipped a large ruby and diamond ring onto my third finger.

I couldn’t protest.

I was leaving tomorrow.

If I protested now, I had the feeling that I would never leave.

‘There, my darling, a blood-red ruby.’ He looked up into my shocked face as I moved my gaze from the ring and then back to him, over and over. He leant closer so only I could hear him. ‘I thought “blood-red” would sum up our impending marriage nicely. Wouldn’t you agree?’