Four months later, December 2017.

‘Mummy, mummy, mummy,’ I heard breaking into the silence of the early morning. Thank goodness I was sleeping better these days. I smiled at the impatient sing-song voice of our nearly three-year-old. He was pushing my bare shoulder as he called my name.

Moving my hand under the duvet cover I slid it across to Jack’s side, double checking what I thought I knew, that he had already left our bed.

‘Morning, Harry.’

‘Morwin, mummy.’

‘Are you coming in for a duddle?’

‘No, I’m a big boy now… Jack says you get up.’ He pulled himself up to my ear to whisper, but he couldn’t whisper no matter how hard he tried. ‘Jack he says it surpwise.’ He pulled away again and looked at me with an excited, toothy grin covering his face.

‘A surprise?’ I questioned.

His head nodded at me, over enthusiastically, making his mop of blond curls fall over his face. I smiled back at him and lifted one blond curl out of his view.

‘How long do I have, did daddy say?’

‘Nope.’ With that I could see he was bored with delivering his message as he turned and made his way to the bedroom door.

‘You off now?’

‘I pwain twains,’ he called behind him. ‘You is silly, mummy.’ I heard him laugh as he made his way into his new train-themed bedroom that Jack had designed and constructed by himself. He’d only been in there just over a week, it had taken a while for him to get over the trauma he had suffered and until he’d been ready he had slept with us every night. But eventually the call of his beloved trains had saved the day.

I lay back out in the warm heaven of duvet land for just a few more minutes, staring at the ornate rose in the centre of our room. The creaky floorboard sounded outside our bedroom door and I turned my head expectantly. As the door swung open quickly, I knew Jack had toed it as usual.

I patted the duvet around my naked body. I ached in all sorts of places this morning, we were certainly making the most of having our bedroom back to ourselves.

I watched as he looked up from the cup of tea he was carrying.

Our connection never failed to surprise me. As soon as our eyes found each other’s, my heart started beating faster. We had been back together for four months and in that time, we had spent most of every day together. But, when he walked into a room I looked at him like it was the first time I had ever seen him. Brown, unlaced, well-worn boots on his feet, God knows the man had a pair of boots for every occasion and I loved them all. His legs were in soft blue jeans that fitted like a glove over the well-defined muscles they covered. Today, very unusually, he had a navy blue, round-necked, soft woollen jumper over a collared shirt, the bottom of the white shirt was untucked. I lifted my eyes over the thick stubble that covered his face and moved my legs around. Remembering exactly where the stubble had been only a few hours earlier, a blush consumed my face.

I inhaled slowly, stunned at the response he stirred within me and continued my slow perusal of my man. Eventually, I found his bright blue eyes again and he winked at my reaction.

‘Good morning, baby,’ I offered.

‘Yep, it is…’ He smiled his cocky smile and I knew he was remembering last night. He walked towards me, placed a soft kiss to my lips and the cup of tea down on the bedside table.

‘A little boy was in earlier telling me that Jack said I had to get up.’ I spoke the words and watched as his smile momentarily dropped.

I grimaced at my choice of words. It was the one blot on our otherwise beautiful landscaped horizon. Harry was yet to call Jack “daddy.” We knew it would take time and had to be on his say so. But I saw the hurt it caused him, even when he tried hard to cover it up.

‘Yep. We have a surprise for his mum today, so she needs to get her arse outta bed and get downstairs. So, drink your tea, wrap up warm and the men of the house will see ya downstairs in half an hour.’

‘Yes, sir.’ I saluted him as he turned to walk out of the bedroom door.

His head peered back around the door in amusement. ‘Careful, babe… I might just have to smack that arse of yours for ya insolence.’ Then he left, laughing out loud at the look on my face.

I got up and showered. I put on a black lacy set of underwear underneath my new black jeans and an emerald coloured, chunky-knit jumper. I finished it off with my over-the-knee, black, suede boots. I had previously looked out of the large windows in our room and found that the day was bright with a thick layer of frost. I knew I needed to wrap up to be warm. I left my hair down as that was how Jack preferred it and applied a small amount of make-up. A quick spray of my favourite perfume and I was walking down the stairs.

Excited chatter hit my ears as I walked through our newly decorated hallway.

‘Right, men of mine, where are we going?’ I asked as I arrived into the warm kitchen.

‘It’s surpwise, Mummy.’ A very excited Harry was skipping around the large kitchen table, carrying his favourite engine in one hand and his “blankie” in the other.

Jack was leaning on the sink with his arms crossed, it appeared he had been waiting for me to walk in. My skin could feel his very gentle perusal through all the layers of my clothes.

‘It’s a surprise, and for that I’m gonna need to take away ya sight.’ His voice sent delicious shivers down my spine. ‘The question is, Lils… Do ya trust me?’ The tone of his voice and the words he used were so very deliberate and brought back a flood of memories. I raised my eyebrows at him and mouthed back, ‘Always.’

‘It’s ok, Mummy. You gowin to be a piwate.’ I looked down to our little man and smiled as I ruffled his curls.

I squatted down so Harry and Jack could tie a soft scarf around my eyes. Once they were satisfied with their work, I was led out to the truck.

We drove for between half an hour to an hour, and at last I felt us stop and the car engine die.

Jack released Harry from his car seat and then, placing his hands around my waist, he lifted me down from the truck. The place they had brought me to was peaceful I thought, as I sniffed the air and breathed in deeply the smell of trees and the grass. The frost had begun to thaw, once again releasing the recognisable odour into the air.

‘Harry, can you be a big boy for daddy, hold mummy’s hand and follow behind me?’

‘Yes, come me, Mummy.’

I felt his small hand capture my fingers in a firm grip. I placed my free hand on his shoulder and walked slowly behind him. I could feel that we were beginning to walk uphill and I knew I was walking on grass as my feet began to slip slightly.

At last we came to a stop.

‘Can I look now?’

‘Nope… Sit down here and just give me a few minutes.’ I heard Jack moving around me.

‘Ok, Lils, you can look now.’

I pulled the scarf off my eyes and looked around. The first thing I saw was the smiling face of Harry as he picked up a bag of bread to feed the ducks. The second thing I saw when I spun my head around, was Jack standing behind me, looking nervous.

Nervous? That wasn’t a look I’d ever seen on him before.

‘We’re back on campus.’ I smiled at him. ‘On the bank where you first told me we had chemistry and the same place you took me back to remember us.’

‘Yep… I first brought you here in autumn, we next came back in summer and now it’s winter. The place changes dramatically according to the season, doesn’t it?’ I watched him take his hands out of his front pockets that they had been pushed down into.

A little confused I looked at him as he crossed his arms over his chest. ‘Yes, Jack. The seasons will change a place like this.’ I grinned at him in amusement and then automatically looked at the trees around us. Then I saw it.

I could see small paper hearts pegged onto the lower branches.

‘Although that looks a little different to what it should in winter?’

‘Perhaps ya should go and take a look?’ He smiled at me.

‘Perhaps I should?’ I stood back up and moved away from them both towards the trees that sheltered the grassy bank. Instinctively I went to the left, to the pale pink heart pegged there.

It read, “Harry.”

I continued along the row, finding a single word was on each of the hearts. All the hearts were in the pale colours of my favourite Love Heart sweets. I collected all nine and then stood in front of the trees to read them.

“Harry. And. Daddy. Think. You. Have. The. Wrong. Name.”

I spun around to find Jack on one knee with Harry beside him in the same position. I brought a hand up to my mouth to try to contain my emotion at the sight. I walked the few steps back to them both, carrying the paper hearts in my hand. Jack was holding a small opened jewellery box.

‘Lily, Harry and I want to know if you would make us the happiest daddy and Harry. We want you to change your name to the same as ours?’

I looked from one of them and then to the other. My beautiful boys, with the same blond hair and bright blue eyes, with their cleft chins and wicked grins, and my heart burst with pride. We had all been through so much and to step together out of the other side was nothing short of a miracle.

One month ago, the paperwork had been received to formally have Jack entered on Harry’s birth certificate. At the same time, we had changed his name. He was now officially Harry Jack Carpenter. I was the only Green left.

‘What name should I have then, Harry?’

‘Mummy you shud be Arpinta, like me and daddy.’

I saw Jack falter. His mouth opened and closed at what we had just heard. His eyes filled with tears as he took in exactly what Harry had just said.

‘You think I should be a Carpenter, like you and daddy?’

‘I do… I go feed the duck now, Daddy?’ he asked as he broke position and stood back up to his feet.

‘Yep, you can. Thanks for all your help, Harry. I think mummy was very surprised. High five!’ They smacked their hands together and Jack kissed the top of his head, then Harry went back to his bag of bread by the pond.

‘Marry me, Lils… Not because you need to escape from anything, not because of all the shit you’ve been through and the fight we had to make ya safe. And certainly not because I’m the best sex you’ve ever had, even though we both know it’s true.’ He winked at me at that bit, and smiled that smile I loved so much. I shook my head at him and felt the back of my knees go a little bit weaker.

‘Marry me, because you recognise that my life starts and ends with you. Marry me, to make sure we both live life to the fucking fullest and don’t just merely exist. Marry me, because it’s whatcha choose. Marry me, because you are my first, my only, and my last love. I’m rambling now… So, marry me, babe just to shut me the fuck up.’

He burst out laughing and offered me the purple jewellery box. I lifted my arm and ran my index finger over what looked like a platinum band, made to look like twisted rope. I followed the twist to find the infinity symbol in the centre, it was covered with diamonds. It wasn’t conventional, but then neither were we. It was us, and I loved it

Tears started to fall down my face. I had gone from a woman who had closed off her emotions to one who now didn’t seem to be able to stop crying.

‘So, Lils, you haven’t fucking answered me?’ Jack got up, pulled me to him and turned me around in his arms. We both stood, my back to his front, and watched our son.

He wrapped one arm around my waist and the other he draped across my collarbones as he gently gripped my shoulder. He kissed the top of my head, and I clasped his forearm with both hands and closed my eyes. I felt his warm breath hit my ear as I leant back against him.

‘You asked me a few years ago, my answer was yes then and it’s yes now. Of course, I’ll marry you. I choose you, to be my husband, my children’s daddy, my protector. I choose you, because you’re the only man I have ever loved. I choose you, because my life started when you entered it. I choose you, because I want to live life and I can only do that with you by my side.’

Jack moved us to slip the ring onto my finger and then he kissed it. With his hand on my cheek he turned my face to look into my eyes. Bright blue to green. As his mouth slowly came down to find mine, we began the start of the rest of our lives together.