Sweat was pouring off my body. The salty fluid had made my eyes red raw as it careered down my forehead and finally found its resting place in amongst the tears I had refused to fucking shed.

As soon as we had arrived home I had declared I was going to the gym to work out, Lily was sitting comfortably in front of the Aga, reading. I wasn’t prepared to do small talk. I knew it was the coward’s way out and I wasn’t fucking proud of the fact I took it.

But what the hell else could I do?

The situation wasn’t something we could discuss and work out, even if I’d have prayed for a fucking miracle, nothing was going to change the fucking shit fest we now found ourselves in. I wanted to hold her, to tell her everything was going to be okay. I wanted to say, that as her man I would stop it from happening, that she would be safe at our house and the shitty world would just go away. But it would have been a load of fucking crap. She knew and I now knew that she had to return. So, for over an hour I had pushed myself to the fucking limit and beyond, using a coping mechanism I had designed just after she left me the first time.

I needed the anesthetised feeling only the gym could give me.

My issues were fighting to be allowed to come to the surface, but I knew they had no place in the here and now. How the fuck I was going to allow her to go back was fucking beyond me. But, for the first time in my life I had to control the demons that I normally let control me. I had to allow one of the two people I loved more than life itself to step back into danger, before I could finally protect them both.

There was no doubt in my mind that I would protect them both, even if it cost me my life.

I had needed the fucking aggressive workout. John’s plan was whirring around my head. The fact that those bastards had my son was killing me. But not as much as the fucking thought of Tony Vasile getting his hands on Lily. I didn’t know which feeling inside me was more dominant; anger, sadness, the pride of being a dad or the fucking overwhelming love I felt for Lily. Fuck knows what she had gone through to protect our son, and what she was prepared to do now to protect him again.

‘Jack.’

I heard her voice calling to me as I pushed out yet another press-up. Sweat dripped off my face onto the sprung, green flooring underneath me. I shook my head and felt my cold wet hair move. I couldn’t look at her just yet. I needed time to sort myself out.

Standing up, I placed my towel around the back of my neck and held on to it with both hands, ignoring the ache deep inside my triceps. I turned to find her stood just inside the gym, almost as though she was scared to fully cross over into my domain. I still hadn’t answered. I just stood there like a fucking idiot staring at her. She was so beautiful; no other woman had ever affected me the way she did.

‘Jack, I need you.’ She almost whispered the words. I was sure I was fucking dreaming.

I pulled myself out of my thoughts, knowing she needed a response. I shook my head and blinked, trying to rid myself of the pain and joy at finding her there. I saw her hesitate as she tried to read my body language.

I needed to open my fucking mouth and reply.

‘You’ve always had me, Lils and you always fucking will.’

I moved forward carefully, shit scared of seeing her flinch away from me again. I stared at her, watching each and every part of her. I was taking all of her in, things that she didn’t even realise I could read, and I was so fucking pleased to find that there was no fear in her eyes. The only thing there, was pure unadulterated lust.

As soon as I recognised her need, I prowled towards her like a carnivore stalks its prey. My heart hammered in my chest as I crossed the vast open space of my gym, my sanctuary. It only started to calm as I reached her and I closed my eyes to breathe in everything about her.

I was so close to her that her body started to react to my presence. She was still only wearing the little dress she had worn earlier and I was stood in front of her in nothing else but short, blue running shorts, my body soaked in sweat. I watched with a base sense of pride as the hair on her arms stood on end and her skin abruptly broke out in goose bumps.

I prayed that she would always react to me the same way.

I put one single finger under her chin and lifted her gaze to meet mine. Normally I would have made it easy for her by bending my knees, but not tonight. Tonight, I knew she wouldn’t want it easy.

‘What do ya need, Lils?’

Her eyes found mine, the deep emerald was being consumed by the intense black as her eyes dilated. She stared back at me and I knew right at that fucking moment she was here to say goodbye.

‘Make me forget.’

I spun myself around fast, not allowing her to see the tears that were gathering in my eyes. I grabbed hold of one of her hands and led her over towards the raised pommel horse and the coiled ropes I had dropped earlier.

Turning her quickly, I made her slam against my body. I refused to allow my arms to snake around her. Her breathing quickened and her eyelids were heavy as she stared at me from underneath her long lashes.

‘You wanna forget?’

I watched her nod her answer.

‘I can make ya numb to everything else but my touch.’

‘Yes… yes, please.’

I gently took hold of both of her wrists and held them between the thumb and forefinger of both of my hands. I couldn’t fucking allow her to touch me, at this moment it would destroy me. Slowly, I backed her up against the leather horse, just by pushing my hips into her stomach. Her lips parted as she gasped at the contact from the cool, hard leather in the small of her back.

There was no room for tenderness, she needed something else and it would wreck me to tenderly make love to her. Tonight, I was going to show her a couple of things I’d learnt about rope play. I’d read a lot about Shibari, after comprehending the feeling of contentment and release the rope gave me.

Holding her wrists, I caressed the pressure point I knew was there, making sure she was relaxed.

‘Do ya trust me, Lily?’

She nodded her answer and then opening her eyes wider she spoke one word, ‘Yes.’

‘Good girl.’ I released her. ‘Keep your hands still.’

I picked up a couple of coils of rope from the floor and tied a knot in them. I finished by lifting them in front of her eyes and I pulled the rope taut. It sent out a low twang and I breathed out a sigh at the reaction she made to the sound. I fed the rope slowly through my hand and used the frayed end to gently caress around her open mouth and she noticeably quivered.

Fucking quivered.

My cock throbbed harder at her response. ‘Have I fucking told you how much I love the way you respond to me?’ She shook her head. ‘It affects me, Lils, like nothing I’ve ever known before... Hold out your hands.’

She didn’t even think fucking twice about my words or my intent, but offered them instantaneously.

I slipped the Prusik cuffs I’d made over her wrists, caressed her skin with my fingers and pulled the rope tight. Not tight enough to hurt, but tight enough for her to feel the rope gently abrade her skin and tight enough for her to feel restrained. Tight enough for her to let go, knowing I had her.

‘Lift ya arms up above your head.’ Without removing her eyes from mine she lifted her arms up obediently. ‘Good girl… I’m gonna secure you to the rings above your head.’

She looked up, following my words with an intense concentration. ‘If that ain’t what ya fucking want, you need to tell me now.’

‘I do want it, I want you to.’ The words convincingly left her mouth.

‘All of this will be for your pleasure, babe. Nothing I do will hurt, but it might feel intense… Safe word?’ I questioned wondering how she would react to the question.

‘Tinkerbell.’ It took no thought. The word came straight fucking back at me, as if she had thought about it before, maybe even many times before.

‘Tinkerbell?’ I smirked at her word and then put the memories of our first ever meeting far back into the recesses of my mind. I vaulted up onto the horse and tied the ends of the rope through the metal rings. Shaking them together so she could feel and hear that she was now secured.

I jumped back down, walked around and stood in front of her, with my hands on my hips. Already her senses were becoming more attuned, even though so far, she had only lost her sense of touch.

‘Pretty dress.’ I fingered along the top edge, making fucking sure I never touched her skin. Her body was already under my command and I watched as her chest heaved in response. I winked at her and gave her that smile, the one I knew she fucking loved by the reaction she always gave in response to it, the one that had my tongue slightly protruding from between my teeth. Eventually, she tipped her head forward to watch my hand. I quickly took hold of the thin material in both hands and ripped it down the middle, exposing her baby pink bra. It was one of those strapless, lacy, ledge things. How her tits ever stayed put in it, I’d never know, although I was fucking prepared to put the time in to find out. I reached behind her to twist open the clasp at the back and her tits fell free. Her perfect white skin called to my lips.

Reaching behind me, I opened a locker door and took out more of the rope I used to train with. It was a fine filament and unless it was used in the wrong way it wouldn’t be painful. I wanted her at the mercy of my touch, not the thought of me causing her fucking pain. I pulled out the knife that was stabbed into the ten-metre coil and took the couple of steps back to where I’d left her.

I trailed the blunt end of the knife over the lace shoulder of her dress, flicking the knife underneath the fine material I pulled it towards me quickly, the dress dropped on one side. I moved the knife over her beautiful skin, over the top of her tits and observed as her areola darkened and puckered. The breaths she was taking in began to falter and jump. I repeated the same action on the other side.

We both watched what was left of her dress as it skimmed down over her flawless skin. It shimmied over the small mound where our son had once lived and I fought hard to tear my eyes away.

With her dress finally pooled at her feet I took a step backwards, keeping her prisoner with my eyes.

Her eyes stayed on me as I bent down to cut away a large piece of her dress.

‘So, now I’m gonna take away your sight.’ I stood up and wrapped the piece of fabric over her eyes, tying it behind her head. As soon as her sight was removed she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and bit gently down onto the pad of flesh.

I moved my mouth down to hers on instinct and sucked it back out.

‘Oh,’ she gasped.

I was as fucking shocked as she was, I hadn’t thought through just how that small touch of my skin on hers, would stir up the deep feelings inside me. I moved away from her quickly, watching as she turned her head to follow the sound of my feet on the floor. I picked up the remote for the smart system installed in the gym. Once it was in my hand I activated the lock on the door and the privacy glass, until all I could see was my beautiful girl bathed in the white opaque light that surrounded us.

Her head had jumped around at the sound of the lock clicking into place.

With her head turned away from me, I moved up beside her and lifted a piece of her hair up from her ear with the tip of the knife I was holding. I sucked her lobe quickly into my warm mouth and then let it slip away.

‘Jack,’ she sighed and shuddered in response.

I leant close to her to whisper in her ear. ‘You’re beautiful. It’s fucking obvious that you like being on display for me, Lils. I think you also like the thought of us together, being watched by anyone who walks past the gym?’ Still holding the hair away from her ear, I looked down and watched the lush pink skin of her areola puckering at my words. ‘You do, don’t you?

‘Yes,’ she whispered.

‘Tell me… what do you want them to see?’

‘You… and me together. You, making me come. You, coming over me.’

‘Yeah me too, babe.’ I let my fingers hook her hair behind her ear and she leant into the touch of my fingers on her skin.

‘I’m gonna tie you up… relax into the ropes knowing that I’ve got ya. You’re safe with me.’

A look of contentment came over her.

I picked up some longer lengths of rope. I plaited them together and then began to walk around her slowly and methodically, wrapping the rope around her as I went. I made the rope criss-cross over above her chest and around her neck, creating the geometric pattern I was going for. It didn’t look much different to a star of David. The underneath of the Pentagram harness went under her tits. The effect was like a bra, it gave her support without covering up the best fucking bits. In fact, it made them more fucking prominent. Every time the rope connected with her skin her breathing hitched. I knew the rope was making her desperate for my touch. I stepped away, looking at her contained in my handiwork with pride. She was everything I’d dreamt she would be. Finally, I wrapped the rope around her sternum and her back arched as she tried to find any way to force her needy skin into my hands.

Her thighs rubbing together caught my eye and for a few seconds I stood back with my arms folded over my chest and just watched.

Using the knife, I ran the blunt edge between her tits and then down to her stomach.

‘Ohhh… Jack? Is that… ? It’s so cold…’

‘And?’ I knew that question could go one way or another, but she needed a choice.

‘I like it.’ Her voice was small and ashamed.

‘Never be fucking afraid of telling me what you like, what you want and what you enjoy… Keep still and trust me.’

‘Always.’

She was a fucking fast learner, my beautiful girl.

I drew it further down, watching her soft, white skin ripple under the shiny blade. It found the edge of her thong and I ran it around to her side. Finally, I flicked it up and under the tiny piece of elastic at the side of her pink thong, and then I pulled the blade sharpely towards me. The fabric fell to the floor as the material was heavy from her arousal. I bent my knees and dropped down to retrieve the lacy scrap. Standing back up I held it under her nose.

‘Can ya smell how much you want me, babe?’

She nodded and I watched a blush consume her cheeks and the top of her chest. I couldn’t resist anymore. I threw the knife into the wooden target board without my normal need for accuracy and I grabbed hold of her waist hearing her groan my name. I pushed my face onto her tits and turning to the left I began to lave at her nipple. It was as hard as a diamond and longer than I’d ever fucking seen it before. Her gasps and groans filled my ears and after sucking it quickly into my mouth I let my teeth graze either side of it. The effect was instant, her knees buckled and her legs gave way. She was now only upright because of my hands on her waist and the rope cuffs on her wrists. As soon as she realised her position her body sped up in her chase for release. I turned my head to the right and bit into her soft white skin.

‘Oh God! Jack, yes, yes.’

The urge to mark her skin was all-consuming. I wanted her to wear blemishes from my fingers and defects from the marks my teeth wanted so fucking much to leave. I wanted to mark her as mine, the feeling took over my rational thinking. It took every single fucking ounce of restraint I had, not to. I couldn’t let her leave me tainted, as much as I wanted to.

He might fucking kill her.

My nostrils flared at the thought and anger once again filled my system. I needed to let it go. This wasn’t about me, it was all about the woman I loved. I cleared the bastard from my head and decided to give her exactly what she was craving, what she was wordlessly begging for.

I sucked her nipple into my mouth, pulling on the lengthening bud and began to set a fast pace, flicking, licking and running my closed teeth over her puckered skin. I let go of her waist with one hand and found her other nipple with my fingers and began to pull and twist. It took me less than five minutes swapping between her tits to make her come apart. Her orgasm wracked through her violently. I lifted my head away and picked her up, my arms wrapped around her waist as she convulsed. I wanted to take the pressure off her wrists as I wasn’t fucking done with her yet. As soon as she went into resolution, I carefully let her wrists once again take the weight of her arms.

I pushed my shorts down over my hips releasing my cock. The relief was fucking enormous. As they fell to the ground I stepped out of them and kicked them away. The fabric rustled as they hit the glass wall and fell to the floor.

As Lily turned her head at the sound, I found the remote and clicked another switch. Music quietly filled the room.

‘And now, babe, I’m gonna take away your hearing.’ I let her know what was going to happen. I didn’t want to frighten or distress her.

She nodded and I turned the volume up.

On your knees by Mathew Mayfield filled my sanctuary.

Falling to my knees in front of her, I positioned the final piece of rope. The crotch rope looped around her waist and then between her legs. I separated the two pieces of plaited rope to place one either side of her wet lips. It made her dark pink, engorged flesh stand even more prominently. As I fixed the final rope in place, I took in the fact that my beautiful girl was writhing to every touch of the rope on her skin.

I had taken away her touch, her sight and now her hearing. My cock throbbed to the point of exploding as I watched her unconsciously begging for me. I swiped my thumb over the head of my cock and cleaned off the pre-cum. Lifting my arm I pushed my wet thumb into her mouth. Her cheeks hollowed as she sucked it clean.

I couldn’t resist her any longer.

A long guttural groan left my throat. I stood up quickly and grabbed hold of her arse cheeks with both of my hands, digging my fingers deep into her flesh. In one sweet movement, I squatted, lifted her up and then impaled her down onto me.

I drove my cock hard and deep inside her.

My thrusts were hard, purposeful and frantic. My beautiful girl was with me every step of the way, flexing her hips forward to match me thrust for thrust.

Within minutes I felt the hot walls of her pussy begin to convulse, milking my cock with every pulse and I knew she was getting ready to come. I ripped the torn fabric away from around her head and found her eyes with mine. The minute she saw me I crashed my mouth back to hers.

With the music vibrating around the room we cried out our releases into each other’s mouths.

As we gasped for breath, I leant her back onto the horse and reached up to the metal rings. I loosened the knot that had held her arms in place. Once they were free she looped her arms over my head and held me close.

I gently lowered us, tired and spent, to the floor. I made a grab for the remote and the gym fell silent.

‘Always remember the way I love you, Lils,’ I whispered into her ear. There was so much more I wanted to say as she lay exhausted in my arms, but everything else was superfluous.

Slowly, I began to remove all the ropes from her body, kissing each piece of her newly exposed skin. With her body once again craving my touch I took her back into my embrace and fucked her again. With our sweat-covered bodies fused together, I wrapped her hair around my fist and pulled her mouth to mine. I consumed her mouth, my tongue and teeth were unyielding until she was breathless.

I was saying goodbye, for now.

Finally, she fell asleep in my arms. I hoisted her up into my arms and carried her back to the house. I laid her gently down in our bed and covered her up. Desolation had already entered my blood stream as I placed a kiss to her forehead.

I forced myself to walk away to allow her to sleep. I found a T-shirt and pair of sweats and fell onto the settee in our room. I lit up a cigarette and began to inhale the drug I needed, shaking my head with the disbelief that we were fucking back to this again. Her asleep in our bed and me watching her from the other side of the room.

I was a fucking coward, I wanted to hold her in my arms until the very last fucking moment. But, I knew I would never let her leave, so the settee was as near as I could manage.

I didn’t sleep. Instead I listened to every soft breath and whimper she made.

When the night was still black and an eerie silence filled the air, she got up from our bed and once again left my life.

It was no less fucking painful than the first time around.

But I knew that holding on would do more damage, so I let her go.